#wizard cures

I have come to realise that when it comes to the treatment of wounds or ailments, there is a lack of sufficient knowledge amongst us.

I will therefore be compiling a list of common magical ailments and the most simple treatments for them. I of course realise that the most effective course of action for such ailments would be to seek the aid of an apothecary or other professional such as myself, however due to the extortionate prices (I am ashamed to say I once saw a fellow apothecary, who I at the time considered a friend, attempt to charge the soul of some poor wizards familiar for the treatment of mere toadpox!) and quite frankly ridiculous waitlists, this is unfortunately inaccessible for the majority of magical folk.

I could of course, cure my chronic pain if I so wished and I have in the past, however back in my hay days training under the wise one, when I was still young and brash (and uhhh under the influence) I made the mistake of picking a fight with an oracle, who has since spent every waking moment (which them being an oracle, is every moment... like ever) watching me and reapplying the curse within milliseconds whenever I undo it, so after several days of non stop undoing the curse and having it instantly redone on me I eventually gave up as it was clear no progress was being made.

Ah apologies for the late response, I would suggest taking advantage of the situation to build a sort of trap for your enemies, however if you would rather just fill it in here is what I would suggest.

You see the earth is very possessive, you took the dirt, but did not replace it in time, so the earth felt robbed and took it back, however because you took the dirt from it and did not explain to the earth you would put it back it feels betrayed and does not trust you enough to tell you where it put it.

Therefore, in order to obtain the trust of the earth enough to get your dirt back, you should give it gifts, such as half decayed bird carcasses, purple mushrooms, and woodlice, or any other valuable gift you can think of.

If you would rather fill the hole in with something else, I would recommend sand.

ah fear not canned-wizard! Mass Fungus Transmutation Disease is perhaps on of my favourite diseases. Worry not, for the toxicity caused by feeding someone your fingers will in fact be incredibly amusing.

If you'd rather cure yourself of the disease you can of course use a frogs leg and eel tongue brew, the recipe, incase unknown to you I shall leave below:

*acnh noises*

yea yea we got the results back

*more acnh noises*

well it's what we suspected, you have a pronoun deficiency...

*shocked gasp*

fortunately it's not terminal it can be cured using additional pronouns

*ac noises begin, but get cut off*

unfortunately there is a very VERY long waitlist... yea about three years...

*however you'd imagine tom nook would sound once he realises you'll never pay off your final loan*

no no I cannot move you up the list im giving you our soonest available appointment... no I understand it's annoying but there's no need to shout

ok look. As a medical professional I must strongly advise against it... however there is someone you could go to who could up with a new pronoun for you... for a price. But you didn't hear it from me.