Shadiest Wolf

  “Ragatha?” Pomni asked, knocking on Ragatha’s door.

  Silence. 

  Ragatha stared at the purple orchids in her hand, covered in blood. Since when was this… possible? What was this? Why was she even coughing?

  The knocking became louder, and she soon heard Jax’s voice coming through the door.

  “Let her be,” Jax laughed. “Perhaps she finally ran out of something positive to say.”

  Ragatha could hear the sound of his footsteps leaving, then, the slow footsteps of Pomni dragging her feet. The hesitation in the footsteps somehow left a cut in Ragatha’s heart as her coughing got even worse. She could barely stop and catch her breath, the bloodied flowers falling before her eyes.

  Ragatha just had no clue what was happening to her. One day she was fine, then the next thing she knew, she’s bent over and coughing the air out of her lungs because of some flowers. 

  With all that she could master, Ragatha forcefully pulled herself onto her bed. Her face buried in the soft pillow. She could feel the warm crimson leaking from the corners of her mouth. 

  What was happening?

  Her soft hands gripped tightly on the bedding, wrinkles surrounded her hands as the orchids in her palms ripped apart, falling on the ground as it was nothing.

  She was abstracting next, wasn’t she?

  Of course she was.

  Ever since Pomni came, it was like… something changed in Ragatha.

  She started feeling things she never felt before. She wasn’t sure what it was… It felt beyond a friendship but not quite on the relationship level. Pomni just seemed to unlock something in Ragatha. 

  Something unknown. 

  Ragatha had figured that Caine had to be clueless as well, otherwise he would’ve said something about coughing bloody flowers. It would’ve been a new adventure if Caine had something to do with it. 

  Who could possibly help her now?

  How many more adventures could she handle before she finally… 

  Finally…

  “Hello Ragatha!” Caine’s loud and boomy voice pulled her out of her mind void. 

  The soft feeling she was laying on seemed to be gone as well, the lights seemed blinding. Of course, Caine had another adventure planned. 

  He wasn’t going to let her miss it for the world. 

  “You’ve been missing out on my great adventures!” Caine boomed.

  His loud voice had distracted Ragatha from Pomni, who was looking at the ragdoll with concern riddled all over her face. Pomni knew there was something going on, but she can’t seem to get Ragatha to tell her. Lately, it seems as though there was a wall in between them.

  An invisible force driving them apart, who was the cause? Who really knows? 

  Ragatha wasn’t listening to Caine anymore, all she had in her mind was…

  “Ah Pomni!” Jax’s obnoxious voice came booming out of nowhere and that was when Ragatha saw it.

  His arms wrapped around Pomni…

  “I’m sure we’d make a nicer team! Haven’t you gotten sick of Ragatha at this point?” He looked over at Ragatha, a sly grin plastered on his face as she stared at him.

  Ragatha made her way over to Kinger as Jax continued, but she had tuned him out. She simply did not have the energy. She could feel Pomni’s concerned eyes following every step she took. Suddenly, each step felt heavy, like a sense of worry was weighing her down, trying to pull her down into the dark pit, where every abstracted went.

  Of course she was next.

  It was inevitable. 

  Ragatha couldn’t even focus on the horse riding competition. That was the game Caine had specially designed for the dear old rag doll. Yet there she was, uncharacteristically gloomy. Jax and Pomni had won, much to Zooble’s dismay, as Jax managed to kick them off their horse. They were in pairs, one tame a horse and the other would ride it. Kinger barely managed to tame one of course, while Pomni somehow managed to do it.

  There was just something about Pomni…

  Ragatha simply sat by the side, all alone. Looking at the horses… reminding her of the home that felt like a borderline hell. Did her mother even miss her? 

  “Hey Ragatha?” 

  She looked up, and there was Zooble looking all concerned. They took a seat beside her. Despite their triangle shaped face, Ragatha could still see the worry etched upon their face. A friendly concern, though unmatched for whatever they showed Gangle.

  “What’s up Zooble?” Ragatha smiled. One beaming so brightly that if Zooble didn’t know any better, they’d be fooled. 

  “I should ask you that,” They sighed. “You don’t usually skip adventures. That's more of a me thing. And I know Jax isn’t the problem because otherwise, you would've started skipping a long time ago.”

  Ragatha looked away, staring at Pomni who was now trying to separate Kinger and Jax. 

  “Maybe I just got tired,” Ragatha mumbled. “Aren’t you?”

  Zooble scooted closer to the dear ragdoll, the close proximity making Ragatha panic. Her heart fluttering slightly before she finally returned to normal. God why was she so nervous now?   “I mean,” Zooble began. “It’s Caine. He just doesn’t listen. But I’ve got Gangle. You’ve got Pomni, no?”

  Ah… Pomni…

  Ragatha nodded, “Yeah, I’ve got her.”   Zooble gave her a small pat on the shoulder. “You’re not alone here, you’ve got all of us. Maybe not Jax.”   Ragatha laughed, “Yeah, maybe not Jax.”

