#violet writes

For a brief moment you almost started to regret your New Year's resolution to quit smoking. The cravings tempted to drag you back in, crawling up your neck and pressing down on your brain in a headache. 

You just had to keep reminding yourself it would be over soon. Get through these last three hours, then you could crawl into bed with an edible. Maybe you could start watching that new show everyone’s been talking about, or a documentary… Something, anything to take the edge off.  

You looked down at your phone, cursing when you realized you should’ve come back from your break three minutes ago. Guilt twinged in your gut as you imagined the new girl’s annoyed expression. 

A look that thankfully never came, finding your department empty when you returned. You peered into the deli’s backroom, nothing. The strings of your apron tighten around your waist as you tie them, making sure your hair is securely tucked away in the hairnet you wore, looking towards the bustling floor in hopes to catch the new girl. 

A small sigh slipped from your parted lips as you eyed the counters, which was fortunately void of any waiting customers. For now. 

You carried along your usual routine, making sure the steel surface of your work stations were clean, checking the hotbar to see what needed to be cooked. All of the cook temperatures were taken, so no worries there. The rotisseries were done, so you would have to pull those out soon before things picked up again.

You pulled your work phone out of your pocket, hoping to find nothing, only to be sorely disappointed. Heat enveloped your face as you saw a big red border that read ‘ten overdue orders’. 

Great. Just fucking great. It was so busy before you went to lunch, that the pick-up orders completely slipped your mind. 

For a brief moment you felt lost, eyes flicking to all the things that needed to be done. All the things that were left for you to do, just like always. 

Worst of all, you still had no idea where the new girl was. Leaving you all by yourself in a slam packed store, where customers rushed around like the world was ending. 

Before you could dwell on it further, you got to work. Quickly pulling out the meats and cheeses that needed to be cut. 

There was no telling when the personal shoppers would show up, you just knew it would be soon. You wanted to get these orders done before you would be forced to apologize for not doing your job. 

Thirty minutes passed before you finally saw your coworker again, walking back behind the counter at a leisurely pace. Taking her sweet time tying a fresh apron around her waist. Seeming to not notice your twisted features as you tried your best to push back tears, pulling out another rotisserie that a customer practically begged you for. 

Your feet ached from rushing around to help people, trying to make up for the low staffing in both the deli and bakery. Wishing you had more considerate coworkers. Wondering why some of them insisted on going to lunch at the same time, on one of the busiest days of the week no less. Selfishness maybe? Whatever it was, it only served to make this already overwhelming day even worse. 

Six of the online orders were done before anyone came to claim them. Your back prickling anxiously as they watched you complete the last four quickly, muttering a hollow apology for the wait. 

You should have known better than to leave the new girl by herself, you could have waited to go to lunch until one of your new closers came in. Figuring two week’s experience was better than two days. At least they knew how to print a label correctly.  The thought almost made you roll your eyes. 

The oil in the fryer was popping and hissing around the chicken tenders you were cooking. It was one item you were able to grab in your rush, being pulled away by at least eight different customers in your coworker's absence. Some of them were nice, but most of them had a rude edge to their tone as they spoke to you. 

“Sorry, Mr. Connor wanted to see me in the office.” Angel said, a small smile gracing her features. She walked over to look past the hotbar and to the swarm of customers. 

“It’s fine.” Your answer was quiet, your mood completely deflated as you looked over your supplies. 

The table was lacking plastic meal trays and disposable medium containers, and with no customers waiting on you, it seemed like the perfect time to slip away. 

“I’m going to get more plates.” Your voice was slightly clipped, your exhaustion evident as you walked towards the side door that led to the barkery’s back room. 

You looked over the raised cake case, catching the eyes of a customer who was already holding a cake up. Internally cursing yourself for even looking up. 

“Excuse me, can you write on this?” The older woman asked, continuing to speak before you can even begin to reply, “I want it to say ‘Happy Birthday Becka’, that’s Becka with a CK not two C’s.” 

“Ma’am-” You started, only to be cut off by a different customer. A woman around your age, shushing her child who was tugging at her shirt. 

“Do you guys have sugar cookies? The ones without the icing on them.” She asked, her face twisting with annoyance as she looked back down at her kid. 

“Um- uh, yeah, they’re right on that table right being you.” You pointed in the direction of the cookie table, briefly wondering how these clueless adults navigate through their regular lives. 

The lady who had gotten your attention first side-eyed the younger woman before looking back to you expectantly. She pushed the cake closer to you on the raised end of the counter, “If you have pink that would be great.” 

Something deep inside you clenched, your fingers tightening at your sides as you glanced back towards the deli. Seeing a small line building up at the hotbar. Fuck.

Your carefully constructed mask was beginning to slip. An inevitable breakdown was starting to bubble closer and closer to the surface, bound to make you snap completely. 

You cycled through professional responses to counteract her demanding tone, her rude voice making you lock up for a moment. You looked anywhere but her eyes as the words slowly formulated in your mouth. 

“Ma’am I’m sorry, but our cake decorators have left for the day.” You explained, your tone polite but unintentionally tense, “And I don’t know how to write on cakes. I work in the deli.” 

She stared at you for a second too long, her eyes briefly narrowing before she rolled them. You heard her exhale an annoyed sigh as she took the cake back and placed it in the wrong spot. Your face twisted in a small grimace before you continued walking towards the door. 

Then you heard someone calling out to you. 

“Hey, do you know if you guys have any sour dough?” One of the online shoppers asked you, aiming the screen of her work phone towards you. The simple question stoking the flames of your annoyance. 

“We might have some in the freezer.” You reply bluntly, somewhat rude as your face hardens, “Let me go look.” You offered automatically, already knowing it was expected of you. 

Another hour passed in your shift, and you were just about ready to rip your hair out. Twenty minutes you’ve been standing at the slicer, customer after customer requesting big orders, not a single one under a pound. It made your chest tighten as irritation wrapped around your throat like barbed wire. 

The questions didn’t stop either, and by the fifth you were certain you would be bald by the end of the day. 

You were showing the new girl how things worked, again. Resisting the urge to jump in and do the simple tasks yourself, suppressing the annoyed exhales that threatened to slip out when she messed up for a third time. 

She couldn’t even figure out how to put the cook times into the fryer’s, even after you showed her multiple times. It wasn’t her fault. You kept trying to remind yourself. She’s new, this is her first job. She’s nervous and doesn’t know what she’s doing. And that’s okay. 

You hated training new people. It made you nervous, worrying you would accidentally say the wrong thing. Putting on your nicest voice as you walk them carefully through the steps, showing them how your combined departments worked while trying to push down your annoyance. You didn’t understand why you of all people had to be stuck with the task. 

It’s because you’re the longest standing employee of the deli, you knew the most about this area, so your manager trusted you to train people correctly. Even on busy days like this. That was the simple answer, not that it made any of it better. 

You walked to the back, finally away from the loud bustle of the holiday rush. You barely registered the way your hands flapped rapidly at your sides, like you were trying to shake off nonexistent water. It was a pitiful attempt to regulate yourself. You brought your hands to your chest, wringing them in a steady rhythm 

“Can you help me for a second?” Your coworker, Brandon, walked into the back, “Do you know how to put in PPTO?” 

Right, you forgot he was supposed to be here forty minutes ago.

There was a tightness in your jaw as you briefly ground your teeth together, walking over to help him. Becoming extremely tired of the nonstop questions and assistance you’ve had to answer and provide throughout your shift. 

Once you were done showing him how to put in the time, you followed him out the door and back onto the floor, immediately being bombarded by two customers asking for sliced bread. 

You glanced towards the bread wall, finding it barren. All the fresh loaves that were put out just hours before, now gone. 

You turned on your heel and walked right back into the bakery's back room. Your feet stomped across the floor as you drew closer to the rack of labeled french bread. You muttered quietly to yourself, complaining to the air. 

There was a rack of unbagged bread sitting just in front of your target. Without thinking, your right hand came up, fingers fully wrapping around the metal rack with the intention of pushing it out of the way. Seconds ticked by before your mind registered the blistering pain that surged through your palm. 

“Holy fuck!” You yelped, a shocked gasp came from you as you yanked your hand back, your palm and fingers instantly consumed by invisible flames.. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Shelby, one of the bread baggers, ran into the back room. She watches as you clutch your wrist, tears streaming silently down your cheeks. Harsh breaths pushed through your wet lips, your palm beginning to swell. “Stay here, I’m calling Connor.” 

Minutes later Connor rushed in with concern etched on his face as he made his way towards you. His eyes immediately dropped to your hand, which was beginning to swell. 

“-just came out of the oven, I think she grabbed it without knowing.” Shelby explained, giving you a worried look. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Connor asked, reaching out to grab your wrist softly, “Fuck. You need to go to the hospital.” The man didn’t even look at you for confirmation of his suggestion, instead he pushed you towards the door. 

You tried to protest, but he cut you off, “You can make an accident report when you get back, I’ll tell Angel that I sent you out.” He continued to push you towards the front door of the grocery store, “Be safe, call me when you get to the hospital.” 

A part of you wanted to roll your eyes, how the hell were you going to drive like this? Fucking great. 

Once you got to your car you wrenched open the door forefully, plopping down in the driver's seat with fresh tears beginning their trek towards your chin. 

Surprisingly, you were able to resist the urge to let out the scream that threatened to rip from your chest. Your hand clutched the steering wheel with an iron grip, nails digging into the leather. 

You felt pathetic, utterly and absolutely pathetic, the stress sucking you dry and leaving you hollow on the inside. You tried to even out your breathing, leaning back against the headrest and closing your eyes. 

Annoyance flared suddenly, too many layers, it’s too hot, your hair is starting to stick to your skin. 

You were quick to rip off your work vest in three jerky motions, making your car give an annoying jolt, your body temperature was rising an irritating amount. It felt like your entire body was vibrating with anger simmering just below the surface of your skin. 

