#wheezy weasel

Judge Doom has a line about how they're gonna end up dead "just like your idiot hyena cousins" if they keep laughing. Now, hyenas and weasels are most definitely not related, but this line would make sense if, say, the creator of the Toon Patrol weasels had previously animated a group of hyenas that also had the weakness of laughter. So therefore, my working theory is that the Toon Patrol weasels were all created by one animator who, for whatever reason, gave their toon creations the weakness of dying of laughter.

All except for Psycho.

POV: you told them you asked Ch4tGeePissTee literally anything

Good morning, guys! Only 11 days left until Halloween! 🎃 Can you believe it? 🤩 I’ve been working on this new AU of mine for a long time, and what better time to post it than the spooky month? 👻 In this AU, the weasels are still Toon weasels, but they’re also monsters like the Twisted Toon Gang. @weaselnerd, @lastofautumn, @amberfox232, @spookiifi, @alexissoosigma52288, @heartsissopure, @trashogram A.K.A. @mantisandthemoondragon, and everyone else who’s also excited for Halloween, enjoy! 😁

Credit for inspiration goes to @marinerainbow, @just-kit-ink A.K.A. @thescottishmermaid and @slashingdisneypasta A.K.A. @wicked1will0sparkles. Please go check out their own wonderful content! ^^

Warning: This contains Yandere elements including stalking, possessive behavior, obsessive tendencies, dark fluff, and slight angst

Smartass 🦇🔫🦇

As a guy of class, style, fame and power, James Cagney Weasel here would be a vampire. Since the day I found fanart of Vampire Smartass, I fell in love 😍 He’d still wear his iconic zoot suit, but it’s more of a black-and-pink palette and I imagine him to have a MASSIVE wardrobe of vampire-themed clothing he’d wear for more…sophisticated events. Balls, ceremonies, etc. He appreciates the fine things in life, or should I say afterlife 😆

He’s still a crime boss and leader of the Toon Patrol, but I like to imagine him holding some other authority over the Monster Toon criminal underworld as head of one of the most dangerous Monster Toon mafias in Toontown. And as a monster criminal, he’s wanted for stealing magical weapons, bootlegging blood-mixed beverages for other vampires during Prohibition, and violent murders and assassinations of other Monster Toon criminals, especially if they’re trying to take his darling Twyla from him.     

Smartass, as stated above, is able to pass as a Toon weasel. He’s good at controlling his thirst for blood and hiding his vampiric nature when out and about with the public and/or interrogating mortal Toons. However, if he’s starving for blood or pushed too far, you might see his eyes flash blood-red temporarily. And let’s not forget about the fangs. They are as sharp and lethal as his switchblade.

Because he’s a vampire, he has many powers and abilities such as increased hearing, telepathy, and hypnosis. As the sun sets and the moon rises, he would be prowling through the streets in search of his love. He could hear her heartbeat far in the distance, her heart he desperately wishes to love, cherish…and possess. Every time he gets closer, it’s like listening to an instrument she’s playing for him and sometimes, he gets so excited, he’ll even dance to the rhythm. Telepathy and hypnosis would also serve well whenever it’s necessary, such as mind-controlling unsuspecting humans or Toons to aid and abet while monitoring their minds for anything that could potentially get him and his boys busted. Yet, for some strange reason, he can’t hear Twyla’s thoughts. Oh, and he can also crawl up the walls. Imagine arriving in his office and he’s pacing around the whole room, including the ceiling, in circles while muttering under his breath like Joe Pesci did in Home Alone because he couldn’t stop swearing behind the scenes 🤣🤣🤣

He can also shapeshift into a bat like any other vampire can, sometimes even mist or a shadow. This gives him the ability to follow his targets and observe from above without revealing himself and he takes this as an advantage to stalk Twyla and kill off his potential rival suitors 😂. And even if he’s not in bat form, he can still summon his wings to fly, show off, or intimidate others. He’s very proud of them. Little guy, BIG wings.       