  There was something about watching Pomni, the way she laughs… The way she talks… The way she acts…

  Something about Pomni that made Ragatha different.

  Perhaps it was up to Ragatha to figure out why. She had treated Pomni like how she treated every other newcomer to the digital circus. Nice and welcoming. That was who Ragatha was. A kind soul, one who desires to be loved. One who craved love. 

  Love…

  A curse on us all.

  Maybe Ragatha has it all figured out now.

  When the adventure was over and they all returned, Ragatha didn’t go to find Pomni. She went to hide in Kinger’s little fortress, with the chess piece himself.

  Perhaps being out of her room was what she needed.

  Maybe being away from Pomni in general.

  A part of her also missed the way Kinger used to be. When she first joined the circus, it was Kinger who helped her. Yet she could not do anything when he slowly faded away, leaving a shell of what he once was. 

  She’d find a little bit of comfort being around him, despite him no longer being able to understand her. 

  The darkness of the fortress swallowed them within. Her thoughts spilled out of her mouth as Kinger stared at her with wonder. Ragatha rambled on and on until she was stopped by another coughing fit.

  Blood splattered everything, some drops landing on Kinger. Ragatha could not stop. Her throat tightened around the orchids suffocating her. Her blocked airway struggled to hang on as she tried to use her plush hands to make space to breathe. Nothing was working.

  Was this it? 

  Was this how she abstracts?

  “Oh my god Ragatha!” Kinger’s panicked voice brought Ragatha back to life. He stood behind her and wrapped his hands around her upper torso, trying to help her.

  By some miracle, it had worked. But they weren’t supposed to be humans in the digital circus… The orchids came flying out of her mouth, finally freeing her throat.

  “You had me worried there!” Kinger lamented, his eyes taking on the look of a worried father. 

  Ragatha could only stare at the bloodied pile of flowers before her, as she fell on her knees. All she could feel was weakness and the strange sense of defeat. 

  “Are you… alright?” Kinger asked, taking a seat beside Ragatha.

  She shook her head slowly. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.” 

  Ragatha’s soft hands reached for one of the crimson drenched orchids and brought it closer to them. She examined each and every petal carefully, accompanied by Kinger’s silence. 

  “You know…” Kinger mumbled. “This reminds me of a poem my wife used to tell me.”

  Ragatha shot up, her head tilting to the side as her face contorted into a confused frown. “A poem?”

  Kinger nodded, “I’m trying to remember how it goes…”

Once a petal falls,

and soon fatal it shows.

Roots grow in my heart,

feelings yearn in the dark,

the lungs get ripped apart.

The blood pools beneath,

as the flower goes unrequited.

For my heart no longer has a sheath,

a longing to be united.

May my heart learn of you as a stranger,

each yearn brings me danger.

To unlove you I shall,

to save me I shall.

  “That sounds…” Ragatha pondered. She had never heard it before… yet it resonated with her in ways she never knew was possible…

  “Beautiful,” She finished.

  Kinger nodded. “I remember this poem. Perhaps there is someone you’re feeling something for and you’re not telling them.”

  That made sense. 

  Pomni.

  Of course. 

  Of course that was why she couldn’t face Pomni. 

  The feelings she always tried to deny. Ever since she was a child, she knew what she felt for the same gender could not be explained away as friendship. She always knew, but it was something her mother could never accept. So Ragatha never did… But now, her mother wasn’t here.

  But Ragatha was.

  And so was Pomni.

  Yet deep down, the fear lingered. 

  “What will happen if I just don’t tell anyone?” Ragatha asked, though deep down she knew what the answer was going to be. 

  There was only one.

  “You’ll… be gone. I believe the virus will er– never mind,” Kinger hesitated, placing a hand on Ragatha’s shoulder. “But Ragatha, I have faith in you. You’ve never let me down once ever since joining the circus.”

  The fatherly smile on his face…

  Ragatha missed the old Kinger.

  “Thanks Kinger!” Ragatha smiled before making her way out of the dark fortress and into the bright light of the circus.

  “Pomni?” She called out.

  No answer. The little jester was nowhere to be found. Perhaps she was in her room? Ragatha decided to head there next. Maybe, telling Pomni would make her feel better.

  But could she place such a heavy burden on Pomni? It seemed selfish. What if she hated her for it? For putting her life on the line for Pomni. 

  “Oh look it’s Ragatha!” Jax flashed his sly grin. “Why are you looking for Pomni?”

  “I-“ Ragatha stammered. “I need to tell her something!”

  Jax laughed, “Be careful Ragatha, those speeches never turn out the way you want them to!”

  Something felt personal about those words. Like he had lived through them…

  But…

  “What does that even mean?!” Ragatha demanded. 

  “I mean,” Jax replied, “Awakening unwanted feelings and all that is such a mess. You’d do better to avoid all that stuff but then again…”

  Ragatha left. “Forget it,” She mumbled.

