#whatnottosay

Pleasure of Your Company: Military Etiquette and Grooming, 1970

“I really enjoy being a girl. It’s so great!”

The fashion show/dance montage features a variety of off-duty styles!

Servicewomen can wear more makeup off-duty because “you would probably look a little dowdy if you didn’t wear more dramatic makeup in the evening.”

Screenshots of appropriate off-duty attire. 

Screenshot of appropriate daytime attire. Looks like Army Barbie!  

This post is by Miriam Kleiman, Program Director for Public Affairs.

Military Movie Flashback:  Tips for Young Ladies!

Pleasure of Your Company: Military Etiquette and Grooming, 1970

ICYMI: Earlier Military Movie Flashbacks featured two 1960s training films on dating etiquette for soldiers: Blondes Prefer Gentlemen and How to Succeed with Brunettes.

By 1970, surely the US Military couldn’t ignore the ongoing Vietnam War and dramatic social changes of the 1960s - or could it? While the Equal Rights Amendment was being debated in Congress, the military issued new films that stressed “there is no conflict between functioning efficiently as a military servicewoman and in maintaining one’s feminine identity at all times.”

In the Pleasure of Your Company, Women's Army Corps soldiers chat while they do embroidery, file their nails, iron their uniforms, and shine their shoes. They trade horror stories not about their dates, but about their embarrassing dating faux pas. Then, they get etiquette tips and a “redo” - a chance to do things the right way. Don’t worry, the women are upbeat and positive. Learning military etiquette is fun! One exclaims: “I really enjoy being a girl. It’s so great!”

The male narrator stresses the importance of etiquette:

“Good manners, social grace and courtesy are the mark of a successful servicewoman.”

“Knowing what to do in specific situations is a matter of custom, instinct, education and good taste.”

“We expect the girls to show good taste in everything they wear.”

At this crucial moment, Captain York (above right) says that miniskirts and other new styles are just fine for “off-duty” wear. The young woman tells her friends later: “Oh wow! You could have knocked me over with a pin!” She adds that the Captain is “an absolutely groovy person, and really a swinger!” 

Who opens the door?

The woman only referred to as “Sweetie” shares the embarrassing moment (pictured below) when she and her boyfriend reach for the door at the same time! Thankfully, she learns that off-duty she can be a lady!

“It was so confusing... I can’t remember when I’m supposed to open a door, and when I’m not. But I get kind of confused because after 1700 hours this little pumpkin changes and becomes the lady and they stand for me, and they open doors for me.”

“I keep forgetting, he’s not an officer so I let him open the door, right?”

Don’t stress at dinner! Have your date order for you!

Sandy speaks candidly about her experience at a nice restaurant. She doesn’t know how to order -she and her date speak at the same time and confuse the waiter! Even worse, she doesn’t know what piece of silverware to use! Thankfully, “Sweetie” sets her straight and she sails through the redo.

Sandy’s mortified - what fork should she use? The outside one? The inside one?

Office party planning panic!

Fast forward, if you wish, to the heated conflict over the welcome reception for the new Sergeant Major. Should it be a sit-down dinner? A nice breakfast coffee? A dinner buffet? No spoiler alerts here!

Action scene: heated fight over reception planning.

How to achieve the perfect party flow!

“Sweetie” feels invalidated when she tells her boyfriend Tom about the party planning stress.  He asks judgmentally: “What’s the big deal? So you have to set up a reception... What’s so tough about that?”

“Sweetie” details the extensive work needed to pull off such an event - they had to set up a committee to select the food and beverages, and then she needed to organize the receiving line. And yet more responsibility - she had to choose whom to invite, and then send out the invitations!

Tom apologizes: “Hey, they does take a lot of doing, doesn’t it? I’m sorry Sweetie, I didn’t mean to put you down.” “Sweetie” states: “People think it’s easy, but it’s not.”

As the narrator underscores in a low voiceover: “There’s more to it than just having a good time... Getting people to mix and mingle is a very important part of any party.”

