#yipppeeee

But that had never stopped Ace from appointing himself things before.

"So," Ace announced one morning, standing dramatically atop a chair in Heartslabyul's lounge, "as the eldest, I've decided it's my duty to look after you idiots."

The room fell silent.

Deuce blinked. "What."

"You heard me."

"You literally forgot your homework yesterday."

"I remembered eventually."

"Cater found it in the laundry."

"It was taking a bath."

Jack sighed into his hands while Epel pinched the bridge of his nose. Sebek looked physically offended.

"THE ELDEST SHOULD EXEMPLIFY DIGNITY!"

"I do."

"You attempted to eat a candle last week."

"I THOUGHT IT WAS CHEESE."

Ortho quietly raised a hand. "Ace-senpai, scientifically speaking, candles and cheese possess noticeably different molecular compositions."

Ace pointed at him dramatically. "Traitor."

"I was never on your side."

Yuu sighed. "This meeting has been going for thirty seconds."

"And I'm already parenting all of you."

"You are the problem," Yuu replied.

Ace's version of taking care of everyone was... unique.

And yet...

For example, when Jack forgot his lunch, a normal person would've shared theirs. Ace instead disappeared for thirty minutes. He eventually returned carrying three entire watermelons in his arms, wobbling under the weight.

Jack stared.

"...Ace."

"Yeah?"

"...Why."

"They're healthy."

"How."

"They were on sale."

"We're in the middle of winter."

"I don't ask questions."

Yuu blinked. "Where did you even buy watermelons?"

Ace refused to elaborate.

Jack ended up carrying two because they were too heavy for Ace.

Another day, Epel couldn't find his notebook.

Ace adjusted imaginary glasses. "I'll investigate."

He somehow found a pair of sunglasses and put them on.

Inside.

At night.

For forty-five minutes he interrogated every student who walked by.

He questioned Grim.

He questioned Deuce.

He questioned Yuu.

He questioned a suit of armor.

The suit of armor remained silent.

"Interesting," Ace muttered. "Playing hard to get."

Eventually Deuce quietly reached underneath Ace's arm and pulled out Epel's missing notebook.

"..."

"..."

"...Case closed," Ace declared.

"You were literally holding it," Epel deadpanned.

"I was protecting the evidence."

Ace also possessed the incredible ability to solve problems that did not exist.

Jack sat down.

Without a word, Ace shoved a pillow behind his back.

"There."

"...I didn't ask."

"Proper posture."

Two seconds later Ace slouched so aggressively he resembled a shrimp.

Jack slowly looked at him.

"..."

"What?"

"I just think that's funny."

Sebek sneezed.

Once.

Ace gasped.

"You're dying."

"I AM NOT."

"You've got the plague."

"I HAVE ALLERGIES."

Before anyone could stop him, Ace had wrapped Sebek in three blankets until only his face remained visible.

"I REQUIRE MY ARMS!"

"No."

"I DEMAND MY FREEDOM!"

"The patient is delirious," Ace whispered to Yuu.

"I'm going to let him bite you," Yuu replied.

The next week, when Deuce tripped on one of the ramshackle stairs, Ace immediately crossed his arms.

"We're banning stairs."

"...Ace," Deuce sighed.

"They're dangerous."

"Were quite literally in a century old shack where GHOSTS occupy along with Yuu." Duece retorted, Yuu nodded on the side.

"We'll adapt."

"...How?"

"Ladders."

Ortho tilted his head. "Statistically, ladders produce more severe injuries."

"..."

"..."

"...Fine."

"We're banning gravity."

---

Grim somehow became Ace's biggest victim.

"Grim."

"What?"

"You've been awake too long."

"I woke up twenty minutes ago!"

"Nap."

"I'm not tired!"

Ace scooped him into his arms anyway.

"I'M NOT A BABY!"

"You are now."

"I WILL BITE!"

"You always bite."

"I'LL BITE HARDER!"

"I'll risk it."

---

One afternoon Ace found Deuce asleep on a couch.

"...Aw."

His first thought was blanket.

Normal.

Reasonable.

Unfortunately, there wasn't one nearby.

