As much as I write for myself, it does feel upsetting when I work hours writing, only for no one to really care.

I need to stop hindering myself by thinking I have too many projects because then I put them in storage and forget what I was gonna write. I had the perfect first 3 chapters for Eat Your Heart Out and now I barely remember the second chapter I had planned! Annoying

I’m still so stuck on wanting to write a certain piece of work but I feel like I’m only half way there and that’s better than nothing but oh my god I have so much in me I need to get down

i miss ignorance. when i kid, i used to write a bunch of crap and i didn't care i write a bunch of crap, cuz i just wanted to write, so fuck it, i would and nothing else mattered. but these days? fucking hell. i look at my writing, regardless of which language, and it simply doesn't feel good enough somehow. and im not even worried about who's gonna read or not cuz i don't even think im that relevant, and that doesn't matter, or should cuz it's not the reason why i do it, but it'd be so nice if i could just write without thinking like i used to do when i was a kid. where's that ignorance? cuz i need that back. couldn't i be a critic with a healthy view? christ in hell. w h y

will anything ever fix the emptiness and death that reside in my art, that rotten quality of it that will never be quite right? no matter how many adjectives and feelings and fancy words i use it's dead and i keep poking at it with a stick even when all the meat is gone, long ago eaten by the flies. will it ever stop? will i ever do something remotely worth reading. will i ever be worth living. why can't i do what others do