#wormstachewrites

“Okay,” Dean dipped a fry into the ranch before he held it out for Cas to eat. “What college is Sammy going to?”

“Easy.” Cas shrugged while he chewed. “Standford.” 

“Ding. Ding. Ding! That gets you another point closer to a reward.”

“I wouldn’t call it a reward considering I paid for it.”

“Hey,” Dean held out the small container filled with a peach cobbler. “Do you want this?”

“Yes. That’s why I ordered it.”

“Then you gotta play the game!”

Castiel sighed, quickly glancing at Dean with those sad little baby blues, before turning back towards the road. 

Dean’s shoulders fell. His eyes watching every breath his boyfriend made. “What?”

He didn’t mean for that word to come out sounding so hostile. 

Cas shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Just spit it out.”

He took a sharp breath before letting out a long sigh. “We can just…we can go with the friend thing. If it’ll make you more comfortable.”

Dean knew this was where the conversation was going. Ever since Dean invited Cas to his family home for the holidays, Cas kept bringing this topic up. And, to be honest, it’s not like Dean can blame the guy. He’s chickened out so many times before, introducing Cas as everything from his old pal to his bestie from college but never his boyfriend. 

But Dean wanted to change that now. He’s been planning to change it for years now but after months of looking for rings and being encouraged by his group of mutual friends, Dean was ready for the next step. He just needed to do this one thing. 

Come out to his family. 

“Babe,” Dean reached over to put a hand on Cas’s knee. “I want to brag to them about how awesome you are. And when I'm talking about you, I want them to know that im saying it with so much fucking love that the’ll be jealous. They’re gonna be ‘That’s gay!’ and I’m gonna be ‘I am gay!’”

Cas chuckles, already pulling over to the side of the road. “You’re bisexual, Dean.”

“Same shit to them.”

As soon as Cas parks the car he pulls Dean in. Gripping him by the shirt and smashing their lips together while they both smiled into the kiss. 

“I love you.” Dean reassured him. Kissing the tip of Cas’s nose while his fingers played with the side of Cas’s hair. “And I’m ready to love you out loud.”

“Is this one of those Christmas miracles?”

They both stared up at the night sky silently for a bit. Letting the cold creep up on them for a little longer while Dean tries to silence the echo in his head. 

Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas.

“Cas.” He let the name slip through his lips in a low whisper but it was still heard. 

He expected a sarcastic response but all he got was, “I’m here, Dean.”

He turned to meet those sad blue eyes. “You sure are. Why?”

This was supposed to be a family reunion for him. He hasn’t seen Sammy since they were teenagers. Dean moved across the country for college, occasionally visiting for holidays, but then Sam went to study abroad and they lost touch until recently. Now they call every day and Sam’s back in Kansas, starting his life with his fiance, and ever since Dad died they became close. More open. 

Such as letting Sam know about his sexuality and his ex-boyfriend.

“Sam invited me.” Cas said casually. “Said you wanted to see me.”

He wasn’t wrong but still, “Why?” Dean repeated. He leaned forward on his chair, elbows on his knees as he scrapped the paper off the bottle. “I hurt you so much, Cas.”

Dean almost gasped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “I knew it wasn’t you who said those words that night, Dean. I knew that you loved me and I love you so when Sam reached out to me I just…I had to come see you.”

Dean placed a hand on top of Cas’s own. “That night it was–I was so lost and my Dad just…I was a mess,” Dean looked at him again. “I’m sorry, Cas. Hurting you will always be my biggest regret in life.”

Cas smiled softly at him. Letting their hands fit together as they fell on Dean’s lap. “I found out later why you did it.”

Dean's face froze as he squeezed Cas’s warm gloved hand. “You do?”

“After your Dad died, I wanted to check up on you but knew that wasn’t what you needed right now. So I came by weeks after you left to check up on your Mom, we had lunch and talked all day. When I brought her back home she told me what happened with you and your Dad that night we broke up. You saw no other way…you protected me.”

Dean shook his head, gently letting the beer on the floor as he wiped his face. “You know that man never made empty threats and when he threatened you I just…I just lost it.” Dean brought Cas’s hand to his lips. “I lost you and myself that night. So I left again.”

“No goodbye.”

“Didn’t think you wanted to see me after that.”

