It’s a sweat pants kind of night 😅
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It’s a sweat pants kind of night 😅

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January 5 2020
In Christchurch, we stayed with a lovely family near the beach. We worked for them, four hours a day, in exchange for sharing all of their three meals with them and having a bedroom to stay in! Most of the help they needed was cleaning their deck and then pulling it up in order to put a new pool liner in. Though sometimes we’d garden which I love. It was really wonderful to be there, it was about a week. They were so kind and so helpful. They had an adorable 1 and a half year old that was very playful and expressive. Every morning we would wake and make oatmeal, then begin our work. Most days were sunny. We listened to podcasts and books and sometimes the 60s playlist I had been creating. It was really nice to have a routine. Often we’d drive into the city in the afternoon or near the beach. There were lots of little books to explore. Jonah and I love Indian food, and all along our New Zealand road trip we tried different Indian restaurants, and they were all so good. There was a really nice one near our host’s house that we could walk to. Often in the evening I’d do yoga in the living room in front of the huge sunny windows, and then journal and blog. It was such a release to have a solid place to reside of a week, after living in the van on the road so much. I was so productive, and felt so healthy. I feel like it was the ideal buffer between leaving New Zealand after almost three months and beginning our travels in Thailand. I’m so grateful that we landed a job with such an amazing and welcoming family. It was a very relaxed and light environment.
its not that killing GAY characters is the right thing to do.. its that we understand why max killed two characters. gay or straight or whatever. basically everyone in wendimoor has been killed. its not about panto and silas being gay.
I hate to seem rude and you’re, of course, entitled to however you interpreted Max’s intentions but I genuinely am too exhausted to get into fights about this.
The whole incident just has me down and I’m attempting to avoid conflict. I know making a post about it hardly helps but I was purely venting my woes and didn’t even tag it. I wasn’t there to start drama about it; it’s just how I feel.
Max as a writer directed how the characters were treated and how their separate stories ended for them. While it was the inevitable fate of the Wendimoor citizens, it’s just coincidental that the gay couple were part of that group? I don’t think Max set out to do this specifically out of hate but even he should be aware how insensitive it was following the bury your gays trope.
He conducts the story, the characters, the deaths. Making them citizens of Wendimoor pinned down their fate from the start and he knew that.
I would appreciate not receiving any further asks or messages about this.
i’m having tough, conflicting feelings because no place i’ve applied to feels right. i can’t quite explain this. it doesn’t feel like a place of comfort, but more like there’s this feeling of slight dissonance creeping in, and it makes me uncomfortable. i want to choose a place that feels warm inside. that doesn’t mean it won’t be different, or not a challenge, but i want to find a place to work where i sense warmth and comfort and a soft joy in it rather than trying to convince myself subconsciously that it’d be fun.
01/08/2026
Week ends there is no work. I am struggling to know what to do with all my free time. I put laundry to soak and now I would have to go finish washing it. I guess I will feel accomplished after doing that.
I also struggle with wanting to do things by myself and at the same time wanting to join other people. For example, there is a small town nearby where I know there is a cute coffee shop and where I can also do the grocery shopping I desperately need. At the same time I fear that when I leave there will happen something I don't want to miss. But then I might end up not doing anything at all.
I have to make decisions right now.

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30/07/2026
It is almost August, time flies by. I like my morning tasks, I water baby plants in the greenhouse and then go to the other greenhouse where the tomatoes are. I take care of the tomatoes and I enjoy it. Before, I didn't know that tomato plants had such a strong smell. So fragrant.
And also, if you touch the tomato plants, and then you wash your hands, the foam becomes such a vibrant yellow. It is so weird.
I like this little routine I established. After the greenhouses I get other tasks, and the day goes on, but that short alone time I get is bliss.
This entry is from another day, but didn't get around to posting before:
22/07/2026
We harvested seeds. The ones I did were fennel and they smelled so good. It is an enjoyable task because we can do it indoors and take refuge from the scorching sun.
Another volunteer harvested leek seeds. They are so small, they don’t even look like seeds.
The image is of the dried fennel once I removed all the seeds.