#wordswithqueens

One more time,

Let me have a taste of heaven,

You call it insanity,

Drinking at night from six to eleven,

Just one more pill,

And the sadness will go away,

Once I am under the influence,

Who cares if I listen or I disobey,

Give it to me,

Some ketamine and those happy pills,

You’re scared of me now,

It’s giving you ticks and chills,

Take the back seat,

Look at me go down with the ride,

I thought I was invincible,

my mother’s divinity stains my fingers, my mouth all bloodened by her devouring faith.

she tells me if i fast if i keep my soul pure, god will forgive me for sinning/loving a woman/not wanting to marry a man of my faith. she tells me another priest in the village saw god and i bite my mouth so i won’t bite god in the wrist, i keep my mouth closed so god doesn’t get to leave the rotting stench of my rage, i kill myself so i don’t bring his wrath upon my devout mom.

when you ask me if believe in a god, i will lie between my teeth (as my grandmother through hers when she told my mother god will be good if you pray and god will punish if you don’t) and say “no” but we both know i can’t blame a god i don’t believe in, i can’t pray for his forgiveness if i don’t wish to forgive him.

My girlhood was defined by being an image of a goddess, they told all little girls “tum devi ka roop ho” (you are a face of the goddess) and all newly married women “laxmi ji ghar aayi hain” (goddess of wealth and prosperity has entered our house) but no one saw me that way, no one sees us that way. They call us a goddess and tell us to marry into households where an ordinary man would beat up his “goddess” wife. They call us a goddess and expect us to sit cross legged on the bed and tell our surviving daughters that god will be good if you pray and god will punish if you don’t and no one questions god for punishing the murdered girl fetuses for not praying when they weren’t even given a chance to learn to.

and yet i believe in all the inauspicious tales, i am afraid my mother’s prayers will stop protecting me any second, i am afraid the god will punish me for loving, i am afraid the god will ask for my kindness and i will hand him my life instead. 

A pure hearted person who just wants to make sure they did everything in their power to avoid the greater damage—Not just for themselves but for each soul involved.

Selenophile

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵

My skin now in flames

My heads a hurricane

He didn’t expect to have to handle this

He didn’t sign up for this crisis

This isn’t a simple mess

His hand on my cheek is pretend

The devil is a woman tonight

But after tonight I’ve gotta let him go from my mind

Better to be solo

When walking this road

I can’t bring him along

Besides, you never hear of the devil being in love with anyone