just stick with me

I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.

There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.

First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.

Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.

Now, on to the lesson!

HedonistInk’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.

If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.

If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex. It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.

Trans guys can most often be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.

TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.

Up top: The most standard term for talking about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’. So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts and nipples. 

The pole: It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions, trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dude writing about a trans dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.

The hole: There is no standard term for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front. I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally. That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.

TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.

COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.

Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).

Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.

The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.

BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.

Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each have different body boundaries.

I know guys who won’t get shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.

I know guys who love getting blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.

I know guys who don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things in the front door.

I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.

I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!

These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).

BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.

CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.

BODY HAIR: Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk about a trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns. 

DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.

FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really. Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even use an estrogen cream down there.

SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™ within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.

TASTE: After about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on. 

ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense. 

HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis women. Because they’re not cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool set in their tool belt.

Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I could go on for ages.

If a trans guy is taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and needs to be treated as such.

SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:

Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV. 

Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.

Some people think trans men can’t get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.

Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.

Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known as the ‘depo shot’.

MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.

For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws & doctor’s discretion).

Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision (’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple grafts.

Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.

Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty (’phallo’). Tread carefully.

So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.

And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.

Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.

Please don’t repost (stealing isn’t cool, but reblog if you wish) <3 <3

“I love you, please don’t go.”

“Stay here tonight.”

“Please don’t walk out of that door.”

“I thought things were going great.”

“Don’t you love me?”

“You make every day worth living.”

“I’ll keep you warm.”

“I’m never letting you go.”

“You meant too much to me.”

“I won’t let you.”

“How could you ask me that?”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”

“You look amazing tonight.”

“Shouldn’t you be with him/her?”

“I’ve got you.”

“I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”

“It’s late.  Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“How are you feeling today?”

“You look amazing tonight.”

“We’ll figure this out.”

“This isn’t goodbye.”

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”

“Wanna go grab a drink?”

“What the hell were you thinking?!”

“Here, let me help you.”

“Kiss me.”

“I care about you.”

“You could have warned me!”

“That was unexpected.”

“You haven’t lost me.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Don’t cry.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“You make me feel safe.”

“You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”

“Thank you, for everything.”

“All I wanted was for you to be happy.”

“I can’t do this on my own.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”

“Don’t be afraid.”

“You’re always on my mind.”

“You have no idea how much I want you right now.”

“You’ve always felt like home.”

“I can’t imagine this world without you.”

“Dance with me.”

“Trust me.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Who hurt you?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

“You make me feel alive.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“Who cares about what they think?”

“Let’s go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You’ve always got me.”

“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.”

“Is this okay?”

“You look like you could use a hug.”

“Did you need something?”

“Do you have a ride home?”

“I am home.”

“What happened back there?”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“Why me?”

“I’m right where I belong.”

“Fine.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

“You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

“You need sleep.”

“Excuse me?”

“What are you doing?”

“What did you expect?”

“You’re not alone.”

“We’re meant for each other.”

“You’re worth it.”

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

“I’ve always been honest with you.”

“It’s cold, you should take my jacket.”

“Just breathe, okay?”

“When I’m with you, I’m happy.”

“Going somewhere?”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Don’t be scared, I’m right here.”

“You’re so adorable.”

“I’m better, now that you’re here.”

“I could never forget you.”

“Forget it.”

“That’s in the past.”

“You make me happy.”

“You’re more than that.”

“I won’t lose you too.”

“Come cuddle.”

“Can’t you stay a little longer?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I’ve had enough.”

“I fell in love with you, not them.”

-what triggered it?

“It… I … it wasn’t supposed — to be this way —”

“If I could take it all back… I would.”

“You have no idea how far I went — to save you.”

“Even if it means giving up my life, everything I’ve done, I’ll do it for you.”

“There are no limits when it comes to you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

“Close your eyes — I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“It was — it was supposed to end differently! It was — supposed to — no!”

“No — No, no, no, no, no — ! Not like this !”

“Let — go !”

“ Com— come back ! Don’t you dare leave me here !”

“I refuse to die here! I’ve come too far!”

“ Why do I have to be strong all the time? ”

“ Look at me! How can you call this dependable? ”

“ This is the exact reason why everyone I love leaves!”

“ There are so many sides to me that you don’t know. ”

“ All I ever wanted was to live a happy life… I wanted to be fine!”

