#writersblr

note: i hope you guys like this bcs it will be once in a blue moon that i write something that isn’t smut. <3 reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!

Looking back, the first time he saw you leaning against the wall, it never felt like the start of a life-changing friendship when you were just a stranger. Scribbling something on your arm with a pen made you keep your mouth in a tight line. That specific expression caught his attention and made Art look twice. Catching him staring didn’t make you smile at all, but you just blinked at him with a blank expression. The memory of that exact moment never really left his mind, even without him talking to you right then. Running into you again was accidental when he spotted you at a corner table in the library a few days later. You were hunched over an open textbook while tapping a pen against your jaw with one earphone loose.

Asking a question he already knew the answer to was just an excuse to get your attention. “What do you want?” you muttered as you pulled the other earphone out of your ear. You kept your eyes on him while waiting for a good reason. “Is the assignment due tomorrow?” he asked as he pointed at your open textbook. You didn’t even pause your reading to give him a proper glance. “You really don’t pay attention to the lectures at all,” you replied before going right back to reading. Getting called out like that made sure he never stopped thinking about that interaction. Your presence became a normal part of his day without him even trying, and he kept seeing you everywhere on campus.

His phone lit up with your name on the screen all the time. His schedule bent around yours without him even noticing it. People always assumed he had a crush on you, but the idea felt entirely wrong, given his attachment was built on comfort rather than romance. Having someone who never asked for anything from him felt like a relief. Art never really thought about how much he relied on you until he caught himself looking for your face the second he walked into a room. Having you around just felt natural, so he never bothered to think twice about why you were always there. He just welcomed your company when trying to imagine his day without you seemed pointless. “I got you a coffee,” you mumbled as you slid a paper cup across his desk.

Glancing between the steaming cup and the heavy dark circles under your eyes made him raise an eyebrow. “How did you know I needed this?” he asked while picking up the cup. A careless shrug of your shoulders was the only response you gave him at first. “You look totally exhausted,” you stated before turning your attention back to your own work. Smiling down at his notes made him realize he really liked having you around. The best part about having you around was how effortless you made everything feel for him. You were just his friend and easily one of the best ones he had. It was always the little things you did without him even realizing it that made him feel more comfortable in this friendship.

You knew exactly which professors he hated, and you always sent dumb memes at two in the morning just to make him laugh. Ordering food when he couldn’t decide what to eat just showed how uncomplicated everything was between the two of you. Getting along so well made schoolwork bearable, and late nights feel much more enjoyable. Art liked the fact that you never pushed him to talk about things. Asking why he flaked on plans or changed his mind at the last second was something you never did. Making it easy for him to be himself mattered even when he didn’t know who that was. You never hesitated to tease him whenever he started acting up. “You’re being totally dramatic again,” you snickered as you threw a crumpled piece of paper at his head.

Managing to catch the paper in the air made him shake his head at your antics. “I’m just stating the facts,” he countered as he tossed it right back to your desk. An unimpressed eye roll was always your favorite response to his teasing. Art genuinely liked you, but definitely not in any sort of romantic way. Thinking about you like that never crossed his mind, and you were just his person. Knowing you were always there for him didn’t feel scary at all. There was nothing to figure out, and he genuinely thought this was just how a good friendship worked. He didn’t remember how long that phone call lasted after he totally lost track of time while talking to you. It could have been twenty minutes or two hours, but all he really remembered was how quickly he calmed down just by listening to you.

“Go drink some water and stop overthinking so you can actually sleep,” you mumbled as you let out a brief yawn right into the microphone. You waited in line until you heard him move. “Yeah, okay,” he whispered before pulling the phone away from his ear to disconnect the call. He tossed his phone onto the mattress beside him and actually got up to get a glass of water just like you told him to do. He didn’t even think to show any appreciation right then, and he could barely keep his eyes open. Climbing back into bed a minute later meant he just rolled over on his mattress and finally rested. That was exactly what an amazing friendship looked like to him. It meant having someone who always picked up the phone to listen whenever he called.

Then there was Tashi, who joined the organization shortly after he began attending the meetings. She pulled up a chair beside him during one discussion before she asked a question that made everyone pause. She laughed under her breath right after, so Art accidentally snorted his drink. She didn’t talk loudly at all, but people still turned their heads to watch her in every room she entered. He liked the way she looked like she belonged everywhere. They started talking right after that small interaction. “Are you always this easily amused?” she asked while raising an eyebrow at his spilled drink. She leaned against the table while observing his reaction. “I- I just wasn’t expecting you to say that,” he choked out as he wiped the table with a napkin.

He started looking for ways to get near her after that meeting. He didn’t connect the timing to anything important, and he didn’t think his interest meant anything serious either. He already had you in his life to look after him. Everything with you felt incredibly easy and so familiar. He didn’t ask himself why he liked having someone new to look at. Why would he ever question something so harmless? He definitely didn’t stop talking to you just after he met someone new. You always called him after lectures, and you constantly dragged him to film screenings you knew he would like. None of that changed, and you were always his favorite person to spend time with. “We have to go see this tonight,” you demanded while shoving your phone into his face to show him a movie poster.

He leaned back to actually look at the screen. “Alright, I’ll buy the tickets,” he agreed as he pushed your phone away with a laugh. He never felt the need to talk when he hung out with you. He didn’t have to entertain you, so he always chose to be around you when his schoolwork stressed him out. Tashi caught his attention in a completely different way. She was entirely new to his everyday life, and she always did things he didn’t expect. People watched her when she entered a room, as if she might do something worth remembering. He really liked that she argued with him instead of just nodding along to whatever he said. “You’re totally wrong about that,” she argued while rolling her eyes at his movie opinion.

