#wizard mail

there is a line in deathly hallows where petunia sends dumbledore a letter begging to get into hogwarts and snape, being a little shit as usual, can’t understand how a muggle could possibly send a wizard a letter. so he proposes the only obvious solution to this problem, which happens to be undercover wizards working in the postal service. I cannot stop thinking about how utterly hilarious this scenario would be. like this would make sense if they were squibs but sneeze specifically said wizard. imagine spending years of your life undergoing a magical education just to end up working at the fucking muggle post office on the very unlikely chance that a muggle wants to contact a wizard. I like to imagine that this situation would happen maybe like, once every 5-10 years, and the poor fool who was cursed with this awful gig just flips his shit because he finally gets to push the wizard mail owl summoning button hidden in his desk drawer for a reason other than to see if it even still works. and you would need one of these guys at every single post office, so whenever they finally get one you know they’re all bouncing off the fucking walls. they prolly bust out the bottle of champagne they’ve been saving in case they ever lived to see this moment. i’m talking confetti canons, three-tiered cake, themed parties, the whole deal. postal wizards go hard, man.