Greasy 🐺💚🐺

Due to his lustful nature, it makes sense that Greasy would come across as an incubus. However, I can’t help but imagine him as a werewolf. I dunno why, but there’s something about him being a werewolf that lives in my head 24/7 it’s probably because I love wolves and I’d dress up as a werewolf for Halloween 😂

If I were to draw him as a werewolf, he’d look oddly a lot like the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy from Quack Pack 👀 And he would be just as tall Smartass is gonna be so jealous 😂🤣. Like Smartass, Greasy has control over his werewolf form though some might notice how his claws and teeth are much sharper and more…wolflike. Whenever he turns, he possesses the same powers and abilities of any werewolf including enhanced speed and strength, and heightened senses such as smell and sight. He could detect Twyla’s lovely floral fragrance within miles away, and the closer he gets the stronger her delicate aroma becomes…and the more he craves to be even closer. He could spot her out and about her evening strolls under the light of the full moon, its pale glow shining down upon her beautiful body making her sparkle…God, how he wishes to hear her howl and make love to her all night long.    

However, as a werewolf, his possessiveness and obsessive behavior also increase. Besides enhanced sight and smell, he would hear other people’s conversations, especially if it’s regarding the love of his life. He could hear them saying shit about her or the salacious comments they remark about her body whenever she’s out of earshot, either way it sends his blood boiling and a red, angry cloud veils his vision the more they talk. His fangs pierce his gums, and his claws dig into his palms so hard they’d bleed or leave a mark across the hard brick walls. He even grits his teeth to prevent the deep roar of fury threatening to escape his throat, to keep the beast inside of him.

And if you think Greasy’s a menace in broad daylight, imagine how big of a libido he gets when he’s in heat, especially on a full moon. The guy LITERALLY needs to be locked up until the moon wanes. Three to four days of horny werewolf chaos 😅

On the other hand, I’d make him a hybrid, too 🤔 He’s still a werewolf but possesses powers and abilities as many incubi do, like how Twyla is a wolf-mink halfie but she’s also half demon and possesses both of her parents’ powers. Similar to vampires and werewolves, incubi are capable of shapeshifting and they too have supernatural strength and speed, but their own powers mostly consist of mental and dream-related abilities such as dream walking. During nights when there isn’t a moon, Greasy would roam through the silver shadows of the forest leading him to his precious Lupita’s den and he would just…watch her sleep. Look after his sleeping beauty as she slumbers peacefully, safe and protected. He wonders though, does she dream of him?

Wheezy 👻🚬👻

I like to picture him as a phantom! 😄 And why not? He’s perfect for it! He is the most silent of the weasels, and one of the most intimidating. As a phantom, I think he’d be the gang’s shadow man, a stealthy specter who stalks in the shadows of night, watching you under the pale light of the moon. And you don’t even know where he is. He could be lurking around the corner of that wall, or hiding in the shadows of the creepy alley across the street, or…

…he could be standing right behind you.

This makes capturing runaway Toons a lot easier without having to move his feet (lazy old bastard 😂). Like Smartass, he takes advantage of his teleportation abilities to stalk Twyla as he can transfer himself to her exact location without having to sneak out of the hideout/headquarters he may or may not have accidentally stumbled across the kitchen while she was in the house once or twice lol 😆. However, this makes it easier for him to get caught since Twyla’s supernatural senses include sensing the presence of other monsters, even some of her kind. Not to mention, she has powerful magic, and Adam has enhanced security detectors. So, Wheezy’s going to be very careful in his pursuits.

As a phantom, like any other ghost, his other capabilities include electromagnetic interference and thermokinesis. Electromagnetic interference, also known as radio-frequency spectrum, is a disturbance that causes electrical devices and other appliances to malfunction whenever a phantom or other kind of paranormal entity is nearby, and thermokinesis is the ability to mentally control temperature by manipulating molecular motion, allowing you to heat or freeze objects or areas. So if someone (human or Toon) had their eyes on Twyla or are trying to harm her, they would notice something strange. Like how suddenly cold the atmosphere becomes even if it’s summer or how their cellphone starts acting odd a few minutes later. Then they start to feel an overwhelming sense of dread as the cold comes closer and their device is practically malfunctioning. By now, it is too late. All that’s left is the fading scent of Malboro.

He doesn’t know why, but there’s something ethereal about seeing her at the cemetery next to hers and her family’s property at night. The way she strolls through or sits on the bench in the garden of graves, looking around with a longing, melancholic gaze in those beautiful eyes of hers gives another sense of allure about her. Watching her from afar like this gives a sense of peace to Wheezy, knowing that he will always be by her side…forever 💙

Psycho 👻🔪👻

Honestly, I agree with Rainbows and I too think Psycho would be a poltergeist in this AU. Given his character, not to mention his final scene attempting to kill Roger and Jessica, he’d come back as a poltergeist. And since he’s dead, he is now a bright ghostly green bundle of mischief, murder, and mayhem. The laws of nature and Toon logic aren’t enough anymore. Unless you’re a professional hunter like the Ghostbusters or the Winchesters, you can’t take this ghost down.

