nothing is as it seems

Take my lungs, take them and run! Take my tongue, go have some fun! Take the ears, take them and disappear. Take my joints, take them for points! Take my teeth, tear through my cheeks! Take the nose, go and dispose!!

Oh, would you go dispose!!!!!!!!!

The trees and pain and nights in the spring

So, why do I still long for a home?

I'd like to lay in a field on a cozy blanket

And feel the fear of never wakin'

To know the true warmth of thе sun

Eventually happiness starts to carry the weight of everything you did to get it. But, how do I explain that happy and guilty hold the same weight. I can’t set one down without first knowing the difference.

- 12.1

Okay, well, I would be kind for you. I would reject the impulses to indulge in my violent nature for you. I would wake up and get out of bed an hour early every morning to make coffee and breakfast for you. I would be there for you no matter what. I would leave the light on for you until you felt safe and I would hold you so tight until you felt at peace. Sure, I can be strong, if I have to. I can fight if it’s truly necessary but when I think about the way that I love you, it does not make me feel violent. It makes me feel quiet and gentle and calm.

- Joshua David MG 9-5

Maybe it isn’t some grand revelation, not a destination, not a prophecy, not a miracle. Maybe it’s something smaller. Maybe meaning is the thread that runs through every choice, every loss, every moment you almost gave up and didn’t, every person you’ve loved. I think meaning has been here the whole time, waiting for us to stop searching long enough to feel it.

What is this ache in between my stomach and chest I feel when I’m at my løwest? I need the science because it’s more than just thoughts, I feel the sadness in my bones and skin. Ironically this is not a poem.

But I can't deny, the way he holds my hand

And he grabs me, he has me by my heart

My old man is a tough man

But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam

And he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul