#yanderer

To take you back to the start, Kuni was never really what you would call the “campus sweetheart”. Looks, as you would figure, were deceiving; and it made you absolutely despise those who were blessed with God-like appearances.

Kuni, the boy that made your life a living hell ever since you crossed paths in elementary, was that boy.

A charmingly sweet face, with a rotten core.

It was an odd habit of his, he didn’t necessarily tease or bully anyone else except for you. Kuni would make his top priority to scrutinize you, hurt you, break you.

Every birthday, you would stand in front of a parcel.

Your eyes darken as you look at the contents. It started off innocent. A single rose, then, a rotten rose, a broken mirror, a burnt photo of him, all sorts of objects that would eventually cause you pain if you were to even touch it.

And every birthday you close that parcel, seal it, and put it away.

You were distressed at first, but you grew to normalize his tormenting. After realizing the countless amounts pleading and crying in front of anyone wouldn’t do you any good, you began to just, deal with it - no matter how unfair it was.

It was unfair now because he was surrounded by friends – people who surely didn’t know who he was, and still is to you.

Life was different now that you both were in college. It was true what they say – it’s a new chapter, no one cares who or what you were back in high school.

But you still cared. You still knew who he was – who he is.

Little Kuni

You were making your way to your shared class. You usually make your way a little late since you wish to sit in the back, away from the boy. But today, you decided different.

He was following you down the stairwell.

Your heart lunges out of your chest as he nears, a dangerous look in his eyes as he spoke the words that made your blood run cold, he wanted to take away your first kiss.

It disgusted you to no means. You look around to see a few students pass by.

You begged him to leave you alone, but just like that, you were backed up against the wall, with nowhere to go. You were entrapped by the devil himself who had now every advantage over you.

There was a part of you that wanted to crush his entire soul if he ever did dare to take away the one thing you had been holding onto, but there was another part of you that wanted to try, to experiment. Even if it was with him.

And like that, for some odd reason, you weren’t afraid, nor did you want to resist. Resisting was just a controlled response, but things were different in your eyes.

You had grown up even though he hadn’t.

But somehow, someway, you still end up pressed against him.

The kiss was agonizingly slow, sending an electricity around your entire being, it was then that you realized that his lips were soft, just like the way you kissed him. How sweet. Enough to make you melt.

Overwhelmed and both disappointed in yourself, your eyes began to have a mind of their own, tearing up at the sight of Kuni when you pull away.

Kuni opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

“Don’t- don’t tell anyone, please, I’m begging you” you sobbed, sniffling quietly as you wiped away your tears. He tilts his head to meet with you with fierce eyes. The look in his eyes was dangerous now, he was seething.

“What makes you think I’d want to tell people about it” he comments lowly, his sleeve brushing on his lips as if to wipe away the taste.

“You took it from me-” your rambling made him roll his eyes, pushing you onto the wall. You wince in pain before looking to him. His eyes were cold, and unamused. Not a word more was said before he had left you there.

Cold, alone, helpless.

Taken and bare. For everyone to see.

Kuni hadn’t come to his classes for a good two weeks since then, and to be completely honest, you even felt as if you missed his presence during that time. You decided not to give it too much thought, but attempting to ignore it only made you think about him more, and about the last few times you were with him.

Your first kiss.

Shaking your thoughts away, you looked to your phone screen which had just lit up brightly to beam a new text from your friend.

She was forcibly dragging you out to a party.

Not just any party, one Kuni’s friends were throwing for his birthday. It was a surprise party after all, held by his friends, all who resided in the same house. They were a popular bunch in your campus, even if half of the group were textbook introverts.

You didn’t mind. You needed to clear your head.

It was his birthday after all. If anything, you were safe from any harm.

You were uncomfortable, those were the only words to describe how you felt when you entered the absurdly large residence.

You weren’t insistent on staying beside your friend for the whole of the night, because you knew somewhere and somehow you would be separated and lost entirely.

You didn’t mind that either.

The only thing you did mind was the way one of Kuni’s friends had reacted to seeing you at their doorstep. As if you weren’t invited, as if he wanted you to leave – all with a kindhearted smile. He had white hair, and a singular red streak in his bangs. You didn’t like it one bit.