Poltergeists are somewhat different from phantoms, even though they’re both ghosts. While they’re both capable of invisibility, electric disruption, and intangibility, poltergeist powers include telekinesis and reality-warping. From levitating objects in different places to messing around with the electricity and annihilating scaring unworthy pests trying to steal his Twy-Lala from him, his idea of fun and protecting the love of his life makes The Exorcist look like another episode of Casper the Friendly Ghost 😅🤣    

While poltergeists are known to be noisy spirits causing physical disturbances, phantoms are more subtle and less interactive. And yes, Phantom Wheezy has to put up with Poltergeist Psycho’s chaotic ass 24/7. Nevertheless, having two ghosts in the gang means double trouble for whoever’s on their list. There is no place you can hide, nowhere you can run, and nothing you can do can stop one or both of them from finding you. Especially if they’re working as a team.  

I love the fact that he will cause problems just because he can 🤣🤣🤣 There is no peace, only chaos. Unfortunately, not many people realize it until they hear the sound of giggling…but nobody is there. Like this one time, Daffy Duck was trying to win Twyla over while she’s shopping for Halloween decorations. He’s just trying to impress her with his usual shenanigans, referencing many monster characters or coming up with a flirty Halloween pun to make her swoon. Meanwhile, he has no idea he’s being watched. And once All Hallows’ Eve arrives, Daffy will learn the true meaning of horror 😱

On a lighter note, Poltergeist Psycho loves to float his way onto Twyla’s lap like he’s more of a ghostly weasel puppy instead of an obsessive Yandere wagging his tail while craving for more love and affection. He’s so silly 🥰

Stupid 🦇⚾🦇

He’s also a vampire, just like his big brother. A sweet-natured, fluffy potato that drinks blood. He doesn’t really have a problem drinking blood, to be honest. He puts a healthy dose of blood in his meals, and even his McDonalds’ McNuggets like he’s squirting ketchup. Cold bloody ketchup, of course! 😋

Like Smartass, Vampire Stu has vampiric abilities including super-speed, enhanced hearing, levitation, and superstrength. I saw artwork by another WFRR fan and artist named Mason Earwood (please go check out their art, you guys are gonna love it! 🤩🤩🤩) with Stu holding a full barrel of Dip while Wheezy’s struggling to the point of breaking his back. We all know Stu is practically the Toon equivalent of the Hulk, so imagine a cute vampire teddy armed with a Jack-‘O-Lantern baseball bat going head-to-head with a grown troll and the Monstars from Space Jam. My money’s on Stu 💰😆

But, sadly, like his OG counterpart, Vampire Stu gets bullied a lot too growing up 😢💔 He’d get teased and picked on for being a weasel, and for being a vampire having only one fang. Even other vampire kids bully him, the little flying brats 💢 Not only that, but he gets really sad when he can’t be out in the sunlight. He wanted to play baseball with the other kids growing up, roll around the grassy knoll, and play all day! Sure, he can do that at night, but he really wants to know what it’s like to be out in the sun 🥺 So whenever he accompanied his brother and comrades, he needed something to cover himself. Blankets, coats and hats, anything.

Fortunately, he eventually does! 😁 In this AU of mine, vampires can take medicine or any other kind of supplements to prevent them from burning to death or having a heatstroke while they’re in broad daylight. This goes the same for other sunlight-sensitive creatures including gargoyles, trolls, orcs, and even goblins. And sunscreen helps too! Now Stu can finally fulfill his childhood dreams!  😁👍

Can you imagine how CUTE he’d be in his bat form? 😍😍😍 I MUST DRAW VAMPIRE BAT STU OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HE’D BE THE CUTEST, FLUFFIEST VAMPIRE BAT EVER EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!!! Like his brother, he can shapeshift, but he’d have some difficulty maintaining a proper balance whenever he flies. He tries, he really does! He’s just a little clumsy 😊

The Monster Weasel Mafia

Like the OG Toon Patrol, the Monster Weasels in this AU have no clue the twins are half-demons. Maybe it’s because they’re very good at concealing their own supernatural nature as well as their powers and abilities. Or maybe it’s because they have the scent of mortal Toon blood lingering onto them that keeps them from being detected. Possibly both.