Art enjoyed the fact that she didn’t know him the way you did, and she didn’t seem to want to know him that well either. He kept finding Tashi after the organization events until they just started going home together. They kept hanging out after lectures, and eventually, they started dating, but they decided to keep the entire relationship a secret from everyone else. She wasn’t demanding at all, and she didn’t expect him to text her back right away or make a big deal out of them being together. She just showed up, so he did exactly the same thing. The arrangement worked for them without any effort. “Let’s just keep this between us for now,” she suggested while playing with the edge of his sleeve. She looked up at him to make sure he agreed.

“Yeah, I get that,” he replied, and keeping things private sounded perfectly fine to him. Being together didn’t take over his life, and it just folded into his normal schedule. They kept it to themselves mostly after she asked him to. She mentioned she hated how people in the organization always gossiped about couples, so she wanted to keep their relationship totally unbothered by anyone else. He understood exactly what she meant, and he was perfectly happy to respect her wishes. He didn’t think hiding his relationship with Tashi was a big deal at all. It just wasn’t something that needed explaining to anyone else.

She never asked him to distance himself from you anyway. She never made things weird when he canceled their plans when you needed help editing a paper. She didn’t mind when he picked up your coffee first before meeting her. It was never a choice between the two of you. That was just how his life already looked before she arrived. He had you as his best friend, and he had Tashi as his girlfriend. Those two relationships didn’t feel like they overlapped at all. He didn’t treat you differently, and his everyday actions proved he relied on your presence just as much as you counted on his support. That care showed up clearly whenever you suffered from a bad migraine, and he immediately came over to your place to check on you.

“Did you take your medicine yet?” he asked as he placed a glass of water on your nightstand. He sat on the edge of the mattress to check on you. “Yes, I took it an hour ago,” you mumbled while hiding your face in your pillow. He always needed your input, so he texted you first the exact second something shitty happened on campus. He also insisted on getting your final approval before submitting any of his assignments. Not telling you about Tashi didn’t feel like a lie, and he thought it just meant his friendship with you was exactly the same as always. He genuinely believed he could have both the girl he was learning about and the best friend who already knew him. Art never bothered to ask what the entire friendship actually looked like from your perspective.

He never even thought to ask, and you were just being your usual self by constantly remembering things everyone else forgot. Packing extra towels for him before practice became a totally normal thing you did. You always sent him customized playlists whenever he complained about having a hard time training. Waiting with him before his big matches happened all the time, even when you definitely had somewhere else to be. Bringing his favorite candy to the tennis courts just after he mentioned it once was another thing he took for granted. He never tried to read into your actions, and he assumed that was just how you treated all your friends. Showing up at your place at one in the morning with takeout food and his laptop usually ended with him passing out on your couch right in the middle of a sentence.

“You really need to get actual sleep,” you mumbled before dropping a blanket over his shoulders. Thinking about how much you cared about him probably crossed your mind right before you walked back to your own bedroom. He didn’t bother acknowledging it the next morning, and he just expected you to look after him. Looking after each other just felt like a totally normal part of knowing you. You actually joked about marrying him one time while acting like the idea meant absolutely nothing to you. “We should probably just get married if we’re both single at thirty,” you suggested with a shrug of your shoulders. Art immediately laughed at the idea, and he thought you were just kidding. “You wouldn’t even survive living with me for a week,” he teased as he kept looking down at his phone screen.

He totally missed the way your smile dropped for a second before you forced the corners of your mouth back up to act normal again. You kept your hands folded tightly in your lap so he wouldn’t notice how much his quick rejection actually hurt you. The entire interaction felt totally normal to him, and he genuinely believed you two were just best friends making dumb jokes. He never bothered to notice how often you gave up your free time for him without expecting anything in return. He never imagined you would ever leave his side when you were always there. Art never stopped to think about what being his best friend might have actually been costing you emotionally. Sticking around for seven whole years proved exactly how much you were willing to endure for him.

He couldn’t even remember the exact names of every single girl he dated, and none of them mattered. He dated girls who didn’t fit into his life at all, and a few of those relationships ended on bad terms. None of those girls ever really lasted, anyway. Breaking up with them usually ended with him resting next to you in his car while drinking from a bottle of vodka. “You really need to eat something,” you sighed while pushing a bag of chips across the center console. He always acted like he didn’t care about the breakups, even when he was clearly upset. You never bothered to ask for the details or tell him he made a mistake. Pushing that bag of gas station food toward him was your only response to his bad decisions.

You always knew exactly what he needed to feel better that night. You always just listened to him complain without getting angry at his bad choices. The memory of you sneaking out with him after his worst tennis loss was something that never left his mind. Going back to his empty home was the last thing he wanted to do, so he just drove straight to an empty parking lot. Resting in the open trunk of his car with your legs swinging over the bumper became the only way to spend the night. You were both eating gas station snacks while passing a cheap bottle of alcohol back and forth between you. “I think we’re both just really bad at being adults,” you mumbled into the cold night air. Art let out a genuine laugh at your observation, even though nothing about the situation was actually funny.

Laughing with you was just the easiest way to respond, and he genuinely didn’t know how else to thank you for sticking around. Thinking about how much you cared for him was something he just ignored, so he could keep things easy between you two. That was exactly what the years looked like between the two of you. You always adjusted your schedule to be close to him. He never asked you to do that, nor did he ask whether you wanted to stop doing it. You were his best friend, so he just assumed you would always be around. You kept yourself close for the worst parts of his college life, too. Art spent way too long finishing his undergrad degree, and he kept dropping subjects he hated. He didn’t know what he actually wanted to do with his life.

