THE MONKEY (2025) – REVIEW ⚠️ Possible Spoilers & Horror film – not for everyone, quite gory.

Okay, so I watched this mainly out of curiosity (and for Theo James, let’s be honest), even though the IMDb rating was pretty low… and honestly? It was kind of fun. It felt like a simplified and chaotic Final Destination, with bizarrely elaborate and random deaths popping off one after the other. Very silly, very over the top, and I sort of enjoyed that? But also yes, the Monkey is creepy.

Yes, the deaths were totally unrealistic and laughable, and no, I didn’t really understand the how or the why behind the monkey’s choices. I kept hoping for some deeper meaning or logic behind it all, but… nothing. Either I missed something, or they just didn’t bother explaining. It’s a shame, because in Final Destination, it kind of made sense. Here? The only logic seemed to be “if you turn the key, you don’t die.” I think there was a sort of family lineage thing going on, but then random people around them also died, so I don’t know. Honestly.

Also, why was everyone so calm?? People around them kept dying in gruesome ways, and Hal (Theo James) just… accepted it? Moved on?? Even his son barely reacted. He was more upset about not being told his dad had a twin brother than about all the people dying around them. (He was a bit of a brat, I must say, not a fan of his character.) That really bugged me, it pulled me out of the story a bit.

That said, if you're in the mood for a no-brain-needed horror flick that's more chaotic than actually scary, this works. I had fun with it. Just don’t expect logic or depth.

Apparently, the trailer got people hyped, which might be why so many felt let down by the film itself. I didn’t watch the trailer, and maybe that’s why I enjoyed it more than most. So my advice? Skip the trailer and go in with zero expectations.

'You’re Commander. You’re Commander.. You’re...’

Those two words kept repeating themselves over and over again in the still shocked young Ranger’s mind. He wasn’t old enough to become Commander of Esteldin. Didn’t have the experience required to take on not just one of the highest roles within both the Rangers of the North and the Dúnedain, but TWO.

The Commander of Esteldin and the temporary Chieftain of the Northern Dúnedain.

But as dark grey eyes scanned around one of the most violent battle scenes that the remaining new Rangers and recruits had seen, Hal swallowed at a terrifying realisation. None of their older kin could take charge at that moment because...

THERE WAS NO ONE LEFT TO DO SO.

Magnus Licenses assign special privileges and rights to Pinata Island’s citizens. Even if one wasn’t born locally, the Island gifts many people magical abilities-- the same magic that brings pinatas to life. 

Children are awarded one at around 6-8 years of age when their magic first activates and they create their first mask (previously children will have worn masks given to them by their parents). The local magic guild will put them through a series of small tests to determine what kind of magic they have and assign them a Learner’s License (marked with an A for Apprentice). These licenses do not expire and instead lasts until they graduate. 

Children will develop their powers either by learning from their teachers, a mentor or public schooling run by the mages guild. Even the poorest child is able to get a proper magical education this way.

At around 16 years of age they will upgrade to a B Class (Beginner) and be allowed to use magic outside of the home and school. This period typically lasts from 16-18 years of age as their powers mature and evolve based on use.

Once they’re legal adults (18 yrs) they are put through more rigorous testing and either gifted a C Class (Caster) license or put back through classes until they can pass. Repeated failures due to untamed magic or improper use will often result in a downgrade of class. 

Other classes include D Class (Determinant). E Class (Elder) and the special S Class (Services). Those with an S Class license have passed tests and pay a continuous fee in order to use their powers commercially such as builders, healers and tinkerers. 

There are many types of magic including:

Passive

Passive magic often includes empaths, telepaths, aura readers and pinata whisperers. They cannot control it but they do have some ability to lessen or strengthen their power. Sometimes these powers are dangerous such as Bad Luck Charms or Cursed which have the ability to hear prophecies and see the dead.

Volatile

Often wild and dangerous, volatile magic has elements and symptoms of other magic types which can make it hard to diagnose. People with this type tend to have a hard time learning to use it, but it’s adaptable nature makes it quite useful in many areas. In the past it was mainly used for fighting.

Elemental

Elemental magic is quite self-explaining. Those with it will be able to control the natural elements including earth, fire, air, water, lightning, shadow and light (and many others!). Not everyone can summon the element and must instead use given resources, but it has many practical uses like summoning or creating tools from these elements.

Transformation

Those with transformation magic are not only able to shapeshift themselves but also objects. Those in the tinkering trade will most often have this kind of magic. Shapeshifters are also able to craft spells and potions that allow other people to transform their appearances as well. These are often literally skin deep or temporary though. There have been cases in which a very talented mage has cast a transformation spell on another person and permanently changed them however....

Practical

Practical magic is by far one of the more diverse type of magic. It ranges from summons, minor alchemic transformations and telekinesis. It is often used to create golems to help with garden work, totems to ward off evil spirits (or sour pinatas) and imbue objects with magical properties (such as a knife that never dulls). Those in the building business usually have this skill.

Professor Pester was engaging in his daily schedule: chasing pinatas, annoying gardeners and raiding abandoned gardens. Oh, yes that last thing happened quite often. There was always some young upstart moving in from across the ocean attempting to become a gardener. None of them really expected just how difficult and how much hard work went into caring for these papery little creatures.