Even so, they’re not willing to open up so easily. They’ve been through so much, and they’ve had to deal with other monsters, even Toon monsters, trying to kill them. This gives Tom a justifiable reason to be wary, even if the weasels are Toon monsters, too. After what he and his family (minus Darry, the drunken disgrace) went through, he’s not risking it. Twyla’s the same but still treats them with kindness even before the warehouse incident and they started going Yandere mode, but she still tells herself she can’t find love. She’s half Toon monster which the other monster kids bullied her for that, and her life is way too dangerous for a relationship. Twyla, my poor baby 😭💔

Meanwhile, the weasels are very suspicious of these mysterious twins, especially Twyla. She’s stronger than any Toon they’ve encountered, her senses are incredibly sharp and the witchcraft memorabilia she stores in her room almost looks a little too realistic. Not to mention, she sometimes has a strange trail of ink dripping down her beautiful face or her ears whenever she gets upset before it disappears as if it never happened. The ink was on her face, they swear! Something is definitely off about her.

And her lovers are determined to find out what.

Bonus!

Lmao, if Stupid ever became close to finding out she’s a Toon monster like him, the scenario would be played out like that scene in Shrek when Donkey finds out Fiona is also an ogre. Rainbows, if you’re reading this, you inspired me to include this hilarious bonus 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Stupid: *screaming in terror* GUUUUUUUUYYYYYYS!!!! TWY-TWY IS GONE AND THERE’S A STRANGER IN TOONTOWN COVERED IN INK!!! 😨

Twyla: *in her demon form, trying to calm Stupid down while hiding the strangled human from him* Shhhh! It’s OK! 🤫

Stupid: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BIG LITTLE SISTER?!?!

Twyla: *coils an inky tendril around him, trying to clamp his mouth shut* No, no! Stu, it’s me! I’m Twyla! In this body.

Stupid: …………..Oh my God, YOU ATE HER?!?! 😱

Phil & Lil: (safely flying past the tornado) 😃😄

Wise Guy: I got ‘em! I got ‘em! (Suddenly feels the tornado starting to pull him in) It’s got me! It’s got me! 😨😣

Greasy, Wheezy, Psycho and Stupid quickly grab him and try to pull out.

Psycho: We gotcha! We gotcha! 😖

However, despite their effort, the weasels were starting to get pulled into the tornado.

Summary: After a long day in Toontown, Twyla begins her evening stroll back home. Unbeknownst to her, her “lovers” try to follow her. Will they succeed this time?

Tagging: @weaselnerd, @lastofautumn, @spookiifi, @heartsissopure, @amberfox232, @trashogram A.K.A. @mantisandthemoondragon. Also, please give a shoutout to our new guest @alexissoosigma52288 🥳👏! Thank you so much for following me, and I hope you enjoy this new silly Yan! drabble of mine 😆

Credit for inspiration goes to @marinerainbow and @slashingdisneypasta A.K.A. @wicked1will0sparkles. Please go check out their own wonderful content ^^!

WARNING: Contains yandere themes including stalking, possessive behavior and obsessive tendencies, profanity, dark fluff, Toon comedy 🤣

Nightfall descended upon Toontown. By then, everyone had left work and returned to their homes in other parts of the metropolis. Looney Lane, located in the Uptown district, was silent like the grave. But only one car remained out in the open.

And that car happened to belong to the infamous and well-feared Toon Patrol.

Sergeant Smartass Weasel kept his eyes peeled on one building while he smoked his cigar. It shouldn’t be long before she wraps up her business and strolls back home. He finally got hold of her routine. It was ‘cucumber-some’ to track her down due to his chaotic work life and her frustrating tendency to not be found if she doesn’t want to be found.  

She’s clever, he’ll admit. But not clever enough.

A heavy uneasiness of tension grew tenfold as he studied the building his doll was currently occupied in. It stood two stories high in length, drawn in 19th-century architecture and painted in Edwardian ink. A horizontal set of three windows governed the entirety of the front side while two identical windows nearly dwarfed the narrow door in between. But what was so strange about this place was that there were no Toon faces drawn, or even eyes. And it was built on the far end of the district, overcast by trees and many other buildings. Nothing like those bookstores with those marshmallow sofas he’d always catch her cozying up in while reading a book (which made his heart melt into a puddle, but he will never admit that).