“Oh...I didn’t think you would come, you’re not really the type-”

The other friend, one with an outrageously long blonde braid, smacks him on the shoulder and apologises, “no no, you’re welcome. This is a free house party, enjoy~”

You smile softly at both the blonde and the boy with snow white hair.

Just like that, you lost your friend and find yourself retreating upstairs where things seemed to be more silent. You stride around the place, seeing a sign propped on one of the doors. You wanted to be alone – that was your excuse. So, you entered.

It was Kuni’s room.

You could tell by the way it was organised. The amount of books piled on each of his shelves, the lack of decoration on the walls. And the picture frame on his bedside table.

It was a photo from long ago. When he was a small child, and so were you. Side by side, you were sat, posing for a photo with bright beaming smiles. You let out a breath before pushing the frame down so it lay flat on itself.

You continue to run your eyes over his room, finally settling on a journal. Your hands are already curious enough to open and read it’s contents. Your eyes widening as you read through each excerpt.

“I made a new friend today. Her name is Y/n. She’s the sweetest girl there ever is. She said that she wants to hang out and be my friend. I didn’t believe her at first but now I do. I’m excited to finally have a friend.”

“I just found out that Y/n’s birthday is on the same day as mine! Isn’t that amazing? She’s definitely meant to be my friend!”

“Y/n and I went out to get ice cream today. She said her favourite flavour was strawberry, but I don’t really like that flavour. That doesn’t matter though. She is still my friend.”

“The kids at school kept calling me names today. But Y/n told me not to listen to them. So I am trying to do that. I’m glad I have her as a friend. She is so kind.”

“Y/n doesn’t talk to me anymore. I wonder if she is okay.”

“She doesn’t talk to me. Why doesn’t she talk to me? I want her to talk to me. What did I do for her not to talk to me? Please talk to me.”

“It’s my birthday today... and Y/n's. I hope I can speak to Y/n and wish her a happy birthday. I’m nervous.”

“Y/n is a liar. She lied to everyone. I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I HATE HER!”

Before you could continue flipping through to the next page, the door opens. You remain still on his bed, turning to the greet the new appearance, calm. It’s Kuni, of course. He stills, but enters in silently, closing the door behind him, locking it.

“Here to ruin my birthday? Oh sorry, I mean, our birthday. I didn’t get your special parcel this time, were you here to deliver it in person?” his voice is shockingly calm when he speaks, it makes you seethe in anger.

“What… is this? You’re sick, you’re sick!” You stand up, ripping a page from his journal before throwing the whole book straight at him. Kuni dodges it easily, hearing it thud onto the wall behind him.

He scoffs before looking off to the side, “you’re in my room, rummaging through my stuff”

“You were sick then, and you’re still sick now!” before you could finish, you were already yanked by your wrist and pulled towards him, his eyes were fierce. He didn’t show any signs of budging, his grip, burning through your skin as he continued staring you down for an uncomfortable amount of time till you had begun to tear up.

“I… I don’t understand. I didn’t… I didn’t do anything” you begin, shaking. Your breaths uneven, it felt like you were about to give into him again. Again and again, you would be subjected to his ruthless ways. You hated him. And now you knew for sure, he hated you too, from the beginning.

He scoffs, almost incredulously, as he lets go of you. He takes a step away to sit on his bed, watching you stand there like a fool, crying fake tears as you usually do.

He speaks once more, a rather charming smile twisting onto his lips, “don’t you think we’ve known each other too long to keep pretending? You’re not half as innocent as you pretend to be”

You feel his hands settle on your bare thighs, bringing you in closer between his own legs.

“You’re awful, you know? The worst kind of person there is, is someone who is constantly lying to themselves” he mumbles, his hot breath fanning over your clothed waist. And as he held on to you tighter, you sigh at the feeling. Closing your eyes, you let his warmth slip into you whilst your mind drifted away to a frenzy of scattered thoughts.

“Did you think you’d get a free pass, hm? Just because you’re the innocent little doll to everyone else, doesn’t mean you are to me. I still remember what you are.”

