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@thescienceofaddiction

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i used to work at Denny’s and honestly i served the weirdest people like this one time these two really stoned guys came in and when they were ordering their drinks the one guy was like “i would like a coke with exactly 6 ice cubes” and i actually counted out 6 and brought him his drink and when he saw that there was actually exactly 6 ice cubes he just stared at me for an uncomfortably long time and also he tipped me 20 dollars
This may be the best book I have ever purchased. It is definitely in the top 10
whAT BOOK IS THIS
To Be or Not to Be by Ryan North. Hamlet as a choose-your-own-adventure book.
I own this book and it’s about 600 pages and it’s ALL this good. You can play as hamlet, Ophelia, or hamlet sr, who is a ghost. You can murder everyone in the play. You can fire yourself out of a cannon and use your uncle as a skateboard. There are dozens of endings and places where you can diverge from canon and do something wacky instead. 10/10 would recommend
Benedict eating corndog on Jimmy Kimmel show (X)

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Just unmute it.
source
this man has set himself and other on fire and yet this is the happiest i’ve ever seen him
amazing
A thousand ducky voices screaming out in terror.
In the mid-1800’s, a man named Joshua Abraham Norton proclaimed himself Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico and the citizens of San Francisco actually went along with it.
After losing a lawsuit in which he tried to void his rice contract, Norton left San Francisco. He returned a few years later, laying claim to the position of Emperor of the United States. Although he had no political power, and his influence extended only so far as he was humored by those around him, he was treated deferentially in San Francisco, and currency issued in his name was honored in the establishments he frequented.
In 1867, a policeman named Armand Barbier arrested Norton to commit him to involuntary treatment for a mental disorder. The Emperor’s arrest outraged the citizens and sparked scathing editorials in the newspapers. Police Chief Patrick Crowley ordered Norton released and issued a formal apology on behalf of the police force. Crowley wrote “that he had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in that line.” Norton magnanimously granted what he considered an Imperial Pardon to the errant policeman. All police officers of San Francisco thereafter saluted Norton as he passed in the street.
The citizens of San Francisco continued to celebrate his regal presence and his proclamations for many years but on January 8, 1880, Norton collapsed at a street corner and died before he could be given medical treatment. At his funeral two days later, tens of thousands of people packed the streets of San Francisco to pay homage. Norton has been immortalized as the basis of characters in the literature of writers Mark Twain, Robert Louis Stevenson, Christopher Moore, Maurice De Bevere, Selma Lagerlöf, and Neil Gaiman.
(Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts
This is all true, and San Francisco still loves the man.
And there’s another chapter, too. As was previously mentioned, Emperor Norton delivered a number of Imperial Proclamations during his life. One such proclamation was for the construction of a suspension bridge across the San Francisco Bay, connecting San Francisco to Oakland via what was then referred to as Goat Island. Also, to build a tunnel underneath the bay connecting those same two cities. Or at least, he ordered the citizens to evaluate both ideas, and build whichever one was more feasible. This was in 1872, when both ideas were merely fantasies.
However, in the 1930s, the bridge described by Emperor Norton was indeed built. And in 1969, so was the tunnel.
In recent years, the part of the bridge connecting Yerba Buena Island (the island formerly known as Goat Island) to Oakland was entirely rebuilt. Many citizens wanted the new bridge to be named for Emperor Norton in honor of his foresight. Instead, it was named the Willie L. Brown, Jr., Bridge. Though former mayor Brown is a noted civil rights activist, the naming is controversial in the area. The chief complaint being that it’s technically against the law to name the bridge after someone who is still alive.
Local attempts to re-name the bridge for Emperor Norton are still ongoing. Current efforts center on using the precedent of naming a bridge with multiple names to add the Emperor Norton Bridge to the list of accepted names for the bridge system as a whole.
P.S. as declared by the Emperor:
Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word “Frisco,” which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor, and shall pay into the Imperial Treasury as penalty the sum of twenty-five dollars.
MY DUUUUUUDE
I like how dolphins breach with such vivacity
whales breach with grace
sharks breach with power
… then fucking manta rays be like
“there goes Billy fulfilling his dreams”
Having Fun With Statues.
I don’t care about that prize, but I’m gonna win, because I want [Chris’s] happiness to go away.

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cutest lil muffin holtzy
Safety lights are for dudes!
“She’s a genius. She’s bizarre. She’s in charge of perfecting the machinery.” - Kate McKinnon
mood: a wealthy 18th century woman who needs to lie down for hours after anything remotely distressing happens
The Half Hour s05e05 – Aparna Nancherla

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IM SCREAMING
This guy is practicing smoke bending …LOL
Yo, this guy is a fucking airbender.
don’t try to say he is otherwise, just look at him go.