Pursuing tennis full-time felt totally inevitable, given that everyone expected him to go pro right after graduation. Going to law school was just his backup plan if his athletic career fell apart. Thinking about actually making a final decision just made him want to ignore the future entirely. The sport took up so much of his time that he didn’t even know if he loved playing anymore or if it was just the only thing he was good at. “You don’t have to figure everything out today,” you muttered as you passed him a cold water bottle after a brutal practice. He just nodded at you without saying a single word. Art just ignored the big questions about his future so he wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure. Your degree requirements were already finished, so you should have graduated way before him.

Your career path was clear, but you refused to leave the university. You picked up extra units and extended your time at school just to be near him. “I think I might actually be allergic to the real world,” you joked as you tapped a highlighter against your chin. He never asked why you signed up for more schoolwork, and he totally failed to connect the dots. You were just there with him like you always had been. Art wasn’t ready to leave the campus, and he was incredibly scared of facing the real world alone because he needed more time to figure his life out. You gave him that time without him ever asking. He just took your constant support for granted without realizing what you actually gave up to be by his side.

So he didn’t think the weekend road trip would mean anything more than a fun getaway when he brought it up. He would never expect what will happen will take something big in his life. “We should all go down to that music festival,” he suggested as he tossed his car keys onto the table. He looked between the two of you while waiting for an answer. “Yeah, I’m totally in,” you agreed before he even finished his sentence. Patrick immediately teased the two of you about always doing things together. Hearing him joke around like that made the trip feel like just another regular weekend for the three of you. Art totally forgot to tell you that Tashi was actually the one who came up with the idea to go there. He wasn’t trying to hide her from you, but the detail just slipped his mind.

Art drove over to pick you up with Tashi already waiting in the front passenger seat. She was looking out the open window while scrolling through her phone. You climbed right into the back seat without asking him any questions about her. Patrick got in right beside you with his headphones resting around his neck. No one said much at first, and the car's engine noise mixed with the radio playing in the background. He didn’t check the rearview mirror to look at your face, and he didn’t notice the sudden way you stiffened when Tashi turned around to introduce herself. “Are you the famous best friend he always talks about?” she asked while giving you a polite smile. She rested her arm over the center console to look at you.

“Y-yeah, that’s me,” you replied as you tried your best to sound totally normal. Art just smiled from the driver’s seat without bothering to look back. He acted like the seating arrangement didn’t matter at all, and he behaved as if you hadn’t spent the last seven years right beside him. The four of you spent the long drive talking over the radio and bringing up old inside jokes. You made it through his jokes and laughed when he teased you from the front seat. You let Patrick steal your snacks without saying a word. You sang under your breath as the music played to make the car ride feel perfectly normal. Then Tashi reached over to change the station to a song you didn’t recognize. Finding out about her presence like that probably ruined the entire trip for you, but you forced yourself to keep quiet.

No one said what they actually thought. He just turned the radio volume up before you looked away out the side window. It was a long, awkward drive until all of you finally reached the destination. You all gathered on the beach with cups in your hands later that night. You drank alcohol while you listened to stories you already knew. Art got up halfway through the conversation to grab more bottles from the cooler. You watched him walk away as your cup rested on your knee. Patrick looked directly at Tashi the second Art got far enough away. “So, do you and Art actually have a history together?” Patrick asked as he took a sip from his drink. Patrick watched her face closely while he waited for her answer.

The wind blew some sand across your shoes while she thought about her response. “We knew each other from the organization a few years ago,” Tashi answered while she gave him a polite smile. She traced a finger across her knee instead of looking back at him. “Yeah, sure,” Patrick replied before he kicked some sand with his shoe. You kept your spine totally rigid so you wouldn’t give away how much the conversation bothered you while refusing to move away from your spot. Tashi lowered her gaze to look down at her drink. “I actually texted him last week to mention I was coming to this festival,” Tashi stated as she traced the rim of her cup. Patrick glanced right at you like he already knew what she was going to say next. You looked straight ahead at the bonfire without blinking.

“I definitely didn’t think he would bring other people with him,” she added while she pulled her jacket more around her body. Her words sounded entirely careful, but her intention to get him back was incredibly obvious. “I only showed up today because I hoped we could fix things and get back together,” Tashi explained as she looked back up at Patrick. Neither of you said anything back to her for a few seconds. You gave a small smile before you drank from your cup and just nodded your head as you understood her completely. You really shouldn’t have found out about their secret relationship this way. You swallowed hard as you forced your hand not to grip your drink tighter, but thankfully Art came back two minutes later and relaxed a little when you saw that big grin on his face.

He held a new bottle in his hand, and he immediately started talking about something else. He dropped down into the sand without noticing how entirely quiet the rest of you were. You just laughed at his words, so he wouldn’t ask what happened when he was gone. He didn’t notice anything different about you at all, and that went on for an hour until Patrick eventually announced he was ready to head back to the hotel. The fire burned out completely a while ago. The alcohol clouded your mind, but you clearly remembered every single word Tashi confessed. Tashi stood up before she brushed the sand off her clothes. Patrick let out a yawn, and Art let out a groan like he wanted to prolong the night, but you chose to keep your mouth completely shut.

The four of you walked down the beach road together, but you asked them to stop by a street stall to buy some barbecue that was already cooked. It didn’t take long to buy it, so you just held the paper bag while Art kept swinging his bottle around as he told a story you had already heard a million times. Patrick wandered ahead while Tashi trailed behind everyone else. You walked right beside Art the entire way back. The three of you followed Patrick toward the entrance of the hotel. Tashi walked away toward her room first once you all stepped inside the lobby. “I’m gonna go to sleep now,” Tashi announced as she turned down a different corridor. Everyone just watched her leave without offering a goodbye.