The palm of your uninjured hand raked down your face once, twice, then a third time your blunt nails scratch across the skin of your cheek. Trying to will the torrent of emotions to sink back down, feeling overwhelmed. 

A frustrated groan fell from your lips and finally you reached over for your phone, roughly removing it from the vest you threw against the passenger door a minute before. 

“Hey kid, make it quick, can’t talk long.” Dana’s voice filtered in from the other end, immediately picking up. The sound of her voice made you relax a little. 

The noise of the hospital settled in the background, “Mel, go help Santos in triage! We have a motorcycle accident coming in!” She called out to one of the many residents of the hospital, “Honey, don’t make me talk to myself here, why’re you callin’ me?” 

“I hurt myself at work, I’m coming in.” Your voice was rough but still wet from the tears that threatened to fall once more. 

“What?” She seemed to straighten up at that, her voice much more alert now, “What happened? You need me to send someone to pick you up?” 

Guilt pinched against your nerves, you didn’t want Dana to go out of her way like that. Not when she was already busy. You could manage driving well enough, especially since the hospital was pretty close by. 

“Nah, don’t bother. I can drive.” You tried to keep a steady voice, ignoring the aching burn that pulsed through your palm every time you accidentally grazed it against something. “Just wanted to let you know I was coming.” 

“Alright kid, I’ll get Langdon to help you out.” With that you said your goodbyes and you started your car. 

The drive to the hospital took longer than you expected. Dead stop traffic making a fifteen minute drive into a painfully annoying forty minute one. 

It was like life was laughing directly in your face, making a mockery of you in the smallest ways possible. Even the way your AC was blowing was beginning to irritate you, the way your shirt collar sat too close to your neck, or the feeling of a small pebble at the toe of your shoe. Everything was going wrong in every possible way, and it was driving you up the wall.

Finally you were able to pull into the parking lot, which was packed full of cars. Great.

After five minutes of driving around you were able to park, quickly making your way towards the door to the emergency department. 

The waiting room was full of people, conversations overlapping. Bodies were crammed together in the sweltering heat that two fans attempted to will away. It forced you to squeeze past people, causing a lump to form in your throat. 

You weaved your way towards the front desk, greeting the women behind the glass window with a weary smile. Her brow raised as she took you in. You were sure you looked terrible, sweat collecting on your forehead as someone brushed against you while choking out a violent cough. You try not to curl into yourself as you attempt to mentally calm yourself in the overstimulating environment. 

“I heard you were coming, let me page Dana.” Lupe was quick to pick up the phone, talking to your godmother once she answered, “She’s here, want me to send her in?... She looks like she’s ready to burst.” The last part was said a little quieter, but you still heard it. 

The shorter woman stood and motioned for you to go towards the door, “Dr. Langdon should be on his way to get you. Dana’s caught up with a patient.” A relieved sigh came from you when you heard that. 

The door opened soon after, your best friend walked out, his brows knit together in concern. He placed a hand on your shoulder to lead you into the familiar emergency department, “What happened? Dana said you got hurt at work.” His voice conveyed worry, but his face remained serious, brows furrowed as he examined you. 

“Burned my hand on a hot rack at work.” You held out the injury in question, hearing a hiss come from the man next to you, “I didn’t know it just came out the oven. My hand was on it for probably two seconds tops.” 

“Still long enough some pretty bad burns.” Langdon replied, hand gently clutching your wrist as he took a closer look.

Two med students you didn’t know walked past, a taller guy and a shorter girl with a septum ring and a serious face. Then you saw Princess, her back to you as she talked away with Perlah. 

“Well, look who the cat dragged in!” A voice called from the other side of the desk, a door clicking shut behind her, Cassie McKay walked up with a bright smile, “Haven’t seen you in like a week, what brings you here?” 

“She’s my new patient.” Langdon answered for you, leading you towards an empty room. Cassie’s brows furrowed, her eyes raking over you the same way Langdon’s did, before finally landing on your swollen hand hanging by your side. 

“What?” McKay gasped, looking at the injury in question when you lifted your arm. “Jesus Christ, girl. You gotta be more careful.” 

“Ogilvie, why don’t you come help me out?” Langdon called out to the taller guy that had walked past the two of you just a minute before. The man in question raised his head, mouth turned in a slight frown as he walked over and looked at you with disinterest. Almost like you were a waste of his time. 

“Can’t I go help out with something a little more… urgent?” He looked at you, clearly noting that you were standing on your own, your breathing was fine, all in all you looked perfectly healthy aside from your aching hand. 

Yet another med student that needed schooling on bedside manner, and restraint on complaining in the vicinity of conscious patients. You couldn’t help but raise a brow, looking back at Langdon, who merely handed the student a tablet with your previous history pulled up. 

There was a moment of tense silence before Langdon finally pushed open the door to your favorite room, it was secluded enough from the usual chaos. Quiet enough that you would have time to calm yourself down. 

The med student, Ogilvie, filtered into the room behind the two of you, immediately going to the computer. Langdon propped up the head of the hospital bed so you could sit against it comfortably, patting the sheets softly with a quiet “Sit down.”

You did as he said, sliding yourself back on the bed and attempted to get comfortable under the bright overhead light. It felt like thousands of eyes were staring into your soul, and you couldn’t help but fidget with the edge of your shirt as you waited for Langdon to question you. 

“Rough day?” He sat down in the rolling stool beside the bed, a tablet resting on his thigh before he reached for your wrist. 

“You have no idea.” You sigh, “Or well- I guess you probably do. I can’t really compare work struggles.” 

“Sure you can,” He muttered, focusing more on your hand than the conversation, “Small second degree burns on the palm, first degree on the fingers. What would you say your pain level is?” 

You thought for a second, thinking deeper than you probably should, making sure to give him an accurate number. “Probably a five? Maybe a four? It just hurts, not the worst pain I’ve felt, just feels like… a mini fire under my skin, I guess?.” 

Langdon continued to ask you questions, examining you thoroughly, even going as far as monitoring your vitals just to make sure there wasn’t anything else to worry about. 

“BP’s a little high.” He muttered, glancing from the screen back to you, “But other than that I think you’ll live. We’re gonna numb your hand, put some ointment on this sucker, then we’re gonna wrap it up. Sound good?” 

All you did was nod, your eyes slipping closed as you tried to relax under the bright light, wishing the darkness behind your eyelids would help. 

“Ogilvie, turn the light off.” Langdon told the student, clearly noticing your discomfort, he glanced back towards the hesitating med student. 

“Why? You’ll barely be able to see what you’re doing.” The stranger protested, his dismissive tone making you roll your eyes behind the closed lids before you opened them. He glanced over towards you before the senior resident. 

“Just do it.” Langdon sighed, glancing over at his student before asking you, “What’s your water intake been like today? Staying hydrated?” 

All you could do was shrug, “Not really. I haven’t had the time.” 

“Okay… we’re gonna keep the light on for just a few more seconds, if that’s alright.” Langdon gave you a small smile, patting your forearm, “Ogilvie, I want you to put her on an IV drip to get her on some fluids.” He turned back towards you to explain why, “You’re probably a little dehydrated and we don’t want you passing out in this heat, Dana’d kill me.”

All you could provide was a sigh as an answer, settling further back into the bed as you held out your arm. You felt like you were actively shutting down mentally, your mind going blank as the exhaustion fully settled over you like a thick blanket. 

Ogilvie took Langon’s seat without a word and made quick work with the IV. The med student turned on the stool before standing, heading over towards the computer to type down a few things. He straightened his back slightly, his spine popping loud enough for you to hear, then he briefly glanced over his shoulder and looked at you curiously before turning back to the screen. 

Langdon looked towards the front room, “Think Dana’s busy helping Princess with something.” The information made your shoulders slump, but you couldn’t be surprised. You were sure it’s been just as busy for them as work was for you, most likely worse. 

The senior resident merely nodded to himself, his hand hovering over the light switch to turn it off himself, “Alright, time to get to work. I’m gonna have this lamp stand shine a light on your hand, just so I can see where to numb you. Then we’ll leave you alone for a bit.” 

“Sounds good.” You repeat his words from earlier, ready to get this over with. 

Langdon was quick, numbing your hand and allowing it to sit, “I’ll be back in just a few minutes while I wait for that to fully kick in. See if I can get Dana in here for you.” 

“Thanks Langdon.” You spoke quietly, unsure if you could trust your own voice right now as you struggled to keep your emotions in check. 

He pulled the curtain closed as he stepped out of the room, Ogilvie following after him quickly, the wooden door clicking shut quietly. 

You sat there for a second, moving around a little before stilling. When you moved again, a little more aggressively, your IV cord got caught on the side of the bed. The pole holding your bag of fluids tilted before clattering to the ground, ripping the cord from your arm in quick succession, blood immediately bubbling to the surface. 

You let out a gasp at the sharp pain, your eyes locked on the IV stand as your frustration finally reached its peak. Angry tears flowed freely as you stood, your legs feeling slightly weak as you bent down to lift the pole off the ground, the IV bag luckily still intact. 

The sheets of the hospital bed scratched against the palm of your burnt palm when you attempted to sit back down, making you retract from the feeling, your skin prickling all the way up to your elbow. There was a clench in your chest, a heavy lump forming in your throat as you stared down at the offending sheets. Your left hand clenched at your thigh, blunt nails digging into your palms as your frustration teetered on the edge, ready to take one final plunge into the precipice. 

After a second you finally sat in the middle of the bed, curling forward into yourself until your forehead rested against the mattress. Your hands fisted in your hair, the stinging pain in your palm keeping you anchored to reality, rocking your body as you tried to calm yourself down. Wishing more than anything that you could just file these intense emotions away somewhere, never to be seen again. 

You were overwhelmed, tears soaking into the sterile sheets. You wiped at your nose harshly, trying to rid yourself of the snot that was beginning to clog your nostrils and run down to your top lip. 

