do not taste plants if you don't know what they are
do not identify a fruit as edible just because it tastes sweet
hope you didn't eat any fucking seeds, bro
And today, we have this winner:
I saw the photo in my feed and went ohh, dude, no, we do not handle yellow rocks with our bare hands until we know for sure what they are. And I know that orange...
In comments, they continue:
and that's where I started cussing at the computer monitor. But someone else had got there first:
So just as a reminder, folks. If you don't know what it is, don't put it in your fucking mouth!
YOU GODDAMN STUPID MOTHERFUCKER
Good fucking god, people, if you don't know what it is, DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR STUPID MOUTH.
Oh my god. Good lord. I learned that when I was TINY. I was the tiniest, dumbest baby child and I knew better than to do this. What is wrong with you.
At Halloween last year, the tiniest little girl dressed as one of the Folk came to my door. There's an increasingly magnificent native beautyberry to one side of my stoop, with its marvelous electric purple berries served up in great tumbles, and she was transfixed by it. She got her candy, I complimented her costume, she started down the stairs, and then stopped, and turned back around. Her: "Are those for-eating berries?" Me: "Oh, you are so smart and clever for asking first! That is such a good idea, I'm so impressed! These are Callicarpa, called beautyberry, and they are edible. Usually they are for cooking, though, to make syrup or jam, and they're not very nice right off the bush. But they are a food berry, and you're so smart to ask!" Her: "Can I...try one?" Me: "If your mother says you may." Her mother, from the walk: "Are you SURE, like, 100% sure. That those are food." Me: "A hundred percent sure, ma'am. I could show you a couple of websites on them, if you want." The Girl: *waits for her mother's nod, then gently reaches out and takes three very small berries and puts them into her mouth* The Girl: *makes an inquisitive face as she chews, walking down the path toward her mother* Me, turning back inside: "Husband, you should have seen this very smart little girl just now!"
This is the reason I don't plant foxglove in my flowerbed, even though I love it -- I live right next to a playground.
LARP years and years ago someone playing a "quirky" character (JFC) was chewing on some leaves and grass fine whatever. Then I saw them pick up this bitch:
Those of you who's sphincter just tightened, congratulations you make it through night one of the Hunger Games. Everyone else, that's fuckin poison hemlock. It'll kill ya real dead.
My hand snapped out and slapped the small spray of flowers from their hand.
"What the fuck?!"
"Out of character, that's hemlock. It's very toxic, so you are going to not touch anything, and go to the kitchen and wash your hands with cool water and dish detergent and never do that again. Stop."
They were less mad after that.