“ There’s this thing about solitude. It gets to you. It eats you alive. ”

“ And sometimes we just gotta give up. ”

“ There are burdens on my shoulders that I can’t shake off. ”

“ Have you ever felt suffocated? ”

“ It’s the world is crumbling beneath me and I’m in free fall. ”

“ What I wouldn’t give to go back to the time where I had no concerns. ”

“ There’s this darkness in me… I don’t know how to explain it. ”

“ I’m hollow. ”

“ And then there’s this sadness. This raw, awful sadness that you’re too good to see. ”

“ You don’t deserve someone like me. ”

“ My past comes back to haunt me, and I can’t chase the ghosts away. ”

“ So many things went wrong in my life, and they keep on coming. ”

“ I don’t know how much longer I can endure this. ”

“ It hurts… every god awful day it hurts. More and more. ”

“ I can’t seem to outrun this. ”

“ Do you ever just wanna… give in?”

“ Should’ve gotten life right the first time. ”

“ They keep saying that this is all going to go away, but I don’t know about that. ”

“ Life is a god damn ocean and I have no idea how to swim. ”

theyre disease-proof mutants that treat diseases of all kinds (including magical ones) the girls are separated into different specialties after training, as follows:

Crows- specialize in treating non-magical ailments of the common folk and prevent spread with the help of vultures. Are generally better at triage than other plague doctors

Owls- specialize in treating magical illnesses. The owls are who you call when the whole village has been put under a curse

Eagles- better at long-term treatment plans for individuals rather than huge outbreaks. Have sweets on hand at all times for bratty nobles

Vultures- Ensure a disease, magical or not, doesn’t spread by any means possible  

Calm down, this is a peaceful and relaxing setting. No need to worry.

Don’t forget to breathe, this is important, you don’t want to seem dead. It might worry them.

Listen to their heartbeat, yours will sync up with it sooner or later. This will calm you even more.

Pay attention to their breathing, like the heartbeats, yours will sync with theirs at some point.

Get comfortable, they love you and wouldn’t let anything hurt you. You’re safe here.

Shut your eyes. You don’t need to see what’s going on in the world anymore. You’re safe here.

Try to tune out the background noise around you. Nothing else in the world matters aside from the two of you in this moment. You’re safe here.

Drift off to sleep. They’ve got you, you’ll be fine. You’re safe here.

Don’t wake up. You don’t need to leave. You’re safe here.

More guides

A Guide to Naming Your Children

Surviving IKEA

My first shot at creating a sort of tutorial/guide, telling how I do things. On this initial chapter we’re going over the handy matter of Hands. Not meaning to be an encyclopedic explanation, only showing my own methods and self-taught clues. Hoping somebody finds it useful! :3 I’ll do more if this one is received well. So let me know~

It’s gestures often overlooked, silent acts of respect without calling attention to them. Subtleties mixed with the obvious.

The good, bad, and the ugly.

playful banter, ribbing, insults/backhanded compliments

recognising ticks/tells and how to respond (e.g. specific throat clear before they speak)

tolerating inconsequential bad habits (e.g. puts dishes beside dishwasher, not in it)

listening to the same stories multiple times as if they were new

developing similar quirks (e.g. particular laugh)

inside jokes

mock fighting, mini competitions

blatant honesty, humble apologies, knowing when to drop an argument

saying nothing/talking for hours

tending to illness or injuries

pokes, pet/pats, head/shoulder bumps, bites, tickles, cuddling, long gazes, stroking hair

grooming, restraighten clothing, touch up hair, brush off crumbs

singing and dancing together

understanding your partner’s hurt rather than just apologising

trust and respect

knowing how to cheer the other up, how to piss them off, humour them

reassurance (e.g. I’m here to talk, you’re doing a great job, your insecurities don’t define you)

associating sights, smells, touches, songs, phrasing, etc with them (e.g. “I saw a pigeon today and thought ‘is this my partner?’”

hating dumb things they do, but finding them hard to live without and secretly loving them

compromising, sacrificing, reciprocation

Love is unspoken, tolerant, and a spectrum of emotions.

It’s accepting that you’ll fuckin’ hate their entire being at times, exclaim with vitriol, “god, you’re so fucking annoying” while you smile and know that it’s trivial in the grand scheme.

It’s real. It’s healthy. It’s fun. That’s what I try to encapsulate in my sappy romantic fiction because realistic fluff is so much more gratifying.