To add salt to his wounds, he can’t even see the name of the building. What is that place?

A leaf flew by and tickled his snout, making his nose scrunch. “Achoo!” he sneezed in his forearm.

“Gesundheit.”

“Thanks.” Smartass nodded over his shoulder, letting out a puff of smoke. His eyes shot up wide, “Wait, what tha’—?” He yanked on the hatch behind him and nearly dropped his cigar in shock. “What are you doin’ here?!”

“Taking a late-night road trip is what we’re doin’.” Wheezy replied, casually arching a brow at him.

“Whaddya mean 'we’?” the leader enunciated, and his confusion immediately faded into infuriation upon hearing a familiar giggle. Of course, the rest of them have been with him this entire time!

“I thought I told ya I was goin’ out!” he barked.

“And I thought you were finally gonna get some lay, so of course we couldn’t miss this~” Greasy wiggled his eyebrows. Wheezy rolled his eyes, and Greasy either didn’t seem to notice or care.

“For fuck’s sake,” the smoker facepalmed. However, he raised his head up when he spotted a familiar-looking ravenette Toon. “Wait, is that Twyla?”

All four heads whipped back to see none other than Twyla Toonz, the lady they’ve all fell head-over-heels for and Smartass had in pursuit, exit the front door and was texting on her phone. She held onto a small plastic bag filled with unknown and unseen contents. The biker-clad tomboy darted her eyes around like she was expecting unfriendly company to show up, which made the weasels slightly tense up. She began her stroll.

“Twyla?” Stupid popped in through the latch and nearly squashed his older brother. His face beamed and he opened the passenger window, “HI, TWY—!”

“Shaddup!” Smartass grasped his brother by the snout and dragged him back in. “Shut ya trap! Yer gonna blow our cover! Or my cover, if youse mugs hadn’t ‘intervened’ me!”      

“What the hell is she doin’ out so late, anyway?” Wheezy looked at his watch, “It’s past 9:00. She’s supposed t’be home by now.”

“And Toontown becomes a dumpster for creeps at night,” Psycho giggled, but there was no humor. “Even in Uptown.”

“What?!” Greasy shoved Stupid out of the way straight into Smartass, poking his head out to glare at any potential stalkers and other scumbags trying to violate his precious angel. He growled and whipped out his switchblade, “Si esos cabrones se atreven a intentar poner una mano sobre mi hermosa mariposa de medianoche, te juro que les cortaré la polla—”

“GreasyOhMyGodI’mGoingToFuckingKillYouIfYouDon’tShutUp!” Smartass hissed, grabbing him by the neck and shoving him and Stupid back in the back of the Dodge. Just one day. Just one day without shit hitting the fan. Is that so much to ask for?!

He let out a sigh of exaggeration, mentally cursing himself for not checking to see if they snuck in before he left. “OK, then. Since youse meatheads decided ta’ ‘rag’ along, I suppose I’ll fill ya in on tha' plan.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d like to know,” Wheezy furrowed his brows suspiciously at him, “Why are you drivin’ out so late at night? Why have ya been sneakin’ out the last couple of months?” He cast a brief look at Twyla. “And…why are you followin’ Twyla?”

Smartass jerked his head back, and softly cursed before he carefully peddled the van. He made sure he was distant enough to not get spotted while close enough to observe. “Because I want ta’ know where she lives. She’s been hangin’ around a lot lately, but she don’t live in neither Uptown or Downtown. And every time I tail ‘er, she always seems ta’ duck in alleyways like they’re her own personal shortcuts! Or like she’s tryin’ ta’ hide from me,” he muttered that last part to himself to conceal his possessive undertone, but Greasy seemed to catch that.

“Hiding from you?” he asked, frowning hard enough to veil his venomous envy. “And she doesn’t live in either district? You don’t think she lives on the other side of L.A., do you?”

“Hell, no! Toonz would be havin’ a goddamn hemorrhage if that were da case.” The Brooklyn weasel responded, addressing Tom. He bared his lips in an indignant snarl, “Seriously, where da fuck is he anyway?”

“Exactly. I am surprised that punk isn’t there with her,” Wheezy inhaled the toxic smoke to help him maintain his composure, but it wasn’t enough to ease the perturbed uneasiness in his chest. Perhaps they should keep an eye on him, as well.

“Shoosh shoosh shoosh!” Psycho suddenly covered the ashy-blue weasel’s snout with his sleeve, ignoring his glare. “Listen!” he pointed out.

