Life at Dearborn Congregational

This will not be a lengthy post.  Those who know me would say that this is a bit out of character.  Bill Kren loves the pulpit and the opportunities given him to explore God’s Word with his congregation.  He likes to express himself.  Can he actually be brief?

Alas, what I will refer to as a “medical retirement” has forced me to the sidelines.  A stroke and then brain cancer robbed me of some necessary skills (I.e., working a keyboard with speed and precision, searching for the right words, and having the stamina to do research).  I’ve been forced to retire – BUT I AM NOT EXPIRED!

As retired clergy,  I've been allotted me more time with family.  My wife and I are enjoying our days, together.  We have moved back to our home church, and we are now singing in the choir and worshipping with our many friends.  This is not to say that we don’t miss our DCC bunch – we certainly do!  Unfortunately, my battle with cancer is now dictating some of our life decisions.  But this cancer will not define who I am – nor will it touch the faith I have in God and His grace.

Before my next appointment at the VA Hospital that will include a plethora of medical tests and the scheduling of future meetings (including chemo and radiation), I will be traveling overseas with my oldest son.  We will be visiting Vietnam – one of the reasons why I’m now a stage 4 cancer patient.  It was here that I was introduced to Agent Orange – and fifty years later it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

My next post will be loaded with pictures of this trip.  Stay tuned!

In the old city of Jerusalem stands the Western Wall – better known as the Wailing Wall. It’s a place of prayer and pilgrimage, sacred to the Jewish people.  It’s also the only remains of the second Temple of Jerusalem, held to be uniquely holy by the ancient Jews and destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE.

I would love to make a pilgrimage to Israel and stand at this sacred place of prayer -  and maybe, one day, it will happen  Until then,  I do have a special place, a wall that reminds me to pray and give thanks.  I call it the Praise Wall!

Above is a picture of the Praise Wall.  It’s in the basement of my home.  Hanging on the Wall are almost two hundred cards with messages of encouragement and assurance of prayer and positive thoughts for MY well being.    There isn’t a day that goes by that I don't walk by the Praise Wall, and I’m reminded of the hundreds of people who are praying for ME!  I’m not alone in this fight against cancer.  

I’m so grateful for this army of prayer warriors – and I praise God for so many good people who are in my life.  

My daily prayer is that I would live the next 24-hours as of tjos was the last day of my life.  I punctuate this prayer with a request - that God would use me in some way to further His Kingdom.

So it’s Monday morning, July 15, 2018, and at approximately 7:40 a.m. I’m on my way to the office.  It’s a trip I’ve been making, from my home in Garden City to the Church Office in Dearborn, five and six days a week for five years.  

I know how long it will take me to drive the ten miles, barring any accidents or detours.  I have alternate routes I can take in an emergency.  And I’m so familiar with the highways and the side streets of Dearborn, that I know where all the potholes are. This kind of information is essential if you want to drive in Wayne County and survive.

This morning, I discovered a “new” pothole!  I'm almost sure it was NOT at the corner of Rotunda Drive and the Southfield Freeway (exit ramp), yesterday morning.  Nevertheless, I found it … with a BANG!

Fortunately, I was about a quarter of a mile from the Church parking lot, and my car limped in with a literal “sigh.”  It was the final few pounds of air rushing out the rear tire.( I need to add; this is my second ruined tire in two months).  God must be teaching me patience.  And, again, it’s Michigan and pothole season. I’m learning to deal with it.

Remember my prayer?  “Lord, let me live this day as if it were my last.”  This IS NOT how I want to live out my final 24 hours on this earth.  I have stage four cancer.  Every minute of every day is precious.  I want sunshine and moderate temperatures.  I want quality time spent with my wife and family when I’m not working as a pastor at Dearborn Congregational Church (a job I absolutely LOVE). 

I DON’T WANT FLAT TIRES AND WASTED TIME IN AUTO REPAIR SHOPS.

This morning, God answered my prayer.  I phoned the Ford Motor Co. Road Service, and within 10 minutes, Marion pulled up in his service truck! 

With a smile on his face, he pulled out his jack, lifted my vehicle off the ground and yanked off tha flat tire.  He then mounted the donut spare - it was like watching the pit crews at the Daytona 500, changing a tire!. 

 And then we stood in the parking lot, and we talked.

He noticed from my window sticker - that I was a Vietnam Veteran.  I shared my story about Agent Orange, lung cancer, and being blessed to be alive and serving God as a pastor in Dearborn. He told me about his life as a father, working hard to support his family and his concern regarding his young daughter. Without going into any details, “she’s not making the right decisions, and I’m worried about her.”  

