Fantasy(ills)Land

1. Have no agenda.

This is a big one. You are not here to assert your opinions, preferences, or frame of mind. Changing others or having them really hear and understand you will not actually give you anything you don’t already have. You are still just left with yourself in the end.

2. Be present.

This goes hand in hand with the lack of agenda. Your primary place in interaction is not to be there as a function or a role. The less you have an agenda, the more this becomes obvious. You are simply a conscious presence. If you find yourself getting lost in thoughts, reactions, or whatever, bring your attention to your breathing or your body. Come back to this moment.

3. Listen.

I would say about half the conversations I have with people simply involve their need or wish to be heard. Not only do they seem to have little interest in my own thoughts or responses, but they are just talking to talk. Let them. It’s usually when people are no longer struggling to be heard that you can actually have a good conversation with them.

4. Be compassionate.

Trying to be peaceful or respectful is just contrivance. Every conversation is different. If you can be open and kind without judgment, peace and respect will follow naturally from of that.

5. Be mindful.

No matter what conversations are happening, keep some attention within yourself. You should be able to feel your reactions as they arise, whatever they may be. By being aware of them, they wont unconsciously leak into your thoughts and words.

For all of this, daily meditation is crucial as well as constant mindfulness practice. Peace and serenity come from before the mind. They come from you. You don’t need to show yourself as you really are or worry about appearing as a different self.

Know yourself as you truly are for yourself. Others will only see you to the extent that they know themselves. If they know themselves through body identification and judgments, that’s how they will see you. But that doesn’t need to be the way you see them. You free yourself and everyone by coming to know the reality of existence. Then all are known as the living undivided presence that they are.