Patrick walked away next while he typed on his phone screen. “Don’t wait up for me tonight,” Patrick called out before he walked down the opposite hallway. The two of you ended up walking down the hallway alone together. He sang a melody quietly instead of saying anything out loud. His bottle was nearly empty, and his legs were covered in sand. The hallway air smelled entirely like salt water. It could have been any normal night for the two of you, but it definitely wasn’t. You looked at him entirely differently after hearing what Tashi said. He had no idea you planned on walking away from him for good. You just passed the bottle back and forth between you. Neither of you talked much because you never really needed words to understand each other.

You both reached the door at the end of the hallway after a few minutes of walking. He pushed the door open to let you step inside the room first. You walked straight to the desk to put down the paper bag of food you carried from the street stall. He followed right behind you before he pushed the door shut. “I really don’t know if I want to go pro anymore,” he admitted as he walked to the center of the room. Hearing him bring up his future felt totally familiar after listening to him doubt himself for years. “Everyone just assumes I was built for tennis, so they expect me to do it,” he explained before he took another drink from the bottle in his hand. He passed the bottle over to you, so you took a drink. You just looked down at the floor without offering any advice.

“I think I really love playing, but maybe I just got good at it early enough to forget how to want anything else,” he muttered as he kicked at the carpet. You didn’t answer him right away, so he just kept talking. “I really don’t know if I love the sport because it belongs to me or because everyone else expects me to play it,” he confessed while looking at you. He searched your face for some kind of answer you didn’t have. He let his shoulders sink as he stood there with his arms resting at his sides. He dropped his head forward to let his chin hit his chest while he stared at his feet for a long time without saying a word. “I just don’t know who I actually am without tennis,” he admitted while looking back at his feet.

“You’ve been complaining about that exact same thing since our sophomore year,” you replied as you walked over to stand closer to him. You handed the bottle right back to him after making your point. “I guess I really haven’t evolved much since then,” he agreed as he scratched the back of his neck with a laugh. He seemed to accept your observation without becoming defensive. “You actually have grown up a lot,” you corrected him while nudging his arm. You wanted to reassure him that his personal growth was incredibly obvious. He just needed someone to remind him of his own progress. “You think about things more now, and you don’t run away from your problems anymore, so that totally counts,” you pointed out as you nudged him again.

He didn’t say anything back to that right away. “What about you then?” he asked while tilting his head. He stopped talking about his own problems to look at you. “I’m gonna get a real job soon,” you stated as you looked at him. You tried your best to sound totally confident about your upcoming plans. You knew this conversation was going to change everything between you two. “I need to pay my mom back since she paid for seven whole years of college,” you explained as you walked back to lean against the edge of the desk. He turned his entire body to face you. “You could’ve graduated already?” he asked as he widened his eyes. The realization completely disrupted his previous train of thought. He looked at you as if he were seeing you for the very first time.

“I actually finished my degree requirements three years ago,” you answered as you looked right back at him. That piece of information made him completely speechless. He just stared at you without blinking. “Why didn’t you just leave school then?” he asked as he ran a hand through his hair. He genuinely couldn’t comprehend why anyone would willingly delay their life that long. “I just didn’t want to leave yet,” you admitted as you gave him a shrug of your shoulders. You didn’t tell him you waited around just because you wanted him to notice you. Thinking about how long you waited for him to finally look at you differently was something you kept entirely to yourself. He didn’t ask for a better explanation after he walked over to hand the bottle back to you.

The two of you stood there near the desk while the conversation completely stopped. You really thought everything between you two was already ending, even without anyone saying it out loud. “I’d probably just be the sidekick if anyone actually bothered to make a movie about us,” you muttered as you took another drink from the bottle. He turned his head to look at you with a confused expression. “W-why would you even say that?” he asked while he crossed his arms over his chest. “Because people always want to watch you,” you pointed out before you handed the bottle back to him. You watched him take it while you thought about how he always got exactly what he wanted without even trying. “You never actually know what you’re doing, but you always end up exactly where you need to be,” you explained as you crossed your ankles while leaning against the desk.

He just shook his head at your words before he let out a laugh. “That really doesn’t sound like a main character to me,” he argued while he took a sip of the alcohol. “It totally does,” you countered as you looked right back at him. “You just can’t see it yet,” you added before you looked down at your shoes. He stopped talking completely right after you said that. He kept looking at you for a long time while his hand dropped to his side with the bottle. You kept looking at him for a few seconds before he finally looked away. Neither of you brought up what you were actually thinking about. He set the bottle down on the desk to pull off his jacket. He threw his jacket onto the nearest chair before he walked over to the bed.

He kicked his shoes off his feet to drop back onto the mattress like his legs gave out. You grabbed the paper bag from the desk before you walked over to join him. You sat down right beside him while you pulled out the barbecue on a stick you bought earlier. “I just knew you’d complain later if we didn’t get these,” you stated as you placed the food between you two. He pushed himself up onto his elbows before he sat up fully on the mattress so he could look at the food. “You always make sure I eat when I completely forget to do it myself,” he mumbled as he grabbed a stick of barbecue. “You literally never think about anything,” you teased before you took a piece of the food for yourself. He just laughed at your observation while he started chewing his food.

