#yuutalks

"What a lovely turnout."

Idia sat curled up in a section of the bench seating, Ortho sitting beside him in the otherwise empty classroom.

Giggling, Ortho tilted his head as he read over the chalkboard, "Most of our friends have made the connection that if one of your events isn't mandatory, it's in their best interest to not attend. But, your world's space exploration far exceeds our own. So, I wish to hear more about the advancements from your home!"

"I'm just here to make sure you two don't start making blueprints for weapons again..." Idia mumbled, glaring over the tablet he clutched to his face.

"Fuck you. Anyway, welcome to YuuTalks! A fun little thing I've decided to do to explain topics from my world to you poor little rat boys."

Yuu clicks a button on the master remote, sending the room into darkness and illuminating the chalkboard from the overhead projector. Smiling, Yuu gestured to the title, "YuuTalks! How We Named the Planets!"

Ortho's eyes widened, already recording the presentation and leaning forward in rapt attention, "You have multiple planets!?"

"Well...We don't live on multiple planets. But we've been aware of them since ancient civilizations took notice of the stars. Seeing how we can see most of them with the naked eye..." Yuu erased the board, drawing several symbols in chalk.

Idia quirked a brow, able to recognize a few symbols. Two were gender emblems, but another two were logos he had seen in his own family registry.

Yuu made a final symbol in the beginning of the line, a circle with a single dot in the center, "I'm gonna make this a game-"

"Oh no-"

"Shut up, this'll be fun. The planet names that I was taught were actually based on Greco-Roman astrology. Which makes the fact that only you guys showed up so fucking  funny to me."

"Greco-Roman...Ah! Those are your world's equivalents of the Valley of Woe and the Union of Mourning, Prefect Yuu?"

"Yep! The Romans basically ate Greek culture and passed it off as their own once Greece fell. But then they renamed a bunch of stuff to piss me off."

Idia frowned, though more interested than before, "I really doubt that's why they did it-"

"Shut up. It totally was. BUT! Since you guys are the smartest boys on campus about who these planets were named after. I'm going to describe the planet and you will guess who its namesake is."

Ortho clapped his hands, internally opening a search window while Idia himself poised his hands over his tablet.

He smirks, throwing Yuu a subtle challenging stare, "Bring it."

Yuu turns, pointing to the first symbol in the lineup, "First up, a freebie. This is the symbol for the Sun. It is the star at the center of our solar system, the gravitational pull dragging us and our planetary brethren behind it as we all go hurtling in space together. Now-...Yes, Ortho?"

Ortho turned the flashing lights of his arm off, putting it back down to the desk, "Was the Sun not named in the same fashion as the other planets?"

"It was. This is a freebie, Ortho. Trust me the pattern is quick to pick up and then I will fuck you over later. But, 'Sun' is from an old English — Queenian — word 'sunne' which itself is from a Proto-Germanic — Fuck, um...Central Shaftian — word 'Sunnōn'. But the most common name was Sol, after the Roman sun god."

Idia was actually taking notes, brow pinching at the information, "Wait...I'm not gonna try to say her name, but you said it was a goddess of the sun* when you told me about the gods you pay respect to."

Ortho tilts his head, "I thought it was the Star Lord, Lord of the Solar Palace?"

"The wha-"

"Ok. Quick crash course. My planet has many religions. Which, if I'm remembering what Lilia and Trein have told me, doesn't really happen here. You guys have more like...'Icons of Concepts' compared to whole ways of life based around group beliefs. But MOVING ON-"

"So wait. You said the Roman god. But these names are based on Greco-Roman? Where's the Greek? Are they taking turns?"

Ortho raised his hand again, lights flaring up to be noticed more easily in the dark, "What was the Greek name for Sol, Prefect Yuu?"

"Thank you for raising your hand, Ortho. The Greek equivalent to Sol was Helios, persona of the sun-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Idia’s eyes widened, an almost giddy vibe taking over as he tapped his tablet, "Helios was an Elden mage who pioneered fire magics."

