What Does Love Mean to Doumeki?
We don't know, but if I were to venture a guess it would have been steadfast and respectful. However, due to his own experience the love he may have experienced as a child into adulthood was all a lie.
As a child, he had both of his parents. His father was a hardworking and respected career man, a police officer. Perhaps he was a stereotypical ‘man of the house’ who had his son pursue diligence, discipline, and respect. This was his experience of what a man was, a respected individual of society and he was enrolled in kendo and learned the same principles and decided to follow in the footsteps of his father.
But his father, who not only cheated on his wife, was also a molester, a pedophile to a girl he adopted and raised, a cheater of the system.
His mother, who might have been a typical wife or mom (we literally don't know) allowed her husband to abuse her adopted daughter in their own home (whether knowingly or not). Then she allowed her son to go to jail for his father's crimes.
His sister, who was introduced to him as a young boy, though not blood related was someone he took care of as was his family obligation (we don’t really know their sibling relationship either). But, his sister began to care for him in a non-familial way. An incestuous love.
As his body grew into that of a mans, when hormones begin to change who you were as a child, an adult woman (also in a position of power) took advantage of him. That was his first experience of sex.
Every aspect of "love" Doumeki witnessed was corrupted. Every single aspect was tainted.
Enter his first real love: Yashiro (I do think Yashiro was Doumeki’s first love)
He met a man he saw as beautiful. A strong, contradictory, complicated, beautiful man. This man told him he was pure. What did this man mean, when Doumeki had impure thoughts? Rage issues? The blood of his father running in his veins? Was his love also just as corrupt as the bloodline he came from?
It sure seemed like it. As he tried to convey his love for Yashiro, he caused him suffering instead. As he tried to protect him, he wounded him instead. How could he think himself worthy of anything, let alone a mutual love, when his love was so damaging, it could cause further injury in anyone he fell for.
Today, he keeps himself at a distance. While he is under Tsunakawa, he is not doing anything more than what is required of him. Saving Niki, he still keeps her at arms length. He could easily build a bond with her since she likes him so much, but he doesn’t go there. He still speaks politely with Kamiya, someone he’s known for 4 years. The club mama may call him by his first name, but I don’t believe he calls her by hers. Once reunited, he wanted to keep his distance from Yashiro, but he's failing. And his worst fears are all likely still undealt with.
