It was around bedtime in Paradise Manor. Xie Lian was alone in bed, having gotten ready a while ago, but just lying awake. He was also waiting for San Lang to return from the Gambler’s Den, some ghost trying to make some trouble since Chengzu hadn’t been showing up for some time. 

So Xie Lian lay down, waiting, except, waiting for San Lang was not the reason why he was awake right now.

Absentmindedly, he would hold the ring of ashes San Lang gave him, the only thing living closest to his heart, every minute or so.  He would stare at it from time to time, and then go back to looking at the ceiling while playing with the ring around his fingers. 

He felt numb. All his feelings were watered down. Like he was somewhere far away from his body with no path for coming back. He doesn’t know how long he had been waiting in bed. Didn’t feel like taking a bath that night, so he only got undressed, put on a light sleeping robe, and got under the covers, curling up on himself, like how he used to when he slept on the streets.

It had been one of those hard days he experienced from time to time. The feelings were so overwhelming earlier in the day that left him completely exhausted by nighttime. They were tolerable now that he had San Lang, but right now, San Lang was not there to calm his raising thoughts.

Thoughts of Wu Ming.

The real reason why he was in this state was because of his soldier ghost. The one who sacrificed himself in order to save him from a decision that he would have regretted for the rest of his life. Wu Ming had saved him from an enormous amount of pain by letting his own soul be torn apart.

Right after Wu Ming disappeared, guilt and regret was all Xie Lian could feel. It took a long time for him to accept the consequences of his own actions. After learning San Lang was the Wu Ming he had lost so long ago brought back a lot of those original feelings. It had been difficult at first, and it took a lot of effort to work through it. He felt guilty that it had fallen on San Lang to help him with the distress; the last thing San Lang had to do was give more to Xie Lian.

Obviously, he apologized as best he could, and even though the Ghost King didn’t seem to harbor any bit of resentment towards him, Xie Lian could not yet comprehend how he was forgiven so easily. It ate every bit of his consciousness. No matter how many times San Lang reassured him, there was always a nagging feeling he couldn’t get rid of that dragged him back to that moment when he lost his last believer.

In the middle of his turmoil, Xie Lian received a message from San Lang on his communication array. 

“Gege, this one apologizes desperately, but it would be a bit more time before I can join you tonight”

Xie Lian took a deep breath, it was alright, he was alright.

“Everything okay, Gege?” came the smooth and deep voice again.

“Yes, San Lang, everything is okay. I’m already in bed, so take your time” He tried to sound as calm as possible, project sincerity even though he knew he was lying. Would San Lang be able to tell?

“Alright, Gege, I’ll be back as soon as possible” and the array closed.