Ortho nodded his head, "He created a large number of fire spell basics that we still use today! He died via immolation, so the fact your world saw him as a persona of the sun itself is fascinating!"

"Yeah, that's a word for it. Ok, let's start round one. The first planet in the solar lineup is currently the smallest planet. It's also the closest to the Sun, meaning it makes a full trip in only 88 days compared to my world's 365-ish days."

"Aaaa. So quick..." Ortho and Idia both took notes before whispering as to who they believed the planet to be named after. Idia had proposed the symbols would be helpful, seeing how Helios in his magical studies was the first to spell weave using archaic magic circles.

"Our worlds' ancient histories are weirdly closely linked. I think symbols were some of the things that were crossed over, like the stories about the Great Seven and such..."

"True...Then..." Ortho raised his hand again, thankfully without the blinking lights and called out when Yuu nodded, "Was this planet named for Hermes?"

"Correct! Romanized to Mercury, the planet is named after the God of travelers and communication."

Ortho giggled, "Because it's so fast!"

"Next planet." Yuu tapped the female symbol, "Second from the sun, yet the hottest planet in our system. It's covered in clouds of sulfuric acid and is literally the landscape of actual hell on the surface. But from the view of our world, it was the most beautiful star in the sky..."

"Hmmm...Maybe Eris? History did paint her as a rather malicious trickster, but she was known to be quite beautiful..." Ortho tapped at the desk, mentally reviewing the overwhelmingly large records of Woe and Mourning historical figures.

"It does sound like a pretty horrific status of a planet...pretty from afar, but a toxic environment up close- It's Aphrodite."

The laugh Yuu let out was short and barely contained. She smiles, looking at Idia with a head tilt, "What made you come to that conclusion?"

"Ah…A few hundred years ago, we found  what we think were Aprodite's journals. She wasn't much of a mage, but she did dabble heavily in potion crafting. The research she had put into her potions was interesting enough to be published as a scientific memoir. While most of it was her recounting on the properties of plants and other magic objects, she was also ripping on her family viciously..."

"She recounted several ways she's cheated on her husband..."

Yuu laughed harder, "Messy bitch, I love her. Yes. Aphrodite, Romanized to Venus, is the name of the planet. Venus is also called my planet's twin, since they're roughly the same size. Now skipping to the fourth planet-"

Humming under his breath, Ortho's brows creased but he skipped over the third info section in his notes, "We're skipping your planet, Prefect Yuu?"

"If you guys do well on the others, you can guess my planet's name." Yuu taps at the male symbol on the board, "Known as the little red planet, it's the planet we've studied the most. We've sent multiple explorer robots up there and have learned the planet is red because its soil is rich in iron. In fact, it's so red that it's a key naming feature in every culture that discovered the planet."

Idia hummed under his breath, scrolling through the list of historical figures linked to his homeland, "Little and red, huh..."

Ortho perked up and yelled, "Ares!"

"Ding ding ding!" Yuu tapped the symbol, "Ares, the god of war,  is the namesake of the little red planet. Romanized to Mars!"

"How'd you guess that Ortho?"

"Do you not remember the legend? Ares and Aphrodite had an affair for many years. During one such meeting, Aphrodite's husband came home. And since he knew what Ares looked like, she poured what was possibly the first draft of a color-changing potion over his head. Unfortunately, it was permanent as Ares remained red for the rest of his days..."

"We just named it because to the Greeks it looked blood-soaked. Your legend is cuter. Now," Yuu taps the next symbol, a stylized '4', "This is the fifth planet. Big as fuck, like insanely big, too big. Like, 13,000 of my planet can fit in this fucker."

"That is big…"

"That's cracked stats big..."

"We also sent a satellite up there named after his wife since a bunch of the moons are named after his lovers."

Ortho and Idia looked at each other, eyes glancing back to Yuu as Ortho asked, "Is that...a cute thing?"

"More along the lines of hilarious."

Idia sighed, "It's Zeus."

"Damn, say it with a bit more hope in your soul at least."

"I don't wanna talk about that asshole..."