“Yeah, that’s pretty accurate,” he agreed while he continued chewing his food. You adjusted your position until your knees almost bumped against his leg. The mattress sank down under your combined weight while he started talking again. He talked about Tashi, and he complained about Patrick while you sat next to him. You didn’t try to interrupt him at all, so you just listened to him speak. He wiped his hands on the empty paper bag before he pulled his guitar from the foot of the bed. He never asked for permission because he never really cared. He placed the instrument on his lap while his fingers started moving over the strings. He played some random sounds instead of a real song. You knew he only did this when nobody else was around. You adjusted your position on the bed while you watched him play.

He didn’t even look up at you because he didn’t have to. You figured this was just his way of talking when words completely failed him. You never told him to stop playing, so you just kept right beside him like you always did. The bottle you both drank from earlier was just on the desk. He kept playing because his hands needed something to do. You knew he was totally drunk, but he managed to play fine. You crossed your legs on the mattress while you stared at him. You always just stuck around without ever asking for anything in return. You told yourself tonight would be different. “Seven years,” you spoke up as you looked right at him. You thought about how long this secret had existed. He stopped playing before he blinked a few times.

“What?” he asked while he turned his head to face you. He looked totally confused by your statement. “I’ve been in love with you for seven years,” you admitted as you met his eyes. You finally said the words you kept hidden for years. The realization failed to register in his brain right away. He kept his fingers resting on the strings without playing another note while he just stared at you. “I don’t know when it started,” you admitted as you looked down at his hands. You tried to think about the very first time you realized your feelings. “Maybe when we were… I don’t know... seventeen? Eighteen?” you explained as you let out a sigh. You remembered how young you both were back then. “Maybe it’s when you asked if I wanted to walk home instead of calling a cab,” you continued while you watched his reaction.

You thought about all those little moments you memorized over the years. “Or when you shared your fries and said you didn’t want to eat alone,” you pointed out before you shook your head. He didn’t answer you, so you just kept talking. “Or maybe it was every time you told me something that felt small to you, but I held onto it for days,” you confessed as you folded your hands together in your lap. He just kept his eyes on you without making a single sound. You let out a breath while you tried to calm your nerves. “I don’t know. I just know that I’ve loved you,” you stated as you looked right back at him. You never planned to actually tell him any of this out loud. You shook your head slightly before you spoke again. “Quietly-” you stopped yourself as you thought about how you hid everything from him for years.

“Constantly,” you continued while you watched his expression. He looked completely surprised by everything you just said. You didn’t give him a chance to speak. “For seven fucking years-” you finished as you let out another breath. He didn’t move an inch after you dropped that information. You didn’t cry or try to make a big deal out of the confession. You just sounded completely tired of holding it all inside. “I don’t want anything from you,” you stated as you gave him a sad smile. You really just wanted to get it off your chest before you finally left. “I just didn’t want to leave without telling you,” you added while you looked down at your hands. “I wanted you to know that someone loved you that long. That hard-” you continued as you looked up at him.

You wanted him to understand how much you cared about him. He just kept staring at you like he couldn’t process your words. “Even if you never noticed…” You whispered while you gave him a small shrug. You totally accepted the fact that he never saw you that way. His mind went completely blank after hearing your confession. He didn’t even know how to react to something like that. The alcohol from earlier lost its effect because the situation just messed with his head right then. Everything happened way too fast for him to understand. He reacted without thinking about what he was actually doing. He leaned forward over his guitar to get closer to you before he put his mouth on yours to kiss you. The kiss wasn’t romantic at all, since he never actually planned to do it.

It was just a panicked reaction because letting you walk away wasn’t an option. He acted on instinct when his brain failed to come up with any actual words to say. Knowing if he meant to do it or if he even wanted to kiss you in the first place didn’t matter right then. You were going to leave, so he did the only thing he could think of to stop you. Your lips didn’t move at all against his. You never even tried to kiss him back, so the mistake became completely obvious to him. You leaned away from him to put some distance between the two of you. You looked right at him without blinking. “Don’t do that,” you stated as you shook your head at him. “Don’t kiss me because you don’t know what else to do,” you told him before you got up from the mattress.

Your words hurt him because having an excuse for his actions was completely impossible. He couldn’t even try to defend himself when he knew you were right. Watching you stand up from the bed was all he could do without trying to stop you again. He nodded his head because he knew he deserved your anger when you refused to say anything else. You walked over to the corner of the room to grab your bag. You packed your things right in front of him so you could commute all the way back to the city from the beach alone. You walked straight toward the exit without looking back at him once you finished. You opened the door to leave the room before you shut it behind you. He didn’t move from the mattress while his mind tried to process everything he had ignored over the last seven years.

His guitar rested right in his lap. The drink from earlier was on the desk. He never wanted any of this to happen the way it did, but he ruined it anyway. He didn’t leave his spot, and he realized taking his mistake back was completely out of the question, but he had an excuse to see you again because your graduation was the very next day. It was also his birthday, but caring about that at all right then felt completely pointless. He entirely skipped the actual ceremony, so he didn’t even bother asking anyone for photos. He just looked at his phone while he scrolled past all the pictures other people posted online. He saw your face in every single post. You looked completely happy while you posed with your friends.

Seeing you graduate made him realize your life was moving on without him. He avoided the event entirely because figuring out how to act around you after the previous night was just too confusing. He typed a message asking for one last drink and sent it right away before he could change his mind. He called it a tradition so you wouldn’t reject the invitation. Meeting you right then was just something he really needed to do. He completely hated the idea of watching you finish college when he had no idea what to do with his own life. The thought of not seeing you at all bothered him even more. He grabbed his bag before he left his place. He arrived at the meeting spot completely late, so he parked his car and walked over to find you already waiting there.