Your breathing was irregular, your chest tightening and your skin burning hot to the touch. Sweat clinged to the back of your neck as you attempted to will away the scream that wanted to rip itself from your throat. 

Everything that could go wrong was going wrong, and it was all happening to you. What next? A plane crashing into the hospital? Maybe you’d have a heart attack from the stress? Or an aneurysm? At this point, anything could happen and you wouldn’t find it in yourself to be surprised. Hell, maybe you would start your period of all things.

Your head throbbed, your nails digging into your scalp as if you could rip the negative emotions from your brain. 

In your almost silent meltdown you barely registered the door opening, jumping when you heard the soft scrape of a footstep drawing closer. Your teary eyes snapped up to the movement, immediately recognizing the black scrubs and comfortable looking jacket, a salt and pepper beard surrounding a soft, sympathetic smile. 

“Just wanted to check in,” He said softly, holding up a small cup. 

Embarrassment flooded you in an instant, shame that someone caught you like this, let alone Micheal Robinavitch of all people. 

Your daughterly relationship with Dana helped you grow closer to a lot of the longtime residents, quickly becoming a welcome face in the chaos of the ED after you moved back to Pittsburgh. You grew close with Frank Langdon when he was an R2, drawn in by shared interests, slowly revealing the nerd that was hidden beneath extensive medical knowledge. 

During your visits, you would always have food and good coffee for Dana and Langdon, just so they didn’t have to drink the watered down excuse of caffeine blended in the shared coffee maker. That simple routine progressed into brief hangouts when the ED wasn’t as busy. Often chatting away with Princess, getting the scoop on recent hospital drama. Or you’d be whisked away by McKay on her few minute breaks, allowing her to vent about her day’s frustrations. Sometimes you would get caught up on the betting board with Ahmad, almost always getting a twenty out of you in the process. 

Then there was Robby. Someone you would consider a very close friend. A man that you also had very pathetic feelings for. A crush that formed after being invited to a few outings with the Pitt crew, always finding yourself pulled to the Chief Attending after a few drinks. 

At first, when it came to interactions in the ED, he would insert himself into conversations between your godmother and you. Providing quips to lighten his own mood, practically beaming when you’d laugh at his particularly stupid jokes, saying “See, at least someone thinks I’m funny.” 

Over time you began to open up to him more, getting more comfortable around the imposing man. Your usual overly polite and polished exterior melted away and revealed what was hiding beneath, much like it had done for some of the other residents. 

The sarcasm and sass seemed to surprise Robby a bit at first, not entirely expecting it after the very formal conversations you would have in the past. But it was a welcome change, drawing him in a little closer to the point where you both became friends.

Eventually you were able to meet Jack, the boyfriend Robby occasionally mentioned. He was the night shift’s attendant, a little rough around the edges at first, grumpy looking on the outside until Robby said something that made him smile. 

The three of you would have breakfast on occasion, usually when you were heading to the hospital to see Dana and Langdon. It was a routine that began after you ran into them at a coffee shop local to the hospital, seeing it as a good excuse for the three of you to get to know each other better. 

You found yourself telling them things that you didn’t usually tell others, comforted by their laid back nature. Talking to them made you feel human. You didn’t feel like the odd one out. They were understanding and even accommodating to your quirks, taking it in stride. 

At times you wondered if they just saw you as some helpless girl, barely able to navigate through life like any regular adult could. Unable to comprehend why they would want to spend their time with you. You weren’t nearly as well accomplished as them, just some girl working retail and doing volunteer work on the side, helping out your local charities and food banks. 

You didn’t have a fancy degree, or a two story home with a garage. Just a shitty duplex with one small bedroom, and a dream to make the world a better place. At the end of the day, you weren’t really anything special. 

It must be pity. That’s the only reason they’d want to spend time with you.

“You okay?” Robby raised a brow, you averted your eyes away from him, “Is that blood?”

“My-” Your voice caught in your throat as the word rasped, forcing you to clear your throat before continuing, “My IV stand fell over. I’m sorry-” Your voice broke towards the end, another sob ripping through before you could stop it, “Sorry- I didn’t-” You hid your face in your hands, unable to look at him as shame consumed your entire being. 

‘I’m so fucking pathic.’ You thought to yourself, ‘Curled up like a little kid because of a stressful day at work.’ 

Which in reality, was a major understatement. This has been building after weeks of stressful days, your body being worn down until you finally snapped. It wasn’t even just your hand that hurt, it was everything; your back, legs, and feet all held this stinging pain that wouldn’t leave no matter how much you relaxed on your off days. 

“Hey,” Robby’s voice softened in a way you’ve never heard, it was gentle, not belittling. The stool creaked softly as he sat on it, the bed dipping a little when he rested his folded hands on the mattress, “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” The simple nickname made your heart stutter, he reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Are you in pain?” He watches you shake your head. 

“Then what’s going on, what’s got you so worked up?” The tone he spoke with wrapped around your heart like a bandaid, slowly coaxing you out of your own head, gently pushing away the insults you were internally flinging at yourself. 

“It’s stupid.” Your voice sounded so raw with emotion, strained and wet with tears and mucus, “Seriously, I’m overreacting so much it’s not even funny.” There was a tremble to your words as you tried to laugh it off. Your lip wobbled as you picked pathetically at the cuff of your pants, wishing you could just fade away and he would move on to another patient. Leave you in your state of humiliation to reflect alone. 

“Well luckily for you, I’m not laughing.” He replied, “So go ahead. Shrink Robby is in the house, you’ve got my full attention.” You could practically hear the small smile stretching across his lips.

“I’d be so scared to have you as my therapist.” You attempted to joke, the quiet watery laugh you let out ringing hollow. “You’re too mean.” 

“Yeowch. Tell me how you really feel.” He chuckled softly. Your embarrassment dwindled away when he didn’t go out of his way to judge your fragile state. 

“I think I just did.” You sassed back, sounding congested. 

Robby provided you a stable comfort, his hand remaining on your shoulder like an anchor that kept you grounded. Your shaking and sniffling eventually subsided, your body relaxing a little more when Robby’s thumb stroked your skin through the fabric of your T-shirt. 

His head bowed a little, trying to catch a glimpse of your tear stained face, “Hey,” He coaxed softly, “Can you look at me, sweetheart?” The question wasn’t demanding, it was a gentle request, one you complied to at your own pace. 

Your eyes drifted from the sterile white sheets and met his. This was the worst state he could have possibly seen you in, and yet his eyes remained welcoming and sympathetic. Pulling you into the warmth of his gaze and making you feel safe, cared for. 

“Mind if I take a look at your hand?” He asks gently, reaching for your now numb right hand. 

You extended your arm out to him without a word, his touch as soft as possible as he examined the burn. His brows tightened briefly before looking at you through his lashes, a simple thing that made your heart thump against your ribs. 

You tried your best to ignore the lingering thought of the heart monitor beside your bed, praying that it didn’t spike and give you away. 

“You should probably go back to work.” You muttered, “I’ll be fine until Frank gets back.” 

“Let’s get that IV back in you first, okay?” With that he got up to flick the big light on, before reclaiming his spot, quickly putting on a pair of blue gloves.

After a few quiet seconds you finally laid back against the head of the hospital bed. Letting out a heavy sigh as you extend your aching legs, clenching your toes in your shoes to alleviate the burning that settled in the soles of your feet. Your arms laid at your side, your palms facing towards the ceiling. You tried your hardest to forget how you probably looked right now, definitely not your best, that was for certain.  

“You alright?” Robby asked after a beat, looking at you thoughtfully, watching you nod stiffly. He didn’t say anything as he moved the stool back a little, opening the supply drawer with practiced ease, “I’m gonna have to do the other arm if that's alright. Did Langdon do this one?” He pointed at your blood splotched arm, an alcohol pad wiping it off your skin not even a moment later. 

“Some med student. Ogilvie or something?” You watched as he rolled around to the left side of the bed, “Kept giving me weird looks.” 

As if summoned into existence, the med student in question appeared. His head peeked into the room past the drawn curtain.

“Did she take her IV out?” The man asked, brows furrowed. 

“You didn’t check to see if the cord was tangled up around the IV stand.” Robby answered for you, the soft tone he previously sported instantly going away. He didn’t spare the resident a glance as he patted the pit of your forearm. “It fell and ripped out of her arm.”

“Oh. Sorry, it won’t happen again.” He replied, “I wanted to ask about some information on her information chart. I think there might have been a mistake made.” The student didn’t even look at you, his eyes trained on the back of Robby’s head. 

There was a sharp sting on your arm as Robby inserted the IV, pain that went away almost immediately as he stroked your hand. 

The man looked back towards the student after giving you a once over, “What kind of mistake?” Robby asked, standing from the stool and walking over towards the computer. 

Ogilvie walked up beside him, pointing at the screen and talking in a hushed voice that you could still very much hear. 

“Under previous diagnosis, it says she has autism. But I don’t see any obvious signs pointing to that fact. She seems fairly normal, all things considered.” He looked at Robby for a second, awaiting a response from his attending. 

His words made your eyes widen just a fraction, who did this guy think he was? 

Of course this wasn’t the first time you’ve heard similar statements. People’s minds usually drift towards obvious or even stereotypical outward signs to prove a diagnosis. Not for once considering how it presents in different people, only thinking of the societally placed baseline. 

Robby’s eyebrows shot upwards, his jaw tightening before he glanced back towards you, eyes immediately catching your annoyed expression. 

“Why don’t you come with me out here for a second?” The attending didn’t give the student a second to reply before clapping a hand down on his shoulder leading him out of the room, “I’ll find Dana and Langdon for you, sweetheart.” Robby shot over his shoulder, giving you a sweet smile before turning the light off and disappearing behind the curtain. 

