thanks for the tags @gatesofminrathous and @epiphany-jones and for insisting I have interesting things to say @sorrygoldfish (I'm less convinced; here goes.)
... what I'm reading (books): Right now it's Ted Chiang's Exhalation because I needed some short stories to blow my mind (after wasting 400 pages on the Jerry Springer episode that was Memory Hunters).
... what I'm reading (fic): I'm a bad fic reader but I've been catching up on @gatesofminrathous Everything and Nothing to Lose (gymnast AU! bisexuality! delightful), but I've also got some homework to do reading @kogarashi-art's oeuvre because she challenged me to summarize her work for the reverse fic asks. I haven't read a lot of her Saadrah even though I love her art (especially the one with Saadrah bridal-carrying Lucanis!) and I did very much enjoy the one fic I've read so far, Shadow and Crow (what can I say, I'm a sucker for a childhood backstory). I swear I'm still coming for you, koga!
... what I'm listening to: The Assassination of the Washington Post by the Coward Jeff Bezos, an episode of If Books Could Kill.
... what I'm watching: Vampire Lestat and HotD (House of the Dragon; but in this house we call it "hot dee"). I truly aspire to write characters as complex and fucked up as Daemon Targaryen and the vampire Gabrielle.
... what I'm eating: oof. um? I swear I eat. I'm a regular human person who requires sustenance. But the anhedonia has been strong lately and I'm eating for survival.
... what I'm working on: chapter 2 of Coffee. Illario fucks it all up, Rook and Lucanis dance around the elephant in the room. Also chapters 4 and 5 of Bar the Door: Caterina and Violetta are gonna play chess. Like, actually literally chess, though. (Am I the only one who thinks playing chess is a euphemism for sex?)
... what I'm doing to touch grass: fun-dags-fact, I am allergic to grass. So no, I won't be touching it and you can't make me, and if you make me I'll break out in a rash and then you'll feel bad. Now leave me here in this cave where I dwell quite happily (I swear).
... what's making me laugh / ... what's giving me hope: I talked about the Bezos earlier in this post. I'm sorry to say he occupies space in my brain, because as a cultural figure he's impossible to ignore. But I remind myself to have hope because money can't buy him taste, nor class, nor immortality. And one day, a mortician gets to glue his mouth shut, just like everybody else. (This pic isn't about Bezos but I think it can apply to any kleptocrat you like!)
Ok, do this too if you wanna or else just peep cuz you're my friend (neener neener, no take-backs) @adejareve @blightwashed @gloaminghagette @sorrygoldfish @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai
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Your brother got a new best friend when he was in high school. You always had a bit of a crush on him, but he was older and cold. When your friends were over at the same time as him, youād all joke about him being reptilian. As the years went on, your brother and him stayed close. Even after they both went off to different colleges. Even after you ended up going to college.
One summer, your brother and you had come back to visit your parents. Staying in your old childhood rooms reminded you of what high school was like. Especially when he came back to visit his parents as well, so your brother and him ended up hanging out a lot. You couldnāt help but notice how tall he was-had he always been so tall? Had he always been towering man with eyes that cut through you?
Your brother was invited to a party, and to your surprise, he invited you along too.
āYouāre too uptight. Every time we talk, youāre always studying. Do you even have any friends on campus? I mean, come on Y/N. You have a single dorm and you donāt even have a boyfriend to have over. Itās kind of a waste,ā he teased you right after he invited you.
āYou donāt have to try to pressure me. I was going to say yes anyways,ā you muttered. āIām gonna to get ready.ā
āGood! Youāll have a lot of fun, and Iām bringing Drake,ā he announced before running off like a little kid to his room.
You donāt know why the idea of Drake being there made you so nervous. It took you longer than you thought to get ready because of the way your hand was trembling. By the time youāre done, your brother was impatiently in the car, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel.
āFinally dude. Come on. Weāre already late. All the hot girls are gonna be taken and all the good punch is gonna be drank. Iām going to be pissed if Iām stuck drinking beer all night,ā he told you, speeding out of the driveway before you were even buckled up.
When you got to the party, you recognized the house as one of your brotherās old friendās house. Youād gone for a birthday party a couple times when you were younger. So, you slipped to the bathroom to double check your appearance before you ran into Drake.
Your hair was slicked back and pulled into a tight braid that snaked down your back. The black button up youād gone with was fully buttoned, so you took a second to unbutton the first two. It wasnāt a job interview. You knew you shouldnāt look like such a prude. Your plain jeans and boots you knew were fine, so after hyping yourself up for a moment in the mirror, you rejoined the party.
