Words from Him

Mother told me I would grow.

All I had to do was face the sun - if there was any.

It’s not that hard, she said.

Oh! and not to be afraid of the

Fuzzy buzzy yellow things that visit every morning.

They help me grow, she said.

Oh! and always reach as deep as possible,

That’s where all the water was - if there was any.

Mother & father were twice my size.

— I’ve always wondered if I would ever get that big.

One morning I woke up and mom wasn’t there.

She was always in the same spot - Every day,

Every night. She never left our side.

This morning she was gone, vanished.

It was just father and I now.

So many things ran through my head.

— Why did she leave us? Was she tired of us?

Did she find a new family? —

When I asked father, he said it wasn’t her choice.

He explained, sometimes things are out of our

control. Mother was beautiful, he said.

— Every morning your mother would kiss the sun

for 8 hours non stop. She was a really good digger,

her roots extended just far enough to always have

water —

The beautiful ones are always the first to go, he said

He told me she was in a better place now.

I didn’t understand, i’ve always wanted to be

Beautiful — until now. I was certain.

I was certain i was no longer aiming for beauty.

I was going to grab only just enough water,

Grab just enough sun.

I wasn’t going to be beautiful like mom - I wasn’t.

I didn’t want to die so soon.

I didn’t want to leave father.

I,

in one ear              out the other.

like a brick this one seemed to stick;

it flew in               and never left.

it hung on to the drum of my ear

eventually finding itself at home.

I am far beyond your sight.

you are to an ant,

what i am to you.

i have gifted you sight to see the world.

i have gifted you faith to see me.

sometimes you just write.

with nothing on your mind, a cup of coffee

and a feeling. nothing too specific,

just a feeling. a time, in place,

where your current state is tuned into

things less concrete. you can’t grab them.

these are wavelengths that pass through, like

trains through tunnels. you see, the tunnels

aren’t affected. the train is only passing through;

no attachment to anything besides the track

that leads it out. a feeling, 

a cup of coffee,

and you have a ride.