I promised Marion I would pray for her and his family.  He shared his appreciation, and his smile grew – it was even more radiant.  He then told me it had been a blessing for him, that I was his first customer.  (Yea, God!).  

The day didn’t start as I would have wanted – but it was exactly as God had intended.  Isn’t that the best way to live out a 24 hour period in your life?

Last week, I had lunch with a member of our church.  We met at The Big Fish, a local restaurant in Dearborn.  Not only was it a delicious meal - our server, Stefanie, was a blessing!

After being seated and handed our menus, we noticed that Stefanie had an unusual looking hair style.  She explained that her hair was growing back after chemo and radiation treatments for cancer.  I then shared with her my experiences in battling stage 4 lung cancer, and there was an immediate “bonding.”  When one cancer patient meets another, we not only talk the same language, but there is a certain understanding with compassion that unites us as brother and sister.

It was amazing how much we learned about Stefanie in the short time we were in the restaurant.  One thing was certain, she was a person with a positive outlook and a fierce determination that she would not let cancer slow her down or prevent her from living a good life.  

When it was time for us to leave I handed her my business card and encouraged her to read my blog - sharing with her that it was a story about my journey.  I asked her name, so that I could add her name to our church prayer list.  “It’s Stefanie - with an “F.”

Well, Stefanie, with an “F” - if you are reading this, I want you to know you have been in my daily prayers.  God bless you in your journey.  

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Indiana, getting ready to visit family and enjoy the last few days of a two-week vacation with Sue. It’s been great - and I’ll have more to say about it in a later post.

Right now, I’ve been reading about the passing of a tv news superstar -  Charles Krauthammer.  He died of cancer, this past Thursday. The man was only 68 years old.

Without a doubt Krauthammer was the rockstar of news commentators. His insight into the political events of the day and how he could explain complex issues; it was amazing. I will miss him. 

In this tribute I’m reading about Krauthammer, the author has include excerpts from his writings and quotes from appearances he made on news shows. Of them all, one in particular stood out and articulates how I am feeling.

I’m aware that not everyone reading this, agree with Krauthammer’s political viewpoints. But what he has to say about his physical challenges (paralyzed in accident) should speak to us all.  It certainly has to me.

“I made a promise to myself on day one [after my injury]. I was not going to allow it to alter my life… I don’t want it to be the first line in my obituary. If it is, that will be a failure.” 

I am trying to live out the remainder of my life in a way that it will, first, glorify God, and second, that I will have left behind a legacy that defines who I am. I don’t want this thing called cancer to characterize my life. If it does - I have failed. 

No news is good news.  This proverbial phrase may have originated with King James I of England, who allegedly said:  “No news is better than evil news” (1616 AD).  I’m with Jimmy – no news is better than any evil news from a PET Scan!

This week, I made two visits to the VA Hospital, in my continuing treatment for cancer.  The first visit, on Tuesday, was for a PET Scan (documented in this blog). The second visit, was on Wednesday, to meet with my Oncologist and have her explain the latest findings.  

For those who have been through this – you know what a torture it can be.  The twenty-four-hour wait is a lifetime when you are hoping for the best and trying NOT to anticipate the worst.  And the longer you are living with cancer, the more apprehensive you become (or maybe the word should be “worrisome”) after each PET Scan.  

Well, once again I heard some very encouraging words from Dr. Ramnath. 

 “No changes.”  

This is good news.  I had my last infusion of Keytruda on April 24, 2018.  This is the drug helping me fight those evil cancer cells.  And, knowing the meds are still working in my system and holding off this invading army of malevolent and wicked offshoots from a lung tumor, brings me comfort.  

By all means, I’m not out of the woods.  I’ll have more scans, x-rays, blood draws, and exams.  Dr. Ramnath and I will be spending time together, plotting strategies and exploring options.  But for now, no news is better than evil news!  So I’ll plan a vacation and, I WILL enjoy myself and try not think about cancer.

The news headline read: 

Kate Spade, Fashion Designer, Found Dead in Apparent Suicide.

I’m not that familiar with ladies accessories, but I did recognize the name – thanks to shopping trips to Macy’s with my wife.  I continued to read:

Kate Brosnahan Spade, who created an iconic, accessible handbag line that bridged Main Street and high-end fashion, hanged herself in an apparent suicide Tuesday at her Manhattan apartment, according to New York Police Department sources.

Police responded at 10:10 a.m. after Spade was found by her housekeeper, NYPD Chief of Detectives Dermot Shea said. A suicide note was found at the scene … Spade addressed her daughter in the note, according to two NYPD sources. Spade's husband also is referenced in the note, according to one of the sources.