Yuu held up her hands, nodding her head, "Fair. But, yes, the fifth planet is named after Zeus, romanized to Jupiter, the big daddy king of the gods."

"Don't...call him that..."

Ortho giggled, "You named a satellite after Hera and sent it to revolve around him?"

"The Romans called her Juno, but yeah, it's funny. Now...This one might be tough because they are not...the same person this time? But are? It's weird."

Yuu taps the next symbol, a stylized 'h', "The second largest planet in our solar system, after the big daddy king-"

"Don't call him that!?"

"Fine. The second largest after Jupiter, it's known for its dazzling outer rings made up of rock and ice. It also has the most moons of any planet."

"Oh? Quick query, Prefect Yuu. What are the moons of the other planets?"

"Well, Mercury and Venus don't have moons. My planet has one moon. Mars has two, Deimos and Phobos named after Ares’ sons. Jupiter has...95 that we know about? Or at the very least ones that are recognized as moons. And...the planet we're talking about now has...274-"

Idia’s eyes widened, even Ortho pulled back in surprise, "What, like, all at once!?"

"We think Jupiter has 600 we just haven't categorized all of them...Jupiter is so fucking big, it's annoying to think about..."

"What...what did you even name them all? At some point, you have to start using numbers instead..." Ortho tilted his head, brows creased in thought.

"Well, the biggest moon is named Titan..."

Idia groaned, "Just tell us, there's...there's too many titans to guess from if the themeing is following what I think it is. And you're saying there's 274 moons? We'll be here all afternoon."

"Well...Saturn is the Roman equivalent of Cronus-"

Both Ortho and Idia jumped back in their seats even more, Idia nearly scrambling backwards to the desks behind him, "Cronus!?"

"Damn...What did he do here? In my world he like...castrated his father and ate five of his children."

"By the Design...I don't...Cronus is theorized to be the first incident of an overblot? It's the only conclusion we can make from what few written accounts of the event we've found. He seemingly went mad one day and attempted to murder his wife and children."

Idia tapped at his tablet, "Was he known as a god in your world? I think after...the incident, his children tried to erase him from history with varying results."

"Uh...varying answer. He was worshipped, but nowhere near as much as his children were. There was kind of a soft spoken respect to him? But he wasn't really worshipped until he was romanized into a god of agriculture."

Ortho squints his eyes, "Agriculture?"

"You know...because of the sickle?"

"...You mean his murder weapon!?"

"Moving on." Yuu turned back to the board, tapping the next symbol, a hybrid of the Sun and Mars symbols mashed together. "We actually only discovered this planet and the rest in the past few hundred years! It and other planets were only theorized to exist, but the technology just couldn't find them yet."

Idia raised his hand, "I wanna keep talking about the fact your world had the legend of a man maiming his father and cannibalizing his children, and they were just cool with him???"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh. This planet has its own iconic set of rings and is actually tilted by 90°. Plus, it's the only planet named after a Greek god instead of Roman. It has fourteen moons, all named after book characters, giving them the title of the 'Literary Moons'."

Ortho hummed, doing brief math in his head before speaking, "So...it rotates normally, but its north and south poles are pointed facing the sun directly?"

Idia let out a terrified peep, "That's way too much sunlight! Wait...how long does daylight last then? If a whole hemisphere is looking right in the crosshairs of the sun?"

"Like 40 years."

"I'd kill myself."

Laughing, Yuu spoke, "It's kind of our fault? The theory is that an object the size of my planet hit it and caused it to tilt."

Idia mumbled under his breath, "Ruining stuff for everyone else is kind of the thing of your world, huh?"

"May we have another hint, Prefect Yuu?"

"Hmmmm...This planet is named after the Greek personification of the sky."

Ortho tilts his head, thinking over his options, "Is it...Ouranos?"

"I'll give you the win." Yuu wrote on the blackboard, giggling, "Uranus is what the planet was called in the end. Here's how we spelled it."

...

"...Prefect Yuu-"

"I know."

