"POINTLESS NONSENSE", a Hellidiah fic.
Hey guys...... here's my really cool and serious hellidiah fic..... do not steal....... truly my magnus opus...... enjoy......
It was a brisk, 90 degree celsius morning in hell when Hellidiah woke up. He had been working at the Hazbin Hotel for five years now, and was proud to see it thriving so much under Charlie’s management. Ever since Alastor’s twink ass was kicked off the board of directors, more and more sinners had successfully checked in and redeemed themselves. He got dressed, brushed his teeth, and sauntered downstairs with a pep in his step. In the main lobby, Evil Sydney was waiting for him.
“Hey, Heddie.” Evil Sydney said with a grin. “You’re looking uncharacteristically…. Good today.”
“I’m feeling a bit devious this morning…. I think I might go upstairs to cause some mischief.” Hellidiah replied.
Evil Sydney snickered evilly. “Can I join you?”
“Why yes, of course, Evil Sydney. After all, you are my cherished partner with whom I communicate clearly all the time!”
The two of them began to chuckle with a very devious tone as they headed for the grimoire.Meanwhile, in the overworld, Sideways and Josh was walking through Camp Here and There, feeling quite neutral about his current situation. He didn’t know why he was there, and he was frankly feeling too neutral to find out why. A strange man approached him. “Uhh, excuse me, sir? What are you doing here?”, he asked.
“I don’t know.” Sideways and Josh responded.
“Okayyy… Listen, you’re on a children’s campground, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The man said.
“Okay.” Sideways and Josh said neutrally.
With a very neutral expression and a inoffensive walk, Sideways and Josh walked back into the forest where he came from. It was a beautiful day, the sky a crimson red, and the clouds shimmering with a rainbow gradient. These were the kind of days where Sideways and Josh liked to think about very neutral topics, such as whole grain bread, and sedimentary rocks.
As Josh continued his mourning saunter, he began to hear a strange noise. It was like… a rumbling, deep below the earth. Suddenly, an elevator emerged from the ground before him, and the doors opened to reveal two very devious looking figures behind them.
“Good morning”, Sideways and Josh said with a very neutral tone of voice.
“Get out of our way, punk.” Hellidiah said with a malevolent sneer.
“Is that a Malevolent reference????” Arthur Lester interjected.
“Shut up, Arthur, you’re not in this fic.” Hellidiah snapped.
Arthur Lester walked away, dejected.
“We have places to go, so beat it.” Evil Sydney said.
“Where exactly do you intend to go?” Sideways and Josh inquired with neutral intent.
“None of your business. Move before I incinerate you.” Hellidiah said with more edge than a butcher’s knife.
Sideways and Josh may have been a being of pure neutrality, but he was just opinionated enough to know that he should probably get out of the way of these rather sinister and original characters. He walked off without making a sound.
“Time to get devious,” Hellidiah laughed evilly.
The two of them began to walk to Camp Here and There.Meanwhile, in the ceaseless void, W.D. Gaster and his Partner, Parallel and Noncolliding, were laughing over Asgore truck memes. Suddenly, a foul presence interrupted their unbound joy.
“Stop laughing and lock in.” Elias Bouchard said with a scowl.
“☹︎☜︎❄︎ 🕆︎💧︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ☞︎🕆︎☠︎ ☞︎⚐︎☼︎ ⚐︎☠︎👍︎☜︎📪︎ 💧︎☟︎☜︎☜︎💧︎☟︎”, Gaster said.
“Yeah, god.” Parallel and Noncolliding said.
“Your tomfoolery is of no concern right now. The Eye has given me alarming news.” Elias said.
“☟︎🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ 👍︎⚐︎🕆︎☹︎👎︎ 🏱︎⚐︎💧︎💧︎✋︎👌︎☹︎✡︎ 👌︎☜︎ 💧︎⚐︎ ✋︎💣︎🏱︎⚐︎☼︎❄︎✌︎☠︎❄︎ ✌︎💧︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ✋︎☠︎❄︎☜︎☼︎☼︎🕆︎🏱︎❄︎ ⚐︎🕆︎☼︎ 💧︎☟︎✋︎❄︎🏱︎⚐︎💧︎❄︎ 💧︎☜︎💧︎💧︎✋︎⚐︎☠︎”, Gaster asked.
