#yap post

How many characters can you name, in a story that is not centered on being trans, who only realize that they're trans half or most of the way through the story? Who then have to deal with the struggle that is adjusting to their new name, pronouns, the way that they're perceived differently now.

How many can you name where the fandom has to handle that adjustment too?

I want it to be messy and difficult because it's realistic. It's what I and every other open trans person had to go through when we first came out. But I've never seen this done before in a piece of media.

Whenever I talk about transfem Jax, I always feel the need to specify that I know I could be wrong. And maybe I am wrong. Maybe we've been seeing hints and patterns where there are none.

But I'm not going to feel bad about wanting better representation.

TRIGGER WARNING BLOOD AND DEPICTIONS OF TRAUMA

♡click for higher quality♡

(Context: set AFTER the oil rig comic. After an event Kwazii felt guilty for, and has since been trying to " make it up" to the other octonauts since.)

Image text: (bottle breaking) C R A S H

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A bottle, previously filled with a fruit syrup, shatters on the kitchen floor.

Image Text

[Kwazii: AURGH. S-sorry matie!

Shellington: It's not your fault, its jus' raspberry syrup!

Kwazii: A'VE GOT IT THOUGH- Tis all me own fault- I 'ave t' fix it! I- I-

Shellington, relenting: Ah- Alright... If yae insist, I'll jus' be on mae wayyy....]

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Kwazii was just trying to help. But he'd made a mess of things yet again. Like a kitten.

Image text:

[Kwazii: " Ye Jus' HAD t' fuck up ANOTHER BLOODY THING! Like ye ave'nt trouvled 'em all 'nough with yer damned nonsense! 'Specially Shellington- Who else would make th' wee ones so sad?! Other than ye of course- An' even 'en ye- YE FUCKED ALL UP AGAIN- Ye don't deserve allo that kindness only t' spit on it! ALL YE HAD T' DO WAS HELP. MAKE UP FER IT ALL! STUCK HERE CLEANI-"

"Wha's gone down w' me? Cryin' o'er a mess? Spirits o' the sea I look a mess meself! Some pirate- SOME OCTONAUT I be! The Cap'n oughta be ashamed. 'E will be, should I be seen w' this mess allon me!"

(Noticing his shaking paws)

"Me... paws...W-WHAT-" ---------------------- He can't even manage to not fuck up making it up to them. He even made the vegimals sad with what he did. Sorry doesn't matter when theres no action behind it. His grandad had taught him that. He's supposed to be better than this. He's just spiraling harder and harder. He looks at his mess thats's staining his trembling paws red. (When did they start trembling?) He had been ignoring the growing sense of doom and panick but now he has no control. He's been taken back. Back to the day his hands were stained in another kind of horror and guilt.Sticky and red.

....

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He can't breathe. Thoughts that don't make any sense race in his mind, but they're all muffled as though suffocated by the horror of the realization of what he was DOING.

He can smell it.

HE CAN SMELL IT.

COPPER, RED, AND ROTTEN.

Run. Hide. Obey. Or else.

His instincts move him.

....

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Blindly running. Barely staying upright. Stumbling while struggling to even breathe. Find somewhere safe before you choke on the smoke.

There is a witness this time.

....

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Kwazii doesn't remember because he wasn't there. He wasn't in his body. He was somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away.

He doesn't remember the blaring of the octo alert in the halls after a voice on the other side od the door pleaded for him to "Please- Please respond- I-I need to get help-"

Shellington had been scared. Scared he'd gotten hurt somehow and was dying. He could only hear choked gasps from the other side.

Kwazii doesn't remember how the door to the bathroom was forced open. He doesn't remember the shock and beweilderment from anyone looking at the scene. He didn't remember hissing at Peso who had come to check on him. And he didn't remember Barnacles ordering anyone nearby to go, while he stayed with Kwazii.

Because he wasn't there. He was somewhere else. And the screams were loud there.

....

---------------

Scared.

...

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Kwazii stayed like that, tense, for a while. Someone who was supposed to be loud and boisterous. Now timid, silent, and struck by terror. But then, very slowly, he became more and more limp. Eyes not focusing Somewhere Else anymore, but rather, not focusing on anything at all.

....

Barnacles was patient. Sat with him. Hummed a song Kwazii had hummed before. He didn't know the words though. The captain wouldn't ever admit it, but he was scared too.

The captain noticed when Kwazii began to move, it was small, mostly his tails and paw twitching some.

His ear flicked when Barnacles said his name the first time.

He seemed shaken and startled the second time. And barely looked towards Barnacles the third time.

He didn't say anything, just numbly took Barnacles paw and shakily followed him. He was far too numb and exhausted to speak. It was mostly Barnacles physical support that got him to the med bay at all.