He always expected you to come because you always listened whenever he asked for something. Thinking you were just a really good friend was his usual mindset for years. You didn’t smile at him when he walked over. You never even tried to tease him like you usually did. You just looked completely exhausted. “You really took your time getting here,” you stated as you crossed your arms over your chest. You didn’t sound angry, but you definitely sounded completely done with him. “I made it,” he pointed out while he gave you a shrug. You didn’t laugh at his excuse at all. He told you to walk to the convenience store with him just like you both usually did. You walked right beside him without saying a single word.

The silence between the two of you felt completely wrong this time. Everything between you two was totally falling apart. Being entirely distracted meant he completely failed to notice the obvious lack of lights coming from the storefront. Reaching the dark building only revealed that the glass doors were completely locked. “I totally forgot it was Sunday today,” he muttered as he checked the closed sign on the window. You just turned around to walk away, so he followed right behind you. The two of you ended up walking another three blocks to find a liquor store that was actually open. He bought some alcohol and shoved the cans into his bag. You both walked back to his parked car right after, so he could drive back to his home.

You followed him up the stairs without asking any questions. You both ended up on the roof of his home a few minutes later. You crossed your arms over your chest again while looking out at the street below. He pulled a couple of beers from his bag and popped the tabs open before he handed one over to you. You uncrossed your arms to take the can from his hand without making any eye contact. Neither of you tried to make a toast before drinking the alcohol. He just watched you stare out at the street below. Thinking about everything you told him the previous night finally took over his brain. He realized your actions were never just about being a good friend. It all made sense after you confessed your love for seven years, and his mind started playing back every single time you put him first.

Mistaking your love for basic kindness happened entirely on his end. He always took your presence for granted because having you around was just convenient for him. He looked down at the beer can in his hand while he thought about the butterball candy he gave you during a road trip years ago. You joked about it tasting expired before throwing the wrapper at his face. Laughing at your reaction just turned it into a normal habit between the two of you after that day. He forgot he actually did that with Tashi first, and she was the one who started it. You never knew about her, so that candy became an inside joke without you knowing it was already something he did with another woman. You let him take up all your free time without ever asking for anything back.

You gave him seven entire years of helping him out and keeping quiet whenever he messed up. Thinking about that kiss back in that hotel room made him feel awful since he only did it to stop you from walking out the door. He just panicked instead of admitting he was terrified of losing his best friend. He couldn’t get that night at the hotel out of his head. You were resting on the edge of the mattress and pointing out that it had been seven years. Your voice didn’t even shake while your hands never tried to reach for his. He knew he messed up the second his lips touched yours, since it was nothing but a selfish reaction. He felt completely guilty about it because he knew it was wrong. He never forgot the exact way you told him not to do that right after you pulled away.

You told him not to kiss you just because he didn’t know what else to do right before you grabbed your things to leave. Hearing those words in his head just made him realize he had completely ruined the best thing he had ever had. He never tried to bring it up again because he couldn’t lie to your face about his feelings. He actually did love you, but it definitely wasn’t the way you wanted him to. He never felt that kind of romantic urgency or devotion you held onto for all those years. “I really don’t want you to leave,” he muttered as he took a sip from his beer. You just kept looking at the street below without turning your head. He loved having you in his life because you were the only person who truly understood him.

The idea of letting you walk away completely terrified him. He couldn’t tell you how much he needed you because it felt entirely selfish to hold onto you when he couldn’t give you what you deserved. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you,” he confessed while he stared at the side of your face. You didn’t give him an answer right away, so he just drank more of his beer. “You’re gonna have to figure it out eventually,” you replied before you took another drink from your own can. He couldn’t force himself to say he loved you too when he knew his version of love wasn’t enough for you. Bringing you up to this roof for a final drink was the only way he knew how to let you go, and keeping his mouth shut seemed like a good way to make you wait beside him just a little longer.

Hoping your presence would fix something inside him was probably selfish, even if only temporary. You just drank your beer without looking in his direction at all. Your mind was already thinking about something else entirely, instead of him. “Happy birthday,” you mumbled before you took another sip from your can. Hearing you say that made him feel incredibly awful because you sounded so distant despite being right there beside him. “Congrats on graduating,” he replied while looking right at you. Giving you such a basic response made him feel completely pathetic. You didn’t even bother saying thank you back to him.

“I should go now,” you muttered as you set your empty can on the ledge.

“Yeah,” he replied while staring at his own shoes. You turned around right away before walking toward the roof access door. You didn’t try to look back at him. Watching you leave without saying another word was his only choice. There was absolutely nothing left for him to say to stop you from leaving. He wanted to apologize for kissing you like that back at the hotel. He wanted to say sorry for wasting so much of your time. He wanted to ask for forgiveness because he just couldn’t love you the exact way you needed. Realizing he was actually losing you didn’t happen until you told him you were already done. Saying any of those things wouldn’t fix anything at all, right then. He just let you walk to the stairs without even trying to follow you this time. Waiting around for him wasn’t your job anymore.

You were always the only constant thing in his entire life. You were the only person he relied on whenever he didn’t know what to do with himself. Keeping him company whenever he felt completely lost was something you always did. You supported him whenever playing tennis brought him nowhere. You listened to him complain when he was doubting himself and felt like getting his degree was totally out of reach. You never judged him whenever he doubted his future career and felt like he was just faking his way through life. Letting you take on all his problems without ever giving you anything in return was his biggest flaw. Thinking you would just be around forever happened because he assumed friendship worked that way.