You couldn’t even find it in yourself to be truly upset. It was something you heard occasionally when it came to new med students, the respect not yet hammered in after just a few days of working with patients. It just shocked you how confident Ogilvie was about his theory, even going as far as suggesting such a thing in front of you.

“There she is!” Dana said happily, a bright smile on her face, “Let’s see that hand of yours, yeah?” 

Langdon walked in soon after the charge nurse, an apologetic look on his face as he gave his excuse, “I am so sorry, there was a kid that came in with a broken femur. I promise I didn’t forget about you.” 

“Your med student is a dick.” You said, dismissing your friend’s excuse, instead watching him pull out the items he needed to patch you up. 

“Yeah I was wondering why Robby was chewing him out. What’d he say to you?” The man asked, blue eyes focused on your numbed hand, “Swelling’s gone down, that’s good.” He muttered more to himself rather than you. 

“He suggested my patient information was wrong because I didn’t seem autistic enough.” Your words rang bitter, eyes rolling as you remembered his attempt at a hushed tone. 

“Jesus, that fuckin’ kid needs to get a grip...” Dana shook her head, crossing her arms over his chest. 

“I’m sorry what? What the hell is his problem?” Langdon almost seemed more offended than you did, his brows furrowing, “I hope Robby gives him hell, then.” He shook his head. 

“It’s fine, really.” 

“You eat anything today?” Dana shifted the conversation back onto your physical wellbeing. 

You shrug, shaking your head slightly before replying, “I had half a bag of chips for lunch. I’ve been running around all day so I didn’t want to make myself sick.” Your fingers fiddled with the bedsheet as you averted your eyes from hers.

Langdon and Dana exchanged a look before he focused on wrapping your hand. 

It was a look you knew very well, one that said you wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. Whether you liked it or not. 

“Well we’re going to need to monitor you for a little longer, then you’re comin’ home with me tonight. We got a deal?” Dana said after a beat, watching Langdon as he finally finished. 

“Just as long as you don’t make me watch that stupid show you’ve been obsessed with.” You almost groaned at the idea. 

Dana always had a habit of watching these terrible sitcoms and soap operas with way too many seasons and god awful writing. When you lived with her she would sit you down and force you to watch them with her, saying it was because she wanted to spend ‘quality time’ with you. But really, you suspected it was her subtle way of torturing you. 

“I thought you said you liked it!” She couldn’t hide the smirk breaking past her feigned hurt, already knowing well enough how you felt.

“I was lying. Sorry.” You give your best sorry smile, holding your left hand up in defense. 

You absolutely were not sorry, though. Knowing you would not survive season twenty-six of ‘Millward Hospital: A Love Story’, Dana’s new favorite. A painfully boring show about two sexy doctors that couldn’t stop awkwardly flirting with each other, or getting into fights over their patients beds. The worst part; the main characters haven’t even gotten together yet, over the course of twenty-six seasons. You might as well start writing your will now. 

The older woman just shook her head, chuckling, “Alright, whatever. You’re pick tonight, okay?” 

Eventually both Langdon and Dana were pulled away to deal with a trauma patient that was coming in. Leaving you alone to scroll on your phone silently. Your body finally settled, relaxing against the bed, the stress of the day sinking into the foreground of your mind. 

It was weird. Out of all places, a hospital was your main space of comfort. Maybe it was because that’s where Dana always was. .

Because of your godmother, you practically grew up in medical settings. Tucked under her motherly wing ever since you were young, with her taking charge when your mother was pulling doubles to provide for your two person household. 

You even lived with Dana after you turned fifteen. When your relationship with your birth mother turned sour, giving up on you after she got into a relationship with some pharmacist named Phil. Jumping at the opportunity to live the perfect white picket fence life she always dreamed of. 

Dana stepped up and became the support system you always needed. An emotionally intelligent person who just wanted what was best for you. Someone who didn’t push her problems onto you, forcing you to solve them. She was selfless with her care, giving without expectations, accepting you with open arms and giving you a shoulder to cry on. 

“Oh please. Don’t beat yourself up, kid. I always wanted a daughter anyway.” She said one night after a particularly difficult day, your insecurities laid bare, wondering why she would waste her time taking care of someone like you. 

There was a knock on your door after about an hour. Your head lifting just as Jack peered inside. The sight of him at this time made your brows furrow, knowing well enough that his shift wasn’t supposed to start just yet. 

“I sure hope that isn't a look of disappointment.” Jack smiled, walking into the room and letting the door click quietly behind him. 

“What are you doing here?” You dismiss his joke with a question, taking in the cargo pants and black T-shirt that hugged his torso perfectly. Jesus Christ, get it together.

“I was called in early. Robby said you were here.” His eyes immediately looked down at your bandages, “How’s the hand?” 

“Frank said I’ll live.” You replied, making Jack smile again, “Burned myself on a bread rack at work. Fresh out the oven.” 

The man stepped closer, taking the stool at your bedside. His elbows were braced on his knees as he leaned forward a little, looking at you through his lashes like Robby had done earlier, “Wanna talk about it?” 

Your stomach flipped, feeling like he could see right through you, exposing your exhaustion to the night shift attending. That or Robby mentioned your meltdown. You decided to believe the second option, hoping that your emotional pain wasn’t that obvious. 

A second ticked by before you responded with a shrug, “I mean yeah, kinda. But it’s really nothing exciting. Just general normal people problems that I can save for Dana.” Your voice grew quieter as slight insecurity nipped at your nerves, you could not complain about your mundane life to someone like Jack. Someone as well accomplished as Jack. 

“I like hearing about normal people problems.” He straightened his back and crossed his arms, “Especially if they’re yours.” 

A flush crawled up your neck at his words. ‘He’s just being nice. He’s your friend, of course he would care.’ You tried to reassure yourself as to not sputter your reply. 

“Yeah right.” You replied, rolling your eyes as you kept your voice from coming out in a nervous whisper, “I’d probably put you to sleep.” 

“Not a chance.” His voice softens in an unspeakable way, a dip in cadence you rarely heard from the man. “Lay it on me.” 

You stared at him for a second, a small snort coming from you. 

A laugh blew from his nose before he leaned forward just an inch, arm stretching out to place a gentle hand on your calf. His fingers barely squeezed, the feeling most likely would have gone unnoticed if you weren’t focusing so heavily on it. The touch quickly left, making you let out an unintentional breath. The flush from earlier only seemed to climb higher, and you hoped that he wouldn’t notice. 

“I’m serious, I’m all ears.” He reassured once again, leaning his elbow on the mattress, “I still have like forty minutes until my shift officially starts, so I got plenty of time.” 

After a second of studying him you let out a small sigh, preparing yourself to explain what was going on in your head. 

“I think I’m just really burnt out with work.” You shrug, allowing the words to flow freely, 

“It’s the same stuff every single day, nothing changes. There’s drama all the time. And I get these rude fucking customers that treat me like I don’t even exist.” Your chest rises as you inhale deeply, exhaling through your nose, “Recently our entire closing crew in the deli got fired, some of the best people we had. I was super close with most of them.” You shook your head at the mere memory, “I was a wreck. Left work crying. And now we have four new closers that have no idea what they’re doing. They’re rude as fuck, and I have no interest in getting to know them.” Your annoyance spiked as you thought about all the things they expected you to do without question, too lazy to learn for themselves. It grated your nerves. 

“I love the place, and I really like the people I open with on the bakery side of my department. But in the deli I just… I don’t know anyone anymore and it just makes me really sad. And I know it’s ridiculous to get hung up on coworkers, this was bound to happen sooner or later. But now it’s like anywhere I turn someone’s asking me questions, I have to clean up after them. It’s all on me, every single fucking time.”

“I mean shit, leave the freezer door open so we get this huge ice build up every single month.” A scoff follows your words, remembering the large puddle of ice that greeted you in the freezer this morning, beginning to stretch across the floor. “I can barely get anything done because of them.” 

Jack’s hand had traveled to your forearm at some point during your rant, his thumb gently massaging the skin. He listened to you intently, nodding along when it was needed, a sympathetic look on his face. 

“And what happened today?” He asked after a beat of silence, making sure you were done. 

A small bitter laugh blew from your nose, your face contorting into something akin to a grimace. You could practically feel the stress seeping back into your skin as you thought back to your day. 

“It was so busy. The place was completely slammed by eight, and it just didn’t stop. So many people were coming up to the deli asking for stuff, getting mad when we were out of certain things.” Then your eyes widened just a fraction as you remembered one particular interaction, “Like this one lady that asked to see my manager after I was just a little rude. Said I was giving her a ‘death glare’.” You roll your eyes, shaking your head to yourself. 

“And we had a new girl come in a few days ago, I’ve been training her. That only added to everything else going on.” You could feel tears swell as you thought back, “I just got so overwhelmed, there were so many people. Customers asking questions that made me freeze up. God,” You sigh out, “I was struggling so hard to find the right things to say, and they would just look at me like I was a fucking idiot. It was so embarrassing." You clenched your eyes shut, “Like, I’m just trying to do my job, and it’s like everyone expects me to work like the fucking Flash or something.” 

“I know how that can be.” Jack said sympathetically, “Too many things happening at once can drive even the calmest person insane.” His words eased the tension that was building under your skin. 

“I’ve had so many days where I’m drowning under the pressure. A nonstop stream of patients, people yelling at me, dismissing me like I mean nothing when all I’m trying to do is help them. It can be frustrating.” He looked at you a little closer, “Like we’re robots programmed to do the impossible.” His brows knit together, lips quirking up into a sad smile, complete understanding adorning his expression. “Things happen, and it makes you feel like it’s your responsibility to bear the burden alone.” 

Jack has never been this vulnerable with you. But he knew how much you relied on shared experience as a way to convey sympathy and understanding. It was your way of reaccessing a situation through different perspectives, finding comfort in the fact that you weren’t entirely alone. Especially when it came from Robby and Jack, two men that have been through more than most could say. 