Best known for its colorful handbags, Kate Spade New York has more than 140 retail shops and outlet stores across the United States and more than 175 stores international… the brand is synonymous with cheerful luxury…  

And the article continued with the history of her company.

This sad news reminded me of similar news story in 2014.  Robin Williams, one of my all-time favorite actors and comedians, took his life after years of suffering with deep depression.  

No one knows the anguish he felt, and no one knows what Kate Spade was going through - something that pushed to her a place where she felt there was only one answer.  That answer was so final.

Not long ago I officiated the funeral of a young man who committed suicide.  The mother asked about my thoughts on someone taking their own life and the spiritual consequences.  I shared with her that God would not hold someone accountable for a medical condition.   He wouldn’t condemn someone for dying of cancer or heart disease.  God is merciful and just.  He never makes a mistake and he will judge us all fairly. 

In I Peter 3:38 it reads that, 

“Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.”   

Let’s not judge Kate Spade with the events of this week.  She may very well have been struggling with a hidden mental disorder that finally consumed her. God has judged her fairly and I’d like to think that she has finally found that peace and happiness we all long for – and she is “safely home” with God.

This morning, I had my second, semi-annual PET scan – or as the technician phrased it – “Positron Emission Tomography.”   Ordered by my Oncologist, this is all part of the ongoing treatment for my cancer.  I’m certainly grateful for the excellent health care I’m receiving – but I’m starting to lose track of all the tests, scans, and injections I’ve received in the last twelve months!  So here’s what the morning looked like...

It all begins with my arrival at the VA Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan! I’m about one mile from reaching my destination.  It’s a beautiful drive and a perfect morning for scan-day!

Yep - I will be there!  Who wants to miss the excitement of experiencing a “positron” bombardment?  Move over, Hulk!

It’s quiet when I arrive at the hospital entrance.  No greeter wearing a blue vest and holding the door.  

After checking in at the Nuclear Medicine Department desk, I’m escorted to a private waiting room.  

This place needs a major “do-over” - not much to look at as you are ...

Sipping on a special cocktail.  Before I can unite with the machine - I’m doing my best to drink this 16 oz. barium beverage and not lose it (if you know what I mean).  It looks like watered down milk and tastes like chalk.  This is NOT how you want to break a fast.  

And here is the oversized camera for taking a full-body picture.  Emagine yourself on your back, hands and arms stretched out and linked behind your head, and you lay perfectly still for 15 to 20 minutes.  I tried to focus on my work schedule, projects at home, my family and friends.  Everything seemed to be going smoothly until my nose started itching.   I dare not move - don’t want to do this again!  

The itch subsided, the “finished cooking” bell rang and I was out of there and on my way back to the car - just as fast as my 71-year old legs could carry me.

And that’s how I started my day.  Not very exciting ... but then I’m reminded of a Psalm, written by David when he was under great stress:

I’ve been dealing with this stage 4 cancer “thing” for almost a year.  Since my diagnosis and through the treatments, I’ve tried to document the journey and share my thoughts (both hopes and fears) with anyone taking time to read my “blog” or listen to me speak.  And I know there are others who are facing a similar trial – so, maybe something I say will bring encouragement or strength. 

I’ve noticed, however, that some caring souls take great pains to avoid the “C” word when they are around me.  It’s as if they are afraid to ask a question or engage me in the conversation for fear I’ll be upset. 

Ask me anything – but please don’t share a morbid tale of Uncle Joe and how he passed from the dreaded disease.  I’m well aware that stage 4 cancer spreading far from the origin and into other areas of the body - is not a good thing. But there are treatments available for patients going through metastasis, and survival rates and life expectancy is getting better.  So I’d like to stay focused on the positive and speak in the positive when it comes to this stage 4 cancer “thing.”  

So ask me anything, and I promise I’ll answer with a smile!

A few weeks ago I posted on my Facebook page that I had been given a reprieve from the “Chemo-Chair.”  That announcement may have been a bit misleading.  A few comments from my Facebook family seemed to indicated that they thought I was in remission, or that, everything was stable and the future looked bright!  Well, I’m the eternal optimist and, for me, the future will always be bright.  However, remission or permanently stable with this cancer isn’t in the dialogue.

Here is what happened.

Leading up to a recent appointment with my Oncologist, I was beginning to experience some pain and discomfort in my muscles and joints.  For lack of a better description, let’s say: rheumatoid arthritis.   At first, I thought I could manage the pain and continue with my Keytruda infusions.

