#yaybox

Thank you and have a good day :]

absolutely. i have barely been to specialists within the past 2 years because i'm tired of it. even once they found what was wrong with my back, nothing got better, i've only gotten worse - despite seeing doctors for years. i've pretty much given up for now and am waiting to change my insurance to see better specialists. i do have one EDS specialist,

as for the medical system itself... i am also very critical of it. most health professionals overall aren't trained to treat everyone equally. whether it's therapy or medicine. then there's how grossly for-profit the medical system is. the therapy system is as well, but in my experience mental health clinics are more likely to have financial accommodations like sliding scale.

then there's the power imbalance. like that post with psychiatrists someone made, doctors also gatekeep access to treatment based on their own assumptions and prejudices. doctors have sent many people to their graves through neglect. there's also the issue of sexual assault by professionals. and emotional abuse. and physical abuse.

i think medical professsionals have an important role in society, and i'm sure many do want to help people. unfortunately their capabilities are capped due to their own prejudices and how insurance and US law and capitalism forces them to do their jobs even when they are good, accepting people.

ty!! i do want to at some point in my life bc otherwise i'll be on this shit forever and who knows what That does.

Basically do whatever you want forever.

oh oh! yea!!! systemfluid fits. or pluralgender. quite literally fits whether u see it as multiple genders or multiple identities. tysm for sharing this w me!

This is really really common, especially with her still living at home. It probably genuinely is not safe to her nervous system and brain to remember it while still being stuck living with and reliant on both parents.

trauma like incest especially, is extremely difficult to face when still in the active situation. a person's brain often cannot cope with the reality (x happened, this is a dangerous person, but also, I am totally reliant on them and cannot escape, and they have the power to hurt me more. so I have to do whatever I can to reduce severity of being hurt, even if that means denying things or literally the brain not letting me remember certain things). Trying to hold those two realities is literally crazy-making, it's why so many incest survivors are plural and/or have structural dissociation. It's *so* common. It's just impossible for the human brain to hold these realities at the same time and not utterly lose their shit. So the brain protects and denies things to keep more sane.

this is often why getting out of the house leads to huge difficulties for people getting out of incest - suddenly they are in a place where it is safe(r) to reckon with what has happened, and the memories start coming back, and it's harder to deny yourself. This often causes huge crisis for the people, especially the first few years, and especially if still in contact with family.

It's so brutal to go through this, and i'm so sorry the rest of your family is trying to pit you against your sister, and that they're all refusing to see this and believe you. You deserve so much better.

This is a really common dynamic in family where incest has occurred, and it's incredibly painful, and i'm so sorry you're going through this.

I dunno if it would help to read about other people's experience of this same thing (family denial and suppression, psychiatrizing the person who spoke up, calling them delusional or that theyre trying to make problems, etc) but one thing I've really found helpful is the writings of Clementine Morrigan.

Your memories are real, you are getting through this, and i'm glad you are alive. It does get easier, and healing can happen, I swear.

Sending so much love 💜💜💜

oh. thank you so much for this. this really helps. ive been trying to find more info on experiences like mine but every time i just get general article about abuse after general article about abuse.

this whole thing rly has been crazy-making. it's like every single day i have to wrangle my brain into realizing this happened and none of this is my fault or responsibility. like last night i had the urge to go crying to my dad to tell him how sorry i am and hug him.

it's all to the point where our emotions are so uncontrollable sometimes it's like. only confirming that it happened. which can freak us out more. it's all this brutal cycle of doubt denial flashback crisis depression anger denial depression acceptance fear fear fear fear fear fear - eventual acceptance & normalcy. doubt. repeat.

i'll check out clementine morgan's work - it really helps when i read things about DID, C-PTSD, trauma, and dissociation and realize it explains everything. as far as the gaslighting goes.

you might want to look into getting a minifridge & microwave to keep near your bed too, that way you dont have to walk to the kitchen to eat

i already keep my lights dim altho i do push myself sometimes because it gets tiring having to live in the dark. i feel so sad and lonely whenever i actually turn off the lights, even if i physically feel better. i've just been assuming it's because i'm autistic and depressed.

but yeah, i've actually been wanting a minifridge, but i didn't really understand what i wanted to do with it so i never go it. i guess once we get our next backpay check we'll get a minifridge. or it can be our large purchase for next month.