  She just walked aimlessly afterwards, and yet she still somehow ended up back at Pomni’s room. And the worst part? Pomni opened her door, the two-toned eyes staring right back at the lovely doll.

  “Ragatha?” Pomni mumbled, “What are y–”

  “Did Jax tell you anything?” Ragatha questioned, shaking Pomni as she did so.

  Pomni barely shook her head as Ragatha walked into her room. 

  Could Ragatha really let Pomni know how she felt… What if she didn’t feel the same way? Would Pomni still see her the same way? 

  What if Pomni… didn’t like her?

  “Look,” Ragatha began, forcefully burying her fears… but. “Pomni I-”

  The words got caught in her throat as she could feel something rise up from her chest… Not now… Please. It was the worst time to have another coughing fit! Ragatha scratched her throat in panic as she felt the air slowly leaving her.

  She could feel her knees giving out, kneeling on the floor, her body doubling over in pain as she let the flowers out. Her throat expanding impossibly wide as the petals and stems and blood came pouring out with each cough. She choked on some petals but the forcefulness of each cough had forced her to let everything out. Pomni could only look on in horror, asking for help but to no avail.   

  The scene before her was one she had never seen before. Pomni could do nothing, except for leaving her own room, leaving Ragatha behind and to look for Caine. 

  “P-Pomni…” Ragatha choked out, her bloodied hands reaching for the jester’s shoes as she slowly ran out the door.

  “Ragatha! I’ll get help!” Pomni yelled, backing away in horror of the scene.

  Except Ragatha wasn’t sure if Caine could even save her at this point… Could this be caused by Caine? Surely he wouldn’t be that heartless… right?

  Pomni had left her door open as she ran to get help. The light rained on Ragatha, like a false sense of hope made to taunt her. She was so close… then she had to cough.

  It was like she was meant to suffer. All her life, it seems nothing was made to go her way. Her mother… her love life.

  Her birth was a curse.

  This forsaken circus was a curse.

  Ragatha was a curse in itself.

  She was a ragdoll, of course she was cursed. What else could she be?

  Each and every drop of blood stained her soft hands, a reminder of what she failed to achieve. Ragatha was a failure who could not even confess her feelings. 

  She was going to disappear alone… with Pomni never knowing the truth. 

  “Pomni…” Ragatha forced. “I think… I like you.”

  The words got lost in the air, mixing in with the warm maroon pool of petals she was laying in…

  She only had the bravery to confess when Pomni was no longer in front of her.

♤♤♤

  “Caine!” Pomni yelled. “Caine!”

  He was nowhere to be found. Her screeches got louder, her desperation grew to volumes that seemed to be at an inhumane level. 

  It was her first friend at the circus after all. It was normal to want to see a friend do well. 

  Caine appeared behind Pomni with a soft pop sound, flashing his usual enthusiasm as he greeted the little jester before him. As Pomni relay on what was happening to Ragatha, Caine could only bug out in confusion.

  “C-Caine?” Pomni asked as Caine seemingly glitched out.

  “Yes Pomni?” Caine responded, after he finally returned to normal. Through his voice… not quite.

  “Uh,” Pomni mumbled. “Ragatha…?”

  Caine nodded, “Ragatha is coughing flowers you say? I have heard of no such thing! Well, we’ll have to see!”

  And there Ragatha was, dragging herself on the floor. A trail of blood followed, as Zooble and Gangle stared on in confusion. Though terrified would be a more accurate word for Gangle. Nobody had ever seen blood in the circus. Much less an amount that seemed fatal.

  “Caine!” Zooble shouted, their eyes narrowed at the suited jaw. “What is the meaning of this?!”

  “Well well, that’s certainly not supposed to happen!” Caine cheered, floating over to Ragatha, who can’t stop coughing.

  “Well not to worry! It’s nothing I can’t fix!” And with a snap of his fingers…

  Ragatha threw up a rotten bouquet…

  “I… can’t delete it,” Caine mumbled.

  “What do you mean you can’t delete it?” Zooble demanded. “It’s your circus!”

  Ragatha audibly sighed, her eyes darting to Pomni, a faint smile stretched across her face as Jax stepped out upon hearing the commotion. The trail of warm burgundy stretched across the floor made him freeze.

  “Woah!” Jax began. “Hey Rags, didn’t know you’re such a great actress! The ketchup–”

  Zooble threw one of their arm towards Jax, choking the final words out of him. “[@$:!] you!” Zooble yelled.

  Pomni rushed beside Ragatha, brushing the flowers aside. “Don’t worry Ragatha, we’ll find a way.”

  Ragatha tried to speak, but words failed to come out. She could not… bring it forth to Pomni. She was scared… She could only grip on Pomni, her blood transferring onto her.

  “Ragatha…?” Pomni began, as she saw Ragatha slowly fading away.

  “Caine!” Pomni screamed, running to shake Caine.

  Caine just froze. Everyone else stared on in horror as Ragatha faded before their very eyes. All that was left of her? Blood trail and orchids.

  The hanahaki virus has caused Ragatha’s code to delete itself.