“You’re probably right.” Cas chuckled. “Would have turned on the sprinklers on you.”

They both laughed before Dean stood up, leading Cas to the end of the deck where they could see the snow not stick to the ground. They faced each other, smiles warm and eyes still sad. 

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as he slowly talked. “Cas, you deserve so much better than I could ever give you and now you’re this big important person but there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t love you. Even looking at you now,” Dean reached to hold Cas’s face gently in his hand while he still didn’t dare let go of his hand with the other. “I feel like that 18 year old that followed his best friend to college and fell in love with him.”

Cas smiled, turning his head just enough to kiss Dean’s hand. “Just spit it out already. We’re turning blue.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him in from around the waist and holding him close. Their lips are just mere inches away. “If it’s warming up you need, I got you.”

“Use your words first and then we’ll see.”

Dean could feel himself warming up as his heart hammered in his ears. “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“I love you. I love you and I’m so sorry for everything. I missed you so damn much, Cas. I love you. I lo–”

Cold lips pressed against his own. Warming him up so quickly it felt like he was on fire. But it was a burn he’ll gladly feel again. 

This time Dean wasn’t listening for the click of the door opening but he sure heard the Christmas music get louder and saw the flash of a camera go off. 

“And here we have what we like to call a Christmas miracle.” He heard Sam say as Cas pulled away from the kiss. They heard cheers from the family and another flash blinded them. 

“Oops.” He heard his Mom say. “Just needed another one for the family newsletter. I told your Aunt that I could get you two together again!”

“Okay! Okay, show over now!” Dean sent everyone back inside, before taking Cas’s hand. “You okay to come in?”

He had a spell ready to kill these tiny Gods but they had to be together and where ever the sacrificial guy was, the Pumpkin King was sure to follow. Unless he was eaten already then Dean was screwed. 

 He wasn’t sure if he was even running in the right direction, the cornfield felt never-ending, but then he tripped into a clearing. Rolling behind some hay and bumping heads with somebody.

“Ow!” Dean hissed. Not because of the head bump but because someone just punched him hard on the shoulder. The dude looked like he was ready to do it again, winding up his arm and wide blue eyes looking extra crazy under the moonlight.

“Stop! Stop! Stop. Hey….buddy?” Dean grabbed the dude's fist and quickly pinned it behind him. “You got kidnapped and left for dead in this field for a monster to kill you?”

The man quickly nodded, knocking Dean backward and pinning him underneath his body. Dean looked up, surprised but in awe of this beautiful man. 

“I had a bad morning.” The handsome stranger said. A voice so smooth and deep it made Dean want to sigh dreamily at him, but he needed to not be killed first. 

“Tell me about it.” Dean tried to charm his way out of this one but a loud scream of something otherworldly brought his attention back to reality. “Sorry let me introduce myself,” The man raised a brow at him but Dean felt the body weight on top of him become lighter. “I’m Dean and I know how to kill these bitches.”

“Oh?” They heard footsteps come closer and Castiel looked around before they both quickly crawled toward the cornfield. They lay low and held their breath for what felt like forever. 

Eventually, the footsteps got further and further away and they crawled their way back to where they met. Backs against the stack of hay and eyes facing forward towards the cornfield. 

“Cas.” The man whispered to Dean after they both finally caught their breath. “And I don’t know how I got here. But I want to go home. Alive. Preferably.”

“Well, Cas,” Dean held his hand out for Cas to take for a shake but Cas kept their grip. Dean could feel their pulse race between their palms and didn’t pull back either. Instead, he gave Cas’s hand a little squeeze of reassurance, meeting those wide eyes filled with terror but determination—probably a bad combination. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Cas smiled, it was small but Dean wanted to see more of it. “Thank you, Dean.”

Oh. 

Some plants didn’t make it, a lot of them needed sun and not just those bright lights Dean had to buy. He didn’t find it fair that he trapped all these beautiful things underground. Suffocating them. Ruining them. Killing them. He got a shovel and bought some fresh dirt. A rooftop garden shouldn’t be that hard.

Dean added umbrellas, beach chairs, and a cooler to his oasis. He had a small speaker playing an audiobook while his fingers were covered in dirt. Pulling weeds and encouraging his sunflowers to grow. He was alone and yet he felt surrounded by their presence. In everything beautiful, there was a little sign of his best friend.