Keytruda is an antibody drug that blocks a protective mechanism of cancer cells and allows the immune system to destroy those nasty things.   Unfortunately, one of the side-effects can be a weakness and inflammation of muscles and joints (me).  Fortunately, a regiment of steroids has helped relieve me of those side effects.  On the downside, my regular dose of immunotherapy is on hold. Hopefully, this will be temporary, and once the inflammation and pain are under control, I’ll return to the “chair.”

No one said this journey with cancer would be easy.  Setbacks happen! However, I’m pushing ahead and trying to do everything that is right in keeping me active and in ministry!  So if you are reading this and you have experienced a roadblock in life – don’t despair!  And how do YOU this, you ask?

Just down the block from the Church and across the street, is the Detroit Lions Headquarters and Training Camp.  This morning, I decided to walk down and view the activities.  

It’s early May, and the Lions Mini-Camp is in session!  Naturally, being a diehard fan, I’m getting “pumped” about the 2018 NFL season.  The Lions have a new head coach, new players, and a renewed hope for a successful year on the gridiron.

As I walk by the camp, I can hear the coaches call out instructions.  The grunts and groans are contributing to a wave of sounds – a cacophony of football madness!  I find this inspiring!

I know that serving the Lord and pastoring is a 24/7 adventure. Nevertheless, there are days when I find myself getting comfortable – almost complacent.  I’ve been in ministry for 38 years.  It’s tempting to “put it in cruise control” and finish up my season of laboring.   What is going on down the street, a team in training and “honing” their football skills, inspires me to apply myself and sharpen my skills for Jesus.

St. Paul wrote a letter to the Ephesians,  giving instructions to young Christians who were trying to live out their new faith in Christ.  In Ephesians 6, Paul begins by “calling out instructions” for children and parents.

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.  (Ephesians 6:1-4 MSG)

Great advice for the 21st Century Christian family!  And then, Paul has this to say to employers and their workers (I’ll change the wording just a bit – pastors and their congregation).

Pastor, respectfully obey your church leaders but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ.  Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.  (Ephesians 6:5-8 MSG).

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.  Sitting in the “chemo chair” and waiting for the last drip of medication to run through an IV, isn’t how I like to spend my day.   It is, however, my routine.  Once, every three weeks, I’m at the Cancer Center for a blood draw, vitals recorded, examined by my Oncologist,  we discuss my treatment, and then I’m off to the Infusion Room.  

I hope the readers of my blog never experience this type of medical treatment.  

I did approach this week’s infusion with a bit of a smile.  The drug doctors are using in fighting my type of cancer, has a positive side effect.  It’s not happening with all cancer patients – but with a few who are receiving Keytruda, the hair is changing!  The drug blocks a protective mechanism of the cancer cells and allows the immune system to destroy those cancer cells.  It also is regenerating the color of my hair!

When I started treatments, my hair was 90% gray.  It wasn’t a problem – I kind of like the gray.  I’m 71 years old; I’ve earned every gray strand, and I still have something to comb.  And besides, Proverbs 16:31 reminds me that “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.”   

But now, the hair is beginning to darken – returning to its original color - brown. And at the rate of progression, I could be looking like a 40-year-old by years end!   Maybe the regeneration will go beyond hair color?  Remember the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?  

Sunday, April 15, 2018.  It started out like any other Sunday.  Up at 6:00 a.m. Sue and I are getting ready for Sunday Worship when the lights flicker.  We hold our breath, waiting and praying that we’ll be spared a power outage.  No such luck. Seconds later the power and it’s lights out!   The ice storm that was sweeping through Wayne County had claimed another victim.  

It’s only a half-hour before we are to leave for the church, so we continue our routine and pray that when we return, lights are on and everything is back to normal.  Five hours later and we are in a house that is dark and cooling off!  No need to panic – I turn on a battery powered radio, begin listening for updates.   Flashlights help us navigate darkened rooms, and we remain optimistic that any moment power will be restored.  

Another hour passes (in the dark), and now it’s apparent that we need to act. Fortunately, I have a son-in-law and a nephew nearby, who volunteer to prepare our emergency generator.  The general has never been used – it’s still in the shipping crate!  Our two “angels of mercy” work for about an hour,  assembling and setting up the generator that will bring us enough electricity to run the refrigerator and a few small appliances.  

By now, it’s 62 degrees in the house. My wife and I are debating – should we tough it out in a cold house or should we get a hotel room?  Meanwhile, the generator is ready.  Heavy-duty extension cords are winding through the house.  A few pulls on the starter cord, and we are up and running!   We thank our volunteers for all their help and settle down for the evening.  Only seconds later, and you guessed it – our area has power!  And I think, “If we just had waited one more hour, before breaking out the generator.  All that work and energy for nothing!”  Can you relate?