“Exaclty. Drowning while everyone looks right through you, like you mean absolutely nothing.” You nod, sniffling quietly, “I always go out of my way to do everything for my coworkers, even though I technically don’t have to. But they always say they have so much to do, that they don’t have the time,” You shook your head, looking down at your lap, “So I just do it all for them, because in my head, I always feel like someone will get mad at me if I don’t.”

After you finished speaking, there was a comfortable silence that stretched between the two of you. Jack’s thumb was still stroking a lazy pattern on your forearm. His hold was gentle but firm… Grounding. It made your heart flutter as he pressed a little closer to the side of the bed. 

Neither one of you said anything for a short while, his eyes staring down at your tattoo under his thumb before a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. 

“Remember when Robby tripped over his shoelaces at that gallery we went to a few months ago?” The sudden reminder of that event made you laugh, small giggles as the memory flooded your mind. 

“Oh my god-” You replied, “That shit was so funny. I feel bad for laughing about it but…” Your voice trailed off with a louder laugh. 

Jack’s smile only got wider, fishing his phone from his pocket as your giggles quieted to small smiley exhales. 

A video started playing on the device. Then the screen was facing you at the exact moment a tall man stumbles, a loud grunt coming from him as he scrambles before finally hitting the floor in a big heap. Jack got it on fucking video. 

A fit of laughter overtook your body, taking Jack’s phone before falling back against the mattress, watching the video back to back. 

The grunt was the selling point of the entire thing, like an old man standing up from his recliner. Tears streak down your face as you gasp for breath, your cheeks aching from smiling so hard. Your hand braced on your chest as you willed yourself to calm down. 

“Oh- my god that’s so fucking funny.” You whispered before giggling again, “Like he literally caught air for a second.” It sounded like you were on the verge of crying when you laughed again, your voice straining, “I’m actually so impressed.” 

The man next to you was laughing along, albeit not as enthusiastically as you were. His smile stretched as he watched the video again, shaking his head, “He’s gonna be so mad when he finds out about this.” 

“Find out what?” Robby said suddenly, making you jump at his sudden appearance. 

“Oh nothing, dear. Just a little inside joke between us two.” Jack’s tone was teasing, sending his boyfriend a sarcastic tight-lipped smile. 

“Uh huh…” Robby hummed, disbelieving but quick to move on, he looked at you with softer eyes, “How you feeling, sweetheart? Better?” 

A small smile tugged at your lips, “Yeah, Jack came to bother me for a bit before his shift started.” You explained as if it wasn’t obvious. 

The three of you talked for a few more minutes before Robby had to duck out again, being called to a trauma coming in. Jack eyed the door for just a moment before letting out a soft sigh, he looked at you for a beat before finally speaking. 

“Hey, you wanna go out for dinner on Thursday? Robby will be off, so will I.” The question was innocent enough, but there was something underneath its simplicity that made you raise a brow. “There’s this really nice restaurant in just a town over. Amazing food.” 

Your mind clung to the words, wondering why he would be asking this. The phrasing threw you off, not used to hearing him say the words ‘go out’ unless it was in reference to Robby. And for dinner too? The three of you never went out for dinner. 

It was always breakfast, or small outings a few times a month. Museums, the zoo, movies at their house, getting lunch with Jack while Robby was at work. Morning activities, never anything past four p.m.

Well, except for spur of the moment outings with the other residents of the ED. But that was usually Frank or Trinity’s idea. Even then, you were never alone with the two men at such an hour. 

It made you wonder what exactly prompted this kind of invite. Mind working harder than it should. 

You were beginning to think that maybe you were overthinking this a little too much. Why did you need an explanation? Jack is your close friend, did he really need a reason to have dinner with you? 

You were so lost in thought you didn’t notice the hopeful look in Jack’s eyes as he watched you. 

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.” You finally respond. 

“Good. Wear something nice.” He winked, finally standing from the stool and walking towards the door. Leaving you to sit in your flustered state. 

On Thursday you arrived at the restaurant Jack picked out. From the outside it looked sleek, much fancier than how you dressed. There were tall windows, allowing you to see inside. Deep red tablecloths draped across the tables, patrons fiddling with the thin stems of their wine glasses. 

There was an elegance to this place that intimidated you, lacking the same comforting feel that dingy diners and local coffee shops gave you. 

Your fingers twisted the fabric of your dress as you walked inside, hesitantly making your way to the hostess. 

She greeted you with a kind smile, effortless professionalism seeping into her words as she welcomed you into the restaurant and requested the name of your reservation. 

“Uh- it should be under Abbot, I think.” You reply, nerves eating you up as you glance around the lobby. 

With a nod she led you towards the dining room. There was a certain grace in the way she carried herself, class and confidence in her every step. 

She easily guided you towards a table where two very familiar men sat side by side. They were absorbed in a conversation of their own, Jack nodding along to whatever Robby was saying, a soft look in his eyes as their shoulders brushed together. 

They were dressed a lot less casually than you were used to, making your breath catch in your throat. Both men wore simple button ups, Robby was even wearing a tie, you didn’t even know he owned one. 

Your internal temperature seemed to rise as you got closer, rubbing your hands together in a feeble attempt to stop them from sweating. “They cleaned up well.” You thought, forcing a small smile onto your face as the hostess finally stopped. 

“Here you are, ma’am.” At the sound of her voice, both men looked up at her, then to you. “Mrs. Lenard should be back shortly to take care of you, enjoy.” 

She left you with that, her dress fluttering at her ankles as she made her way back towards the front of the house. 

You were quick to sit down in front of Jack, placing your purse on the chair beside you. 

You had no idea why you felt so nervous. This was far from the first time you’ve had a personal outing with both men. They were your friends, they liked hanging out with you, but this was just different. Something about this setting felt intimate. Even more so when Jack’s request for dinner, and the wording, kept replaying in your head for the last two days. 

Hopefully things would be cleared up by the end of the night. Who knows, maybe it was Jack or Robby’s birthday and they just forgot to mention it. 

“I don’t think the purse is gonna walk away, sweetheart.” Robby finally said, making your eyes snap up to look at him. 

Oh, right. Greetings were probably important to start the night off right. 

“Sorry- was just thinking about something.” You brushed off your brief moment of strange behavior with a laugh, “So, what’s the occasion? Cause this place is fancy as shit.” You leaned closer to whisper the last part, eyeing nearby patrons to make sure they didn’t look in your direction

“No occasion.” Jack shrugged, taking a sip of his wine, “You’ve had a difficult week. So I figured it would be nice to treat you to some good food, and even better conversation with your two favorite people.” 

His explanation left you slightly stunned, briefly wondering to yourself “Why the hell would he want to do that?” 

Robby seemed to notice your confused expression, making a smile quirk up behind his beard, “You don’t have to worry about paying for it either. It’s all on us.” That only served to deepen your furrowed brows, “And after this, if you’re feeling up to it, we’re going to that new mini golf place that just opened up in town.” 

“You guys? And… Mini golf?” You shake your head, scrunching your face as a smile rises. “Like for real?” Then his offer finally registered in your mind, “And you really don’t have to pay for my food. I’ll be alright.” You protest, waving your hand dismissively. 

“Don’t even worry about it.” Robby replied, giving you a teasing wink that made your heart stutter. 

“I’m paying for it.” The way Jack said it probably would’ve made your knees weak if you were standing. That same gentle tone he used on you a few days prior, whispered words that wrapped around your head, leaving a thick fog in its wake. 

The man continued, now sporting a teasing voice, “I also want to add that I happen to love mini golf, thank you very much. You can lose the judgemental tone about that.” His expression was a perfect poker face, but his eyes gave him away. He leaned forward and lowered his voice, “And between you and me, Robby sucks at mini golf. So go easy on him, alright?” 

“I can still hear you, babe.” Robby muttered as his eyes scanned over the menu, glasses now perched on the bridge of his nose. 

“I’m surprised, cause you usually don’t hear anything else I say.” Jack teased back, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips. 

You sat there for a beat, watching the two of them interact. Wondering if you would ever be so lucky to find someone who loves you just as much as Jack loves Robby. 

The thought makes something twist in your gut, not entirely convinced that you would be able to get over this stupid crush long enough to even think about getting into a relationship with someone else. Getting to know someone, starting from scratch with the expectation of a relationship. It just didn’t appeal to you at all. 

“Oo they have American wagyu. You ever had that, sweetheart?” Robby’s gaze flicked up to look at you. 

You looked down at the menu, already knowing that the answer was a simple no. Even then, you hummed quietly before shaking your head, “Hmm, I don’t think so. I’ve heard it’s pretty good, though.” The doctor merely smiled at your response. 

“It is very good, actually. You should get it.” Robby said, Jack nodding along to his boyfriend’s suggestion, “That is, if you like steak. If not, then there are a lot of really good pasta dishes.” 

His idea settled between the three of you. Your fingers slowly trailing down the menu, looking for the steak Robby was talking about. When you found it your eyes immediately locked onto the price. 

Oh fuck no. 

There was no way you were going to make them pay almost two hundred dollars for a steak, that was absolutely absurd. You already felt bad enough that they were going out of their way like this for you, but for him to recommend something so expensive? Robby must’ve been out of his mind. 

You couldn’t help but shake your head, eyes widening just a fraction as you looked at the other prices, none of them were a cent under fifty dollars. 

There was no way they were expecting you to just happily eat away their money like this. This had to be some elaborate set up to get you in their bad graces. 

Jack looked at you, placing his menu back onto the table to give you his full attention, “You don’t have to get the steak if you don’t want to.” He said casually, assuming your worried expression was from just one item on the menu. Not the entire damn thing. 

“No it’s-” You shook your head, “It’s not that. I mean- have you seen these prices? This is insane. Sixty-four dollars for penne alla vodka? That’s-” 

“Completely affordable on our salaries.” Robby interrupted your spiraling thoughts, “We’re not doing this expecting anything in return, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

Jack cleared his throat quietly as a simple way to insert himself, “Robby and I come here at least once a month for date night.” He explained, as if that would make you feel any better, “You’re welcome to get absolutely anything you want, I promise.” His voice was laced with reassurance, reaching across the table to lay a gentle hand on yours. 

