paint me like a villian

              zoey wasn’t the type to cry, to just break down without reason. she was the type of woman that kept her feelings bottled up, dealing with them on her own terms and in her own way of healing. she didn’t cry after justin had left her upon finding out about her pregnancy, she didn’t cry after she gave birth to abel and became worried about how she was going to raise him. she never cried when it became too much, nor did she cry (at least now this bad) when abel was diagnosed with autism. zoey was a strong woman, probably strong enough to worry the men around her most days with her inability to show her emotions like most women did. zach’s words were enough to make her sob in a more hysterical manner, knowing that she wasn’t alone or that she wasn’t letting down her son was the words that she needed in that moment. never feeling like a failure, the more the school called to tell her that her son was uncontrollable despite the medication rushing through his veins, was enough to make her feel as though she was failing the one person in her life she vowed to never fail. ‘‘ i just —- , ’’ before she could even finish arguing, she gave in with a nod of her head. zach was her support system, someone she wanted to build a family with and someone she would be happy to see at the end of an aisle, but she couldn’t help but feel as though she tied him down in a situation he didn’t entirely want. ‘‘ i’m not —– i’m not failing him, right? ’’ she asked, voice cracking. ‘‘ i —- i love you, zach. ’’

               the words came through & finally hit the nerve that zoey needed. the nerve for her to finally break down in the tears taht were coped up in her body since having the diagnosis on paper. she wasn’t alone , she knew she wasn’t alone but yet she became so used to being on her own with abel that she would get upset at zach for trying to help. get upset at zach for acting like the parental figure that abel needed , acting like the significant other than zoey , herself , needed & deserved. curling up next to zach , she took in a deep , shaky breath before the tears began to fall. ‘‘ i don’t —- know how to help. i’m his fucking mother and i don’t know how to help him , zach. who the fuck sucks so bad that they can’t help their own child ? ’’ it wasn’t her fault , she knew it wasn’t , but she couldn’t help but blame herself for the consistent fights with the school. ‘‘ we don’t —- you’re the only one working full time , zach. i can’t ask you to pay for a new school enrollment with money that can be put to other uses , i —- , ’’ she paused , tears falling down her cheeks. ‘‘ i’m just —- scared okay ? there is so much going on. there’s so much happening. everett is trying to get me more hours but i’m worried that he won’t be able to , you’re working so much that you’re stressed as it is , & i keep —- pushing you away. i keep saying you aren’t his dad , but you are. you’re his fucking dad and i can’t bring myself to accept that because i’m so —– used to being alone & he needs help & i don’t know how to provide it. ’’ word vomit , but damn she needed to break down.

Zachary Elijah Wolff

24 years old - heterosexual - electrical engineer

closed starter for @zach-wolff​

              ‘‘ i know you want me to be calm about this but i honestly can’t be taking the high road anymore , zach. ’’ raising a child was hard enough , especially when the father was not in the picture ; raising a child that was diagnosed with autism was five times harder when neither of the parental figures knew how to handle such a diagnosis. zoey loved abel with her whole being , abel became her safe haven and the only thing that would pull her through on the hard days , at least until zach came into the picture full-heartedly. there were still days , though , that zoey had a hard time allowing zach raise abel as his own , and this action should’ve pushed the male away but yet he stuck around. ‘‘ just because they aren’t educated on how to handle my son , doesn’t mean that they are allowed to punish him as such. he can’t be alone in a corner , zach. not with his diagnosis. he needs hands on exercises , needs someone with patience to be by his side. i’m not putting up with this anymore , he’s not —– broken or bad or misbehaved. ’’ you can tell by her hand movements how worked up she’s getting on the topic.

“He did really good today, the teachers said that he was listening much better and that he was not sent to the quiet corner,” a proud smile moved onto Zoey’s lips. After finally telling Zach about Abel’s diagnosis, it only made it so real; tears were common in the household throughout the week, Zoey trying to convince Zach that their son was not ready to be in kindergarten with him on the spectrum. “I’m not —— saying that you were right, but I’m saying that you weren’t wrong for fighting me on the subject of school.” @zach-wolff

Emily: Maybe it was the push I needed to get over him.

Emily: Can I? I'll even watch Abel if you and Zoey want to do something. Just need out of my bed, need a distraction.

Zach: Yeah, but it still sucks that you had to see that

Emily: It was kind of expected. Not like he's going to stop his ways for my benefit.

Emily: Just tired, but if I close my eyes it's all I fucking see.

Zach: Shit. Still I'm sorry about that.

Emily: I walked in on him fucking Joy last night.

Zach: Oh- shit.

Emily: I kissed Atlas a few nights ago.

Zach: Oh, nice!

Emily: Haven't slept.

Emily: Hi.

Emily: You up?

Zach: Morning