The boogle turned back to the nocturnal she-wolf who was talking on the phone. “Yeah, I got the goods.” Her face deadpanned, “Tommy, for the millionth time, no one is going to steal the tonics. And if anyone tries to,” a twisted grin curled up her lips, “Well, they won’t have time to run when I steal their entrails and paint my portrait with their blood.”

She laughed, “OK, I gotta jet. I’m on my way home now. Love you, bro.”

Twyla hung up and stuck her phone back in her purse before she continued on her path. A few blocks away, four weasels only stared at her with their eyes wide, full of petrified trepidation. Psycho, on the other hand, only sighed dreamily while hearts swooned around his head. “Isn’t she lovely?”

“Oye! Back off, loco! I’m the only one who can swoon after her,” Greasy shoved the mentally unstable Toon’s snout away, only to take his place. “Ay, caramba, if only I can take a stroll at night with her in my arms.”

Smartass angrily whacked him with the plunger. “Shaddup and focus, for Christ’s sakes! We got a job ta’ do.”

The night was silent, save for the soft howls of a gentle breeze. Twyla appreciated the silence Toontown provided when the sun sets. As much as she loved her new home, a little quiet wouldn’t hurt, right? She was about to turn a corner to hop on her bike when she suddenly stopped. She could swear she heard something. Something faint and distant, but still audible for her to hear. It sounded like…a car driving? Is she not the only one out late at this hour?

The tomboy halfie looked over her shoulder to find no single trace of other vehicles. It was just an empty street in Loony Lane. She sighed exhaustedly, “You know what? Maybe I should stroll when it’s sunset and run errands before then.”

She walked through the corner, unaware of the panel truck hiding behind one of the buildings. “That was close! She almost saw us,” Wheezy wiped off his sweaty forehead with his arm.

“Too close,” Smartass agreed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “OK. We’ll just have ta’ play it safe until she’s ten ‘files’ outta our radius den we’ll follow ‘er.”

“Play it safe? I thought we was keeping her safe!” Stupid cocked his head, gazing at him like an innocent clueless puppy maxed on muscles.

“It’s tha' same thing, ya peabrain,” his older brother responded, rolling his eyes. Taking a mental note to make sure his baby brother’s not breaking his curfew again, he elaborated. “See, we want ta’ keep her safe. Dat’s the whole reason why we’re gonna try and follow ‘er ta’ wherever she lives. And now that it’s nighttime, we have better chances of protectin’ her without gettin’ caught. Get tha' picture?”

The baby of the boogle pondered for a moment, then nodded. “Right! I get it now. We’re just gonna be quiet and keep her safe in the dark. Like Batman!”

“…Yeah, yeah, like Batman.”

“Why can’t we dress up like Batman at night?”

“‘Cause he’s a borin’ big shot like all of them other celeb bastards.”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!"

“Is too!”  

Wheezy intervened before the brothers’ argument could escalate. “All right, all right! Settle down, we ain’t got time for squabblin’—” he was cut off when another noise interrupted the silence.  “Wait, do you hear that? Sounds like an engine startin’.” He cupped his right ear.

Vroom-vroom!

A ferocious engine roared from within that other corner, so powerful it made Psycho flinch. All five heads turned to the source and gaped in awestruck shock to see their one true soulmate return to the empty lane while riding a motorcycle. And not just any kind.

The bike before them was a massive, powerful beast. Slimy would have killed to own a fine ride such as this one. Very similar to their darling, it was a hybrid of its own kind born and bred by some of the finest Harley Davidson motorcycles of the 1980’s; FLH Electra-Glide Shovelhead and Goth Girl Sportster. Its armor was painted in a glossy coat of shining onyx, leaving the handlebars coated in sparkling silver. While the fenders were purely jet black, the gas tank was designed with a unique pattern. The skull of a spectral wolf glared its soulless, piercing black eyes while surrounded by beautiful purple roses. Silver components sparkled like crystals, glimmering against the fluorescent light of the streetlamp posts, and the brakes themselves were accented by another peculiar pattern. They were welded with metallic, silvery wolflike skulls embedded with eyes of crystalline amethysts.

Just like Twyla’s eyes. If there were any words to describe the vehicle before them, it would be a death machine beyond descriptive power and beauty.

“Fuckin' hell!” Wheezy gasped out, bewildered, “Is that a 1980’s Harley Davidson?! How did she get one?”

