#worked up

He felt his courage draining out of him, trickling down long legs and out through his shoes onto the faded, threadbare carpet of the hallway. A sound at the end of the hallway made his head jerk toward it, and he froze. His eyes meeting Y/N’s as they placed their groceries on the floor so that they could search their pockets for a key. “Hey, Bucky!” Their smile made the corners of his lips twitch, and he gave them a small wave, “As you guessed, I wasn’t in. Gimme a sec, and I’ll get the door open.”

Too late to run away.

Bucky took a deep inhale through his nostrils and held it for a second before slowly releasing it. “I’ll give you a hand…” He counted the steps from their door to where they stood - thirty - and picked up the groceries before following obediently. The lights flickered on soon after he had kicked the door shut gently, his eyes aching for a moment as they adjusted, and then Y/N was taking their bags from him, chatting away like they always did with him. At some point, they offered him a drink.

Bucky froze.

His mind all white noise and full of cottonwool.

All he had to do was say yes or no. It wasn’t hard, it wasn’t something he had never done before, but right now, his mind and his mouth were disconnected. His heart began to hammer, and his eyes darted to the door as if running away would somehow make this less awkward.

“Bucky?” His name sounded muffled, and when something touched his face, he reared back so quickly he stumbled backwards into the freezer door. Y/N didn’t follow him; his pupils were blown, his hands had balled into fists, and his chest was heaving as small gasps forced themselves out of him. “Bucky,” Y/N called gently, “It’s just me - I’m not going to hurt you.”

How did someone so strong, enough so that he could twist metal, become so fragile and frightened?

This wasn’t the first time Y/N had seen him on the brink of a panic attack. They approached him with their hand outstretched, careful of his flinch when their fingertips touched his chest and their palm carefully laid itself flat. His heart hammered against his ribcage beneath their hand, and, ever so slowly, they got close enough that their bodies nearly touched. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Bucky… That’s it…” His breath hitched as he forced it to change. To deepen and become more controlled. Colour slowly returned to his face and his expression relaxed with each passing moment.

“Sorry.” He murmured and moved from the freezer door; the heat from his body had created a quickly evaporating condensation on the metal, and he moved Y/N to the side. Gaze on the door and feet less clumsy as he made for it hastily. A hand curled around his wrist, catching on his watch and making him stop. Bucky looked back at the other and gave them a strained smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “I’m sorry, I just, uh… I guess… I guess I zoned out and made it weird.”

“You didn’t make it weird, Bucky.” Y/N didn’t let go; they knew that if he left, he wouldn’t come back, and they knew he would never stand outside their door, his hand raised, trying to pluck up the courage to knock. There had been many times they wanted to open the door, times when watching his shadow through the gap at the bottom of the door called to them - begged them to make the decision for him and let him come in. “What got you worked up? Was it something I said? Something in my apartment that triggered a memory?”

Bucky shook his head, “I… I guess I worked myself up. Your place is, its nice. It’s a nice, uh, nice… place.” He was fumbling, stammering like a nervous kid and making a bigger fool of himself than he ever wanted them to see. “Shit. I just wanted to ask you out, and I screwed it up.” His hand carded through his hair, and blue eyes flicked from them to the door, pulling at their grip a little.

If he had really wanted to go, he could have freed himself quickly.

“Okay.”

His eyebrows drew together, and he frowned, “Okay? Okay, what?”

“Okay. I’d love to go out with you, Bucky.” Y/N’s hand slid down from his wrist, and they linked their fingers with his, “Just next time your heart is beating that fast because of me… I’d like it to be when we’re both naked.”