#zulugirl

A lesser known side affect of having ADHD is the anxiety it causes and paranoid behavior it can inspire. It's worse when it comes to your friends 👫👬👭

You're constantly worried that they don't like you. You're worried that you did something wrong. That there's something wrong with you. That you're too weird and socially retarded that you can't keep up with the social norms and it alienates you from your friends.😔😖

Having strange "White", "Western" and "American" alienated me from my peers and community most of my childhood. I was more interested in watching TV 📺24/7 than I was going outside to play with my friends👭.

It was worse at school because we could never talk about the same shit. Other kids were more interested in other shit while I was interested in Anime, Computers, Cartoons, Comics and superheroes. Imagine trying to explain the difference between DC and Marvel and Anime and Cartoons to someone uninterested. 😞😞😞😟😟

Now imagine doing that for 7 years straight. To Africans. In AFRICA. That right there was basically me during all of Primary School. No one was Fucking interested and that shit ostracised me from everyone else.😥😦😧😩😩

Now imagine me discovering Fanfiction and faculture for the first time. Now imagine me trying to explain that too.

For the Longest time I was convinced I was the only black girl in this community. At best I am the only Zulu here.😶

Now imagine me making a friend for the first time on fanfiction and starting a chat with her. When chatting with her I felt a free to be myself but one day she just. Stopped. She ghosted me.

I tried to message her and apologise but still no word. I know she's still online because she updates so she must be ignoring me right? Fuck what did I do?😰😰😰😩😩😩😩😩

This happened about 3 years ago and to this day i'm fucked up from that ghosting that I get hella paranoid whenever someone doesn't reply to my message. It has me fucked up and wondering, "shit did I do something wrong?", "did I miss out on some social etiquette or some shit? Fuck what did I say? What did I do?😩😧😲😲"

So nowadays whenever someone doesn't reply after a certain amount of time it fucks me up and I over react by bombarding them with multiple messages and suffocating them. I ask shit like "Are you still there?" "Did I say something to offend you?" I'm extra sensitive to when someone doesn't reply when chances are they just fell asleep or ran out of Data. But no my paranoid ADHD brain doesn't agree and compels me to suffocate them in an endless sea of messages that probably freaks them out.

Thanks to friends @spadestorm696 who understands she makes sure that she always has the last message and constantly reassures me she's still there and gives me a heads up whenever she has to go.

Real friends aren't just people that pit up with your crazy shit but adjust themselves to accommodate you because of them. @spadestorm696 saw I had trust and ghosting issues and makes sure I know that she's not gonna do that.

Shoutout to all the #realfriends like Spadestorm that do shit like that.

The friends that disinfect their hands because you are a germophobe. The kind that keep tidy and clean because they know you're a neat freak. The kind that know you hate this food so they always make sure to avoid it. You guys are the real friends

To some of my other friends and people I occasionally chat with i'm sorry if I freak you out sometimes and overwhelm you with seemingly endless messages.

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🔥 The drums return, the ancestors awaken!