#wallowmallow

My mom is not the best. She always thinks that she is right. She is racist and sexist. She likes spending a lot of money, she has a loud voice that would make anyone believe that she is always mad. She’s always so blunt, saying that I am fat and always thinking about what others think of me.

My mom is Grace Wong, 51 years old, a nursing graduate, and now a manager. Being a former nurse, she always takes care of the whole extended family; whenever someone gets sick, they would ask her what to do or just ask for advice.

She is a short but loud woman, she has a voice that screams authority, which is quite helpful specially when it comes to leading our company, she is one of the bosses therefore all the company’s problems are hers too, she would work day and night, having little to no sleep aiming for stress to leave her. One of her stress relievers is shopping, especially during this pandemic. She would ask me to sit next to her with my phone on Shopee and just shop with her. Every week, there would just be packages after packages arriving at our house for her and me.

My mom is also the one to organize the whole extended family’s gatherings for various occasions like Christmas dinner, New Year, Birthdays. She uses her connections to have an easier way of things,

She is the type of mom that wants her children’s grades up. She would hire tutors for us all through elementary, she would give us rewards for honors, she sets expectations for us to achieve, she would say things like “I want to go up the stage, so do better.” and such. She would always remind us how education is essential, and it should always be our priority, no boyfriends, no parties because they are just distractions.

My mom may not be the best. She may think that she is always right, but that’s because she is, most of the time. She does spend a lot of money, but it is for her family, and it is her hard-earned money, and she deserves to spend it. She may have her flaws, but she does her best to live a happy, healthy and comfortable life.

-Wallowmallow

I am the youngest out of three, therefore the latest to enter the Family of the Wong’s. What was considered as a small family now became a big family, and what’s worse is that I was a girl, which made us a family with three daughters. Their life before me was more simple. During those times, they weren't as comfortable as how our life is now. They didn’t travel as much, they didn’t go out as much. Snacks such as yanyan, hello panda and many more were so rare that they would be over the moon if they had some. They were also living in a different house, together with the whole extended family, so I would Imagine it was fun too, getting to play with all the cousins and always having someone there with you.

My sisters, being so close in age, always wore matching outfits, always shared everything, but I imagine that they would always fight too, judging by how their personalities clash. They both also studied in Philippine Cultural College Caloocan. The only difference is, my parents had the time to be the ones personally dropping them off, and picking them up. My parents were the ones buying their afterschool snacks, and taking them to Mercury to buy groceries.

My parent’s work wasn't as busy then, they worked normal office hours, they had time to personally take care of each other, they had more time for their family. I could imagine them doing fun activities as my parents weren't that “old”. They would go bowling, and just play with my siblings all the time.

There is this plate in our living room, where their picture is printed on it, just the four of them smiling, happy to be travelling, and there is nothing more I want than to “accidentally” break it, so I wouldn't have to see how present my parents were to my sisters but not to me.

-wallowmallow

My phone started ringing, no caller id flashed on my screen. I answered it slowly and a man's voice was what I heard. He said that he was at my front door and that he is looking for me. So I went down to the front door and opened it. There was a black box with my name on it. I brought it inside and opened it carefully. Finally my gaming keyboard has arrived!

-wallowmallow

Im not atsi

Who achieved your dreams of dysnasty

Im not atsi

Who found her ways to earn the right money

Im not ditsi

Who has her life scheduled out

Im not ditsi

Who knows all the equation's whereabouts

Im not her

Who has the perfect bod perfect face and perfect grades

Im not her

Who has perfect skin perfect smile that never fades

Im not you

Who gets everything right and nothing wrong

Im not you

Who's life could ba a perfect song

Im shobe

Who chose her own path

Im shobe

Who just cant do math

Im Charlaine

Who does her best for her life

Im Charlaine

Who just aims to live and strive

-wallowmallow

Dear Friend,

It has been so long, sorry that I haven’t reached out in a while. It’s my birthday today and every birthday of mine I’m reminded of you, of all the failed birthday surprises that you threw, I always seem to find out your plans. I’m 17 years old now, and still living in Caloocan and studying at Philippine Cultural College. How are you? I miss our times together you know? The times where we would fight for the honor rolls, to see you were higher, the times where we were forced to join the school’s pageants and speechfest and how badly we did. I miss our inside jokes, going to city hall with you, and eating my all-time favorite fries and ice cream sundae from McDonald’s. Remember the times where I would talk about wanting a dog? And how is it my dream to have one? Well, I got a dog! A Bichon Frise. Winter, he is 3 now and he’s the cutest creature I have ever seen in my entire life.