Oh god, you were third wheeling their monthly date. That was the only thing your mind could cling to. They pitied you enough to ruin their personal ritual, all because you had a bad day. Guilt began to fester in your stomach before you could stop it. Why would they do something like that? 

The two men exchanged a look before settling back to look at their menus again. 

With each item, you carefully examined the prices, palms beginning to sweat once again. It was honestly ridiculous, why the hell would a restaurant make their prices so high? There was no way the food was that good. 

You were so absorbed in the menu that you didn’t even notice Robby leaning towards Jack to whisper something in his ear, only looking up when you heard one of them sigh. 

“You okay?” You asked, feeling nervous at the sudden and serious shift at the table. 

“Hmm? Oh, don’t worry about me.” Jack smiled sweetly, reaching over to squeeze your hand once more, the touch lingering for a second longer than last time, “What’re you thinking about getting, honey?” Instead of looking towards Robby, his eyes stayed on you. 

Your mind seemed to stutter when the pet name slipped from the man’s lips, the softness in his gaze as he looked at you. He said it with such ease, like it was normal for him to look at you with such intensity. 

Usually, during your previous hangouts outside of the hospital, they were completely fine. They would joke around with you, telling you about their recent excursions, or moments in the hospital that made them laugh rather than wince. It was always light hearted, casual, normal. But tonight they just seemed… off. The way they were acting seemed more serious. Jokey demeanors pushed aside for something you couldn’t quite place. 

You thought about Jack paying for your food. It wouldn’t have been something you questioned if this was the coffee shop, or the diner you often met up at. Both men have bought your meals plenty of times before without being prompted to, just going out of their way to do it anyway. It was something you stopped protesting a long time ago, knowing you would never win. 

But this wasn’t a five dollar coffee, or a twelve dollar meal that promised heart congestion in your future. This was a fine dining restaurant that you most certainly did not belong in. 

Above all, you just felt lost, clueless. 

Why you? What had you done to deserve something like this? 

“Are you okay?” Robby aimed your question back at you, concern etched on his features, probably noticing the panicky look on your face as your mind continued to race, “Was it too much asking you to come here?” 

“I don’t really know.” You chuckled, feeling like a spotlight was shining directly onto you, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful that you guys invited me along. I just feel bad, I mean- I really don’t want to impose on your date just because I had a shitty day at work.” Your hands dropped into your lap, fingers twisting the skirt of your dress nervously, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. “It feels a little selfish.” 

“Shit.” You heard Robby mutter under his breath before he straightened, “I’m sorry, we should’ve thought about this a little more before picking this place. We just thought…” His words trailed off as he tried to pick out the right words.  

“How ‘bout this? We can go somewhere else, your pick. Mini golf stays on the table, though.” Jack interrupted his boyfriend before he could continue, “Your call, honey.” 

It felt like ice water was being poured over your head at such a proposition. There was no way you were going to now ruin their date just because you were uncomfortable. There was no way they valued your friendship that much to completely alter their plans just for you. It was simply ridiculous. 

“Hello, I apologize for my late arrival. We had a very important guest come in, I hope you can forgive me.” A beautiful woman walked up, a sleek black tablet held in her hands, “Would you like to start the first course?” 

Jack eyed you for a second before looking at the woman, “Actually, we were just about to leave. I’ll pay for the wine, of course, but we’ve changed our minds about dining with you tonight.” The words only made guilt and shame twist further in your stomach, this was your fault. 

“I see, well the first glass of wine is complimentary per guest. So there is no charge, allow me to escort you to the door.” 

“That won’t be necessary, thank you, though.” Robby gave a tight lipped smile, slowly standing and walking to the side of the table where you sat. He held out his hand, the gesture feeling much more intimidating than it should have. 

Great, now they were mad at you. It felt like your lungs were being squeezed closed, your eyes stinging with unshed tears. 

You accepted his hand, certain that he would be able to feel the build up of perspiration on your skin. 

Jack stood next, pushing both his and Robby’s chair to the table, giving a curt nod to the waitress before you all started walking towards the entrance of the building. 

Robby’s hand was still in yours when the night breeze whispered across your heated skin. You were quick to step away, not wanting either of them to get the wrong idea. The last thing you needed was to humiliate yourself even further. 

Just when Jack started to speak you interrupted. 

“I’m sorry.” It came out pathetically quiet, your head was bowed as you studied the sidewalk with feigned interest. 

Embarrassment consumed you, feeling worse than when Robby walked in on you mid meltdown. 

This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go, it was meant to just be a simple dinner between two boyfriends and their close friend. And you had ruined it because the prices freaked you out, surely they would never want to spend time with you again, not after being such a burden on them. 

“You shouldn’t-” The words caught in your throat as you suddenly felt entirely too overwhelmed, “Jesus Christ why am I about to cry.” You muttered quietly, hands coming up to roughly push away the build up of tears, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to-” You took a deep breath to push down the choked sob that threatened to rip through your throat, your hands dropping again and clutching at your dress, “Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so sorry. I-” 

“Hey, hey.” Jack reached out, his hands hovering just next to your bicep but not touching, like he was uncertain that was what you wanted right now, “It’s okay, honey. I promise we’re not mad at you, right Mike?” 

“Of course not.” The other man shook his head, “That place is way too uptight for me, anyways. I just like the food.” 

Jack’s hand came up, his index finger gently pushing your chin up so he could look you in the eye. Something akin to worry flickered in his eyes when he noticed the tears that were pooling in yours. 

“Oh sweetheart, it’s alright.” He whispered, voice like velvet in this close proximity. His hand stretched across your cheek before settling on your jaw, placing a soft kiss on your forehead and pulling you into a hug, something you would have hated if it was anyone else. 

“I’m sorry, we weren’t thinking. Just wanted to make you feel special after all the shit you’ve been through recently.” He said against your hair, the rumble of his voice soaking into your body.

A bitter, disbelieving laugh muffled against his dress shirt, “The shit I’ve been through? You can’t be serious, right?” The attempt at a joke came off sounding more annoyed than you intended.

“Sorry. I just mean-” You backed out of the hug and looked between both men, “Sure, yeah, I was having a rough time the other day. But… you guys don’t have to go out of your way for me like this.” You sniffled, backing away a little more, wrapping your arms around yourself, “I appreciate that you guys care about me… enough to do something like this.” You looked down at your shoes, becoming increasingly more aware that the three of you were still standing outside the restaurant. “But it’s not your responsibility to look after me.” 

“Sure it’s not.” Robby replied quickly, “But we wouldn’t have invited you if we didn’t want you here with us.” His words surprised you a little, even more so when you saw the look in his eyes, something unmistakably raw swimming around his dark irises. 

“But why?” You asked, almost feeling dumb when their faces twisted with confusion, “I mean, I’m sure there’s plenty of other people you'd rather spend your time with.” 

A scoff came from Jack, “Nobody rings close enough to you, honey.” He stated matter-of-factly, no hesitation as he continued to explain, “Not everyone’s as easy going as you, or as genuine. Hell, even the empathy you have for others would give some med students a run for their money.” 

“And not everyone finds me as funny as you do.” Robby butted in, receiving a brief glare from his boyfriend, “What?” You couldn’t help but laugh, “See? She thinks I’m hilarious.” 

“At least someone does.” Jack responded with a lighthearted tone, nudging his elbow into Robby’s side. 

Finally Jack took a step back, both Robby and you falling a few steps behind as you walked through the parking lot towards your cars. Finding yourself lucky that you were able to find a spot right next to them.  

“Food and mini golf is still an option if you want.” Jack said, stopping behind your car. He had his arms crossed over his chest, making his shirt appear tighter than it was. You had to stop yourself from staring. 

You looked between the two of them, contemplating the offer silently before nodding, “Okay.” A beat of silence passed before you added, “Can it be somewhere with drinks?”

A smile spread across their faces, it made your stomach flutter dangerously. Jack tilted his head to the side, looking at you before glancing over to Robby with a pleased nod. 

The atmosphere of the sports bar buzzed around you, surprisingly less overwhelming than the restaurant you were in just an hour before. 

It was familiar, a place you often went to with Frank when he needed to get out of the house. They had really good beer, and amazing soft pretzels, so it was a win win for the three of you. 

The flatscreens were playing some big playoff game, people gathered around and occasionally cheering or booing. It almost made you smile, enjoying the sound of true passion coming from the patrons as they went on about the sport. 

“You feeling a little better?” Robby asked, leaning a little closer so you could hear him over the loud bustle of the bar. 

His arm was perched on the back of the booth you were sitting in, his thigh grazing against yours in the close proximity. You weren’t entirely sure why he decided to sit next to you instead of Jack, but you weren’t about to complain about it, especially when the scent of his cologne filled your nose every time you breathed in. 

“Much better.” You replied, “I am really sorry for earlier. That was super embarrassing.” You chuckled, trying to resist the urge to make a self deprecating joke to ease the tension in your body. 

“Stop apologizing.” Jack waved his hand dismissively, looking at you from over the rim of his glass. After taking a drink he placed it back on the coaster, giving both you and his boyfriend his full attention, “It’s our fault, really. We should’ve talked about it with you first.” 

“It’s not your fault. Plus… you shouldn’t feel like you need to change your date plans because of me.” You shake your head, taking a sip of your second mixed drink, the taste a little more bitter than you would have liked. “It’s not fair to you guys.”

Robby seemed to move a little closer, his watch catching the light as he scratched his beard, thinking about something. 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, sweetheart.” He finally said, “If we were actually upset about it, the night would’ve ended at the restaurant.” 