How many times have we prayed and waited on God for an answer – and grow impatient because He’s not responding to our timetable?  And then, we throw our hands up in the air and try to solve the problem? We act on impulse because God does not seem to be acting at all.  

In the aftermath of the ice storm, swarms of repair trucks went about tackling a severe problem.  There were over 1,600 down power lines down, crippling the area.  We couldn’t see them – but we later read that crews worked tirelessly until Bill and Sue had lights.

Our God is an awesome and powerful God.  And I’m learning to pray with an endurance that He is working in ways I cannot see.  So be patient, Bill Kren!  

Last month, my wife made our annual trek to Southern California.   February is a beautiful time to leave the grey, cold skies Michigan and visit our oldest son and his family.  Derek, Janet, and Joshua live in Oceanside, just a few miles north of San Diego. Can you think of a better “go-t”o place when winter is clinging to life in the Mitten?

This vacation was extra-special.  Since our last visit, cancer has now become a part of our life.   Living takes on a new perspective.  Where once we took it for granted that there would be another year and another opportunity to see California – now we are grateful to have one more day together.  And I was doubly blessed, during our visit, to spend some time with my cousin Georgia and her husband, Mike.

Georgia and I have something in common.  We are both battling cancer. Georgia has been down the same road I’ve traveled.  Radiation.  Chemo. Multiple doctor visits. Hoping.  Praying.  And learning to live each day to it’s fullest.

We were able to spend a couple of hours together at a local restaurant.  We shared our stories – laughed together and we shed a few tears.  Georgia is a beautiful person – strong in character and faith.  I feel so blessed that we have connected and are friends.  

In June it will be one year since the diagnosis.  I’m learning to live with cancer, and I’m doing my best in being upbeat and positive.  I want the world to know that this disease does not have to define a person. And if by the grace of God, I win this battle and live longer than the 2 – 5 years doctors are giving me, I’ll gladly embrace this as part of my legacy.  However, recent changes in my lifestyle (directly related to cancer) are deeply unsettling.  Message to cancer: Enough is enough!

It happened mid-way through my chemotherapy treatments.  I suddenly lost my taste for coffee  - this is seriously wrong!

I’ve been a coffee drinker since I was 12-years old.  For decades, I’ve started my morning with a fresh cup of java.  During a regular day, my consumption ranged from 3 to 5 cups of that delicious brew.  In the evening, it wasn’t unusual that I imbibe in the gospel of the coffee bean.  Soaking up the caffeine was as natural as taking in oxygen.  And now – it’s all over.

At first, I thought the change would be temporary and, in no time, I’d be back to my old ways.  But months have gone by – and all I can do is enjoy the pleasant aroma of my wife’s morning cup.  The mind says yes – but when I try to drink a cup, my body says “sorry buddy, coffee is no longer welcome here!”  A few sips and I’m jittery.  My heart starts pounding.   Taste buds are in revolt!  If I had lost my hair through radiation and chemo – I’d would have coped with the change.   But forfeiture of coffee?

I’m learning to adjust to a caffeine-free existence.  I drink hot chocolate at the office.  For lunch, in place of a steaming hot cup of Starbucks, I opt for tea or water with lemon.  And I hang on to a promise God has given me – as I suffer from caffeine deprivation.

A few days ago I walked into a Chamber of Commerce meeting and was greeted warmly by many of my peers.  One person, with a smile, shook my hand and said, “Hey, Bill, it’s great to see you!”  And my quick reply, “I’d rather be seen than viewed!”  

Okay, I know it’s corny humor - but it’s my reality. I’m grateful for every day God gives me to live, pastor, work, volunteer, and be a part of my community. Every morning signals the start of a new adventure – something I seldom thought of in my “pre-cancer” days.   And each day begins with prayer.  Nothing unusual about this.  But now, Bill Kren’s prayer life is more about quality!   I find myself better focused on people and their needs.  I sense that my quiet petitions to God are on target and making a difference.  It’s a good feeling.

After prayer, I spend some time reading God’s Word (My Utmost Devotional Bible - Oswald Chambers), and then I plunge into another day, with a grateful heart and a determination NOT to waste a moment.  Because always, every day, I’m aware of my cancer and what it will eventually do to me. I know that one day there will be viewing.  

I’d much rather have this”viewing’ take place at a much later date. In fact, after reading 1 Thessalonians 4, and this promise that “the Lord, himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves.  Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever.” – I’m hoping for an airborne adventure that takes me right to Glory!  Forget about the funeral service and viewing!  

Well, these are my thoughts on a Thursday morning, while in my office.  I’m enjoying God’s gift of another day to serve.  And I’ll do my best not to waste a moment.