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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@03petition
"EXCUSE ME WHILE I PUSH MY ENTRAILS BACK IN."
your local indie POSTAL DUDE from POSTAL (1997) and POSTAL 2 (2003) please heed the content warnings on my site (which is a perpetual WIP and optimized for desktop viewing)!
written by beetle, he/him, 22, CST dead dove/do not eat
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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IM ALIVE!!!!! work had me by my Fat Fucking Sack but im here now with my normal work schedule LMAO.
anyways. heres my dude cock and balls headcanons. its quite verbose. sorry.
sorry ive been dead, started the last section of my current client's project and ive been mostly writing on discord anyways.. dm if you want it. touch dude i promise he wont bite hard enough to maim
I havent really seen any postal related rps like ever and it got me curious to if you have an interaction wish list, like characters youd wanna interact with
WUGHH.. OK SO. dont even get me fucking STARTED
Not Important (notim)/ the antagonist from HATRED the game sucks absolute shit. worse than postal by a fucking longshot. so i dont expect anyone to write him but hes absolutely up there on my muse wish list.. hes such a pathetic shithead and i want to slam him against dude.. maybe p1 dude.. with FERVOR.
duke nukem self explanatory
literally any character from the yakuza series i used to write majima, im up to date to like a dragon/7.. and with the majima pirate game being announced recently its been on my mind..
ANY POSTAL DUDE VARIATION... yes any.. i fucking love doubles... p1? p2? bd?? OTHER DUDE from bd?!?!?! p3??!?!? p4?!?! postal doe??? come here ill kiss you with tongue
ANY SAW CHARACTER!!! also i absolutely love saw. idk if theres anyone out there who writes any of the jigsaw apprentices but i have soft spots for mandy and mark. though also the idea of having dude interact with strahm is really funny to me. dude deserves to be put in an unwinnable jigsaw trap. john would probably fucking hate him lol
vaas montenegro from far cry 3 (sorry)
james earl cash from manhunt (sorry again)
literally any horror/dark original character. give me your freaks, weirdos, creeps, etc. now.
tldr i love the worst type of guy/gal/grunglo/creep/etc. they would mash together either super super well or horrendously and regardless, shit would go down. and thats what i live for <3
enemies to…. friends? allies?? … sentence starters
“Don’t touch me. You still make me sick.”
“Fine. Come with. Just stay out of my way.”
“I didn’t even need your help. You can go, now.”
“I didn’t want to admit it, but you were good in a fight.”
“Yeah, you’re funny. You’re also still a pain in my ass.”
“I think they lied to us. We aren’t that different, after all.”
“I hated you. I think I still hate you. But, I need your help.”
“If I have to rely on you for this, will I be able to trust you?”
“This doesn’t mean I like you. I still think you’re insufferable.”
“Is this what your friends always have to deal with? I pity them.”
“No, no, don’t you die, now, I just started being able to tolerate you!”
“You have a point. And that might be the scariest thing I’ve ever said.”
“Don’t get the wrong idea. You still disgust me. But you can be useful.”
“Seriously? You’re gonna finally win me over, then go get hurt like that?”
“Maybe… okay, hear me out, maybe we do have something in common.”
“You think this puts us on good terms? You’re still the enemy. You were just convenient.”
“You’re a lot different than I thought you would be. Still not sure if that’s good or bad, yet.”
“I didn’t think you’d be able to change my mind, but now I’m thinking things I never would’ve.”
“Don’t look at me, don’t talk to me, don’t touch me. Let’s get this mission over with, then never acknowledge my existence, again, got it?”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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@03petition for Growth Starter.
"You seem unhinged and unwanting to deal with anyone shit. Those kind of people I am trying to be friends with. I am Deadpool or Wade if want call me that. Why don't you tell me a little about yourself or we can get straight into the shenanigans I am down for either really." He had come straight up to the man without single hint of fear or worry.
Well, that's a pretty fair, accurate, and concise description of Dude, if he said so himself. He couldn't even be too offput by Deadpool's getup; instead of making a fuss, Dude merely stared for a moment through his shades, then taking notably long draw from the crumpled cigarette in between his fingers.
Dude had briefly considered that his smoke might be laced. At this point, might as well just go with it, he'd thought.
" I don't typically prance around with burly cosplayers, " He was blunt, dropping his cig to the ground and snuffing it out with a step of his boot.
" -- and shenanigans? A playdate with me is just begging for trouble. Unless you're lookin' for that type of thing, then in that case..."
"Wanna blow some shit up?