You let his words sink in, letting it ease your remaining worry. Allowing yourself to relax a little more against the booth’s cushions, your shoulder grazing against him. You saw him glance at you in your peripheral vision, a small smile making the corners of his eyes wrinkle. 

Jack leaned forward a little more, whispering to you about one of the men standing at the bar. You noted the wobble in the man’s step, his cheeks matching the red on his jersey. A wide smile spread across his face as he pointed to the television screen, beer clutched close to his chest. He was clearly blasted. 

“Bet you ten dollars he trips over his own feet and gives himself a concussion.” Jack’s voice was a quiet rumble in the small space he created between the three of you, his eyes flicking from the man to you. A smirk made his lips tilt, “You up for it?” 

You raised a brow, giving him a small smile, “Make it twenty and you’re on.” You counter, watching him mirror your raised brow, “Broken nose from a bar fight if his team loses.” You added, noting the way the man’s face contorted angrily as he yelled along with his other drunk friends. 

“What the hell is he doin’?!” The man yelled, “Come on, pick up the damn ball!” 

“Very specific. I like it.” Robby hummed, taking a sip of his whisky, “And I second the bar fight. This guy looks like he’s about to pop.” 

Jack chuckled, sitting back against the booth as you all kept a watchful eye. Thankful that you weren’t sitting close to the bar, knowing you wouldn’t want to get caught in the chaos if you were correct. 

The three of you continued people watching, commenting here and there on certain things, occasionally talking about the drunk guy at the bar. There was a natural flow of topics, work related, personal lives, trip ideas, your biggest dreams and worst fears. Anything that came to mind, it was said, filter effectively worn away after the third round. 

Over time Robby got a little closer, his arm almost fully draped over your shoulder, his side grazing your arm every time he laughed. He would occasionally lean down to say something when it got louder in the bar, it made heat creep up your neck every time you felt his breath hit your skin. Jack had also leaned closer too, forearms braced against the table as he spoke, his hand reaching out to hold yours or Robby’s every now and then. 

You were telling them about the charity you were recently working with when a yell came from the bar. 

Feet scuffled against the wooden floors as the drunk guy in the red jersey threw the first punch, a man in a green jersey groaning as the fist connected with his jaw. Green Jersey quickly throws his own fist towards the subject of your bet. 

Another yell rang out, blood dripping down Red Jersey’s face, his hand flying up to clutch his nose with a shocked expression. 

“You jus’ broke my f-fucking nose, asshole!” He yelled, slurring his words. Red Jersey took a step forward with the intention of lunging at the other man, only to trip, his head hitting against one of the bar stools. 

“Oh shit.” You whispered, looking between the two doctors before your eyes locked onto Jack’s, “Are we fucking psychics?” The seriousness in your question made both men laugh, “That was so weird.” Your voice almost sounded breathy, the alcohol affecting you more than you thought. You just shake your head, taking another sip of your drink. 

The night went on nicely, conversation flowed easily, you were twenty dollars richer and ten dollars poorer… and you were absolutely staring too much at Jack’s arms. 

You were listening to him talk about a recent case he had on the night shift, not going into much detail about the patient, but providing enough to give you an idea. His patient had a life threatening dislocation, one that wasn’t caught when the ambulance brought him. Jack told you the exact process on how he fixed it, how he saved this man’s life. The patient made a full recovery all because of Jack’s quick thinking. 

Every now and then you asked questions of your own, to which Robby would also respond. They explained what certain medicines did, what they were usually used for. Told you about the process of emergency amputations, how nerve wracking they can be. The topic of certain illnesses came up as well, life threatening or otherwise, how they would be treated or what they can do to the body if it’s not. Necrosis, liver failure, heart disease, no rock went unturned as they continued on. 

“Do you know how to check someone’s pulse?” Robby asked at one point, tilting his head to get a better look at you. 

You shook your head, you were lying, allowing him to grab your wrist gently, turning it so your palm faced the ceiling. 

His words were like honey as he explained, “So, you take your index and middle fingers,” His digits pressed into the fragile skin of your wrist, “Press them firmly against the skin. And slowly walk them towards the radius, just under the thumb.” His fingers dragged slowly across your wrist, leaving tingles in his wake, “Then, you’ll find it right here,” His fingers stilled, voice dipping as his thumb settled against the back of your wrist, “The radial pulse.” 

Heat enveloped your face, hoping the way you smiled didn’t look too shy. The chuckle he let out only made your stomach give a violent flutter. His hand slowly let go of your wrist, reaching for his whisky. 

It was extremely attractive, listening to them recount their extensive medical knowledge so casually, acting as if they didn’t sound like the smartest people in the room. And here you were, practically caged in by two of the hottest doctors you’ve ever met, feeling the happiest you’ve felt in a long time. Maybe it was the alcohol. 

“Alright.” Jack clapped his hands together, rolling his shoulders and neck with a sigh, “Mini golf anyone?” 

“Fuck yes.” Robby whispered, the way he said it shot right down your spine, “I am at the top of my game, baby, you’re going down.” He pointed towards his boyfriend confidently. 

You nod, a smile stretching across your face, “Let’s just hope you don’t take a tumble.” You pat his bicep, giggling at the shocked look Robby gives you. 

“Oh, now that’s low.” He feigned offense, placing a hand on his chest as he slid from the booth, “You wound me, sweetheart.” 

Luckily the mini golf place was just down the street from the bar. Your legs felt like jelly as you walked in the middle of the two men, finding yourself falling into step with them.  Jack’s hand occasionally brushed against yours, making your fingers twitch. 

A big red sign with a golf ball flashed over your head, Robby’s hand coming to the middle of your back to guide you inside. The warmth from his palm soaking into the back of your dress as he walked you to the front desk, politely talking to the lady that was sitting behind it, requesting a three person entry for the whole course. 

You picked out a red ball, while Robby picked a black one, and Jack picked a blue one. The three of you walked to the first hole. A windmill sat behind the hole, the course was slightly curved, a few humps along the faux grass. 

“Very tame.” Jack nodded, “Should be easy enough for you, old man.” He teased his boyfriend, elbow bumping into Robby’s side before dropping the blue ball beside his foot. 

“Oh yeah, laugh it up, Abbot. I’m winning tonight, just you watch.” Robby jabbed a finger in his boyfriend’s direction, a smile stretching across his cheeks. 

The three of you got through the first hole easily, casual conversation floating between you as you took your turn. The red ball races across the course quickly, rolling over three humps before settling just a few inches next to the hole, a small sigh falls from your lips as you walk over to it. 

“So,” Jack said your name to get your attention, “You seeing anyone these days?” The question made your movements stutter for a moment, the ball stopping at the edge of the hole. 

“Don’t distract me, Jack.” You said instead of answering his question, hitting the ball for a third time and hearing it hit against the plastic walls of the hole. 

Robby was next, dropping his ball onto the green surface. He bends slightly as he eyed the course in front of him, as if he could predict where the ball would go. The black ball rolls across the course the same as yours did, stopping much closer. 

“Are you?” Robby speaks up, watching your face twist with confusion, “Seeing anyone?” 

A small laugh comes from you, not sure if you wanted to embarrass yourself for a second time tonight. The alcohol you drank earlier in the night was still buzzing through your system, but not enough to lay out the baggage of your dry romantic life. Barely able to remember the last time you even went on a date. . 

“Uh, no.” You shake your head, eyes dipping towards the ground. 

“What about that one guy?” Jack asked, dropping his ball on the faux grass, “Chris? Or something like that.” 

You grimaced at the name, shaking your head with a displeased sound at the mention of the man. 

Chris was a guy you met at the coffee shop, he seemed fine when you first started talking. He was talkative, maybe a little too much, but he was polite enough at first. But he turned out to be disgusting, pictures of his apartment being enough to scare you away. That, and he was just boring. Very one dimensional. All about himself.

“Not my type.” You said, “Felt like I was talking to a flimsy piece of paper.” 

“His loss.” Robby shrugged, smiling at you. His words made your face heat up, a shy smile curving your lips. Jack hummed in agreement as he walked back up with his golf ball in hand. 

Robby was in the lead by the fifth hole, which surprised both Jack and you. To the point where he claimed Robby was cheating. Saying that he had never been this good at mini golf throughout the entirety of their relationship. 

The winning attendant strolled up after getting his ball in the hole after the second try, placing his putter over his shoulders with a sly smirk on his face. 

“I think you’re my good luck charm, sweetheart.” He said cockily, giving you a wink before walking to stand beside Jack. 

A soft chuckle came from you, “No, I just think you’re showing off.” You tease, making the man smile. 

Your eyelids were beginning to droop by the time you got to the final course, a yawn coming from you every now and then. 

“Getting tired?” The taller man asked, placing a hand on the middle of your back. 

“A little. I don’t know how you guys are still standing.” Your words made Robby chuckle.

“Years of practice.” He shrugged, “We’ll take you home once I wipe the floor with the two of you.” His joke made you smile, feeling your body melt against his palm. 

The walk back to the sports bar was slow, like you were trying to drag out your time together. Wishing you could bottle up this moment forever and keep it safe. 

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, feeling more relaxed than you have in months. The hum of passing cars and conversing strangers filled the peaceful silence that settled between the three of you. 

Robby’s hand was still on your back, thumb tracing light patterns against the fabric of your dress as he guided you along the busy sidewalk. It made your skin tingle, the warmth spreading through your body when you were forced to take a step closer to him. 

Jack was on your other side, the back of his hand brushing into yours, almost tempting you to grab ahold of it in a sudden rush of boldness. But you didn’t do that, you couldn’t, because that would be weird. 

Once you got to the bar’s parking lot, a sadness filled your chest. You wished the night didn’t have to end so soon, even with how horribly it had started. The embarrassment you felt hours ago now gone, replaced with longing, and a twinge of loneliness. Because unlike them, you didn’t have someone to come home to. Just a cat and your television. 

