#writing 101

use dialogue punctuation correctly ;

avoid epithets; and

only use adverbs when they radically change the meaning of the verbs;

Saw a funny Facebook meme and rambled about it in a post, so came here to ramble about the same thing in depth: this right here is one of the reasons why these kinds of overly poetic descriptions are a sign of young/immature writing, but it goes far beyond getting the "wrong color." As a writer, you don't want to paint a picture; you want to paint a feeling. Your reader's brain will paint the best picture from that. Too many details, and their brain gets too busy figuring out what the room looks like to fully experience what the room feels like.

Amateur: He walked into his bedroom, polished shoes stepping on the crimson carpet as his eyes wandered over the dark brown, solid oak furniture and the burnt orange walls. Twenty feet across from him, a fire blazed in the fireplace, shades of gold and vermilion dancing behind the black, wrought-iron guard. On the wall above, pictures of family going back generations were framed in gold, and on the wall to his left, miniature chandeliers dangling over his dresser like lamps. He looked at his bed, red like the carpet but darker in shade and adorned with bronze and gold intricacies that patterned a web over its plush surface. He was so happy to be home, where things were familiar, and he walked to his bed with a faint smile.

Expert: Tired feet struck the crimson carpet and stopped, equally tired eyes wandering over the familiar shades of earth and sunset that painted the landscape of his bedroom. Across the chamber blazed a fire, warm and welcoming, which so starkly contrasted the family portraits hanging above and displaying the faces of people he barely knew. He knew the fire, though; the crackling and popping cadence that never failed to lull him to sleep when the people in the portraits couldn't even do that much. Sleep, which he desperately wanted and needed, so he turned toward the bed, spread with a comforter that matched the carpet almost perfectly, ornate in design and—most importantly by far—covering a mattress so soft and deep that he often lost consciousness the instant he fell into its warm comfort and left the world's oh-so-cold discomfort behind. He had gone so long without that. Still smiling, practically salivating, he moved toward the bed, desperate to feel like he was finally home again.

In the amateur example, you can better see the room as the author sees it—what it looks like as a room. In the expert example, you can better see the room as the CHARACTER sees it—what it FEELS like as THEIR room. And that is so, so much more important when you're trying to bring your reader not into your world, but into your character's world.

Your definition of an 'earthy, homey room' can be different from that of your readers. In the second example, you leave out the fact you see chandeliers on the wall or golden frames around the portraits when you picture it in your own head; but that's okay, because the readers know the character feels warm and safe and at home. Maybe your reader thinks an antique lamp sitting on the dresser better fits in this 'posh but warm' scenario. Maybe they think candles or oil lamps. Maybe they think a dim room that isn't lit up in any significant way by anything other than the fire.

All of those are fine, and they don't impact the story. What does impact the story, however, is if you start talking about the chandeliers, and your reader has to go, "Oh, I assumed—okay, I can see that. Chandeliers. Got it." It happens in a split second, and your reader doesn't even know they're doing it, but their brain is taking that moment to recalculate its understanding of the scene. It breaks the immersion, it breaks the flow; it's the equivalent of pressing pause during a movie so you can take in the insignificant details of the set and then hitting play and trying to get back into the emotion you were feeling before you hit pause.

the list below will generally apply to all east asian or east asian-inspired settings. the more modern the setting, the less applicable many of these notes may be to it. plenty of established settings incorporate anachronistic and blatantly alien elements to great effect: what in-universe logic you choose to follow or to ignore is up to your own discretion.

this list is by no means exhaustive and, as someone chinese rather than korean or japanese, there are regional differences and nuances i will have missed. time, too, may make certain entries out-of-date.

i welcome additions to this list with the reminder that this list is intended to cover east asia as a setting, not as an individual experience or anecdote.

Immersion Breakers

switching name orders so that family names are last and given names are first: our names are designed to be said family name first and many east asian names will sound wrong when switched.

leaving out age-based titles (e.g. qianbei/sunbae/sempai/"senior"; gē/hyung/oppa; jie/noona/unnie. the confucianist hierarchy of age and gender affects all socialization. without these default terms of deference, the tone of any relationship with a year or more age difference will feel "off".

