#word dump

and then comes that strange moment when you step away from said hyperfixation and you're reminded that the outside world does still exist.

you look at yourself in the mirror and feel momentarily disconnected from your own reflection. you forget what you look like, what your body feels like, because you've spent the last few hours staring at someone's elses face. picking it apart as you try to draw them, or staring in awe while watching youtube videos.

you now get reminded that there are things outside of your hyperfixation, but you don't feel that same excitement trying to engage with something or somebody else.

you don't like the thought of doing any normal human thing because it takes you away from the hyperfixation.

you don't like the idea of hanging out with your friends because all you want to do is think about the hyperfixation.

anytime you wake up, it's on your mind. while you eat your meals, it's on your mind.

suddenly, everything else just seems so damn boring. because it's not that one thing. and all you want, is that thing. even if that means ignoring everything and everyone else. forgetting about your own needs, your own chores and all the things a human is supposed to do.

and while something can make you so happy, it always makes you miserable at some point. maybe because you compare yourself to it, and you think 'what the hell am i doing with my life?', just thinking about it, never trying hard enough to archive anything ever, because you would rather be thinking about your hyperfixation?

ignoring the good and the bad because you don't want to face reality, because the hyperfixation is better. and then when you're faced with reality, what do you do?

you don't know what to do because you've always focused on something else, turned down so many experiences because the hyperfixation is better.

safer. more comfortable. more predictable.

I was listening to Brian the Sun this morning with my caffeine of choice. This artist dances around my head like a super hero doing flips in my imagination while I'm in a boring car. Sometimes that hero slams their ribs into a sign and I don't see them for a good long while. They always come back; that's what heroes do. Hey, isn't their most popular song called Heroes or something?

You know you're lucky when you make the perfect cup of coffee. Everyone gets one every now and then, or tea, if that's your fancy. Maybe both? Finally adding the right ratio of sugar to milk to bean or leaf juice. Or oat milk, for my cattle juice intolerant folk, or almond, or cashew. Anyway, it means it's gonna be a good day.

Has anyone tried making tea and coffee together? Gut rot waiting to happen probably, but I might try it so it stops circulating a protective wall around any productive thought I might come up with.

On that same train of thought, how the heck did we come up with plant milk? I understand cattle and other juice-producing animals, (Also, hippos don't actually have pink milk. That's their sweat, and I don't recommend consuming it. Is this misnomer still a thing?) but who the heck managed to grind up a variety of nuts (and oats [and seeds]) and added liquid to it and said "hmmm. milk."? It sure doesn't taste like milk. Why didn't we call it a kind of juice? Because it's not juice colors? Why isn't coffee or tea juice?