#zonem!sam

“Dude, not asking you to explain -- kinda don’t wanna know, really. The less I hear your side of stuff, the less I feel like I’m in the middle. Just kinda hoping you could keep an eye on Marley, actually. She sent me some sorta weird messages yesterday, but I couldn’t reply ‘cause I promised Tina I wouldn’t, and I just figured -- you know, maybe you could give her some advice and make sure she doesn’t do something she’s gonna regret. She’s talking about some stuff with some pretty big stakes, don’t want her to ruin any more friendships this week, even if she thinks she’s doing the right thing.”

“Sugar, no offense, but how are you supposed to break me out of handcuffs? You’re just a human, it’s not like you can rip them off or something the way that Jake could.” Sam squeezed his eyes closed, focusing on keeping his illusion up so that the officers on duty didn’t notice Sugar talking to him. They were busy rounding up other people who they’d caught out past curfew before they took him in, and Sam’s stomach felt like it had sunk completely at the idea of going to jail for real. He’d just been trying to follow Tina -- to figure out where she was going so late, why she was sneaking out curfew, and to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him, if he was being honest -- and everything that had followed was just complete and total trouble. Tina wasn’t cheating, she was in the Uprising. His girlfriend, the one Sam had been so sure could do no wrong, had been lying to him this whole time, and probably would have kept lying to him if he hadn’t taken matters into his own hands and totally messed things up. Now he had a human girl here acting like she could get him out of this mess before it got any worse? Pretty much anyone else he knew would have been more helpful, as nice as Sugar’s offer was. “Unless you got some master key or you’re secretly a female bodybuilder or something, I’m pretty sure I’m getting thrown in the slammer.”

[MSG:] I’ll bring your “congrats on finally losing your virginity” cookies tomorrow, I’m exhausted

[MSG] Dude, I definitely, definitely don’t need cookies for that. I got all the sugar I need from Tina ;-)[MSG] Except your name’s Sugar, so now this is awkward...

[MSG:] I’m not gonna lie. I’m a little scared.

[MSG] Of flying? Sugar, you volunteered to go on a trip around the world with me, you aren’t supposed to be afraid of airplanes![MSG] Okay, we’ll figure this out. I’m in the convenience store, I’ll buy you some of those pills that help calm people down on the plane. And uh - I can like hold your hand or something so you’re less nervous. [MSG] Oh! Got it. I’ve totally got a bunch of country songs you can listen to. You’ll be so busy making weird faces at the lyrics that you’ll forget you’re even in the air.

[MSG:] So I found this box of flavored condoms…

[MSG] Oh my God, seriously? Where?![MSG] Sugar you weren’t supposed to find those! That’s super embarrassing, I got them because I forgot that Santana couldn’t feel it if I gave a blowjob to her strap on.

[MSG:] Did your penis manage to get smaller?

[MSG] You can’t think it’s too shabby if you’re going to keep spying on me in the shower all the time so that you can see it.[MSG] There’s only so many times you can have to ‘emergency pee’ while I’m in there before it starts to get suspicious, Sugs.

[MSG:] I’m content with our “friends with accidental benefits” situation.

[MSG] Sugar, I don’t really know if it still counts as an accident when it’s happened this many times...[MSG] Okay, can I be kind of blunt with you here? I think you like her. And I think maybe she likes you too, but she’s so busy acting tough and like she hates everyone, and you’re so busy not wanting to get attached to another mutant after what happened with Finn that you’re just pretending it’s not as important to you as it is.[MSG] Don’t make my same mistakes, Sugar. Don’t hide from your feelings until it’s almost time to go your separate ways. Tell her how you feel, okay? You’ll be a lot happier when you do.

“To be honest, it was really fun to kick your ass at Scrabble.“ 

“Dude, that was the worst idea we’ve ever had. If anyone ever tells the two dyslexia guys to play Scrabble against each other again, let’s not and pretend we did, okay?”

“If you ever get the urge to run away again, call me first, okay?“ 

“Dude, it’s not exactly like I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I just panicked. I got the owl telling me that people in the Ministry were all Imperius cursed, and – what if my mum’s one of them, Jake? I couldn’t be there anymore, I just… I had to get out before it drove me crazy. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do when there’s a war going on out here, but I just needed to clear my head.”

