I am the Sultan

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

(stumbling out of the document covered in blood) ok i wrote 100 words

Very beautiful, very powerful

the feminine urge to just fucking do it yourself

To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.

when a child goes to Build-A-Bear and constructs a teddy from the parts available no one bats an eye, but when I, Victor Frankenstein,

at least im bisexual

this too shall pass but that doesn’t make it suck any less right now

unpopular opinion but i like it when tv shows have women in them

we used to get prescribed a summer on the seaside. now we just get told to go touch grass. the economy is in shambles

shoutout to the color red