#wgtow

In the first part I spoke about why it's important to build confidence as a conventionally unattractive woman & briefly touched on why low confidence can be caused and this post will focus on how to build confidence despite being conventionally unattractive that goes beyond ✨️just glow up✨️

Summary here

Know that this is going to be an uphill battle, saddle up partner - this wont be overnight work and will require consistency.

Speaking of battles, learn to pick the worthy ones - confidence is not about fighting everything & being the big girl. Sometimes the most confident (+ beneficial & safest) thing you can do is leave people in their delusion, their words don't determine you.

Carve a safe loving environment/space for yourself - Tough but most crucial advice here. When you're younger you have less control over your environment but as an adult you have slightly more control over where & who you want to be around. Gravitate to spaces that see you beyond your looks, stay away from negative places/people. Contrary to popular belief, strength & confidence doesn't always come from abusive environments but loving, safe, and secure environments. You're used to a level of standard so you're not going to be willing to accept less. Being in spaces where you're loved, defended, and appreciated can improve your confidence. You wont take shit knowing it doesn't have to be that way. I remember seeing a reddit post on a guy who tries making this attractive woman feel bad bc she wont date him. He brought cookies to an event & didn't give her any to make her feel left out but other people offered her some & she refused. This only made him feel worse. Bullying & toxicity only thrive in environments that allow it so if you're in a place with high amounts of negativity - find another place or build your own. There are always options.

There are always options - Following from the above. Know that there's always alternatives. Other people, other places, other environments, another choice, etc. Dont feel chained to a specific place, easier said than done but keep it in mind you dont have to take crap from places. Give yourself permission to explore.

Work on coming to terms with trauma you've endured due to your looks - Learn to handle your trauma either by therapy or another means because your trauma is going to keep interfering with your life when you least expect it.

Come to terms with being unattractive - If you own it, it can't effectively be weaponised against you. Traits of confident people isn't that they're perfect but they own their shit & know others aren't perfect either.

Learn to do things on your own/upskill - before the community commies come after me like iTs NaTuRe tO fOrM cOmMuNiTy; 1. I address a lot of this in this post but I'll highlight one point which is that whether you like it or not you're not going to have community. You're not going to receive support anyways. Dont waste time on others, focus on yourself. You only have yourself so give yourself what you can.

Be comfortable being the villain - Dont aim to be liked or disliked, have a purpose; stand for something and focus on that instead. Other people don't have to understand you anyways. It sucks but people will view your actions in a bad light (opposite to the halo effect) no matter what you do so own your shit instead.

Understand the impacts - The world aint kind to many but it's especially cruel if you're deemed conventionally unattractive. Know the impacts of this (such as more of your actions being perceived negatively) so you can navigate them better.

Be less apologetic - Truth is, when you're physically ugly all of your actions will be seen in a bad light no matter what. Made a mistake? Got a partner? Helped someone good? Did something good? Got an achievement? Got a good job? It will be seen as negative anyways and at some point with this constant negativity some will feel apologetic about their very existence. Instead, don't be apologetic & turn the spotlight back to them. You did xyz, so what? They can shut up & stay seething.

Learn to be witty - Many people are going to try and humble you or start shit with you even as you mind your own business. You'll be more confident when you're able to own your shit & shut others down.

Be adaptable - Being able to wing it & wade through situations will boost your confidence. Most things in life aren't planned, the more you're able to adapt the better you'll get at handling thing which can improve your confidence.

Accept & realise some most things are out of your control - this sucks but can also be an advantage. You can do everything right, have powerful cards and still lose. However you can also do everything wrong and still win. This takes me to the next point.

Learn to detach - Tying yourself too close to things or people leads to dependency which leads to anxiety. Learn to do things without attaching yourself too much. Do things for a higher purpose than the individual or just purely for the hell of it. Get used to doing things (either positive or negative) without attaching yourself to the outcome.

Dont take things personal - 9/10 times people will treat you based on factors you cant control. This isn't to say to not feel a type of way about how people treat you feel but try not to internalise it. Internalising it only knocks your confidence down. It sucks but it is what it is.

Find a source of strength & confidence - This will be your answer to why you SHOULD be confident. Why you should speak up. Why you should put yourself out there if you want. Why you should be okay when you get push back, etc.

Be okay with silence. Pause - You dont have to respond to or acknowledge everything especially if it doesn't serve you.

Study & mirror traits of confident people - Self explanatory, fake it till you make it & doing this will point you in the right direction.

You don't have to always justify yourself - This is important to bear in mind cause when you're conventionally unattractive your actions will always be seen in a bad light. It doesn't matter what good you do it's the opposite of the halo effect. When you dont care to be defensive & justify your actions, people have less ammo against you. Over explaining and trying to make people understand will do more harm than good. If people want to understand you they will, if not they wont & nothing you do will help.

Focus on the now over what was or could be - Mindfulness gets a lot of hate but a degree of it is honestly helpful for some situations.