Idia held his hand over his mouth, "That's...so disrespectful...Why did you spell it like that...?"

"Because scientists forget at times that children are monsters. Next planet, because I wanna finish and get lunch."

Glancing at the clock, Ortho mused, "It has been a bit since we started."

Yuu tapped the next symbol, very clearly a trident, “This planet-”

Idia and Ortho both spoke, “Poseidon.”

“Let me…fucking speak?”

Idia gestured toward the board, glaring at Yuu in annoyance, “Its symbol is a trident. You’d have to be a noob of the highest degree to not know the symbol of the first Mer-King.”

“Fuck you, I’m still talking. Since it’s so far away, it’s basically a giant ball of ice with dense clouds over its surface. Said clouds were believed to give it an appearance of water though that has been disproven. It has sixteen known moons, all named after lesser sea gods such as Nereid and Triton.”

Idia called out, voice dripping heavily in a sarcastic tone, “Wow, more water-centered historical figures. How could I have not thought it was Poseidon?”

“Shut up, it's called Neptune and your knees are forfeit when we leave this room.” Slapping the board, Yuu nods her head toward the last symbol, “Guess it, you cunt.”

Idia opened his mouth but gave pause, humming as he studied the symbol closer.

Ortho tilted his head, “Is that a ‘G’?

“Ortho, does this look like a G?”

“Yes! It looks like a confused lowercase G!” At Yuu's continued silence, Idia gestured to the board, “Is it!?”

“No! You fucking dumbass- It was the smallest planet of our solar system until it got so unpopular with the scientific community that they declassified it as a planet. Can you guess who this one is named after? Huh? Can you guess, Idia?”

“...That's fucked up and mean.” Idia tapped at his tablet, shrinking back when Yuu leaned over the desk to continue taunting him.

“No, go on say it. Who is the little bitch planet named after that went on to have little bitch descendants?”

Ortho spoke up, the sadness clear in his tone as he looked at the board, “Was it really so disliked…?”

Yuu turns to Ortho, tone softer and all of her hostility gone, “No, it was declassified because after like…80 years of continued study and advancements in telescopes, scientists found that Pluto, romanized from Hades, didn't really…planet right?”

Idia spoke, “How does it not ‘planet’ well?”

“Well, for one, it's small. Like smaller than my planet's moon, small. Pluto's moon is actually only like half its size. And it doesn't orbit properly. It's like riding on Neptune's orbit sometimes. Plus its apparently on a fucking orbital angle different from the other planets, so that's making it weird too.”

Ortho leaned his head against Yuu’s shoulder, playing up his sadness and tapping his fingers together, “Did people really not like it…?”

Yuu sighed, patting Ortho on the head before backing away from the desk, “Nah. From what I remember people were pretty pissed that Pluto lost its status. They just kind of claim its a planet and are debating about it still.”

“Aw…That's nice. So Pluto is very loved in your world?” Ortho's eyes were shining, a clear contrast to Idia’s guarded and half hidden glare.

Rolling her eyes, Yuu smiles, “Yeah. We love that funky little planet. Oh! I have to show you guys a song about Pluto, I think you'd both like it.”

“We'll see about that…” Idia mumbled, glancing at the clock before sighing, “Hey. Did you still…want to do lunch…?”

“Yeah. I really don't even wanna try to find my main trio of braincells right now. So you two get to have me as a lunch date.”

“Oh goody…”

“Shut up, you fucking offered.”

“Wait! Prefect Yuu, you haven't told us your planet's name yet. I want to know.”

“I mean…I've said it before. You know the stuff I'd say when you guys first met me? ‘What on Earth?’ ‘Earth to dipshit.’ ‘Salt of the Earth.’ Stuff like that.”

“...It's Earth?”

“Yep.”

“But…but that's so boring, Prefect Yuu! That just means dirt!”

Yuu couldn't help but chuckle, “And our moon is named Moon.”

Idia huffed, already standing from his seat as Ortho remained fuming in his, “Talk about dropping the ball in the writers room. It's like playing an MMO with an immersive cast of high fantasy names only to find an NPC named Kyle.”