“I care about you. Do you hear me? I love you.”

“Dude, you have got to stop talking to your Pokemon like that. I get back to camp and hear you declaring your love to someone and I think you’ve snuck some girl into your tent while I was getting firewood. I’m sure your stupid Lillipup gets that you love it, you don’t need to shout it for the whole forest to hear.”

“Shutting you out is killing me.“ 

“Then stop shutting me out! Look, you’re right. I shouldn’t try to tell you what to do, but do you at least get where I’m coming from? I’m worried about both of you! Jake’s brother died as part of the Uprising, why would he want to be a part of that? Why would you want to be a part of it? I don’t understand, I thought we were on the same page! And I’m not going to sit back and let you think I agree with you, I’m not. But I’m not going to abandon you just because you’re trying to protect your best friend. I’m just… disappointed, I guess. But you’re still my friend, Ryder. And I’m sorry I ever made you think otherwise.”

“What we had was real.“ 

“How am I supposed to believe that when you’ve been dating Jake in secret for all this time? How do I know that you weren’t always like this and that you weren’t just using me to hide it from the world? I really cared about you, but it always felt like you were holding something back, and it’s hard to feel like this wasn’t the reason why. Look, this is a lot to take in, Ryder. And I feel like I’m the last one you all told. Just – give me some time to process, okay?”

"I just need you to tell me that I’m not, like, a horrible person." 

“I can’t tell you that, dude. What you did was really crappy. And I care about Marley too, I’m not just gonna pretend that I’m not pissed for her. But – we’re bros, and I’m supposed to have your back, even when you screw up. I’m here to help you do better next time and not break my other best friend’s heart. So… Just don’t do it again or I’m gonna have to punch you.”

"I’m worried about you and I just really miss you.”

“Dude, did you watch Gangs of New York again? Because it’s not actually like that here anymore, I’m not gonna get killed for walking down an alley way or get the shit kicked out of me for being a dancer or whatever it is you’re so worried about. Will it get you to shut up if I let you FaceTime me? You can see that I’m in one piece and not secretly lying on my death bed or whatever shit you’re imagining.”

“Because I missed you." 

“Oh my God, don’t make me  regret being your boyfriend already. We’ve only been dating for like 12 hours, you can’t miss me that soon. Go play a videogame or something to distract you until I’m done with work tonight. Or if you’re that pitiful, you can come to my show, just don’t stare too much. I don’t think Santana’s gonna be real thrilled about her two hottest employees being off the market with each other.”

"So you came here to tell me you can’t be here?" 

“No, I came here because my brother lives here. You wanna act like I’m not here, that’s cool. You wanna come take this stupid bus tour with me and pretend like shit’s normal for a few hours, that’s cool too. But I can’t do the whole ‘acting like your boyfriend’ thing when I’m just going back to New York in a week, so don’t expect anything if you tag along.”

"I thought we felt the same way about each other.”

“Yeah, okay, I like you. So what? I also like when I just get my comforter out of the washing machine, or when my mom volunteers to do the dishes instead of making me do them, or when hot girls slip me their phone numbers. It doesn’t make you special, Ryder. Stop reading so much into it.”

“Dude, this is a big deal. Marley spent all this time making me these pamphlets about polar bears so we could spread the news that zoos are making them live by themselves and it’s all messed up, but uh… I kinda messed them up? I did this illusion to make myself look like Brad Pitt, and these girls ambushed me, and… well, the pamphlets got trampled, but Marley worked real hard on ‘em and I don’t know how to tell her they’re gone. Plus who knew girls even still thought Brad Pitt was hot? He’s old, man.”

“Dude, don’t think of it like that! Leaving doesn’t have to be the end. I mean, look at me and Tina. I’m graduating, and we’re not moping around like it’s the end of the world. I’m still gonna come see her all the time, and college is just more fun high school. So cheer up, dude -- we’ve got a graduation party to go to and I’m pretty sure a certain somebody’s gonna be disappointed if you don’t show up.”