Cold, calculated, all with that innocent smile. Perhaps that was the one thing you still had, that god-forgiven smile. It wasn’t as chilling anymore, but neither was it charming. It just seethed rage within him.

He hated it.

His fingers press into your hips, his grip was intolerable, “should I remind you, or are you capable of being responsible for your actions? You’ve gone through my journal after all.”

That smile, it was sinister now – you looked just like you did when you had told everyone in fourth grade that he had tried to kiss you by force. That you told everyone he had forced you to be his friend even when you didn’t want to be. That he would blackmail you.

That sinister smile that led him spiraling back into isolation. That led him a life full of distrust, animosity, hatred, toward anyone and everyone who tried to get closer to him. Until now. He was finally building a small world for himself and you were back to haunt him. He knew you weren’t going to stop the moment you forced your lips onto him on the stairwell. He knew he couldn’t outrun you anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

He wanted it to end right here, and right now.

“What? Are you trying to fight back? To get back at me? Aren’t you the petty one? Little Kuni suddenly has friends and thinks he can stand up for himself, huh? Little Kuni thinks he can fuck girls and learn to love” you taunt but Kuni doesn’t cry like he usually did.

Kuni has a pretty smirk creep onto his lips instead. And suddenly, a shine in his eyes, as if he had finally gotten out what he wanted from you. And he did. He looks ups to you,

“I’m glad you’re back to your regular self, it was draining the life out of me seeing you keep up with that pitiful act of yours”

You suddenly snap back again, eyes shaking.

He was different.

He wasn’t sad, he wasn’t angry. You thought he would be. He was on the stairwell, you thought he’d be like that still. But he wasn’t.

He was smiling. Just like you.

You’re frustrated with yourself now. You had landed right into his trap. You try to step away, but his grip is already anticipating you leaving. He pulls you into his bed, toppling you under him.

“What do you want?” you spoke softly, the words leaving your lips smooth enough to scare yourself till he leans forward, coy. You weren’t scared of him, you were scared of what he’s become. You were scared with how you’re starting to see yourself through the reflection of his perfectly porcelain eyes. He was still so pretty. Pretty little Kuni who would always look so innocently at you.

He’s eyeing you dangerously before leaning closer again, this time his eyes unreadable and hollow, before he eventually cracked into a softer smile.

“To settle this. Once and for all. I know your little game now, and I’m here to say I’ll oblige”

“But I…I’m not doing anything” you say again, mesmerized with the sight of him on top of you. He looked pretty like this. You didn’t want to say it to him, but you understood it with the way your heart was beating faster.

“Oh, really? Is that why you kissed me? Is that why you came today? Hm? Because you weren’t up to anything?”

You roll your eyes, shifting your gaze to the side. That alone was enough to snap you away from your daze. “I just wanted to see you with your new friends. I didn’t think you’d get close enough to any of them, but apparently you have” you mumble softly.

You can hear him chuckle softly before his fingers land on your chin, turning your gaze back onto his, “You must be talking about Kazuha. He’s not like you. He can see through nonsense”

“Oh, I can tell” you spit, your eyes were burning with a fire he was sure to dim down the moment he leans in closer. You flinch when you feel his lips on your neck,

“Well, what is it? Do you want me to put an end to your agony? We can make all the rumors you spread come true, just like you wanted” he murmurs into your skin before sucking onto it, “that’s what you did, wasn’t it? I forced you to kiss me - that’s what happened back then, right? Why don’t we continue the rest, hm? You’re in my room after all, it seems like a perfect set up for the next one”

Kuni continues his torment, and you don’t bother pushing him away. A sick part of you wanted this. You wanted him to continue touching you like this, you wanted him to continue his trail of kisses up your jaw.

“You’re so clouded with guilt that you want it all to come true, right? So you don’t have to feel bad anymore for ruining me.” He whispers before leaning back to look into your eyes. These words out of everything, seemed to have caused a shift inside of you.

“You even saved yourself for me, just for this moment, right?” he whispers, “so I can take it away from you, yeah? You declined every single offer just for me. I’m honored, truly.”

You were shaking. From words alone. From the truth. He was right.