“Yeah…we didn't really see ourselves as a body in the universe…but the other names for Earth and our moon are actually Terra and Luna.”

“Doesn't Luna-”

“Yes, Luna just means Moon. Romanized from the Moon persona, Selene. And Terra is Romanized from the Greek Earth persona, Gaia.”

Both Idia and Ortho freeze, both looking at Yuu with wide eyes.

“...What?”

Idia coughed briefly into his fist, his mouth suddenly dry as his brain raced with theories and ways to soft launch questions to his parents, “Gaea is the name of our Planet…”

“...Huh.” Yuu clicked the remote, holding the door open as the room fell into complete darkness, “It's always kinda weird how close our worlds seem…”

Idia nodded, following behind Yuu and Ortho to the cafeteria, “You're telling me…”

“Hello and welcome!”

Sitting with his arms folded, Jamil spoke, “Why are we here?”

Yuu huffed, turning away from pulling the classroom’s projector screen down to glare at the Sophomore, “You don’t need to be here.”

“Good, I have other things to do today.”

“Sit the fuck back down.”

“My pearl?” Azul leaned forward, smiling as he blocked Jamil and Yuu's view of each other, “May I ask what this is? Some of us did have other plans today…”

Ruggie spoke up from beside Jamil, “Yeah, I’ve got a deal scheduled for later today. I’m reselling some old headphones.”

Floyd leaned over from the second row, flicking Ruggie’s ear to gain his attention, “They any good?”

“Naw, they’re trash.”

“Is this a ‘YuuTalk’? Ortho was telling me about this just recently.” Jade hid his smile behind a hand, brows creasing as he tilted his head, “And this is the group you picked? The topic must be quite interesting.”

“Ah…Idia did remark something about this at our club meeting…” Azul pushed his glasses up, leveling Yuu with now piqued attention, “He said it was strangely educational.”

“That is what a ‘YuuTalk’ is, boys. Me, teaching you glorious, sexy vermin facts and stories from my world. Free of charge.”

Ruggie sniffed, fully relaxing in his seat, “Well, if it's free.”

Floyd snickers, tilting his head, “What are we learning today, Shrimpy~?”

Yuu pressed a few buttons on a remote, gesturing to the lit-up title screen, “YuuTalks! Waffle House and The Hurricane Index.”

Azul blinked, mild concern in his voice, “I’m sorry, Hurricane Index?”

Ruggie raised his hand, “Does Waffle House also serve pancakes?”

Yuu turned from the screen, pointing at a smug looking Ruggie, “I will smack the shit out of you.”

“It's a valid question!”

“No, Ruggie. Waffle House does not serve pancakes.”

“Ok. Thank you. No need to threaten me.”

“We'll see about that. ANYWAY! I will let you guys pick first. Do you wanna learn about the Hurricane Index or general Waffle House trivia?”

“I suppose the index. If only to figure out how it's linked to a restaurant called Waffle House.”

“Azul, you should really be putting some more respect on Waffle House’s name. It's what you want the Lounge to be.”

“In what conceivable way-”

“Waffle House is on par with warehouse outlet stores in its disaster prevention and relief measures. They're able to serve food to communities affected by natural disasters and the actual government takes notice of how many locations are active to help determine how bad a hurricane was.”

…

Jade could barely hold in his laughter, seeing Azul’s fists clenching as the information sunk in, “The government keeps tabs on a restaurant called…The Waffle House…to measure and make choices on how much relief they will send to a location after a natural disaster?”

“They have an actual system and stuff. The Hurricane Index is just an extra boost to show how well a community is functioning after the disaster. It can also be used before a hurricane hits.” 

Yuu clicks to show a new slide, an image of an upside-down traffic light with accompanying text to the side, “It's very simple. Green; light work, every Waffle House is still open. You have a shift on Monday. Yellow; bit tricky. Some locations have closed but most are still open. Proceed with caution and evacuate if you feel it is in your best interest. Red; all surrounding Waffle House locations have closed, you need to get the fuck out.”