Dean always imagined Cas like a natural disaster wanting to be a simple breeze. He didn’t want to break anything. He only wanted to exist in a world where he could watch everything grow. Wanting to help wherever he could. He wanted to be good. He desperately wanted to be good. Dean planted irises. 

Onions, potatoes, and carrots are the next to grow. Jack enjoyed digging them out. He couldn’t wait to see how big his pumpkins would grow. Dean missed the beautiful colors of the flowers but his room still looked bright.

The sun was high up in the sky but Dean didn’t mind. He was singing his favorite song, had a cooling rag around his neck, and a big sun hat on his head. His rooftop garden has grown. There now was a tent shading the flowers that needed it and a little plastic kiddie pool for his feet to rest when he needed it. Right now he was content, seeing his garden so beautiful and full. In that moment he felt whole.

Sam and Dean lay on the beach chairs staring up at the stars. It reminded them of a time when it was just them. They had no home just a job to do. Just chess pieces in a game they had no choice but to play along with. Now they had a choice. Dean decided he wouldn’t soak his hands in blood anymore. Sam supported him. They’ll look for a place in the morning. Right now they’ll enjoy the sky. 

Starting over alone didn’t feel right. The new house was a big fixer-upper but it felt like a place he could grow old in. Dean bought a bouquet of flowers to place in the middle of the kitchen table. Someday it will feel like home and he’ll be happy here.

He set a small table outside. He didn’t know how much he missed constantly being able to see the sky. His routine always involved being able to watch it turn color over the lake. He sat drinking his coffee and eating his omelet. He didn’t listen to the news but instead, he filled the air with his favorite cartoons. He was starting to feel like himself.

Starting a garden was easier when he didn’t have to climb so far up. He tried growing everything he could. Filling his land with edible plants and beautiful flowers. He made a path with some old bricks. He built a garden door. He added a wooden bench. There’s a bird feeder that Eileen gifted him hanging on the tree branch and underneath was a bird bath. Jack gifted him a little garden gnome and Sam brought a rainbow doormat. Dean rolled his eyes but he placed it at his front door. 

It was snowing but it wasn’t sticking to the ground. Dean was in the kitchen cutting tomatoes for soup. He had plans to make the best-grilled cheese and watch Christmas movies. Next weekend everyone will show up to celebrate some sort of Christmas. Dean even had a tree in the corner, decorated with lights only cause his new cat knocked everything off. He didn’t mind. 

Three years passed in a blink of an eye and Dean could still feel the hot grip on his shoulder. It woke him up time and time again, and just like every other time, he got dressed to take a walk. He hated to bother his little munchkin but she was asleep on her side of the bed. Small and curled up on her little blanket. He zipped up his jacket and gave her a little kiss. A promise to come back. He walked down the side of the lake, hands deep in his pockets, the snow was gone but some patches remained here and there. He hasn’t felt so alone in a while. Maybe it was all his guests leaving that brought this on but he couldn’t help but feel someone was missing the whole time. He’s always missing.

Another new year and Dean was in his garden preparing the dirt for the new harvest. His flower garden usually took priority but there’s not much he could do about that during this cold weather. His plants inside were thriving though. He was so into the audiobook that Dean didn’t hear the footsteps. He was on his knees pulling weeds and listening to the main character decide if love was worth the career she worked so hard for. She just shouted his name when he heard his own name being called. Dean jumped, ready to throw the small weeding hoe in his hand but instead, he froze. 

“Hello, Dean.” He smiled. He had longer hair and a full beard coming in but it was him. “Um, Sam told me this is where you live now.”

Dean stood up. He felt cold, his legs shaking but he kept his stare on his visitor. 

“It’s beautiful. Your home.” 

Dean swallowed the lump as he whispered, “Thanks.” He started at him for a bit longer before taking a step forward. “Cas?”

Cas nodded, and his eyes started to water. “I’m back. I’m back, Dean.”

Dean didn’t hear anymore. He ran to him. Wrapping the angel in his arms and savoring every second of it. He felt the long brown hair between his fingers and the smell of rain still lingered on Cas’s skin. 

It was him. Dean took a deep breath. It hurt his chest and he wondered how many years was he holding that in. 

