you tell me more about “Wade realizes he's in a fanfiction” right this instant !!!!
!!!!! You'll most likely be my only ask, so let's make this worth while for both of us. :3
Wade was having a weird week.
He didn't notice the signs at first, but looking back, he should've realized something was up when he actually went a day without some D-list antagonist ruining his life. But he was staying on Providence -- Nate's handmade little piece of paradise that was also personally protected by the savior of mutantkind (Nate) himself -- so Wade felt like his temporary reprieve was just because all of the action didn't center around him at the moment. That kind of thing only tended happened when you tagged along in someone else's storyline. Less action and a lot less dialogue, but he'd take the hiatus, or the cameo guest spot, or whatever. Probably next week the writer's would pit him against the Rhino. Or worse, some villain whose schtick involved puppets or something.
But that didn't happen. His next clue should've been all the little stolen moments with Nate. When Irene was busy being annoying with all of her business talk about current world events and mutant factions and world leaders, Nate's eyes met Wade's in a mutual moment of eye-rolling boredom. Okay, it was more like Wade miming blowing his brains out and Nate rolling his eyes at him and then trying to convey, "stop being a dumbass and pay attention," to him through a series of glares and facial expressions. But Wade took it more like a game of charades and kept miming back increasingly outlandish gestures, including casually rubbing his eye with his middle finger. Irene, of course, turned to glare at Wade just as he was miming a blowjob at Nate.
"Seriously?" Ms. No Fun Allowed asked. "Would you two fuck each other already so this immature flirting can stop?"
"Ex-squeeze me? Since when does this-?" Wade mimed a blowjob again. "Mean I wanna fuck him?"
Nate rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Irene. We're not -- doing whatever that is."
"Damn straight we're not!" Wade agreed. "And I, for one, am outraged -- outraged -- that you'd even suggest something so obscene. I think you should leave."
"Wade, you weren't even invited to this briefing, or informed about it," Irene said. "You just came in unannounced and parked your ass in my seat as soon as I stood up."
"I don't see your name on it."
"I don't see yours either!" Irene shouted back at him. Hah. It was kinda funny when she actually got flustered.
"Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted," Wade said, standing up.
"Really?" Irene deadpanned. "Can you?"
"But for the record," Wade added, knocking over his chair. On the seat, he'd carved WADE into the wood in large letters.
"Real mature," Irene huffed as Wade swaggered out, but Nate had to stifle a laugh. "Don't encourage him," she warned.
Nate didn't find it as funny, of course, when he realized that every single chair had Wade's name carved into it, not just in that room but in every room Wade had access to. He mentioned it the next time they crossed paths, which was when Wade let himself into Nate's apartment that night to watch TV and eat his snacks.
"I also found your name carved into my table, and the couch you're sitting on," Nate added. "Care to explain why?"
"I finally learned how to spell my name?" Wade offered up an innocent smile. At least he hoped it looked innocent. Fuck, it probably didn't. He switched to a pout instead to play on Nate's bleeding heart. "You should be proud of me. W's are hard."
"Funny. If anything's hard for you, you'd think it'd be the D."
"Did… did you just make a dick joke?" Wade asked, and Nate's face twisted into a handsome grin, chuckling at Wade's shocked expression. "Nate, you're too old to make jokes. You could die."
"Fuck off," Nate said, but he was still in good humor. "And stop carving your name into everything. Irene's making jokes about you marking your territory and I don't think she's wrong."
"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Wade promised. And then to himself, "Man, he's gonna flip when he finds my name on his bed."
Nate raised his eyebrows at that and folded his arms. "When I find it where exactly?"
Wade blinked up at Nate in a moment of genuine surprise. "What? ...Oh, for fucks sake, did I forget to think inside my boxes again?"
