#zambales

Zambales shoreline.

On this exact day 5 years ago, I was in this same location ensconced by the towering mountains with an overlooking view of a calm, seemingly waveless ocean in the pre-summer blistering heat in San Antonio, Zambales. This time I get to come back with my OG friends slash Zamboanga childhood homies, my friend Karen Blaise who's now based in Clark, Pampanga, and my CPA Lawyer friend Abegail from Dumaguete. After countless discussions of reunions and "travel goals" with some of the important people that we know, and 99% of those plans that never came to fruition, we decided that we would make this outdoor camp happen, and thank God we finally made it happen.

I felt like that 2D1N camping trip was surprisingly one of the longest weekends I had this year. Having to disconnect from our phones for a while because the camping site had no service was the perfect setting for us to reminisce about our adolescent and high school classic moments and teenage angst and how those unforgettable stories from our past (and sometimes politically incorrect moments lol) shaped the people we are today professionally and personally. We had a great time recounting all the crazy stories we had more than a decade ago, planned future travels, played frisbee in the middle of the night, and went hiking after sunrise breathing the cold pre-summer wind overlooking the almost CGI-looking mountains in Zambales. My belief of having this type of "disconnecting" was further reinforced from this trip that, as much as I want so much social interaction with a lot of people, I also like to be alone with the few people I truly trust, and that being alone doesn't have to be lonely and solitude is actually a good thing.

☾

Being on the road while listening to Kacey Musgrave's Deeper Well album (shoutout to Track 6 Sway as my favorite track off the record) revealed so many truths about my current situation and the things I'm dealing with in my personal life, both good and bad, and how I strive to find peace in accepting the pain and the lessons it has taught me, and that I've already arrived in my final destination on some certain aspects of my relationships especially with the people that I love, and that I need to move on. 

My Saturn has returned. 

J

February, 2024 | Nagsasa, San Antonio, Zambales

(Photos were shot using Fujifilm Simpleace 35 mm camera + FUJIFILM X-T100)

Stream Kacey Musgrave’s Deeper Well on Spotify and Apple Music.

SEE YOU ALONG THE WAY And please don’t ever be a stranger

Perhaps it was this season’s colder nights. December breeze, blue hours, and the absence of sunsets? But I have been letting my sadness win most times and I am getting so drained by it. I am well aware of my messy life’s cycle; I am confused too. I get happy, I get sad. I let the darkness creep in, then battle my way back to the light. I know everything, I feel everything, and I don’t know too but that’s how my life was in recent memory.

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2024 is never a mess. Yes, there was a lot of losses and sad days but perhaps I needed them to build my character, to appreciate the beauty that is left of me, whoever stayed, whoever sees my worth. Sometimes I look back at my reflection in the mirror, and put on a smile, thinking that I am still here despite every little smithereens of glass piercing through my fragile heart. Life is a beautiful thing, but it takes a deep kind of courage to keep doing it. So, I’ll say goodbye to this year still carrying that bittersweet smile on my face, for all of those sad goodbyes, hurtful feelings, lovely memories, and exhilarating first-times.

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Before the year ends, I’ve visited some old friends: once more, I was reunited with the sea, the sands, and the sun — perhaps to wash all of the remaining loneliness in me, perhaps to start anew. I fell in love with the peace from my own aloneness, walking through the woods, taking photographs of those exact moments, for I know that everything might change when I return someday. And then I had to move on. Another sad thing are separations, but I just know that I’ll see everything again next time, or in the next lifetime.

San Antonio, Zambales