Jamil was already leaned against the desk, rubbing his temples, “Why…are they staying if there's a hurricane coming? That's just common sense to go to higher ground. Why is it even a choice to stay?”

“Well, Jamil, my love, evacuating is a privilege to some-”

Ruggie spoke up, all amusement faded from his voice, “The fuck do you mean basic safety is a privilege?”

Jade raises his hand, “You said your country was considered “developed”, correct?”

 “Eeeeeeeeeeeeh, you're making my trauma act up. Just…some shelters are not equipped with the proper facilities for the current diversity that lives in our country. People also just like…don't really understand how high the water can rise. Again, they get weak hurricanes, sometimes it's not as bad as they thought it would be. People get cocky. People don't wanna leave their pets. People can't afford to leave. It's complicated.”

“How!?”

“Nope. Done talking about it. Moving on, Waffle House itself.”

Jamil had opened his mouth to continue pressing Yuu for answers, snapping it closed when Azul placed a hand over his. The two sharing a look to clearly communicate ‘It's not worth it. Later.’

Azul, seeing Jamil relax back into his seat, smiled toward Yuu, “What about…The Waffle House, my pearl?”

“I think a select few of you would have thrived in the working environment.” Yuu clicked to a new slide, cartoon drawings of Jamil, Ruggie, and Floyd on screen, “Of our group today, I have very strong opinions that you three would have been the perfect example of Waffle House employees.”

“I want to be offended…but I'll save it for after the presentation and give you a chance to explain yourself…” Jamil sighs.

“Now…I, myself, have never entered a Waffle House. But I've heard the tales, and I think you three could survive.”

Ruggie had leaned back in his chair, feet propped up on the desk, “I don't know, prefect. Seems like your world sees living as a privilege. I don't think I'd make enough.”

“Oh, definitely not. But I'm not talking about the hurricanes-”

“I wasn't either.”

“-I mean the fights.”

Jade and Floyd perk up, each of them smiling wide, “The fights?”

Jamil pulled his face from the desk, he and Azul looking toward Yuu with wide-eyed confusion, “What fights?”

“The patrons of Waffle House will fight you-”

“Why do you think I'd want to work there, then!?”

“Jamil! …You can fight them back.”

…

Floyd leaned forward, eyes wide as he chuckled lightly, “Shrimpy…are you saying this place let's you fight the customers…and you don't get fired?”

“Floyd, I'll be completely honest. Besides one instance, I think you have to be able to rock someone's shit in order to work there. For, like, safety reasons.”

Ruggie raises his hand, ears flicking around in excitement, “Do I get paid more if I can prove I've actually killed someone?”

Jade raised his own hand, “What was the instance that was deemed…too violent, I'm hoping?”

Yuu clicked to a new slide, a pause video on the screen, “Not so much violent as…raw pussy power.”

Ruggie gestured to the screen, trying to keep the smile off of his face, “What the fuck does that mean?”

The video plays, chaos clear as people yell and shout in the small space on screen. The boys watch as a white dining chair flew over a counter, hitting a man in the back. As the second chair goes flying, each of them yelling out, seeing the camera pan over to a smaller woman. Each was certain that a number of things would happen; the man who was behind the counter would do something in retaliation for his coworker being injured. Maybe a later reveal of the smaller woman being the true aggressor. Floyd was most certain they were all going to watch a woman's nose get cracked off by a dining chair.

“Ay, yo, the fuck!?” Ruggie could barely hide the nervous cackle in his voice, watching the other woman grab the chair mid-air and throw it to the ground beside her. He and Floyd started out right laughing as the camera pans back, the first woman holding another chair but the second openly egging her to throw it as well before the video ended.

“She fuckin’ palmed it!” Floyd cackled wildly, banging his hands on the desk, “Shrimpy, you were on to somethin’. I think I would like working there. Hey~, Azul~. We should do something like this for the lounge-”

“Absolutely not.”