Call me Dude, by the way."
quite sleepy so im gonna be working on remaking my theme and actually having it hooked to my actual blog url instead of hosting it on neocities LOL.. going to make it much simpler while still focusing on making it fairly barebones a la web 2.0
poke me in dms if you wanna plot or talk about our muses or anything :3
ive heard that staff just. doesnt respond to help desk inquiries anymore. but im hopeful, because if im not gonna get a response i might as well go back to hosting my blog info on neocities. feels silly to have to submit my script to staff through fucking PASTEBIN LMAO.
anyways this is literally all i want to do. simple js script that when the image is clicked, a random voice line of his would play <3
quite sleepy so im gonna be working on remaking my theme and actually having it hooked to my actual blog url instead of hosting it on neocities LOL.. going to make it much simpler while still focusing on making it fairly barebones a la web 2.0
poke me in dms if you wanna plot or talk about our muses or anything :3
still baffled at this. what did other dude mean by that.
chronic illness is chronic illness-ing, so actual writing might be a bit sparse today :')
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
what an idiot
@03petition started following
"Whao, sick artillery broheim! You got a license for all that lead?" Rash asked, slapping the stranger on the back, "Nahhh, just kiddin', I ain't a narc. Seriously tho', where'd ya get all that stuff?"
Dude was about to answer the hypothetical, before turning and-- holy shit, this guy's a walking, talking frog... absolutely ripped, no less. He almost completely lowered the lever-action shotgun in his grasp, momentarily gobsmacked.
" Wha-- " A smack on the back, a bit to familiar for The Postal Dude to handle upfront. He raised his sawn-off Winchester once more, defensive.
" Why dont'cha mind your own business before I turn you into some cuisses de grenouilles?" Intimidating, sure, but he cannot for the life of him pronounce that correctly; it sounds more akin to him sputtering 'crease de-grainy' instead of anything authentically French.
I dunno he seems pretty trustworthy to me
Blue glanced at the petition, then up at the tall human before her. She had just come to get some lubricant and spare parts, it was just meant to be a quick little supply run. Why was this guy asking her to sign something? She didn't even live on this planet.
"Uh...no thanks." She yawned.
"Look, chica, just sign the stupid petition. I got stuff to do."
Dude's response was quick and snappy, a pinch of irritation roughing up his voice as he again, shoves the clipboard in the direction of the much shorter, very blue stranger.
One more try, and he'd have to go for a more persuasive method, so to speak.
💥✨☀️
Make my muse talk about one of their...
💥 REGRETS!
" I regret nothing. " What else would anyone expect him to say? Even if he does have any regrets... it isn't like he's going to spit it out that easily, rough exterior and all. His grin was wide, the crows feet of his eyes wrinkling- prideful to portray his mind, though neurotic, to be free from any lasting guilt, unfortunately. Well, he was lying, but honestly, it's uncertain if he himself was aware of it. Can't smell his pants burning to a crisp; liar liar, pants on fire.
✨ DEEP INTERESTS!
" Well, I'm not sure if wanting to light up a ridiculous amount of crack is a deep, thoughtful interest to have, " Dude scoffed, nose crinkling. He thought for a moment, a calloused hand coming up to idly stroke his beard a few times. Erm... neither is watching television, and the average person wouldn't really consider wreaking havoc on those who spite him a deep interest as well. It's not like much thought went into any of these. Hell, he's even boring HIMSELF, trying to dig in that bullet-brandished brain of his.
"... You can check out my sweet lil' arsenal of guns n' equally as gnarly weapons of destruction if you'd really want to. I consider myself to be quite the avid collector.
... don't touch my shit, though."
☀️HOPES/WISHES!
"Y'know what I really, reaaaally want?" His words were drawn out and almost syrupy, the sarcasm palpable enough to smell. "What I kneel down and pray to the stars at night? Like a good, hopeful and optimistic boy?"
"--I want a job that actually pays me enough to get my damn AC fixed. Its like every gig in this fuckin' town has me parading myself around like some kind of errand boy, and for what? Scraps and the opportunity to kiss at your feet?"
" Who the fuck do these people take me for? A dog? Give me a fucking break." He groaned quietly, a headache vaguely thumping in his temples.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
" Are you gonna sign my petition, or is it gonna be one of your surviving family members?" Dude shoved a clipboard and pen in front of them, an obvious gesture-- no, a DEMAND to sign their name. The petition was titled, "PETITION / MAKE WHINY CONGRESSMEN PLAY VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES", and below were a messy list of scribbled signatures, as if each petitioner was in a rush. Can't guess why.
✂️ NON MUTUALS + MUTUALS WELCOME
very much had a corn plate moment the other day while capping brain damaged. i find it very interesting that dude still owns that rosary from p1... now whats that about, boy...
