#whatromantic

Round 1, Match 50 — Steerenic vs. Quoiromantic

Happy Pride Month!

Here’s my headcanon that Paris is AroAce, and more specifically Quoiromantic/Whatromantic/WTFromantic. He doesn’t seem to be interested in anything romantic or sexual, and that might be because he doesn’t know much about it.

Moreover, I think it’s cool to represent characters with less common sexualities, if I can put it that way. This helps people learn more about these identities if they’re curious or interested. So let me explain what AroAce and Whatromantic mean.

AROACE: It’s when someone doesn’t feel—or only feels very little—romantic and sexual attraction.

WHATROMANTIC: There are a lot of definitions, so don’t hesitate to do your own research. But the ones I attribute to Paris are:

“One is not sure if they know what romantic attraction is, and therefore cannot tell if they experience it or not.”

“One finds the concept of romantic attraction inaccessible, inapplicable, and/or nonsensical.”

(source: Sexuality Wiki)

quoiromantic (also referred to as whatromantic or wtfromantic) may be described by the following:

not knowing your romantic orientation

not thinking questioning your romantic orientation is particularly helpful or productive

feeling disconnected from the concept of romantic attraction

difficulty distinguishing romantic attraction from other types of attraction

feeling unsure if you have experienced romantic attraction before or not

term coined by: tumblr user epochryphal on december 9, 2012

Hello, dear anon! Thank you for the ask!

The moment I read your ask, I immediately went “aha! I know what they’re talking about!” I know at least one thing that could be happening, though there would be something else I’m not thinking of, so please don’t get too frustrated if this doesn’t sound right.

The problem you’ve run into is the exact problem I have when I try to think of what I consider to be romantic. I find the idea of dating to be romantic, but what you’re actually doing while dating? A lot of that... hanging out and crap? I just consider it all platonic. The only other thing I can think of is kissing, but that’s much more sensual than romantic in my head.

One label I’ve found to be really helpful is the label quoiromantic. It’s a super vague label and it covers a bunch of different experiences, which I think is pretty cool. “Quoi” is French for “what,” which when you put it with the rest of the label it literally means “whatromantic,” which happens to be another (older) name for the label, along with wtfromantic.

Since I can never remember all the definitions for quoiromantic, I’ve taken this quote from https://aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Quoiromantic, which by the way is a super helpful site.

“Quoiromantic experiences may include:

Being unsure if you experience romantic attraction or not

Being unable to understand attraction as a concept or feeling

Finding the concept of attraction to be inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical

Being unable to pin down a clear understanding of romantic attraction, so being unable to say whether or not you experience it

Having a difficulty distinguishing romantic attraction from other types of attraction, or being unable to distinguish them at all

Questioning romanticism for such a long time that the questioning itself becomes the identity, rather than a path toward any other more stable identity

Struggling with romanticism because it feels too complicated

Simply not feeling that any other romantic orientation label is applicable”

The definition in here that I feel might be of the most help to you is “Finding the concept of attraction to be inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical,” where you would probably identify most with finding it inapplicable. You just don’t really have anything in your head that sounds romantic, so the term “romantic attraction” doesn’t really apply much at all to you. It’s inapplicable.

There’s also a bunch of other example experiences in the quote above of people who identify as quoiromantic, and who knows, you might find another one you relate to. I identify with like 3 of them, but you can identify with however many you want.

Some quoiromantic people also identify with another romantic attraction label, like aromantic or biromantic or whatever. Often, when quoiro people identify with another label, it’s often what they can pick out of what they feel to be romantic, and maybe still are interested in relationships or whatever. I’m quoiromantic greyromantic and omni-oriented, because from what I can pick out of the little romantic attraction I feel, I sound greyromantic. I say omni-oriented because I’d still like a relationship (probably a qpr), and I don’t really care what the gender of the person I’m with is, but I’m not very gender blind.

If being quoiromantic sounds at least semi-possible, I definitely would consider checking it out a little more online, maybe going to the link above and seeing what else it shows.

I really hope this was helpful!

Labels are confusing. Some days I just wanna say I'm queer or gay and leave it at that.

I feel 99% confident I'm asexual.

But I keep relooking at my romantic orientation and my gender identity.

For my romantic orientation, I have some form of inclination towards femininity. Feminine presenting people are so beautiful. When I picture myself in a QPR, it's usually with a feminine person. I can't see myself with a man really. I'm not sure if it's romantic attraction, or strong atheistic and queerplantionc attraction. I suppose that means quoiromantic still fits. I dunno what I feel but there's something.

Then as for gender, I don't identify with my typical presentation of my agab. I like appearing more androgynous. My feelings on pronouns and gendered terms seem to fluctuate. I'm usually fine with any pronouns. Some days I hate being called ma'am and miss. Other days I don't care. Some days I hate my chest. It feels wrong. I feel exposed. Other days I forget its there. Some days I wanna be pretty and cute. Other days I want to be strong an handsome.