I have been in PCC for 14 years now and you became my best friend in grade 7 up until grade 9. You changed me for better and for worse. When I met you, I became a much more fun person, I joked more and laughed more and became a little more carefree, but alongside that, I started to curse, I started to cheat, and my grades started to go down, I know that’s not really your fault because it was still my decision but you became a factor. There is one thing though, I can fully blame you. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel like I am something that can be easily replaced. It makes me curious, how you just decide one day that you will completely ignore me and end our friendship, without even telling me why. I thought we were really true friends, that we trusted each other and we rely on each other, but I doubt that because what true friend could just end a friendship like that. What you did hurt me. I became so afraid of being replaced easily. Something that people can just dispose. Now, everytime I do something wrong to someone I would immediately think that they don't want me anymore, that their love for me would disappear just like that. Up until now, I am struggling with that and thats all your fault.

Maybe it was for the better too? Maybe if our friendship didn’t end I wouldn’t have met the person who makes me happy all the time, maybe I wouldn’t have joined the basketball varsity team. Maybe I wouldn't have this small photography business with my sister. Maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. Or maybe everything would be just the same but with you still in my life. We’ll never know.

With hate,

Charlaine Kaecy Yu Wong

09/21/2020

-wallowmallow

Ever had a secret relationship? Lied to your parents about where you are just to have a date? Secretly sneak out of the house for a couple of minutes just to see someone outside? Just to hug him because you miss him so much? This is what people with strict parents do when they fall for someone. In addition do this, having Chinese parents who want a pure Chinese guy for you, but here you are falling for a half Chinese half Filipino guy.

I was hiding this boy from my parents, I would make sure that when we talked over the phone, that my parents were out of the hearing range, I would be extra careful with my phone, making sure that they wouldn't be able to see who I was talking to, or whose face was on my home screen. One thing I couldn't hide though was the four-foot teddy bear he gave me for Valentine. I got home that night struggling to balance my school bags, the bear, flowers, and a box of chocolates. Sweet I know. But what wasn't sweet was the sight of my father staring at me right when I walked in the door. He didn't waste any second and went straight into questioning. Who is that from? Is that all from one boy? I answered honestly because I do respect him and I can't stand lying to my parents. He then told me to go to my mom and let her see. So I did, she took a picture and then started her lesson.” You need to finish college first just as your sisters” “You can’t have a relationship.” “You can accept things but make sure you don’t fall for them.” I think it was already too late for that. My parents thought that someone was just trying to win me over, but he already did win me over. Their idea was like that for a while, until I was so tired of hiding things from them, hiding someone amazing, someone I love. So I decided to tell my mom.

I am not the one who you can have a heart to heart talk in person, I become awkward and uncomfortable, so I knew that talking to my mom in person is not an option. I know that I will cry the moment I open my mouth. So I went old school. I wrote her a letter.

Mommy, I will tell you something and I need to tell you because I believe that you'll understand me. I also feel like you and daddy already know, because parents know everything? You know ******* and you know he likes me and I think you already know that I like him too. He’s not my boyfriend, I respect your rules and he already knows and respects that. All I'm saying is that we chat, and talk and his family already knows me. I’m telling you this because I feel like I’m hiding something from you. I also know that you have a preference but you also said as long as he’s a good person he’s good, and I hope you’ll meet him one day and get to know him. I know too that you have a rule that I have to focus on my studies, and there are times where you blame my friends. I hope I have already proven that I can have good grades while being happy with my friends. I just want an honest relationship with you and with him too. Please don't be mad I don't want this to add to your problems or stress, but I just needed to say it already.

I gave the letter to her and fled to the room. That night she called me. She was enraged, and my tears started to flow. She scolded me on how I did not listen to her and her teachings, how I did not write the date on the letter then she proceeded to laugh. I was so relieved to know that she was still joking which meant that I'm not in that much trouble. We did talk after, she just told me her rules again and stalked his whole family, asking me things about him.

Now, I feel free, at least more free than I used to be. I don’t hide his gifts to me anymore, I don’t hide my phone anymore. Sure, My father doesn’t know, they don't know about the dates, or the times he visited me, or how I have already fallen for him, but at least they know something right?

-wallowmallow