Dean took Cas’s face between his hands and felt himself fall in love all over again. How did he ever think he could live without him? Cas was everywhere in his house but it was never going to be enough. 

“Welcome home, Cas.” He breathed out in relief and Cas chuckled, his hands on Dean’s waist. 

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear that.”

Dean smiled, his eyes remembering every second of this moment. “Fuck, I missed you so much.” He leaned in and the next thing he knew they were kissing. 

Finally kissing. Finally together. 

Dean could taste both their tears as they kissed but they were unwilling to let go of each other. From this moment on they will never be apart. 

“I love you.” Dean breathes into Cas’s lips. Kissing slowly and lazily. “I loved you for so long.”

“Me too.” Cas kisses Dean’s nose. Kisses Dean’s cheeks. Kisses Dean’s eyelids and then his lips. “My heart has always been yours.”

Dean knew that from now on, together they would grow and it would be beautiful.

“Whatever.” Dean mumbled, before watching the last slot of the night tour fill up. “We’re fully booked.”

“Really?!” Dean turns the screen toward her and she cheers, patting herself in the back. “Good job, Charlie.” She mimics Dean’s voice. “Thanks, boss.”

Dean rolls his eyes with a smile, “Fine. Maybe it was a great idea. Good job, Charles. I’ll get you a treat tomorrow.” 

“Iced and lots of caramel please.”

“Got it.” 

Charlie went home after that, Dean could do the locking up himself. It was second nature to him after all these years. 

He started on the third floor; locking windows, emptying trash cans, and making sure everything was in its place. He was about to go downstairs, turning off the last light in the hallway, when he heard something rumbling in the attic above. 

He turned on the light quickly and cursed. He didn’t want to deal with a damn raccoon right now. Dean wanted to go home and finally eat some dinner while he rewatched Friends for the hundredth time. 

He patted his pocket for his mini flashlight and debated on calling Charlie now or animal control. He decided on neither. He should first make sure it is a raccoon and not something just falling. 

The attic is not for the public, it was used for storage by the family and it’s used for storage by the museum. Nothing special. 

Dean kept cursing as he unlocked the door that hid the narrow stairway. One he would usually send Charlie or even Garth because he was too damn tall for it to be comfortable. But he went, turning on the one light bulb that made the stairway an ugly orange color, and unlocked the door at the top. 

He patted his pockets for his phone, ready to call 911 if the damn raccoon decides to jump him, and slowly opened the door. 

It was dark but the moonlight spilled through the one stained glass window. Making the floor look almost like water. It was beautiful.

He was so dazed that he didn't notice the figure by the window. A figure that made no shadow. 

“Oh!” The voice startled Dean. He looked up to see a familiar man smile towards him. “Hello, Dean. It’s always nice to see you.” The man sighed sadly. “Or anyone.”

Dean said nothing. Just stared in shock while trying to figure out if he could run fast enough downstairs and grab his car keys.

The man looked concerned taking a small step towards Dean before his eyes widened. “Can you…Dean, are you looking at me?”

Dean responds with a stiff nod. Watching as the man smiles, giggling just a little bit, before he takes a longer stride towards Dean. 

“I can’t believe it!” The man yells in excitement and Dean has had enough. 

He turns on his heels and quickly runs down the narrow stairway. Not slowing down when he runs down to the front desk to get his care keys. On his way out the back door, he froze. 

Walking back into the main living room, he came face to face with a portrait of a familiar man. A man that was just talking to him up in the attic. 

Dean didn’t believe in ghosts. He believed that death was just eternal sleep and that’s it. No spirits or any other mambo jumbo. Just forever worm food. 

But he also believed in what he saw with his own eyes. 

He took a deep breath. “This is so fucking stupid.” And forced himself back upstairs. Back up the narrow hallway and into the attic, where the man stood by the window again. Looking out of it like a sad Victorian woman.

Lonely.

It took all the courage Dean could muster to call out, “Castiel?” 

The man turned, smiling but looking apologetic. “I haven't had someone say my name to me in years.” Castiel made a move to walk towards Dean but then stopped. “I, um, I apologize for startling you earlier. I was just so very excited.”

Dean didn’t really hear the apology he was still so shocked. The man was a spitting image of Castiel. How can that be possible? “Are you really him?”

“I am.” Castiel took a careful step towards Dean and held out his hand. “Hello, Dean.”