*fighting noises*

one fun thing about being a teacher in march 2023 is that chess is a literal epidemic among teens. we are starting to have meetings about how we can STOP teenagers from playing too much chess which is like if we were trying to figure out how to stop them from reading for fun. When i was in high school five years ago chess was nerd shit only but now it is transcending every social and language barrier and is absolutely rampant. kids aren’t on their phone texting in class anymore it’s ONLY chess.com. kids are playing chess on their phones while playing chess in real life. this is still better than tiktok because at least the kids are developing an attention span from this

the worst part of this is that they’re on chess dot com instead of getting an education. but the BEST part of this is watching high schoolers develop the weirdest goddamn strategies I’ve ever seen. One of my students invented something he calls the “evil advisor gambit” where he gets a third person to give out constant terrible advice to both teams hoping that his opponent falls for it straight-up or that his opponent thinks HE fell for it and will act accordingly thus worsening their own strategy. he has won every game he has been able to pull off a coordinated evil advisor gambit in. this is chess innovation never before seen in its 700 years on earth

i was in class the other day and some guy raised his hand and said something really annoying and i saw the guy in front of me take a break from chess.com to text his friends in the class "let's jump this kid"

yeah I'm a fag. what about it . shows you a little boucy ball from my pocket with a giant bite taken out of it. now scram. ass hole

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crush,_Texas

you could just do shit back then

texas is still like this

Not now kitten mommy is using the hammer

Yes the killing hammer

Only creeps hate hairy men. I saw someone complaining about a guy’s happy trail. Freak, that is the best part of a man.

oh shit, it's 3/21/23, 32123, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/22/23, 32223, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/23/23, 32323, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/24/23, 32423, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/25/23, 32523, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/26/23, 32623, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3/27/23, 32723, palindrome day

oh shit, it's 3,28/23, 32823, palindrome day

Deplatforming is um when you take a goth girl’s boots off.

i hate shark slander. theyre literally just sitting in their own living room

"the chinese government is spying on you with apps!!" from the standpoint of an american, that doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as the american government spying on me, because i live there

they should let us download ibuprofen for free