Drinks were pushed into your hand, and you got pulled into random conversations. You didnāt see Drake, but the more you drank, the less you cared. It wasnāt until some guy was chatting to you about how hard his Computer Science degree was to get that you finally spotted Drake, glaring at you from across the living room.
A laugh escaped your lips. Even when everyone else was having fun, he was cold and unmoving. The guy youād been chatting with you acted offended, but you didnāt care all that much. Your body was warm from the alcohol, and you had a confidence youād never had before. You apologized and slipped away from him so you could make your way to Drake.
āHey loner,ā you said with a smirk as you plopped next to him.
āWhat do you want?ā he muttered, folding his arms over his chest and turning away.
His annoyance only made you more insistent on talking to him. You touched his arm at one point, making him reel back as if you burned him. It hurt a little bit, but you swallowed it down. Eventually, your brother came to find you, and was surprised to find you red faced and slurring drunk.
āMan, I really wanted to run Y/N home real quick so I could go home with this girl, but getting him anywhere is going to take forever,ā he groaned.
āIāll take him home,ā Drake offered, though you could tell from his tone of voice he was still annoyed.
You yawned, resting your head on Drakeās shoulder. āIām good. Seriously. Drakeās such a buzz kill that itās not like Iām putting a damper on his night. You should go have fun though.ā
Your brother laughed, ruffling your hair and fist bumping Drake. Drake muttered something you didnāt catch through the blood pounding in your ears. A few minutes after your brother left, Drake pushed you off of him.
āCome on Y/N. You can stay over with me for tonight. I donāt want to wake your folks up this late and thereās no getting you to bed quietly,ā he said as he grabbed your hand, tugging you to your feet.
āOkay,ā you said in a tight voice, your skin tingling where he was touching you. Your entire body was on fire.
He led you through the party, his fingers interlocked with yours to make sure you didnāt get lost. Once outside, he tugged you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your waist to keep you pressed against his side. You took the opportunity to nuzzle against his arm, almost burrowing there. You felt like you were on cloud nine.
Drake groaned and you were worried he was going to push you away, but he didnāt. Instead, he clung tighter to you, his nails feeling almost likeā¦ claws.
After a year of relative ease, it quickly becomes clear that this was only the calm before the storm. Cracks begin to show in the foundations of SolCorp, The Church, and Alex's attempt at a quiet life--before the whole thing falls out from under everyone's feet.Ā
If you've enjoyed Sunset so far, buckle up for more intertwined storylines, monster hunting, espionage/intrigue, ethically-questionable telepaths, complicated/problematic relationships, betrayals, reveals, and fated predictions coming home to roost. (Plus Emmett gets a pet chicken. Listen, we had to lighten things up a bit.)
Issue 2 is up on Patreon now!
Cover artwork by my awesome co-writer @touloser-lautrec!
Sunset updates tag list.
I try to keep it to release updates, long excerpts, and character profiles. Please comment/dm for +/- or to switch to the All Things tag list
summary: saved by someone who claims to want to help you, your life quickly takes a turn for the worse.
trigger warnings: uncomfortable scenes, dehumanising and objectifying language, violence
Chapter 2. Sinner
Willingly returning back to the temple felt strange for you, especially when facing the curious glance from the girl before again, with another pair of eyes cautiously leaning in from around a corner to look at you.
The girl with darker hair stepped forward towards the monk you kept firmly glued to the side of. Her voice sounded so soft and gentle despite the words that came out of her lips, āAre you going to eat the monster, Geto-sama?ā
You paled for a moment.
What could that posstibly meanā¦?
The man before you stopped for a moment, as if considering the situation and how to calm the two young girls while keeping your presence on the down low. āNot this one,ā he replied at last, sensing the girlās fear towards seeing you, āthis one will be working with me personally.ā
You felt comfort settle as you didnāt seem to be headed down such a strange route, but at the same time, you still didnāt quite understand what exactly you were brought in for. So far, as you understood it, the two girls could not only see you but didnāt fear you within his company.
This little detail unsettled you.
You werenāt afraid of many things, but this predicament you had found yourself in didnāt sit quite right with you.
And as he led you further away from the outer section of the temple, you couldnāt help but wonder what this strange person truly had in store for you. Working together? You thought you were just helping him satisfy a curiosity. Unless he was being purposefully vague to keep you on the edge. Whatever it was, you didnāt fully trust his intentions.
āCome,ā he spoke once again, opening a slotted wooden door, āyouāre going to bathe.ā
You cautiously padded towards the room, spotting a small square bathtub with no curtain to hide being. The floor was made from bamboo and the window, although concealed by wrapping leaves around the outside of the exterior, still looked outside.