Kissing you completely ruined that comfortable illusion between the two of you, and he knows that pretending everything was fine just wouldn’t work anymore. He had no idea who he was without you around, and that’s something he can’t even fully grasp. He spent so many years relying on your help for everything, so how can this be an easy road to fill the void you left? He doesn’t even actually want to figure out his own life by himself when he’s used to hearing your advice and opinions. He didn't even know how he was supposed to survive his own mistakes without you there to save him. It felt like he finally woke up to realize he destroyed the only real thing he ever had, and like he spent seven whole years draining you empty just to keep his own head above water. There was no one left to save him like he always expected you to do whenever things went wrong. He just had to live with the reality that he pushed you away like he never even cared at all.

⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀ twenty-twenty-six © addie / musingsofheaven.

⠀⠀⠀

Maybe you just didn't sleep enough. Maybe it was the stimulant drinks you had had to keep you energized. Maybe it was having been out, and having talked to or been around too many people, and having had to bear the motherfuckers guys that pass by you on their unnecessarily loud motorbikes on the street, thinking that somehow accelerating right past you is in some way impressive or funny. Oof. Shuddering at the memory.

Typically, you'd be unsure of what is to be done about it, this feeling of density in your nerves. You could try and ignore it, let it ferment in silence in the back of your mind as you do whatever mundane task keeps you busy and stimulated without being too much. Cleaning, making a snack, walking around the house with no set motives.

The moment you have to sit still, though, it becomes a little too apparent, and very much annoying. And you know something, that isn't faking it (pretending you're fine) until you make it, has to be done about it.

You, soggy sponge full of a ridiculous amount of some deeply bothersome, psychologically rancid substance, YEARNED to be squeezed. To be freed from the mental sensation of being a struggling balloon over-filled with helium. To be, essentially, grabbed by a giant pair of hands, and have them squish you slowly, mercilessly, until you deflate.

Of course, none of those were viable solutions if you wanted to avoid being an outlaw to this universe, and abide by the laws of physics. Bummer, no? So you had to go for the next most liberating thing,

with the help of your ever-willing (...crickets...) and loving partner.

Hopefully.

“Hobie,”

“Yeah?” although Hobie's hands did not pause the tuning of his guitar, his eyes did dart up to your form standing across the living room, just by the doorway.

“Can you like... Uh.” You tried to gain some time, walking to sit on the couch next to him (he wasn't sitting on the couch, but on the carpet), and let it sink in his mind that you were gonna ask something.

“Lie on me?”

There was a beat of silence. That did have his hands stopping, though not him looking back at you for a second.

“Lie on you?”

“Yeah.” a nervous laugh escaped you when he turned to you with a skeptical frown. You didn't feel like overexplaining yourself today; that'd just delay results. It wasn't easy to explain, anyway.

“Man, like. Can you lie on me? You know.”

“Bruv. Do I? Do I know? Why'd...” his head shook while a slightly amused, although confused expression spread across his face.

You gestured around, “It's... I like when people lie or sit on... Like.” Hobie raised an eyebrow. “Not like that! I just like to have someone on me. Come here?”

His shoulders rose as he sighed, looking at you thoughtfully with a posture that did not indicate compliance. “Oi, I know sometimes I look like I don't weight much, but that... it ain't true.”

“No but that's the point—”

“I'm not going to squash you.”

“Oh come on. Listen, just—” you gestured your hands for him to keep his attention on you and lied on your back on the couch. To which he, (not) putting it nicely, he laughed at your face. Standing up and abandoning his guitar on the floor. “Are you serious?”

“Bring it in!”

“Look at me!” he spread his arms and would have twirled in place to emphasize his size if he wasn't so shocked. “Love—”

There was mild laughter amidst your following words, but you truly had to try everything until something stuck, “If you love me you'll—”

“Nah, don't even try that!”

“Pizza later? You pay though.”

“You trynna bribe me with me own money?” he smiled with disbelief.

“What if I died tomorrow without you having lain down on me?!”

That had his smile faltering and jaw clenching for a moment. Struck a nerve?

“Nope. Not there, baby.”

“Hobie, please.” he stared at you whining while trying to beckon him closer with your hands. You were starting to consider giving up and waiting until he left to, who knows, disassemble furniture and see if something is heavy enough. «You could hurt yourself»? To be alive is to be in danger anyway... or something.

“I need this. I promise it won't hurt me.”

He seemed to meditate the request for a moment upon seeing the real anxiety that hid under that pout of dubious genuineness. You were being a little too insistent to be joking. Poor attempts at emotional blackmailing were just not your thing with him and yet here you were.

Whatever. Who was he to question the kind of things that calmed you down? It's true that, as he was a tall guy, he was always extra careful with other people to not crush them like insects, but if your sake, that of the very favorite of his heart, was for him to do precisely that then, well.

Sigh.

“You're a funny one,” he said and started trying to find a way to do what you asked. A big grin of victory found its place on your face, and your energies were briefly renewed. He thought of it to be adorable.

“Okay, okay. Wait. Like this,” you turned around to lie on your belly and give him a more stable surface. Your back. “Now.”

Hobie maneuvered himself around, getting close and moving away intermittently. Was he that distrustful of his own, what, strength? Weight? You're not made of glass and it was starting to seem dramatic.

“Scary shit.”

“Imagine I signed a contract where I'm responsible for whatever happens.”

“You said it wouldn't hurt you. I am keeping your word.” he decided to start by positioning himself to sit on your bum. A soft and cushioned beginning, although more for his own peace than anything.

“And I stand by it...!” you reinforced.

Then your now even more beloved and handsome partner sat entirely without holding back and, uuuugh. Immediate relief in your lower body. Like being decompressed. The couch was probably about to try and swallow you.

“Ouh just like that. Like that. All over.” you pressed your forehead against the surface beneath with your face in between your elbows.