“Two beings from hell have found their way to the surface, they intend to mildly irritate the residents of Camp Here and There.” Elias said.
“You’re such a downerrrrrrr” Parallel and Noncolliding said.
“☟︎⚐︎☠︎☜︎💧︎❄︎☹︎✡︎ ✋︎ 👎︎⚐︎☠︎❼︎❄︎ ☜︎✞︎☜︎☠︎ 😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ 🕈︎☟︎✡︎ 🕈︎☜︎ 💧︎❄︎✋︎☹︎☹︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ✋︎☠︎ ⚐︎🕆︎☼︎ 🏱︎⚐︎☹︎✡︎👍︎🕆︎☹︎☜︎”, Gaster added.
“Fine. I’ll do it myself.” Elias said as he stormed off.Good Sydney and Good Jedidiah were indulging in their toxic yaoi tendencies when they heard an explosion on the campgrounds. With a sudden feeling of dread, the looked out the window to see…. Their evil twins??? Setting off massive amounts of fireworks???? DURING THE DAY?????
“Sydney, I thought our evil doubles died and went to hell???” Good Jedidiah said.
“So did I!” Good Sydney replied.
“Nevermind that, we need to stop them before somebody gets hurt!”
The two white boys got outside as fast as they could to stop the two evil people who were there.
“Evil Jeddie! Evil me!” Good Sydney called out. “What are you doing???”
“Well, first of all, my name is Hellidiah,” Hellidiah began. “And second, we’re setting off fireworks, idiot.”
“Stop it! Fireworks are bad for the environment and create a ton of noise that is distressing to a lot of neurodivergent people!” Good Sydney said in a manner that was clearly just the neurodivergent author expressing their vitriol for fireworks. “You need to stop it right now!”
“Oh but Good me, have you ever considered that distress is what we WANT to cause?” Evil Sydney jeered. “We hate good people like you! This is our goal!”
“Well, that’s not very nice!” Good Jedidiah interjected unhelpfully.
Suddenly, trumpets began to play as a striking blue figure descended from the heavens.
“Oh my goodness, it’s Down and Steve!” Good Sydney exclaimed.
“What a beautiful afternoon, my beloveds!” Down and Steve said with an angelic tone. “But what is this, two evildoers? On the grounds of a place of jolly merriment? Preposterous! Something must be done!”
“Shut up, Down and Steve.” The evil doubles said in unison. They used their omega evil hell blasts in unison, instantly sending Down and Steve screaming back up to where he came.
“Well, that was unhelpful.” Everyone said.
Suddenly, the foul stench of an evil man filled the air.
“Good day.” Elias Bouchard said.
“Oh god, it’s this guy.” Hellidiah remarked. “What do you want?”
“You’re upsetting the natural balance, Hellidiah and Evil Sydney. I will have to banish you.”
“You’re powerless to stop us, beholding boy!” The two of them taunted in unison. “We cannot be seen.”
“Nonsense!” Elias primed his watcher beam, when suddenly, his evil presence was cut through by something else.
“What the- what is happening???” Elias screamed as he was ripped back to the void from whence he came. Behind him stood Sideways and Josh in all his completely neutral glory.
“What you two are doing is not very neutral.” Sideways and Josh said. “Something must be done.” Sideways and josh stared directly into Hellidiah’s eyes, and in an instant, he found himself back in hell. Evil Sydney followed soon after.
“Where did they go???” Good Sydney asked.
“Hell.” Sideways and Josh said with a neutral tone.
“Oh” Good Sydney said.
Without saying a weird, Sideways and Josh walked in a neutral direction, leaving the two good boyfriends together and alone once again.