#yeah sure!

on one hand, it felt incredibly rushed and abrupt in canon which kiiiind of makes me dislike it more. it made it feel forced and kind of put me against it a bit, which isn't totally fair but what can you do. it's how i feel lol.

on the other hand it's got some sauce; i love julian's big boba heart eyes when he looks at her (despite how he's giving them RIGHT AWAY bc RUSHED. it'd feel a lot more earned if this had been a slower arc. although if we take this at face value the idea that julian falls in love sooo easily is so heartbreaking, esp if it's like, once he trusts someone (it's somewhat believable he could trust lizzie fairly early after the whole revelation about charlie + trusting dylan's judgement) he can fall in love sooo easy and cant stop. ough. that is very sweet, esp in contrast with his whole deal and skillset you know) and like they really do have good moments and are so tender!!!

and then on the other other hand, something that's neither really for or against (or really, it's both) is that to me they just feel very. doomed? like, they really like each other and they're compatible in certain specific ways, they're good to each other, and yet they have some fundamental disconnects that simply weren't ever gonna be mended. like, it feels like they could never have worked in the long term. lizzie was always going to need clear communication without any omission, can't have secrets, can't have someone who could die suddenly and put her through all that again. julian was always going to need to be allowed his secrets, can't walk away from his job and his life, can give her truth and vulnerability and care and love but can't give her full disclosure. neither of them are really wrong! but there's a difference in needs.

plus in other smaller things, like. i think a lot about the whole like 'you never apologize' 'well im never wrong' and then when lizzie tells him 'you arent surprising me bc it's romantic, you're doing it bc it's convenient for you' and he apologizes, and like. i don't think she's wrong, exactly--but idk, i don't think he's fully wrong either. there is something to be said about surprises being romantic! but there's also something to be said about having your own life and not being able to just drop everything. and i think he really does think that's romantic; the problem wasn't intentions or even that it Isn't Romantic, but that it's not romantic to lizzie, and he didn't know/consider that. and it's another (smaller, not necessarily insurmountable) disconnect, another little way they're potentially incompatible long term.

and i promise this isn't a "man this ship sucks" manifesto honestly they've got some great moments and chemistry (the rushed thing is the only thing here that actually annoys me) and honestly, sometimes a doomed ship is fun and great material to play with and the doomed part is a vital part of that fun. (i will say, personally it just makes me sad. i'm soft! but i can understand the appeal) so none of this is about 'julizzie is bad'. but like. idk. i feel a bit weird about it. subjectively.

also i do wonder if they could have gotten back together (the show seemed to be really strong on dylan/andy and julian/lizzie endgame vibes, although the annoying guy i refuse to remember the name of also introduced a wrench in the works lol), how that would have worked. because they didn't break up bc they didn't like each other or one of them did something wrong, they broke up bc of something neither of them could compromise on. like. they're both clear on that, lizzie's very clear that she isn't breaking up with him bc she doesn't care about him or bc he did something wrong, but bc she doesn't want to get hurt again (also i am a bit insane about how julian starts this relationship saying that he once fell in love with a woman who couldn't handle his job, and then she ends it with him telling her he's fallen in love with her, and her telling him she can't handle his job. OUCH.) and he says he can't walk away from his job.

like. i suppose there are two options: one, julian walks away from his job. likely framed as 'he loves her more'. this wouldn't happen for multiple reasons, not that julian wouldn't sacrifice for her but like a) if he was going to he probably would have then? b) just like. it's the plot of the show, man. what's he going to do. open a bookstore. would he (ironically) be dragged back into spy/hacking shenanigans by dylan? like. i guess he could be "jules" for real but that's a major cop-out and also demonstrably that caused its own problems. this does make me wonder, though, why julian (in-universe, that is, not doylist-wise) feels like he can't walk away from his job. like, we get why lizzie feels the way she does. but what's with julian's insistence? not that i don't believe it, i fully do, and like, obviously it's not just a job but his entire life that would have to change, but it's been a consistent character beat that julian is dedicated to his work (though not the cia or any one employer; also hilarious that he's apparently british--assuming that's his real accent lol--and in the cia. sure. why not. i mean i'm not even saying it's impossible it's just funny they didn't say he was mi6 and they did joint ops or something, i don't know. anyway the point being it's not out of loyalty either, despite the fact it's also a consistent character beat that he's very loyal.) but is it bc he loves it? bc it's all he knows? and like, hypothetically, if he did quit the way dylan did, tried to straight-up retire, what would that look like? i mean, he has crazy skills, he's not mr psychology professor musical prodigy phonographic memory genius man dylan, but he's a very talented hacker and good with technology in general, there's ways to make money like that and he can definitely get himself papers or whatever if he needs to. he could have another job if he really wanted! it'd be a major change, but i wonder why it's something he's unwilling to do. again, not that i'm judging, even if it really is as simple as he loves his job/lifestyle, because i think that's totally valid and a very normal reason for two people to amicably break up even if it sucks, but like. idk. it makes me wonder.

SECONDLY, it'd be lizzie compromising (not to be like "mmm the woman should compromise ohohoho" lmao) and on one hand i don't really see it happening, because again, very normal reasons, but i can se it being framed as like. refusing to keep living in fear, that it wouldn't have been better to have never had charlie even if it hurt to lose him. like, maybe julian gets badly hurt and it hurts anyway, it's too late to not care, or maybe she just misses him badly and wants to be with him again but keeps reminding herself why she can't until eventually it seems so... surmountable, because it still hurts, sending him away didn't make it better; she's missing him and losing him before she even has him. like, just generally framing it that way--that she can't live afraid of getting hurt, that ending something early so it won't hurt when it ends is still ending it and still hurts (her logic was essentially "if i end it now, BEFORE we actually get hurt, before we fall in love" but in this framework either she's already in love (i mean he is, so fuck timelines right?) or it's still throwing away potential joy because of potential pain when the two are always going to be paired. and all that makes sense and makes a good story. but then on the other hand like i said, i think there are a lot of small but fundamental disconnects that mean it still might not last! and applying that same idea that borrowed grief isn't going to help, that the pain of an ending shouldn't stop the joy of a beginning, the same does apply! like, it's okay that not every relationship lasts forever. that doesn't mean it's a failure. anyway i'm rambling the point being this one makes the most sense narratively but i still dont love it.