Turn the spotlight back on others - As mentioned nobody is perfect anyways. If it comes to it, dont justify yourself focus on others instead. Take the focus away from whatever they're trying to highlight on you. I remember when a woman posted on twitter & people came for her size, she obliterated them by insulting their life circumstances over justifying her size. After this happened with a couple selfies she posted, trolls greatly reduced.

Move with purpose - Have focus and deprioritise the rest. When you have no solid concrete purpose you're prone to caring about everything including irrelevant stuff.

Own your shit (even if you're wrong) - People can tell when you're not confident & will take advantage of that in most cases. Also learn how to present a confident fromt until your confidence actually improves.

Surround yourself with other confident people - A lot of other points already touch on the benefits of this but I'll add that the people you surround yourself with make up a big part of who you are. Surrounding yourself with confident people can also inspire confidence in you.

However personally, I dont recommend it at all & I dont have any maIe friends. I was going to add what Sekhmet-SheOwl said about friendships with maIes regarding how women would treat maIe friendships vs romantic/sexual relationships (which long story short is that women aren't typically as attached in friendships. In her separatism video she gives an example of a maIe friend moving cities & asking the woman to move with him vs a maIe partner moving cities & asking the woman to move with him; women would be more likely to reject the former but accept the latter bc of their feelings and there's more of a commitment especially if they have a family together) but tbh in many cases women prioritise & center their maIe friends over female friends. Some get an ego boost feeling "cool" enough or special to hang out with the boys platonically - which would come with a level of tolerating misogyny in spaces. Some would take so much crap from maIe friends & sweep it under the rug as a joke but drop their female friends for much less.

I dont recommend or have maIe friends because over 9/10 times these maIes are just tryna hit & maIes say this themselves. Many of them say they wouldn't be friends with women they find unattractive because at the end of the day they aren't actually womens friends in the first place. They dont care about you or what you do they're just tryna fuck. As many of us know, maIes will do ANYthing to have sex with a woman they want. They'll go to all sorts of measures & that includes pretending to be a friend until they can have sex w/ you or slide in how they like + want a relationship with you. Being friends with maIes just gives them a door to you like that. I used to have maIe friends long before even deciding to never date or reproduce & they were like this.

MaIes generally dont respect women & just see them as sex objects so they dont care for women as people let alone wanting to be their 'friend'. Sometimes it may appear like being friends with maIes is easier especially if you're neurodivergent but like I said before maIes will do anything with the hope of getting into bed so they'll keep up the act long enough until they get what they want. I've seen many stories of women being at vulnerable points in their lives who confided to their maIe friends & the maIe used it as an opportunity to pursue them sexually/romantically; it's so predatory. MaIes came up with the term "friendzone" bc they dont actually want to be womens friends; they dont like women, they just wanna have sex or a relationship then dip but it's women who'll be like "actually men & women can be just friends 🥰". This video (& the comments) shows the stark difference between maIes & womens take on whether they can be just friends with the opposite sex. Women see maIes personhood so they can still befriend maIes they aren't attracted to but it doesn't work the other way around. Personally I think womens yearn for having maIe friends is also rooted in this, they lowkey want their personhood affirmed by maIes but time & time again they're shown this is not the case. MaIes get agitated at their female partners having maIe friends bc "they know how men think", they know those maIes are likely just waiting for an opening to pursue the woman.

They respect your boundaries - women that respect how you want to engage show a level of value + respect they have for you. Should be a basic thing but it is a good sign if you're able to express being uncomfortable with or talking about something & they respect it.

They have life beyond maIes - Be it seeking their validation, or obsessing over them in a positive/negative way. When you're with them they're not constantly talking about maIes or throwing you under the bus for them. Vital as a single childfree woman as you're less likely to be burdened with picking up the slack womens nigels leave behind.

You feel nourished after spending time with them - Friendships should add to your wellbeing. The world is tough as is; having good friends will make getting through it easier.

They keep it real - You can talk through issues with them. They can tell you when you're messing up (as well as when you're doing good) and put it in ways for your own good & not to be condescending. You can have minor disagreements & it doesn't lead to a major argument or fallout.

You can count on them - Note count and depend are two different things. You dont want to depend on others but realistically we need others; them being able to help you to an extent as you would with them is important. Help doesnt have to be financial or even physical but even just emotional support can go a long way.

They shut down negative talk about you - if they're in company where people are saying negative things about you they would defend you because they care about you. They wouldn't indulge or be comfortable letting people crap on you otherwise.

There's pacing - As the saying goes; fast wont last, slow will grow. Typically the closest friendships you have come from the least expected people/places and bc of that lack of expectation overtime the relationship had a chance to naturally grow. I think part of why many female friendships tend to be toxic and end horribly is because they're rushed. They get too close too quick leaving no room for inspection. Dopamine & adrenaline is running high, you feel like you're on cloud 9 with them even as doubt starts to crop up but eventually the pressure gets too much and everything bursts - ending abruptly.