āCan I do it privately?ā you asked, settling into the idea. You didnāt need to wash yourself as a cursed spirit, there was very little point in doing so. You didnāt perspire like humans did, and dirt therefore didnāt cling to your skin the same way. The rain that fell washed anything resistant away and due to not being alive in the same way that mammals were, you didnāt smell.
However, you could entertain it to keep your life.
Something told you that he wasnāt going to let you get further than this if you didnāt bathe, at least.
The man, who you had by now determined was referred to as Geto, tilted his head to the side in what appeared to be confusion. His long, cascading black hair hung in the air as his brows furrowed. āYouāre a cursed spirit, arenāt you? Why are you being shy?ā
āIām not being shy,ā you replied, attempting to stand your ground. You werenāt totally oblivious, knowing exactly what sort of form you had. It was feminine and through your feedings in the past, you understood that the anatomy wasnāt too far off either. āI am wary though,ā you admitted, āyou should understand why.ā
He nodded, although his gaze didnāt wander away. āSure, youāre a pretty face,ā he considered, ābut youāre also just a cursed spirit, so anything that I might do to you or not doesnāt actually matter, does it?ā
āIs that why you brought me here?ā you attempted to call out, trying to find the reason behind his words.
He shrugged. āIām not being rude. Iām laying out a fact. Cursed spirits canāt feel anything.ā
You tried to challenge his claim however, your words carrying some spite as you spoke, āBut I might. Not every single one is evil without cause.ā
āThey all taste the same to me regardless,ā he said, leaning back against the wall, his eyes trained on the steaming tub, ālike rancid gasoline.ā
There he went again, reminding you that you werenāt the only one who had the capacity to feed. You didnāt like that he had reduced your life to just a flavour that he didnāt like in his mouth. It felt demoralising, bleak and hopeless. Perhaps not too unlike how humans felt right before meeting their end.
You couldnāt quite shake the unsettling thought that now coursed through your body, understanding that while he took you in for some sort of strange hidden purpose, that he was going to very likely treat you poorly because of what you were. In his eyes, you were likely disposable because your life didnāt hold the same sort of weight that a human life did, for example.
Yet he emitted some sort of aura that made him call to youāmaking you drop your guard around him.
Some sort of cursed technique, maybe?
In a resigned sigh, you didnāt prod at the subject for any longer, deciding to get this whole thing over with and despite the lingering discomfort you felt from his eyes settling over your now exposed body, you pressed on, washing yourself under his hungry gaze.
He stared at you with such devotion, almost. His eyes practically worshipping you the longer that he stared. This was shaken off quickly though, his thoughts reminding him of your true nature. How horrid you truly were.
A disgusting sight.
An even more bitter taste.
You werenāt anything special, maybe even below human in his eyes.
Even despite the looks he gave you and the things your body made him feel. The way your curves sloped, the way that water rolled off of your skināno, this wasnāt right. You werenāt right.
You were simply below him.
~~~
The next morning, he led you someplace else, guiding you off to another location. You didnāt in particular like it there either, finding that the stares of the people he acquainted with were nothing short of hateful.
Pulling you off to an airy room with a small stage, he explained your divine purpose to you with concerning detail.
āMy role is toā¦ deceive people?ā you asked, not quite understanding, āMost people canāt see me, though.ā
Suguru tilted his head at you, his voice dripping with a sarcastic tone, āThatās the whole point,ā he smiled, glancing at one of the attending members, āI would like to be perceived as a higher power to those unsuspecting and unaware. Maybe even a deity amongst simple monkeys.ā
You frowned in response for two reasons in mind. First, you didnāt want to be around humans for an extended amount of time for obvious excuses and second, for his own stated desire. Just who was this man actually and why did he seem so much worse than you?
He had the audacity to call you disgusting and yet, he spoke of himself so highly.
ā¦Why did he have to bring you here?
āYou see,ā he continued, āpeopleās beliefs can be fragile, but thatās why in religions, miracles must happen and alsoā¦ punishments.ā
Just before taking you here, he did brief you on earlier with a threat to ensure your compliance. You understood fully why you felt confused around this man now and it was likely due to his cursed technique. The same reason humans feel strangely at peace before death, was likely what you felt when it felt like he was close to using it. A false salvation, a doomed hope if not only a means to an untimely end.
āYou have other cursed spirits for this sort of job, donāt you?ā you pressed with that information still fresh in your mind, hoping he would give you a better answer than the meaningless ones he had been giving you so far.