So he carefully tucked seven neckties over Deuce like tiny quilts before placing a bright red apple on his chest.

It felt nurturing.

Forty minutes later, Deuce woke up looking like he'd been cursed.

"...Ace."

"Morning."

"Why am I covered in ties?"

"You looked cold."

"This is fruit."

"Potassium."

From the doorway, Cater whispered, "He's trying."

"No," Trey corrected. "He's improvising."

Ace also believed emotional support required snacks.

Unfortunately, he never remembered actual food.

When Jack admitted training had gone poorly, Ace patted him on the shoulder before solemnly handing him...

One singular pickle.

Jack stared at it.

Then at Ace.

"...Thanks?"

"It builds character."

"I don't think that's how pickles work."

Ortho scanned the pickle. "There is no evidence suggesting personality development through fermented cucumbers."

Ace frowned.

"Science ruins everything."

The first years eventually discovered something terrifying.

Ace was impossible to discourage.

"You don't have to worry about us," Yuu told him.

"I know."

"So... why are you?"

"Because I'm older."

"By four months."

"A lifetime."

The true disaster happened during exam week.

Ace decided everyone looked stressed.

Which obviously meant...

They deserved a surprise.

He gathered every first-year into an empty classroom.

Lights off.

Curtains closed.

Mysterious atmosphere.

As soon as everyone stepped inside—

"SURPRISE!"

Confetti exploded.

Grim screamed.

Sebek reached for his sword.

Jack instinctively tackled Ace into a desk.

Deuce punched the ceiling.

Epel threw an apple entirely on reflex.

Ortho's visor lit up.

"Threat assessment complete. False alarm."

Yuu simply stood there, covered in confetti, looking exhausted.

Silence settled over the room as colorful paper drifted slowly to the floor.

Ace, flattened underneath Jack, wheezed, "...See?"

"No," everyone answered in perfect unison.

"I boosted morale."

"You gave Grim a panic attack," Yuu replied.

"I'M STILL HAVING IT!" Grim shrieked.

Despite everything...

Somehow...

It was oddly comforting.

Because Ace never did any of it expecting thanks.

If Jack looked exhausted, there would mysteriously be an energy drink waiting on his desk.

If Deuce forgot something, Ace would spend the entire walk complaining while secretly carrying it for him anyway.

If Epel got homesick, Ace would deliberately start the stupidest argument imaginable until Epel forgot why he was upset.

If Sebek overworked himself, Ace would loudly challenge him to cards just to force him to sit down.

If Grim wandered off...

Ace was always the first one shouting his name through the halls.

Even Ortho occasionally found tiny batteries or polishing cloths mysteriously left outside Ignihyde with a sticky note reading, "Robot maintenance stuff probably. -Ace."

They were almost never the correct supplies.

The thought still counted.

Ace wasn't good at looking after people.

Honestly, he was spectacularly bad at it.

His solutions rarely solved anything.

Half the time they created entirely new problems.

The other half somehow involved fruit.

But somewhere between the emergency watermelons, the necktie blanket, the emotional support pickle, the robot maintenance gifts, and his dramatic declarations of "I'm the eldest, trust me," everyone realized something.

Ace wasn't trying to be their mother.

He was acting like an older brother who had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

And somehow...

That made it even better.

"...Don't tell him this," Deuce muttered one evening as Ace loudly argued with a vending machine because it had "disrespected" him.

"But... it's kind of nice knowing he's around."

Jack nodded.

Epel smiled.

Even Sebek sighed.

"...He is an insufferable fool."

"I HEARD THAT!" Ace shouted from across the hallway.

Yuu looked over just in time to watch Ace somehow get his hand stuck inside the vending machine.

Again.

No one knew how.

Least of all Ace.

"...Should we help him?" Ortho asked.

Yuu watched Ace insist he could "totally wiggle it free."

"...Give him five minutes."

"Understood."

Three minutes later—

"...Yuu?"

"...Yeah?"

"...I think the machine is winning."

taglight : @m7aya @iluminishi (This is the ace fic i had requested on your ace Trappola rp blog!) @maraskie @beepori