#youngkyun

You let out a shaky sigh and look out your window, “Did you ever love me? Why did you ask me out a year ago if you never intended on paying attention to me in the first place?” You wait for a second, wondering if that would get him to utter even a word in reply— even just a hum that he had heard you. 

But, no. He’s always the same. Stuck up in his own world, self-obsessed and unfeeling. You wonder how his friends even put up with him? It’s as if he had no thoughts or feelings. Even when you tried to discuss something that directly affected him, he didn’t even care enough to listen. 

“I don’t even know why I agreed to date you. You’re such an asshole.” You tell him through gritted teeth, a bit louder this time. “I hope whatever poor girl you ‘fall for’ next drops your ass before you have the chance to brutally misuse her like you did with me.”

Again, he stays silent, spiking your nerves just a bit above the limit. Your eyes sting with tears but you blink them back. You won’t cry because of him. He doesn’t even deserve that much. You hear him take a breath, and you turn to look at him, wondering if he’ll finally say something back to you.

“If you had so many problems with me, then why did you decide to date me?”

You hate that response. You hate how calm he is when you’re about to reach your breaking point. You hate that he doesn’t have the decency to at least apologise to you before he spews more of his nonsense. It’s like a stab straight through your chest. If he had ever loved you, even for a second, he would at least apologise for upsetting you before interrogating you.

“Oh, so it’s my fault, is it?” You let out a laugh, and it’s filled with disbelief at his actions. “It’s my fault? I was holding our relationship together for months while you went out drinking and paid no attention to me! I always held out hope that one day you would treat me the same as when we first met. But since January I’ve never seen even a speck of feeling in your eyes. Is it amusing to see me try so hard!? Do you find joy in my struggles to get this relationship to work— only to inevitably fail cause it will never work out with just one of us trying?” You spew, letting all your built up frustration flow out, hitting him like bullets. You were sure he had already built a repelling force field around himself to block you out; one that would only make the bullets bounce back to hit you.

“You wasted your time trying to get it to work.” He whispers.

“I wanna get off.” You breathe out, feeling like the doors of the car were slowly closing in on you. It was suffocating being in the same cramped space with Youngkyun, where everything just brought up old memories.

The necklace that you had gifted to him was still hanging from the rearview mirror. He had never worn it. You realize in an instant that him hanging it there wasn’t a compliment to you. He never wanted it in the first place.

“We’re on the fucking highway, Y/n.” He points out, as if you weren’t capable of noticing that before.

“Just pull over and let me out here. I’ll get a fucking taxi.” You spit back angrily.

“Shit, you’re so impatient. You can wait 5 minutes for me to reach this exit.” He says angrily, somehow pushing your anger up even more. You let the first tears slip down your cheeks. You hate being around him in this way. You feel like he’s slowly ripping you to shreds— limb by limb, leaving you broken beyond repair.

You do your best to stay silent and not let your muffled crying reach Youngkyun’s ears. It would be too humiliating for you to bear. The 5 minutes it takes to reach the exit feels like 5 hours. Youngkyun pulls over to the side of the road, stepping on the break harshly. You jerk forward slightly, and wonder if he’s doing it on purpose. You open your car door in a rush, trying to get out as soon as possible, but you feel him grip your wrist. You turn back around and stare at him, eyes burning to take in his features one last time.

“I’m not the only one who changed.” He says slowly before letting go of your hand. The blaring honks of cars behind you is almost deafening, some of them trying to find a way to get past Youngkyun’s black car blocking the road without causing an accident. You get out of the car and slam the door shut without another word to him.

It takes a second to register your reality. You stand still on the sidewalk for a few minutes, breathing in the crisp cold night air and letting the tears fall freely. You don’t know how far away from home you are, but you know that you’re not in any hurry to get back. You just soak in the moment. You were done with him— finally, you were free from him. You wanted to laugh, but it just came out as harsher sobs. 