“Sweetie” realizes in horror: “Oh no! No one’s talking to the guest of honor!”

Remember: “Good appearance, social graces, personal development of this kind pays off in career advancement, social acceptance and personal fulfillment. A pretty good deal.”

Stay tuned for the next Military Movie Flashback, another from the Military Etiquette and Grooming series, Mind Your Military Manners: Military Etiquette and Grooming, 1971, to learn: 

The importance of eye makeup, how to match makeup to your skin tone, and why makeup needs to be artfully applied, because “pretty good is not good enough.”

Why “for many girls the daily shower is a new experience and one they don’t welcome readily.” 

Why “You can’t get by with deodorant alone” if you want to smell clean. 

Why you need a professional cut and styling, not DIY.

Pleasure of Your Company is one of thousands of US military training films on topics including dating, STDs, and “good hygiene.”

More online:

Heidi Holstrom’s Unwritten Record post: The Women’s Army Corps Requests “The Pleasure of Your Company”

Audrey Amidon’s Unwritten Record post: Don’t Shut Your Date in the Door: Military Dating Dos and Don’ts.

Why are these records at the National Archives and when did they get there? Read Audrey Amidon’s Unwritten Record post: What Would You Do If 40 Tons of Records Arrived on Your Doorstep?

Go behind the scenes of our Motion Picture office and Film Preservation Lab to “meet” Audrey Amidon, Heidi Holstrom and their colleagues in Out of the Dark: Bringing Films to Light at the National Archives.

What Not To Say To Your Wife

On Thursday, my co-podcaster, Shaun, and husband guy, takes over the blog. He’s adorable. I hope you’ll read what he says even if he does occasionally sound like a surfer dude from the 1990s or Captain Pontification. And no, we don’t always agree. 🙂 I am not a writer by trade and I don’t have the grammar skills nor writing craft that many of you have. However, I am here now to give you some…

This post has been ages in the making. I have debated its worthiness ever since I first had someone utter a religious platitude carelessly in light of my diagnosis. Is it worth writing about?  Am I preaching to the choir? 

I think I am but take this as a PSA, if you will.  When words are used carelessly they belie a lack of emotional awareness that compounds the trauma inflicted by a cancer diagnosis or any other wretched disease. Syntax matters. Syntax is everything. 

Platitudes are incredibly offensive to someone who has an illness. Why would you use such a trite phrase in a time of incredible pain? If you do not know what to say (I get it - emotional awareness is elusive, tact is hard & deep down you are scared for me), then choose to do instead - offer to run to the grocery store, to help, to clean, to hug, to hold.

Religious platitudes are even more offensive in this context, because not only is the speaker not thinking, they are choosing to use your moment of pain to proselytize, however inadvertently. Many invoke religion because it provides them comfort but it is self-serving. Isn’t it more thoughtful to take the patient’s beliefs into consideration, instead? Religion is a delicate subject in the best of times.  In an illness scenario, a chasm of belief can trigger strong emotions in an already emotionally drained patient.

When someone is sick and vulnerable - and already expending their energy on trying to feel better, keeping track of doctors and tests, insurance claims, etc - it is cruelly reckless to unleash a platitude. Their mind is going a mile a minute and they are holding it together - but you can’t think of something better to say?

Especially because these platitudes, as I have come to understand well, are not really meant to soothe the patient but rather the speaker. The speaker is scared for you, but ultimately for themselves: will I get this too? The speaker needs reassurance that there is a reason that separates them from the patient. I  ended up comforting people many times over the phone - and it became the main reason I told most friends of my diagnosis via text. 

This is not to say that people do not have good intentions - they do - but most people do not think before they speak or prioritize their fear above your need for comfort.  To those who say “but you know what I meant!” when being called out for saying something ultimately insensitive, guess what? It is not about your intention. While we are not mind readers, we do have analytical brains and a vast vocabulary so you can choose to do better by the stricken person in your life. Please do better by them. The burden to not be insensitive is on you - not on the cancer patient. And to think it is on the cancer patient says more about you than you will ever know.