Hobie rotated himself on your behind so his back was facing yours. Luckily enough, he had been barefoot so you didn't have to worry about his big ass sexy clown boots leaving dirt nowhere on the furniture or you. You expected him to grip the backrest of the couch and lower himself in a very awkward manner, because unless you plop down carelessly onto someone else in this position how would you end up back-to-b... what.

Your head turned to the side just to see how the heck he was lowering himself so smoothly with nearly no support whatsoever. Core strength? He has a great affair with her, apparently.

“Hobie. Hobie, how are you doing that,” you said with an increasingly choked tone as his body weight distributed throughout your back.

“Doing what?” You couldn't answer, because heaven seemed to literally just have fallen upon you.

You lowered your arms with difficulty to lay them limp beside your body and turned your head to rest your cheek on the cushioned surface. Then you wheezed, feeling all of his dead weight on top of you.

“You good?”

“Perfect,” you choked out quickly. “I am so happy. Will you do this every day for the rest of my life.”

“'m keeping my last name, but I accept.”

You forced your constricted lungs to take the deepest breath possible, which heightened the overall experience of feeling like you were in a safe recreation of where those dang cave divers with a loving wife and 3 kids go in their free time. You were securely held-between slash being mashed-by 2 absolutely unmovable objects and it was great.

The urge to either scream or moan as you exhaled was strong, but unfortunately that is not socially acceptable. Alas, you and Hobie are not socially acceptable in general, so you just loosened up and practically roared like you were trying to scare off a bear.

“Bloody hell. Unbelievable.”

“Stop judging me—”

“'m not judging!”

“This is extremely liberating—” strained breath, “oh I'm so happy.”

“God. I love you,” Hobie paused, playing with your hair. “yer bloody strange.”

“I love you too, and fuck you.”

/The Physics of the Twist

When a knife goes in, it pushes tissue fibres aside more than it actually slices them. When you twist it, the blade edge rotates through tissues that were only displaced, not cut, effectively sawing them open. Multiple tissue planes and muscle fibres will get shredded at different angles, and the wound channel will widen. Think “circular” instead of “slit.”

/The Biological Consequences

A straight stab can miss major vessels if the attacker’s unlucky. But adding a twist, there is a higher chance of hitting or partially severing arteries/veins you just barely missed. The jagged, irregular wound edge stops the muscle fibres from clamping down to slow blood loss.

If it’s in the chest or abdomen, twisting can tear through organ capsules (liver, spleen, kidneys). These are bleeding nightmares. It can also increase the risk of multiple organs being punctured in the same wound path. In the chest, the twist can create a bigger hole for air to enter, causing tension pneumothorax (lung collapse + heart squeeze).

Blood loss + pain + psychological trauma = hypovolemic shock will happen much faster. Because the wound is irregular, blood pools internally in messy pockets, making control harder.

/Extraction Bonus Damage

Pulling it out after a twist will cause the rough, jagged exit path to tear the tissues again. If the knife has serrations, say goodbye to smooth tissue edges. It’s like dragging a rake through raw meat. If it’s in the gut, organs can prolapse through the widened wound.

/Survivability

Without immediate advanced medical care? Low.

With rapid intervention? Depends on the location (chest and abdomen = worst prognosis), size of blade, and how much twisting was done and whether major vessels were hit, since more twisting = more contamination risk (gut bacteria spilling into abdominal cavity → peritonitis).

and here's some information of each body parts' fate after the twist:

1. Neck

The neck is basically a bundle of life-support hoses with zero protective bone covering most of it.

Carotid artery / jugular vein damage: Twisting here turns a possible nick into a full sever. You will get high-pressure arterial spray or massive venous pooling in seconds. Loss of consciousness can happen in under 10 seconds.

Trachea/larynx: Twist slices cartilage rings like snapping a straw. Air escapes into tissues (subcutaneous emphysema), causing swelling and choking.

Spinal cord risk: Deep posterior twist = instant paralysis or death.

This is the fastest route to kill without touching the brain :D

2. Chest

The thoracic cavity is tight, so any hole here messes with both lungs and heart by pressure change.

Heart: Straight stab might pierce myocardium, bleeding into pericardial sac (cardiac tamponade). Twist enlarges the hole, making tamponade happen faster and harder to treat.

Lungs: Twisting creates ragged lung tears, causing them to leak air and blood, collapsing both sides.

Major vessels (aorta, pulmonary arteries): Even partial damage turns into full rupture from twist torque. With the twist, you can turn a survivable pneumothorax into a “blood fountain in the chest” situation in seconds.

3. Abdomen

It’s like stabbing into a bag of soft, fluid-filled organs.

Liver & spleen: High blood supply + soft tissue. Twisting here means massive, uncontrollable haemorrhage.

Intestines: Twist opens loops so gut contents will spill into peritoneal cavity, causing peritonitis in hours.

Stomach: Similar contamination risk, but with added digestive enzymes chewing through tissues.

Abdominal twist wounds often look stable for a few hours, but the patient dies from sepsis or hidden internal bleeding later.

4. Back

You’ve got kidneys, spine, and big vessels hiding there.

Kidneys: Rich blood flow + fragile. Twisting shreds them into pulp. The blood loss will be massive and urine will be filled up with blood (haematuria) instantly.

Spinal cord: A twist can completely sever nerve roots, causing permanent paralysis.

Aorta/vena cava: Located behind the intestines, but twist in deep enough, and you’ve just cut the body’s main pipeline.

5. Extremities

Not instantly lethal unless you hit major vessels, but twisting increases odds of severing arteries such as femoral, brachial (this takes minutes to bleed out) and shredding muscles/tendons so limbs lose function even if you survive.