And in moments, you were crying. This time, they weren’t constructed, they weren’t by design. They were true. He could tell. There was a sense of shock in your expression that he didn’t think he’d ever see from you. And he was starting to understand that he himself, was starting to pity you, just the slightest.

“Oh no, don’t cry, I was only trying to help. Does the truth hurt that much? Is it scary seeing yourself for who you are?” he hushes, his fingers soft, gentle as he brushes away the tears, “who’s the crybaby now? all helpless, all alone, no one in sight to call a friend. You’re all alone, just like I was. Helpless. Pathetic.”

Kuni’s touch doesn’t stray further. It doesn’t cross boundaries; it doesn’t entertain them. It dances along your skin, in an attempt to sooth. Along your waist, along your thighs, to cup the side of your cheek so you don’t fall apart under him.

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry”

Kuni freezes. And just like that, the proximity between both of you has extended. He pulls back. You were chanting it like a prayer. As if it would undo the years of pain he had to undergo because of you.

You’re too in your head to notice that he’s staring straight at you with hollow eyes. As if he’s finally reached his life goal, and now, doesn’t know what to do with himself. As if he’s disappointed with himself. As if, this wasn’t as satisfying as he had hoped it to be.

As if he wanted you to fight back and continue berating him.

Just so he could feel better.

But you didn’t.

You had finally broken.

You had finally apologised.

And now you both felt empty.

Kuni felt empty because he understood you. All this time, he had kept it to himself. But now, he wasn’t sure if he needed to. You had read his journal. He was sure you knew why too.

You manage to sit up to face him, your tears still streaming down your face but you bravely wipe them away with your sleeve.

You reach towards him, pull him closer. Kiss him.

Kuni’s eyes are open wide, his pupils shaking, before he finally gives in and closes them. He doesn’t push you away, he pulls you in. He takes you in, tastes you like he’s been starved. He relishes in it, he doesn’t want to let go.

“Will you ever forgive me?” your voice is frail, broken as you part away, “I… don’t know why-”

Kuni catches his breath, scowling at your words before pushing you back down. You fall back harshly, wincing at the impact as you look up at him. You must have upset him with your words again, “If you want forgiveness you need to be honest with me. At least this once”

Your cheeks bloom red, he notices how you fluster, “Are you embarrassed, is that it? I would be too, but it’s okay. I already know it all.”

“I don’t… want to talk about it anymore” you say, eyes steady on his. You take his hand instead, and trail it over your body. He chuckles at your move – anything to prevent the truth, even still.

“You don’t get to make that choice” he murmurs, dipping down to latch onto your lips. He understands the way your hand moves is an answer in itself. It was your way of showing the truth. And he wasn’t about to complain. Not when your fingers went to undo his belt. Not when he wanted it so badly himself.

“I’m sorry” you whisper again, closing your eyes to feel the wave of pleasure building in you as his body settles into yours. It was foreign for you. You had waited so long to get here. You never thought it would ever come.

“We were friends after all, weren’t we?” he whispers, his forehead presses against yours, his breaths heavy, “and friends… understand each other”

You whine and bite onto your lip, he was relentless with his ways as he was with his pace, but you enjoyed every bit of it.

“You did it for me, didn’t you? You wanted me all to yourself. Was it to protect me, or control me?”

“Protect…” you say, it was barely audible, “I liked you so much… I didn’t want anyone else…”

Before you reach your first high he begins to smile devilishly, “how sweet” he coos, “and all your pretty lies, were they just fantasies, hm?”

You don’t answer anymore. You’re focused on staying still, holding on, just incase you might fall. He wasn’t going to stop, and you didn’t want him to.

“It hurts you to see me move on, doesn’t it? Fuck other girls, have new friends. Have I hurt you enough?” he taunts, “I’ll keep you to myself from now on. After all, the rumors you spread about me weren’t wrong at all.”

Kuni doesn’t elaborate, there’s no use. You were already out of it, you wouldn’t be able to decipher a single sentence more. But perhaps, in the near future, he may just confess to you.

That you were right. He did like you. He loved you. Back then, and even after what you did to him. He was just as sick as you were.

You just gave him the benefit of the doubt.

But he was exactly what you painted him to be.

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