#whn

Years ago I remember someone saying that "just" could be one of the cruelest words. Hearing "just do this" or "just do that" and so forth can be really callous in regards to the effort it takes to achieve something.

My current writing projects fall under this category.

In my personal life, I'm a very capable person. Cleaning and cooking isn't a struggle. Daily activity such as stretching and resistance training are usually done. So on.

But... my usual fatigue increases. It crashes my focus entirely.

Even then I have very little sympathy towards myself. Like I keep wondering if there is anything that can push me past this problem.

"Like if I could just start writing then I'd be okay!" but no I start writing all the time, and the keyboard grows blurry before my eyes.

"If I just set up a habit tracker that forces to me confront when I do and don't do it, shame will win!" but shame never wins really.

"I'll just do X amount of words that will add up!" But not really. Especially when there's so few days I actually get anything done.

There is a degree of perfectionism that is stopping me. Fatigue is one thing. Brain fog is a constant companion. Work is continuing to increase as a stresser. Money even more so.

But right now writing feels like screeching on a violin.

Each word choice and formatting, poorly tuned and off-key. And that's how practice happens and works.

Well writing isn't going to happen past 55 words today. I start winding down in under half an hour.

Also not sure if it's a timing issue, like writing in the morning versus evening. Or what, but here's hoping that August will be better for my creative projects.

I'm genuinely proud whenever I finish something.

Even when I look back and cringe at where I was, it does come with the knowledge that I've improved. I get to look forward to new ideas. Feedback basically is the greatest external validation I've experienced.