āTrue, I have myā¦ collection,ā he mused, crossing his arms in consideration, ābut they act more as tools rather than helpers. I can command them to fight, to feed, toā¦ kill, but they canāt perform miracles. Thatās where you come in.ā
Holding onto a sceptical tone you continued to prod, āAnd how could I possibly accomplish that?ā
Suguru smiled at your linear way of thinking. He supposed that you couldnāt help it. āDo something positive, no matter how small. Or do something terrible, no matter how evil. These fools will interpret even the smallest act as a sign from something greater.ā
You exhaled deeply, continuing to feel trapped. He was revealing his intentions to you as though you were just another one of his tamed spirits, yet you were free. Being so often around humans wasnāt something you wanted to be doing, finding the situation almost agitating.
āFor example,ā Suguru continued, his eyes catching onto a random man that stood in a small crowd nearby. āWhat do you pray for?ā
The man hesitated from the sudden question, but answered the question anyway, āWealthā¦?ā
Clicking his tongue disapprovingly, Suguru scoffed, āSuch a selfish desire, but letās see if itās granted shall we?ā he dramatically gestured, his sights pointed at you but you didnāt know what exactly this meant. He brought you here with very little context and zero guidance.
Returning to you, he quietly reminded you in a very flat tone that he could either exorcise you or you could, you know, feed, right on the man that he had just spoken to. That he didnāt deserve this wish anyway, because if you couldnāt understandābeing what you areāthat selfish wishes like that arenāt worthy of miracles but punishments instead.
āI know youāre barely holding back,ā he whispered, trying to tempt you, āthink of just how good itāll finally feel to give in, to not worry about consequences.ā
And just like a cornered animal with a desperate desire to carry on living, you gave into instinct once again.
You couldnāt even help it.
Acting out of desperation, you reluctantly moved forward as an opportunity to sate your burning hunger had been so freely presented to you. Oh, how tempting it was to give in, to bite into flesh, to drink such thick red blood as though it was red wineāyou felt so drunk, intoxicated evenāas you chewed against disfigured flesh, but then, you heard it.
Screams. A lot of them. Gasps and shudders and an atmosphere of boiling dread; a feeling that both continued to intoxicate you while sickening you at the same time.
Albeit reluctantly, you pulled away from your feral stupor while still grinding against bloodied flesh, licking the blood that dried quickly over your lips. You couldnāt help but feel a wave of disgust roll over you as you backed away, with wide eyes as you surrendered to a lapse of something you didnāt want to become just yet.
(As long as you remained aware, you could remain in control. As long as you didnāt give into your instincts, you could still be you. Thatās all it took. Yet, he sought to take it away from you under the false impression of becoming a god.)
In your heavily heaving state, swallowing the last bit of meat, you watched on as the man who took you in, who stared hungrily at you the same way you did at flesh, that claimed to be disgusted by you all at the same timeāapproach and ask someone else, repeating the same sort of question to them and snorting, hearing a finally acceptable answer.
āGood, thatās a good answer,ā he praised, even if his tone did carry a hint of disgust, his eyes blank when talking to what seemed to be just regular people. āWhy, it even appears that there might just be a miracle in store for you later on, but first, letās get thisā¦ mess cleaned up.ā
Gesturing for someone to come and clean up the unfortunate aftermath, he finally led you away. It wasnāt like he was completely oblivious to what you could potentially become, but thatās why the punishments would be just as rare as the miracles.
After all, if such things were a little too frequent, then what meaning could they possibly have?
~~~
this is part 2 of lilacās bite sized yandere nightmares
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Sunday after running errands I ended up taking a long nap. It ended up being a lazy kind of day for my partner and I.
Monday after work I cut the grass, trimmed some overgrown branches around the property, then foraged a whole bunch of black raspberries. I also removed the dried hollyhock blooms from the drying rack and placed them on my altar. They'll be useful in future protection workings
Tuesday morning before the heat of the day set in, I went out to the garden and did some weeding, along with cleaning and refilling the wildlife water stations. Before leaving for work I refreshed my daily water offerings and tossed in a few of the foraged berries. Later in the day I foraged a few more black raspberries and made an offering for protection to the Antlerless Buck. Then with some of the berry juice used to mark his skull, I marked the doors and windows of our house.
Wednesday I simply spent some time at my altar after work, lighting candles and making my daily offering of water. The air is thick with smoke from the various wildfires across Ontario, bathing everything with an eerie yellow tinge.
Thursday with the air still filled with wildfire smoke, I tended to the garden and made sure the wildlife water dishes were full, as well as watered the plants. In the morning I moved some of the sleeping moths out of reach of the toads, in hopes they'll have time to lay all their eggs.
Friday morning while committing to the daily upkeep of watering the garden and refilling the feeders, I heard my first cicada of the season. I had hoped to spend some time outside in the afternoon after work, but ended up in a flareup so I just ended up in bed.
Saturday though still in pain, errands needed to be run so my partner and I did that then I returned to bed for most of the day, getting up only to sit in the doorway long enough to witness the brief thunderstorm and downpour.
