interesting also the way xander’s dream plays with the concept of family. giles says spike is like a son to him and buffy calls xander “big brother”; at the same time, joyce and willow/tara are both sexualized pretty overtly and not treated as family in the same way. Being family involves a level of infantilization: buffy is playing in a sand pit and giles is encouraging spike as they swing on a swing set. Willow, who is not family, wears a less cutesy outfit than she normally does. Joyce’s age is also embraced here, her implied experience being part of the erotics of the scene.
Anya is in a weird third position here. She’s not sexualized in the same way joyce, willow, and tara are but she’s also not desexualized in the way buffy is. She worries him with her continued demon-ness and then gives him permission to pursue willow. Ultimately, though, willow is out of reach and his effort to get to her leaves him alone and without protection.