Jade and Floyd both frown, tilting their heads in different directions at the same degree, “Boo…”

Jamil had calmed considerably, eyeing the screen before shifting his gaze to Yuu, “Other than physical fights, what else happens there? Are weapons or poison allowed for retaliation?”

“You saw one fight and you're ready to sign up, huh?” Ruggie snickered but shook his head in defeat, “I'm not gonna lie, if I had a good meat shield, I think I'd sign up too…”

“And, because I think this would be funny, we're also going to watch the Waffle House training video and learn the Magic Marker System.”

Azul raised his hand, expression pinched, “What is that?”

“Ok, so…Waffle House is a very 'Southern Thing'. And…no hate to the South, they're kind of racist and uneducated. As such…the Magic Marker System in my opinion…is for the servers who can't read.”

…

Jamil sighed, moving to stand up only to be pulled back into his seat by Azul. He partly feared he'd actually stab himself through his temples before speaking, “What…what do you mean, people can't read?”

“I don't know what to tell you, Jamil. Georgia is a weird place for a lot of shit, Texas is just…a hellscape, and they smoke bath salts in Florida. The South is not a place I try to really make sense of.”

Floyd raises his hand, frowning as he spoke, “Why'd you say ‘they'? There's only one person doing stuff in Florida.”

“Floyd, for the last time, 'Florida Man' is not a single person.”

“They should really make better headlines, then.”

“I'm starting the video.” The video plays, Yuu shushing Jade harshly when he questions why they were starting five minutes in.

The group sat in silence, listening to what Azul could only call ‘The World’s Most Average Man’ speak on how a single jelly packet was to indicate an entire order and how it was prepared. His brows creasing tighter and tighter as more condiments were used to show alternatives for bread and sides, his expression fully annoyed once the man had brought up what to do if the customer ordered ‘Texas Toast’ and biscuits.

Ruggie yells, forcing Yuu to pause the video, “Why the hell are we using condiments!? Just put the fuckin’ slice of bread they want on the plate! What if they want jelly on their raisin bread?”

Yuu barely held in her own laughter, “Now, Ruggie, why would they do that?”

“Why is this even a thing!?”

Azul cleared his throat, “Well, such a system must have positives we can’t…infer. I’m sure other businesses have similar-”

“Nah. I think just Waffle House does something like this. It’s the only diner I’ve heard of at least that makes you learn a new language just to be a fry cook. I mean…You learn that anyway, but that’s on the job type shit. This is corporate handing you a ‘How to Speak’ book…”

Floyd had been quietly nodding his head along with the explanation, “Yeah, I really like this…Azul, we need to do this for the Lounge.”

“I would rather die.”

Jade spoke up, “That's not the threat you think it is. But I agree. Floyd, we can all read in this world, save for the blind or criminally young. And they have braille and the children can learn. I don't think Azul will forgive us for sliding backwards.”

“Jade, for the love of God, the South isn't here to defend itself.”

Floyd pouted, pointing at the screen, “No way. I'm not jokin’ about this. This makes a lot more sense than the chicken scratch I had to look at before we got that stupid ticket machine. And I hate that thing, too. It's loud and annoying and I'm the only one who can put the paper in right.”

Jade shrugged toward Azul, a smile on his face, “Well, I tried.”

While Azul glared over his shoulder at Jade's silly little smile, Jamil was holding his head in his hands. 

Elbows braced against the table, the Scarabia student mumbled under his breath, “Is the right to punch people in the face worth having to decipher how eggs are prepared from a jelly packet…?”

Yuu gestures to the screen, smiling as she poised the remote, “Shall we continue? There is so much more to learn.”

None of them answered, each in a various state of delight and distress while Yuu continued the video without their input. The video continues, teaching them that the packet's location was important. The plate divided into five sections with each placement meaning a specific way the customers' eggs were to be prepared. Ruggie groans the loudest, yelling out before Yuu had a chance to pause the video.

“Why the fuck is double toast and double eggs two jelly packets!? What if they want both double toast and eggs!? How am I supposed to do that!?”

