#x rambles

Accepting any kind of affection was always difficult for you, something about not getting enough positive attention, something about parental issues and a lack of unconditional love. You didn’t care what it was though, you just couldn’t do it. I mean, you want the praise, the spoiling, the soft touches and attention- but something about it made your stomach churn until you got rid of the source. Whether it be straight up ghosting or just pushing partners away and labelling it as 'the ick', long term relationships were pretty much a no go.

Until Toudou. He was perfectly smitten with you and didn’t take offence when you pushed him away or tried to at least. He knew what you truly wanted and forced you to take it. Beyond casual affection, he truly wanted you to feel safe and it showed. He was so gentle despite his brutish strength and hulking frame, giving you the soft touches you so desperately craved whether it be holding hands or just gently caressing your arms or waist if he’s feeling more bold. You were getting used to it honestly, not quite ready for anything beyond gentle touches and it was nice that someone saw through your façade. That ability of his was something you loved and were deeply grateful for.

It’s always been hard for you to say wat you wanted and as a result people pushed too far. He was so patient with you, as much as he was persistent with showing you affection he didn’t push too far, reading your reactions to different touches and names. On days where you were more sensitive about affections, cringing at his pet names (mostly “sweet girl” and “my pretty”), he would wait for you to initiate. His biggest W was when you were both relaxing at his place going about your own business when you suddenly decided made home in his lap. He didn’t make a deal of it (internally he was screaming but in his head moving or even mentioning it could scare you away). Instead setting for stroking your hair. But yes, he was incredibly receptive of your comfort levels and didn’t condemn you for struggling to communicate what you wanted.

He was more emotionally intelligent than you expected. Moreso than anyone else you’d dealt with before.

Cheeky scenario

“Aoi, let go, people are staring”, actually nobody at all was staring but your fear of being perceived as one of those cringe ‘pda’ couples made you weary of any physical touch in public. 

You should be well adjusted by now, you knew he was clingy and wanted to treat you like his princess but lingering thought made you feel unworthy, embarrassed and sometimes mildly disgusted by it.

He remained silent, brushing you off before massaging the sides of your upper arm and resting his head on your shoulders. You both probably- no definitely looked silly, but again, Toudou didn’t care he would cradle you like a baby everywhere you went if he could.

You stood in line at the local coffee shop, such a cutsey place. It was shocking that Toudou chose it, then again his favourite thing on this earth was Takeda Chan so it tracks. Regardless, choosing to distract yourself from your clingy boyfriend and the sinking feeling in your stomach- you skimmed the menu. Maybe you’d try a new drink or just add something fun to your regular order. This new train of thought combined with Toudou’s soft touches left you completely zoned out. A duality in itself but you’d stopped questioning how many things this man could make you feel at once, it was dizzying to even think about.

“Peppermint tea, no sweetener and a croissant”-

After a quick double take to your boyfriend you smiled at the barista, still a little zoned. You’d only been out for coffee (tea in this case) a few times, and you ordered separately as you didn’t want him paying for you. He lead you to a seating area to wait and ,you turned to face him, he wore a proud smile waiting for some form of praise, for a moment and negative thoughts faded as his pride in himself made you giggle.

Then the guilt returns almost faster than it left as did the familiar pang in your chest, “I’m gonna transfer you the money”, you blurt out. He refused. “No, it’s okay just let me" ,you tried to protest.

After a short back and forth you were met with a “Don’t you dare”, his tone hardened, bordering abrasive, forcing you to shut up and listen.

“o”

And it worked, he shut you right up before pulling you into a hug, your head resting just below his chest as you still attempted to pull away but he didn’t let you. “Just let me love on you", he said softly kissing the top of your head. Again, he said all the right things to make you want to accept his touches, hugs, kisses and whatever else. You’d never admit it but you liked it, you liked that he paid for your order you liked being smushed into his chest and even more the kiss he placed on your head. You did your best to ignore your thoughts and he helped you along with a short whisper of “You deserve everything I have to offer you know, and more”. So you let yourself enjoy the moment until your orders are called.

It wasn’t perfect but slowly you were learning that you were worthy of undying love and you didn’t have to chase away affection

 - Love🌸Flo

ᵛᵉʳʸ ˢᵉˡᶠ ᶦⁿᵈᵘˡᵍᵉⁿᵗ ᵇᵘᵗ ᶦ ʷᵉⁿᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵃ ᵍᵘʸ ᶦ ʷᵃˢ ᵗᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᴵ ᶦ ʷᶦˢʰ ʰᵉ ʷᵃˢ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦⁿˢᵗᵉᵃᵈ ᵒᶠ ᵉˣᵖᵉᶜᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵃᵛᵒᵘʳˢ ᶦⁿ ʳᵉᵗᵘʳⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃ ᵍᶦᶠᵗ ⁽ᵃ £¹⁰ ᵇᵒᵒᵏ⁾

[ID: The image has a dark background. There are five separate images in the canvas. At the top left of the canvas is the picture for the “Consequences” achievement (A pair of red eyes from one of the Vanny/VANNI masks in a gold-colored square). The eyes have certain features (the pupils, the eyelashes, the outer edge, and the inner corner) outlined or colored in a light pink-ish purple. Within the golden box, written in, is two lines of text that reads “wonky eyelash (2nd from outside)”, referring to the eye on the left. To the right of the image, there is a short list of details. “+4 painted eyelashes; +large pupils; pointed [down] inner corner; +red eyes.” The next two images are below, of the strange mask from Help Wanted 1 on the left, and the VANNI mask from FNaF Security Breach: Ruin on the right. Both have similarly marked pupils, lashes, inner corners, and outer edges to emphasize the details being discussed. Listed near the masks are details the two either share or that differentiate them, with arrows often pointing towards the details. For shared, the list is: “Painted on eyelashes, 4th eyelash “hid” by curve, and inner corner pointed down”. For the strange mask alone, the list is: “wonky eyelash (2nd from outside), pupils face forwards, and large pupils”. For the VANNI mask, the list is: “Neat eyelashes, slightly wall-eyed pupils, and small pupils.” The final row of images are screenshots of the Vanny suit’s mask, the one used in promotional material on the left, and the one used on the in-game model on the right. Similarly to the previous two images, they have the eye's details that are being discussed emphasized, as well as shared and differentiated features listed out. For the shared features between the two, the list is: “4 real lashes, eyeshine, [the mask is] being worn, and the inner corner [of the eye is] pointed inwards.” For the promotional art mask alone, the list is: “red eyes, and slightly wall-eyed pupils.” For the model’s mask, the list is: “glowing yellow eyes, forward facing pupils, and small pupils.” End ID.]