(rather than the standard translation of these terms to "older brother" and "older sister", respectively, it is best to leave them untranslated as these terms are used more to mean "older male peer [respectful]" and "older female peer [respectful]")

simplifications of titles such as san a-yi (chinese: "third aunt") to just "auntie" is more forgivable but there are many cases where texts will never name characters as anything else. since there will always be multiple aunties hanging about, i recommend you just embrace "auntie three" as a perfectly normal form of address. it is the easiest and least confusing way to name such characters.

a complete absence of bowing: this is especially egregious in any setting alleging to be japanese.

in historical settings, handshaking as a common greeting: in most cases, it would be more appropriate to bow. please recall how long our sleeves tended to be.

(other, non-bowing physical greetings include: nods; salutes but not those salutes; clasping arms; raising one's glass; pouring tea; hugs; waves; the throwing of varyingly lethal objects; etc)

the complete absence of folk festivals: the spring festival ["chinese new year"] is the most joyous celebration of the year and qingming/hansik/"tomb-sweeping day" is the most solemn. there is almost always a festival going on somewhere, for some thing, in east asia and we east asians will take any excuse to throw one: music, drumming, paper decorations, cultural dress, specialised food dishes, fireworks, and parades happen for almost all of them.

the existence and celebration of christmas, even in settings where jesus has yet to or has never existed. we had and have our own winter solstice traditions to follow.

similarly, the existence and celebration of: valentine's day; white day (invented after the capitalist adoption of valentine's day); easter; usamerican independence day; [usamerican] memorial day; halloween; thanksgiving; or any other western holiday.

(of the western holidays that have been adopted by modern east asia, very few retain their original meanings of faith: these holidays are primarily capitalistic in function, as inspired by usamerican sales events and hollywood movie consumerism)

christianity, with all its scriptures and characters and hangups: it was not introduced as a religion to until very recently, per asian history reckonings, and, even today, christians are a religious minority.

(the majority of modern east asians are some kind of spiritually-inclined atheist and it is buddhism that dominates our cultural landscape)

swearing by "God" (singular & capitalized) when no one in the setting is monotheistic. "Buddha", "Saints", "Sage", and sometimes "gods" all exist as reasonable alternatives.

conversely, most east asian mythologies have a concept of a "hell"/underworld/dìyù/yomi (though, funnily enough, early christianity did not): this means it is weirder not to use "damn you" or "go to hell".

brides wearing white: this is a fairly modern tradition even to the west, one largely attributed to the british queen victoria (19th CE/Qing Dynasty). red is the more traditional bridal colour in asia.

wearing a "suit": the term is too strongly associated with western menswear and was not readily adopted in east asia 'til the 20th century.

big 16th birthday celebrations: 20 is the more traditional age of majority or, more historically, 15 for girls specifically.

(while most of east asia now sets legal adulthood at 18, many traditional ceremonies and social expectations are still withheld 'til a person is 20 &/or married)

a weirdly puritanical approach towards alcohol despite east asia having little to no history of prohibition. nowadays, heavy drinking is pretty much mandatory in asian office and university cultures because it's not socially acceptable to refuse a drink from a superior.

in modern settings, a weirdly relaxed approach to recreational drug use: all drugs are illegal, outside medical use, and recreational drugs are far more harshly criminalized than in the west (especially in mainland china).

casually proposing same-sex marriage: individuals, the very wealthy, and persons above mortal reproach can make whatever arrangements they desire but there is very little precedent for such unions gaining legal recognition (thus the ongoing practice of adopting one's lover so as to share a family registry).

