In todayβs edition of Early Morning Adulting, we learned how to make a Whatthefreakiatto. Donβt be intimidated by its name, the steps are simple:
β¨β¨1. Pour a mug of milk
2. Add creamer (choose the caramel one because its nuclear powered and your wife doesnβt like it as much as the vanilla creamer, so you need to use it up in a humble personal sacrifice)
3. Heat mug in microwave for 1:28β¨
4. Instead of using your customary instant coffee decaf (its a long story, but my fall from fully-caffeinated grace involved an incident after two espressos where I went on eBay and bought a vintage 1943 German motorcycle w/ matching sidecar), ask yourself, βWhat if I try a different flavor of coffee today?β, then open a bag of Venetian blend decaf and spoon it into your steaming mug.
5. Gape in horror at the black mess you made. Stir the coffee grounds, to no avail. Every time you cease spooning, a wall of black ground will coat your milk like a layer of pumice. Do not worry, this is normal.
6. Tell your spouse. Learn that there is a difference between instant coffee and coffee grounds.
7. Refuse to surrender. Spoon black coffee grounds from your mug for five minutes.
8. Pour your milk into another mug, carefully avoiding transferring the layer of black sludge at the bottom of your mug.
9. Add milk to replace all the milk youβve lost. Ignore the remaining floating grounds that taunt you.
10. Heat mug up again. 27 seconds.
11. Spoon instant coffee into milk.
13. Ignore the Venetian grounds that refuse to die. Name it βStarry Night Coffeeβ in your head and resolve to google whether eating coffee grounds will kill you before you drink any.
14. Enjoy your Whatthefreakiatto. You earned it!
Dito