If he hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

If you hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

You stare up at the sky, sniffing your last tears away. It’s dark and a mesmerising blue; it’s beautiful. You wonder if Youngkyun was also looking at the night, contemplating how cruel it had been to both of you. Though, with a scoff you realize that he wouldn’t care. This would all pass by for him like it was nothing, because it had already been too long to recall the last time he had cared for you.

Youngkyun looked as stunning as always, but what you would never get tired of looking at was his long hair and bare face. There was no arguing that the mullet style suited him the most, and it drove you absolutely crazy to think about. Along with his rings, oversized t-shirt and 4 or so loose-chained bracelets on his left hand, he looked like a proper rockstar boyfriend. You slid the iced americano over to him, flashing him a smile which he mirrored.

“Thank you, baby.” He muttered, focusing back on the lyrics he was jotting down, taking a short break to sip the coffee. You sat next to him, watching him work for a few minutes before taking out your phone. You heard a frustrated groan after a while and looked up.

“Need a break from this— ‘fucking frustrating.” He mumbled, tossing the notebook onto the table. He looked over to you, grabbing your wrist to pull you over until you were sitting on his lap. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pushing some strands of his pretty hair behind his ear.

“You’ll get it eventually. You always do.” You reassured. Your hand lingered on his face, feeling his soft skin beneath your fingers. You traced his cheekbone and he sighed, closing his eyes under your touch.

“Just want a distraction for now.” He told you, leaning his head back to rest on the top of the couch. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and back down as he gulped.

“Pretty.” You whispered to yourself— ever enamoured by your pretty boyfriend and his attractive features; one of the most attractive being his neck.

His lips lifted at your comment, and he opened his eyes again to look at you, “I was the one who wanted a distraction, not the other way around.” He reminded you, teasingly smirking at the way you quickly brought your eyes back up to his face from where they had previously been focused.

“We’re both a distraction to each other. I have a shift in an hour…” You trailed off.

“And?”

“And it takes 45 minutes to get there from here.” You completed.

Youngkyun laughed, “Then I have 15 more minutes to be distracted by you.” He pulled your face down to meet his, starting to kiss you slowly. He had always been a passionate kisser, sincerity and warmth shown to you every time his lips touched yours.

“Guess I’m going to be late… Again.” You breathed in between kisses. Not spending too much time talking before finding Youngkyun’s lips again— they were too addictive not to want to keep kissing. His lips always tasted like the orange lip balm he used.

“Is that a problem?” He questioned, pulling your waist closer to him. You shook your head immediately, both of you giggling at the situation. Your boyfriend sighed as you slipped your hands into his hair, the gentle movements of your fingers folding through his locks massaged the tension from his head, relaxing him further.

He kissed your lips again, always soft and gentle with you despite his evident frustration with his work. He had been shown enough many times in the past that letting out his pent up frustration through gentler actions worked the best. He just needed relaxation and attention, and you were more than happy to provide both.

He wished he could have your lips on him all day, especially when you shifted yourself to be able to kiss his neck. Your plush lips pressed short kisses to the side expanse of his neck, slowly travelling towards his Adam’s apple. Once you pressed another gentle kiss to it, you pulled your head back up, untangling yourself from your boyfriend and finally standing up. You glanced at the time on your phone and let out a laugh, slightly short of breath from all the kissing.

“10 minutes late already. Not too bad.” You grinned at Youngkyun and he scoffed. He held your hand back, stalling a little longer until you had to leave.

He gave it a gentle, loving squeeze, “Thanks for the distraction. Can I take you out for dinner after work?” He offered, staring at you with such an adoring gaze. He was so in love with you it felt like he was going crazy.

“I’ll make sure I look pretty for you, then.” You responded with a smile, “Gotta match up to you somehow.”

He frowned, “You already look absolutely gorgeous, angel. Don’t look too pretty. I’ll get a heart attack.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You assured him, grabbing your bag and heading towards the garage door, “Love you!”

He smiled as he watched you leave, calling out that he loved you too before you shut the door behind you. He picked up his notebook again, fiddling with the pen before starting to scribble words down. Thanks to your little distraction, he had found the perfect lyrics to finish the song.