...

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In all honesty, Kwazii wasn't just worn from the flashback and panick attack. He hadn't slept well in weeks. The cat had been pushing himself to help in any way he could, in part from guilt, but also to hide from his own thoughts. You know, like a coward.

He was tired. He just... Every part of him was so depleted. Despite the mental numbess he still felt some of the nausea and light headedness. He couldn't really focus on the way the room swayed, nor did he notice when his vision started to darken.

Barnacles heart just about lept out of his chest when his friends weight hit him like a sack of potatos.

Kwazii... didn't wake up for a while. Peso explained it as exhaustion, the pain evident in his voice. He tried to soothe Barnacles worries, before the Captain could even express them but... He saw the way Barnacles eyes lingered on Kwazii's chest... rising up and down slowly. As if he was scared if he looked away he'd stop breathing all together. How Kwazii had managed to function at all (much less hide it) was beyond him.And that was with Peso having experience hiding his own poor wellbeing at times.

In the coming days Kwazii still didn't talk... Just... silently agreed to everything. It wasn't like him. He also kept clinging onto whoever was with him. Literally, holding onto their wide or arm, claws gently clinging onto their clothes.

Like a scared little kit.

It took a while for him to be more aware and talk again. He came back to himself slowly over days. But let's just say it was a very awkward wait until they could talk to him about... everything.

Either he refused to tell them or he... just didn't remember. Either way, he's a bad fucking liar and now he has new rules amongst other things.

Too bad Barnacles refuses to accept the same help. I'm sure that won't backfire on him.

...

....

.....

Kwazii doesn't like the nightmares he's been having since the flashback.

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the last precure post got a surprising amount of likes so i might as well become even more niche. here’s nijee as all knowing and all agony from milgram (context below)

all i know is they do ice skating and that there's two guys called Yuri and Victor and they're gay

I am going to do a small rant post abt mainly Tf!water and just things I’ve personally noticed so like, bear with me cause I may be delusional lmao.

Okay! Some character things I’ve noticed from Tf!water—

-Water uses writing and his stories to escape from reality. World’s he can manipulate to his own liking. Universes where he gets to control what goes on. A stark contrast to the uncontrollable unpredictability of the rushing rivers and endless seas. I found this parallel interesting :3 Using writing as an escape is always so fun in characters (and something I’ve totally never done because that would be crazy)

-Before water and the Feliz group teleported, water was taking in deep breaths to calm his anxiety and nerves. I also found the parallels to this interesting, because using breathing as a grounding method when you have an irrational fear of water is a cool contrast. If you’re afraid of drowning, even subconsciously, your brain developed taking in deep breaths to calm yourself because it’s a reminder. You are here. Alive. Breathing. Fine for now.

-Water and Marm are inseparable but they also share slightly different mindsets which I find interesting. Water is quick to judge characters and quick to shove people away, only sticking to people he’s already familiar with (in this case marm) for the most part. (SASSY WATERMUNCH WE LOVE YOU FOREVER OMG YOU ARE HILARIOUSLY FUNNY AND AMAZING) While Marm from what I can gleam on the other hand wants to believe the best in people. She isn’t naive by any means, just compared to her brother who can be a little bit pessimistic at times, she seems to have a greater goal in mind, and will work to that goal with a more positive outlook. The world is horrible and she tries to fix it. With water, the world is horrible, and he tries to escape it.

-My next point!! Marm seems to want to fix the world while Water seems to want to escape it. “Aren’t we here to help?” -Marm. “The world is a cruel place” -Water. At the same time though, Water will read the stories he creates to escape reality to his sister, and her sister will travel off to her brother’s fantasies for a while. And Water will come back to reality to try and help his sister fix the world’s problems as well.

-They’ve both been wronged by the world in many different ways, growing up without parents, being bullied etc etc. But they both had different but very similar responses which I find interesting :3

-THE SIBLING BONDDDDD. “If you wrong my sibling I would not hesitate to burn you and this whole place to the ground” -Water and Marm probably. Cause like, when catguy (names?) pushed Marm into the portal and Water then threatened him with a spray bottle and honestly was really scary and mad and pushed him in the portal as well. But then as soon as Marm came out of the mysterious portal, water did a personality turnaround and started to comfort her and asked if she was okay <33 awwwwh. The main question to this is, how far are they willing to go? I mean, pushing someone into the portal as revenge isn’t that bad morally, but if something worse were to happen to marm or vise versa? Would they surpass morals for their sibling? Do things that are objectively wrong and evil, for the benefit of the other? Hmmmmmmm.

-The fact that Water reads their stories to Marm. like, idec, thats totally not the most adorable thing I’ve heard ever lol.