real estate listing: charming colonial farmhouse!

for 1.64 million usd you can get this 5 bed 4 bath house in kentucky usa. it looks fairly normal, right. and it's got a ramp, which is awesome, there's not enough accessible homes on the market

now i am not rich, never have been, probably never will be. so when i saw this entryway:

i went, hm. i don't love it but i have to assume this is normal for rich people. i do like the doors and the floor, i like darker wood, but i'm not really vibing with the decorations. why is your naked man blocking the mirror?

we go into the next room. immediately i'm getting the feeling that whoever decorated this place might like white and blue.

now i'm getting the vibe that they might like ceramic. there seems to be somewhat of a theme here

It Continues. we are lost in the ceramic sauce now. i feel like i'm inside a teacup. an extremely large teacup

don't worry, you can cook and eat in your ceramic kitchen and dining room, too

this incredibly on-theme bedroom.

this bathroom is huge. my best guess is it's meant for wheelchair accessibility but there's no shower chair and there's a step up into the shower and no hand rails by the toilet -- but i'm going to believe the wheelchair thing anyway because i just can't imagine another reason for it to be so big

this bedroom is allowed to have green in it. still ceramic themed, though

It Continues. finally, i can sit on my blue-and-white ceramic-themed couch and stare at a shelf of fine china. i've always wanted to do that. in the second picture on the floor on the left by the shelf there's a picture of Some Guy. i don't know who but i would love to know. this, too, is a bedroom, by the way, there's a bed behind the couch

whatever this room is it needs a different pool table it really clashes with the theme here. there's a couch looking directly at a white brick wall in there for all your staring-at-a-wall needs.

i would love to know more about this.

another bedroom. Love the beach theme in a home nearly 500 miles from the ocean. usually beach-themed rooms are reserved for places near the coast

and finally, some of the perfectly normal outdoors-- haha just kidding

there's two of these little octagon-shaped rooms, i don't know the word for them. this is the first

and this is the second. with three huge ceramic containers, in case you were worried this would stray from the theme

this is the one that makes me wish Zillow had a comments section because brothers, sisters, and cousins what the fuck is this

it starts off with your generic modern front facade that looks like a recently remodeled taco bell, mcdonalds, or chipotle

the clashing mix of materials is pretty par for the course for these new ambitious builds

but then you get around to the back and sides of the house and

bruh

what

lmao

you didn't even fucking tryyyyy