#wilful

We would have to have our eyes closed not to see someone that presents with wilful behaviour. Even if it’s not obvious at first, it quickly becomes obvious and is often difficult to avoid. When it happens in families, it’s more difficult to understand.

Wilful behaviour is calculating, it’s behaviour that if that person had their time again would do the same thing again. Wilful is not premeditated. It is usually brought about through unconscious thoughts, but for anyone who presents with wilful behaviour it is something that can span decades.

Someone who is wilful is determined to do what they want, it’s done or expressed deliberately, and with the intention of causing harm, made worse when what that person does, is done over a period of years, and it’s not accepted or acknowledged it was the wrong thing to do.

That person knows their behaviour will cause the most harm, and on the part of those on the receiving end, they’re often powerless to act.

It’s taken me 8+ years and counting to work through my experiences and my life. But the one thing I’m sure of is that I wasn’t in the same emotional space before I started writing. I’ve come a long way.

It’s only when we work through our experiences and we’re looking at the bigger picture that we understand our experiences and other people and how those people make their decisions. I know why I wasn’t told about my diagnosis even though I have medical notes that confirm there was a diagnosis at the age of 2.

With any diagnosis there is so much more to the diagnosis than just the diagnosis. If it was only about the diagnosis, there would be no issue, but all diagnoses have implications. Having cerebral palsy meant I had neurological and emotional implications and those we’re totally ignored.

Growing up without taking my neurological and emotional side to my disability into consideration had far wide reaching implications that I continued to struggle with throughout my life. Truth be known, my life and what I’ve had to deal with throughout my life has been one big struggle.

Although in the early years I wasn’t fully consciously aware of my symptoms and it was all about a non-diagnosis, as I began to grow up it became very clear what my neurological and emotional struggles were and that they were totally being overlooked.

Our many struggles, without a thought and consideration from others as to how we might or will cope, is often the reason we don’t always have to forgive.