“You care about her bike more than tha' fact she ain’t wearin’ a helmet?” Smartass deadpanned, which made the medic weasel jolt up WAKE AS FUCK. “What?! She’s not wearin' a helmet?!” he whisper-screamed, panicked worry breaking his stoic composure. Why the Mickey Motherfucking Mouse is she not wearing a bloody helmet?! He immediately made a mental note to try and get into her medical records for any motorcyclist and head-related injuries. And he will confront her about the matter the next time he catches her riding her bike.

Speaking of which, Twyla maneuvered her vehicle and drove down the street away from them. “She’s getting away!” Stupid pointed.

“No, the fuck she ain’t!” the boss weasel gripped his hands onto the steering wheel, his steel eyes dead set on her. “Not this time.”

The weasels followed the demon princess as she drove down Uptown in a straight-arrow line without taking many turns. They had to admit, she knew her road to get to wherever she was going. But it wasn’t until she drove past Main Road did they noticed something. The road she was taking wasn’t leading her to Downtown which was only a few blocks further after you take a left turn – instead, she kept going straight. As Smartass kept his eyes on his elusive bellezza, she drove past the sole street sign in the center of the road holding two signs – Uptown and Downtown. Then, the realization dawned upon him.

“She lives somewhere out of town,” he said aloud.

It all makes sense now.

His comrades shared a knowing, albeit surprised glance as well. Toontown is the sole sanctuary for Toons, but the Tooniverse holds the same number of states and countries as the Human World does. So, if she and her brother don’t specifically live in Toontown, that means they must have a place located near the town while in the Tooniverse. That’s one theory solved, Smartass thought to himself.

The sky was practically pitch-black, but they could make out her vehicle driving towards…a forest? All five pairs of eyes widened in bumfuzzled bewilderment. At first glance, it reminded them of similar forests such as the Black Forest, but this one was much larger. It was a dark, mysterious forest swathed with vast, uncharted territory and a thick blanket of fog. An unsettling lack of noise perturbed them, for there were no signs of wildlife wandering around. Deep within the silver mist, the boys could vaguely see a canopy of towering dead trees with branches warped and twisted like skeletal hands ready to grab and capture unsuspecting prey before they never see the light of day again. Above the canopy was the pale full moon, casting a gentle light over the sylvan barrier between the boogle and their precious darling. The forest was picturesque in a peculiar way, but there was something…haunting about these dark woods.

“There’s a forest outta Toontown?” Wheezy murmured, “I’ve never seen anythin’ like this.”

“But, duh,” Stupid replied, “We only see trees like this on Halloween!”

“No, no,” the armory expert shook his head, but not with annoyance. “I mean I’ve never seen a forest like this every time I drive out of Toontown.”

“None of us have,” Greasy agreed, “This is muy extraño, even for Twyla.”

“Then dat means we’re gettin’ close,” Smartass interjected.

The gang didn’t need to worry about keeping the headlights off. Thanks to being cartoonish weasels, they are provided with the same capabilities as their real animalistic counterparts, and that includes acute night vision. As the Dodge followed during the long trek, the trees seemed to be closing in and limiting natural light from the pale moon while the fog’s intensity thickened. Smartass decided to slow down even further to prevent accidentally bumping into the dark-haired halfie and blow their—no, HIS—cover. This late-night drive was his idea, after all! These maroons had nothing to do with it, in fact they weren’t even supposed to know about it!

He stopped the brakes when he heard something.

“Why’d you stop?” Greasy leaned over the hatch.

“Shh!” Smartass shushed him before turning back, too busy to care about the glare his Lieutenant sent him. “Listen.”

Their ears strained to the faint, but not quite distant sound of…pressing buttons? Something dinged, and then…a slow metallic creak shattered the eerie silence of the forest.

Wheezy winced and rubbed his ear, “What’s that?”

“Duh, maybe she broke her bike?”

Psycho peeked over Stupid’s shoulder. “It’s not that her bike’s broken. It’s more like a gate has opened.”

“Gate?” the other four asked in unison, perplexed. Wheezy arched a brow, “You mean like, private property gates?”

“Yeah!” Psycho nodded, “Like a mansion!”

“Mansion?!” All eight eyes widened with surprised disbelief, Stupid was mostly transfixed with childlike excitement. Smartass, however, was more cynical.