(the only asian countries that have legalized same-sex marriage are taiwan, thailand, and nepal: everywhere else, the most a queer couple might get is "recognition of cohabitation". protections against discrimination differ from country to country)

(gender transitioning is somewhat more protected... but only after surgery: asian fantasy and certain historical contexts are much more accepting)

surrogacy: it is widely considered immoral in east asia due to its associations with child trafficking, femicide, western exploitation, infidelity, and "heartlessness". it is an attitude based in contemporary exploitation and confucian misogyny. its legality varies from country to country.

adoption of infants: the same rationales condemning surrogacy largely apply to adoption also. adoption has still existed, historically and now, but there is more social scrutiny and stigma for everyone involved.

the ability to openly adopt kids with one's same-sex partner: yeah, no, not unless you're in taiwan.

(your better options are: taking in an apprentice or live-in students; fostering younger relatives due to geographic convenience or after familial tragedy; fishing for fruit; founding a gang or sect...)

in historic or fantastical east asian settings, any expectation of a child "moving out" before marriage: families traditionally lived and worked together. only daughters were ever expected to leave home and that was only upon marrying "out" into their husband's family home.

to a lesser degree, any expectation of adult children moving out from their family home in modern settings for reasons other than education, employment, or marriage. without those justifications, the implication is that the family is in disharmony or has failed in some way.

in historical chinese settings, calling hanfu "hanfu": the term was only invented after the adoption of western dress became widespread, as it previously went without saying that fu ["clothes"] were han fu ["han chinese clothes"].

wearing shoes indoors.

in modern settings, not wearing a face mask in public when sick: industrial smog, the SARS outbreaks of the 2000's, and social collectivism established masking as a civic duty.

outside of south korea, reluctance to see doctors or call ambulances due to fears of medical debt: most countries in the world subsidize healthcare by default. in mainlad china, payments are 50/50 by government and citizen. in japan, it's 70/30. taiwan's universal healthcare system has been ranked best in the world for seven years in a row now. this is not to say that east asian systems lack exploitation or corruption, just that medical debt is less of a threat (...unless you're a non-citizen).

the presence of: corn; potatoes; tomatoes; chocolate; or chili peppers in historical settings. these plants are indigenous to américa and their current forms only exist through many millennia of indigenous horticultural engineering.

(more local options for spice include: ginger, peppercorns, star anise, onions, and horseradish. indian spice mixes were not easily accessible 'til europeans started stealing exporting them)

drinking milk: the vast majority of humans are lactose intolerant and only 10% of east asians can drink milk after infancy (thus the popularity of much more digestible yoghurt drinks).

use of the latin names for months: both the traditional chinese lunisolar calendar and the newly adapted gregorian solar calender name their months as 一月[1st month] to 十二月[12th month]. the same logic is used in japanese and in korean. modern settings can disregard this note.

(if numbered months are unappealing, seasonal references such as "last month of sowing"/"harvest season"/"first snowfall"/"eve of the spring festival"/"when the sakura bloom"/etc - are a viable alternative)

Mx. November's second friend also turned to look at the camera. "Do you mean like this? Something every basic writer learns when they first start writing, like, fanfiction at the age of like, what, 12?"

Mx. November nodded, and stared even more significantly at the camera, breaking the Fourth Wall entirely. "Don't you think a traditionally published author who has been publishing professionally for over 30 years, should be capable of following one of these extremely basic rules?"

Mx. November's first friend peeked around Mx. November's shoulder. "Uh, yeah? Duh? Uhh... Who are you talking to?"

Mx. November chuckled, and patted their first friend on the shoulder, releasing a cloud of rainbow glitter for Pride Month. "Oh, you'll see. Eventually I'll probably drop a random, completely unsupported, shoehorned closing statement that this is all a documentary and thats why this series is titled this."

Other times, the point of a story is to be a power fantasy, or a nice black & white escapist fantasy, or a horny fantasy, or all sorts of other fantasies that provide people with a fun and cathartic break from reality and all its gray areas and unfortunate truths and overwhelming systemic power structures that leave us feeling helpless against faceless enemies we don't always know how to fight.

Sometimes, "this story is unrealistic," is the point.

If You Want To Write A Great Story This Is What You Should Know - John Vorhaus