Which is why Pester chose not to put in any effort and just kidnap other peoples’ valuable livestock.

When his local gang of Ruffians reported in another garden had gone to ruin, he was sickly with glee at the thought of some easy prey. Problem was that they’d also reported that a fair number of sours had moved into it as well. 

Ah, well! He’d deal with that when he got to it. 

As he reached the boundary, his eyes narrowed and scanned the overgrowth. It would have been a lovely-- if rustic --garden in it’s prime. Now it was overgrown with grass, a few weeds and crooked, old trees. “Such a pity!” he mused with malice.

His march was purposeful as he pushed his way through the plants in search of whatever poor pinatas had been left behind. Now how could anyone call him evil when he was saving these pitiful, abandoned pinata?

“There you are!~” glee lit up Pester’s voice as he spotted a small macaracoon digging in the fallen leaves. It looked up, startled, at the sound of his voice revealing long, bold whiskers. “Well, isn’t it just my lucky day! A wildcard, all for little, old me?” 

Pester stomped towards the pinata, pole net raised in preparation. “Say goodbye to your home, little one!” 

Grrr!

But just as he went to swing down, something tackled him from behind! He felt blunt teeth dig into his calf and he shrieked-- voice embarrassingly high pitched. “Let go of me you--” Kicking out a foot he sent the creature sprawling in the dirt with a yelp. “I can’t believe you bit me! You little--” 

Of all the things he was expecting to attack him-- a pinata, a sour, hell even one of the ruffians --he wasn’t expecting a child.

The boy couldn’t be any older than 12. He was skinny, dirty and covered in soot. Growling, the kid sat back up again on his hands and feet in a feral crouch, fangs bared in an inhuman way. What the hell?

“You pest! How dare you bite the mighty Professor.....” his words trailed off as he suddenly found himself surrounded by sours-- mallowolves and maracaroons alike. “Hey now, calm down! I made you, remember?!” 

What was the cause of their weird behaviour? This kid? Was he the gardener of this place? 

Pester dug through his memory of this section of the island. If he remembered right this ranch was owned by a Mr. Morgan; an older fellow who didn’t keep any particularly precious pinata but had quite a few wildcards. He’d raided this place before with his ruffians and thoroughly got his butt kicked. Was this his son then?

“You know,” he begun, “your father caused me a lot of trouble in the past...” The soured human raised his wacking stick menacingly, looming over the crouched child. “But I’m guessing he’d not here to protect you or this garden anymore, hm?”

“Back off!” The boy lounged forwards, wildly swinging a stripped branch at him. Taken aback by the attack, Pester didn’t think to dodge and earned himself a solid thwack! across the head.

“Augh! You little shit! I should--” As he brandished his weapon again, two of the larger mallowolves snarled and leaped to defend the kid. “What the?! I MADE you! You should be protecting ME not him--!”

“My name’s Hal, you-- you-- PEST!” The boy spat back, back arched like an angry tigermisu. What the hell was up with this garden? Was he going mad?

Sighing, Pester lowered his weapon. “Fine. Hal, then.” he grumbled, “Where’s your dad?”

Apparently that was the wrong question to ask as it only served to make the boy curl up like a frightened shellybean, body shuddering with a torrent of negative emotion. Well. What what he supposed to do about the kid? 

The soured human glanced over the gathered sour pinatas then back at the kid. Was he abandoned too? Perhaps that’s why the sours liked him-- they were both unwanted misfits. Pester thought back to another young boy he’d taken in and molded to do his bidding. Perhaps.....

“Well, get up then. Quit sobbing,” he gestured for the boy to follow, “You look hungry! Let’s head back to my lair-- uh I mean, home for some food, hm?”

Hal send him a suspicious glare but the pain in his stomach forced him onward. “Hm. Precocious brat, aren’t you?” Pester muttered under his breath. “Oh, well. I’ll figure out what to do with you later...”

Sentinels and Guides were not new to the Rangers of the North. They were wanderers without a home, Men who went into danger regularly. Yet not all of the Rangers had the extra abilities and many thought that would be the case with a 16 year old Hal. For both her parents had been Normal.

Everyone knew they existed but it was mostly the Dunedain,  Elves and Dwarves who actually came online. It was usually a gradual process between 10 and 20, giving them a chance to learn about their abilities. But for a few people, the process was instantaneous and normally, it involved being in life threatening danger.

“Try to relax.”

All it took was three words and Saeradan wincing in pain, for Hal to come rather explosively online. No one had been expecting it. Not from the young woman and definitely not in Rivendell. 

The resulting empathic backlash of her coming online as a Guide, caused many Elves to get temporarily knocked out. It would later cause confusion among those same Elves, for it meant that a mortal, newly online teenager was stronger than them.

When Elrond arrived in the Healing Halls, it was to see half his Healers knocked out and distress could be felt in the air. He could also tell that both Saeradan and Candaith were shielding their friend mentally but only just. “How long can you shield her for?”

“Together? We can for a while if necessary. But we only came online as Sentinels four days ago and Hal is empathically more powerful than us. Probably one of the strongest Guides in the Dúnedain actually.” Candaith admitted, before turning his attention back to his fellow Rangers.