Before Yuu could say anything, pausing the video briefly, Floyd leaned over his desk to slap Ruggie on the back of his head, “Duh! You put two packets on top of each other side by side, Shark-Sucker. It's not hard. Now be quiet, I'm listening.”

The video continues, Yuu taking her time to kneel behind the desk to laugh to herself. But almost too quickly, she had to reach up and pause the video again and everyone beside the tweels shout out in frustration.

Jamil was standing in his seat, hands shaking as he gestured to the screen before them, “THERE'S FUCKING THREE SLICES OF CHEESE ON THE PLATE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN TO REMIND YOU IT COMES WITH CHEESE!?”

Floyd's groan manages to over take the others, forcing them to quiet down as the annoyed eel growls out, “You guys are so slow! How are you not seeing how much easier this is?”

Jade spoke up, putting a hand on Floyd's head, “Landdwellers simply can't match your mind, I fear…”

Ruggie glares over his shoulder, “Oh, like you understand this any better than us…”

“I don't have to, I’m a host.”

“I’m pressing play, everyone shut up.” Yuu was barely holding onto her laughter, eyes brimming with tears.

Seemingly, everyone besides Floyd had resigned to their position, watching the video and only muttering to themselves as a new condiment packet joined the lexicon. Azul let out a deep sigh, placing his face in his hands at the idea of what ‘well-cooked’ scrambled eggs would even be. Ruggie grumbled under his breath at the inclusion of a butterknife, stating they'd know not to put toast if they just put the damn bread on the plate with the jelly packet.

Ruggie doesn't yell, but speaks loud enough for Yuu to hear him, “Ay, what about omelets-”

The man spoke, “You may be wondering why I asked you to keep the jelly packets vertical when marking the egg breakfast.”

“Oh, for the love of the Seven.”

The video then goes on to show what each omelet indicator was, splitting the plate into four sections. Luckily, it all seemed much simpler compared to the egg breakfast. An idea that was quickly proven false as the plain omelet section of the plate was used to indicate multiple different omelets with various condiment packets.

Ruggie groaned loudly, “Just put the fucking jelly pack somewhere else. Why do we need so many fucking condiments!?”

The video section ends, a new title screen showing ‘Waffles’ as everyone quickly yelled for Yuu to turn the video off.

Yuu laughs, but does as asked, pausing the video and leaning against the desk, “So…you guys think you could handle-”

Jamil interrupts, “I can see why fist fights are common. Just watching the video gave me a headache.”

Ruggie speaks up, leaned back in his chair as he covers his face with his arms, “So many fucking condiments…”

Floyd smiles, “Well, I liked it and think we should do the same thing in the lounge.”

Azul whips around in his chair, standing to whisper harshly to an unfazed Floyd, “I don't care if I'll lose, I will fight you to the death on this. We are not doing anything like this for the lounge.”

Jade leans closer, smiling with his eyes closed to a furious Azul, “We may want to workshop something. A few of our new waiters do have some issues on what is proper shorthand in their handwritten orders. And as stated, the ticket machine is rather annoying.”

While the three octavinelle members went in their back and forth, Jamil stared into the open air, “...I could just be a waiter. I don't have to make the food.”

Ruggie leaned forward, snapping his fingers as though Jamil had a grand epiphany, “True.”

Looking over to Yuu, Jamil asked, “Why did you want us to watch this again? The whole ‘Yuu!Talks’ bit aside…”

“Well, you know how I'm scheduled to do the culinary crucible next month?”

…

Everyone in the room turned their heads toward her, the magicless mage smiling wider as they all seemed to understood where her thought process was going.

Azul spoke, shaking his head, “No.”

“You guys wanna bully the other students attending into making the theme ‘Waffle House'?”

Floyd stood from his seat, eyes sparkling just as hard as Jade's were, “YES!”

Azul turned to him, horrified, “NO!”

Jamil spoke up, “Hayati, most of us already have our Crucible credit.”

“Ok, and?”

“...”

Ruggie hummed, elbowing Jamil in the side, “She's got a point.”