“Toontown’s in Hyperion Avenue, not Beverly Hills!” he snapped, waving his hand up for emphasis. “It’s bad enough she’s livin’ in a forest miles away from Toontown, a forest we ain’t ever heard of before, so there’s no way in hell she’s got a mansion in fuckin’ Hollywood!”

“Hollywood?” his little brother’s face beamed with an adorable wide smile. “Oh, boy! Is she a movie actress?”

“No, and it’s a good thing she’s not!” Greasy snarled, his fur bristling with possessive rage. The thought of millions of undeserving viewers leering at her divine, bewitching body at the silver screens made the Puerto Rican gangster's blood boil. No, no pueden tenerla. ¡Es mía, es mía, es mía! He gripped onto the railing of the hatch slide so tightly, he nearly dented it. He didn’t care if the boss beat his ass into next Tuesday, all he cared about was protecting the love of his life and deciding whether or not somebody was going to die. Maybe? Most likely? Definitely.

His train of bloody thoughts hit the brakes when Smartass leaned over the open driver’s window.

“Hmm…”

“Boss?”

“I see somethin’ written, but I can’t ‘rake’ out the woirds. One of ya, hand me a flashlight.”

“Here you go!”

Smartass clicked on the flashlight, but no light came out. He clicked again. No light. Growling in aggravation, he lightly shook the tool. But nothing worked. He looked over his shoulder, “Psycho, where are da extra batteries?”

“Batteries?” Psycho titled his head, then his kaleidoscope eyes lit up. “Oh! I ate them!” he smiled proudly.

A vein popped out of the Brooklyn mobster's forehead. “YOU ATE THA’—You know what, just get over ‘ere!” He grabbed the smaller weasel by the snout and yanked him through the hatch. Then, he pressed on his nose and two beams of light shone through Psycho’s eyes. The other three wiggled their way into the driver’s seat and peeked over the boss’s head and shoulders. Right outside the window was an engravement of sorts, written in solid black.   

“‘1313 Cemetery Lane, Haunted Highways’…” Smartass read the address aloud, then his golden eyes suddenly shot up wide. “‘Toonz Manor’?”

“Guys!” Stupid softly gasped, pointing out. “Look!”

Smartass turned Psycho’s head at his brother’s direction and came across a shocking sight.

He would never say it out loud, but Psycho was right. Hidden behind the iron gates was indeed a mansion built over five stories in height. It stood its ground before them, like an otherworldly being stepping out of the mist from another dimension and it was just as eccentric. It was a dilapidated Second Empire-styled mansion constructed as a near-replica of the Addams Family Manor, surrounded by a smaller canopy of dead trees. The building’s form of architecture was symmetrical as it was also classical, incorporating the same level of detail and grandeur the Addams’ manor has done, including Mansard roofs and a massive tower at the center. Its wooden framework was painted grey, a sunbleached shade of grey completely devoid of sunlight and the windows were accented with vintage black trims. And just like the original, the tower of this residence was fenestrated with three windows framed as a petrified face. Right next to the estate was a ghoulish, foreboding cemetery nourishing a garden of graves. Judging by the lack of cracks and mold, it was looked after with great care and love. The forest and this strange place were definitely something Twyla could live with. It’s bizarre. It’s dreary. It’s her home.

And it was beautiful.

The lights were on, which meant her brother must be in there. And Twyla got home safely.

They released sighs of relief now that their darling was home safe.

“Duh, what now, Boss?” Stupid asked.

Smartass didn’t look at him but answered, “Ya had your fun, I got what I wanted. Let’s am-scray.” He kept his eyes on the property, ignoring his brother’s and Psycho’s protesting whines. As much as he would have loved to get past the gates and sneak into the mansion, he didn’t want to risk it. It was way too dark to find any hidden security cameras to see if there were any or the sharp points of the gates, and there was no telling when his cannoli’s brother was going to find them.

Wheezy must have heard his thoughts, “Right, we should go before her brother shows up.”

“Well, at least he’s with her for once,” Greasy muttered, but nodded in agreement. He popped back into the passenger seat and poked out of the window, "¡Buenas noches, mi bella durmiente!" He blew a kiss before returning to the back of the van, proudly ignoring his rivals' envious glares. He already had her in his sights, they can choke on it.

Smartass turned the vehicle around, prepared to drive all the way back home Downtown. When he made sure his boys weren’t poking their heads behind him, he glanced at the rear window where he saw a faint outline of his gal’s silhouette from her window. A small smile crept up on his face.