You stopped just beside your car, a loud yawn crawling from your mouth. Your eyes water as the sleepiness truly starts to set in.

“Let me drive you home.” Robby said after a beat. 

“But my car…” You trailed off, looking at the blue Honda in question. 

“I’ll drive it, Jack can drive behind us.” He shrugged, his offer hanging between the two of you, “I don’t want you falling asleep behind the wheel.”  

It didn’t take you long to respond, another yawn making you reconsider rejecting his offer. He was right, and luckily for you, there was no guilt that made your stomach sink. Instead, your heart seemed to flutter at his consideration, at the fact that they cared enough to make sure you got home in one piece. 

Your keys jingled as you handed them to the man, watching him flip over some of your keychains as he walked to the driver’s side of the car. Jack walked up next to him, placing a hand on his boyfriend's waist before whispering something you couldn’t quite hear. His eyes found yours when he stepped away from Robby, tilting his head slightly with a smile. 

“I’ll be right behind you guys.” He said, walking around his truck and getting inside. 

Robby walked over to the passenger's side of your car, opening the door carefully and motioning for you to get in, “After you, my dear.” 

You couldn’t help but shake your head, laughing quietly, “Why thank you, kind sir.” You reply playfully, sitting down on the seat and adjusting it to lean back a little. You were not used to being on this side in your own car. It was a strange, but welcome feeling. 

Robby got in soon after, adjusting your mirrors and seat to his liking. You couldn’t even find it in yourself to be annoyed by that, not when it was him doing it. 

The radio played quietly, filling the space between the two of you as he drove, fingers tapping on your steering wheel. He seemed so relaxed, so at peace even after the stress filled day he no doubt had. His other arm rests on the center console, fingers fiddling with a pen that was sitting in the cupholder. 

“I love this song.” Robby muttered, turning up the volume. He hummed quietly along to the lyrics of ‘Long Cool Woman’ by The Hollies, glancing over to make sure you hadn’t fallen asleep on him. 

“Sorry again for earlier tonight.” Robby said after the song ended, brave enough to break the silence, “It was my idea. I just wanted to…” He trailed off, chuckling quietly, “Shit.” He whispered quietly, shaking his head to himself. 

“Wanted to… what?” You asked, curiosity swirling in your head as you tried to urge him to continue. 

“We wanted to make you feel special.” Robby said it so quietly you almost didn’t hear him, his voice taking on a nervous edge. He shot you a small smile, “You matter to us, we wanted to show you that.” 

“Oh…” You trailed off, unsure how to respond. You felt both confused and flattered. 

The fact that they would go out of their way like that for a friend made your heart clench, they were so sweet. And for a second bitterness reared its ugly head, realizing you truly would never find a partner that cared about you nearly as much as they did. Nobody who would know you as well as they did, someone as accommodating. It made you sad, selfishly wishing you were chosen. 

God I’m so pathetic. You thought internally, having to suppress the groan that wanted to come out. 

Sooner or later you had to move on, knowing deep down that you would never truly be happy like this. Jack and Robby found their person, and it was about time you did the same. 

“Can I ask you something a little weird?” Robby speaks again, glancing over towards  you for a second.

“Hm..?” You hummed, looking at the side of his face, watching him focus on the road. 

“What’s your opinion on polyamorous relationships?” He asks, making you raise a brow. Where was this coming from?

You considered your answer for a second, trying to reel in your logical thoughts. 

The last thing you wanted to do was accidentally expose your secret, that you’ve thought about that sort of dynamic multiple times throughout your friendship with Jack and him. You weren’t sure you would be able to recover from that sort of embarrassment. 

“Why?” Was all you could say, not trusting your own voice. 

Robby just shrugged, “Had this throuple come in last week, made me reconsider some things.” He responded casually, “In the past I guess I just saw it as cheating, or some weird religious thing. But… I don’t know, seeing how they interacted with each other was really sweet.” A small smile made his eyes crinkle, “Kinda made me rethink how closed minded I’ve been about those types of relationships.” 

“Really?” You ask curiously, watching him nod, “I…” The words caught in your throat, your brain carefully rearranging so you didn’t embarrass yourself, “I’ve considered them… if I’m being honest.” The surprised look Robby gave made your stomach flip, “Like, boundaries would need to be set, conversations had. But if you truly love each other, then I don’t see an issue with it.” 

The man beside you doesn’t respond, merely nods along to your words, his thumbs continuing to tap on your steering wheel to the rhythm of the music. 

Minutes passed before Robby was pulling into the driveway of your duplex, a small sigh falling from his lips before he glanced over to you. 

“We’re here.” He announced, almost sounding disappointed. 

The wind swept into the car when you opened your door, the sudden chill making you shiver. You stepped out, stretching your arms over your head with yet another yawn. 

Robby walked around the car and stopped next to you, watching Jack walk up the driveway towards the two of you. 

“I had fun tonight.” You tell them, watching Jack’s shoulders relax slightly, “Thanks for letting me third wheel with you guys.” Feeling awkward when your small laugh isn’t reciprocated, your smile turning tight lipped almost immediately. 

Jack exchanged a look with his boyfriend before he straightened his back slightly, head bowing for a second as if he was preparing himself for something. 

For a second your mind went to the worst; they were moving, someone was dying, they didn’t want to speak to you anymore. Every possible bad thing filtered through your mind before he finally spoke. 

The man behind you leaned against your car, crossing his arms as he looked at his boyfriend expectantly. 

“We have… something to tell you.” Jack started, the nervousness in his tone making you raise a brow, “And I’m going to try my best not to scare you away, so just stick with me for a second, alright?” 

What the hell was happening? You thought to yourself. 

“Okay..?” You dragged the word cautiously, fiddling with your fingers as a way to distract yourself from the anxiety that was beginning to bubble up in your chest. 

The night shift attending shifted a little, looking at you with soft eyes before speaking, “Over the last few months, Robby and I started to… realize something.” He paused, carefully figuring out what to say next, his evasiveness of the topic at hand making you nervous. 

“You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable.” You finally said, noticing his hesitation to continue. 

A heavy sigh comes from Jack before finally he says, “We have feelings for you.” 

Your breath caught in your throat, the air suddenly stilling around you completely as his words sank in. It felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest, eyes wide as you averted your gaze anywhere but him, heat consuming your face in an instant. You had to be dreaming. 

Before you could catch it a small, disbelieving laugh came from you, “Are you fucking with me?” You asked, looking between the two of them for any hints of a growing smile, only to find worry instead. 

A tense silence settled over you, feeling dizzy as they exchanged yet another look. Fear suddenly flashed through you, briefly wondering if Frank spilled the beans to his attending. What if this was some elaborate test to get the truth out of you? They would make you the laughing stock of the ED.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that I just-” You stumbled over your words, not knowing where to look. 

“We’re not fucking with you.” Robby finally spoke up, making you look at him, sincerity swimming in his eyes, “Promise.”  

Your mind was racing, trying to see what you could have possibly missed in these last few months. 

Then something slowly started to click. 

The lingering touches, most of the time when it wasn’t even needed. Like Robby putting his hands on your shoulders to steer you around museums. Jack’s hand grazing yours when you were walking side by side to the diner. Robby’s hand on your back when he spoke to you at the ED’s front desk. The small reassuring touches when you were a patient, keeping you tethered to the ground with physical comfort. 

That much touching could be normal between friends, but it always felt like it meant something with them. Like there was intention behind what they did. 

Then it was the pet names, something that came out of nowhere months ago. You had all but brushed it off as them just being friendly, but as you continued to dwell on it things started to get clearer. 

Robby’s unprompted question in the car came surging back as well, realization finally dawning on you, settling deep in your skin. 

There was no way this was actually happening. You tried to wrap your head around it, finding yourself at a loss for words. 

“I-” Your face twisted as you drew in a shaky breath, “How long have you..?” The words caught in your throat, unable to say them outloud. 

“Like I said, a few months.” Jack said, rubbing the back of his neck before tucking his hands in the front pockets of his pants, “But I think we’ve felt like this for a lot longer than that.” He sounded so sure, leaving little room for doubt. 

Finally, you raise your head, his eyes already on you. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth, looking like he was expecting you to just walk away. 

“We understand if you don’t feel the same.” Robby added.

You couldn’t help but let out a quiet, disbelieving laugh. Maybe your life is finally turning around. 

The car rocked as you leaned on it beside Robby, their words replaying in your head a few times. You never thought this would happen, never thought you would be lucky enough for this to happen. And yet, here you were, standing between the two men you loved, their confession hanging heavily above your head. 

“Holy shit.” You whispered letting out another breathy laugh, nervously rubbing your hand up and down your arm, “I uh- shit.” Just fucking say it, “I have something to tell you guys, too.” 

“And what would that be, sweetheart?” Robby asked sweetly, the pet name making your brain short circuit. 

Here it goes. 

“Okay… Don’t laugh but…” You clench your eyes shut, “I’ve had a huge crush on the both of you for like… two years now.” Your voice quieted towards the end, scared to even say the amount of time out loud, the word ‘crush’ making you feel like a nervous teenager. 

A sigh came from Jack, his shoulders sagging before briefly bowing his head. A smile stretched across his face as he took in this information, looking towards Robby, who seemed to relax as well. 

“Well that’s a relief.” Jack chuckled, walking a little closer, “Because this would’ve been really awkward if Langdon was lying.” 

Your eyes widen, mouth opening in your shock. You were going to fucking kill him. After thanking him, of course. 

A smirk made Jack’s lips tilt, his hand reaching out for yours. You allowed him to guide you closer, your chests almost touching as he looked at you. His other hand came up, fingertips ghosting over the skin of your cheek before settling on your jaw. 

“You’re not fucking with us,” He repeated your earlier words, something flashing in his eyes, “Are you?” His voice softened, making you feel like you could float away if it wasn’t for his hands anchoring you to the ground. 

The response you wanted to give died on your lips, your body working faster than your brain. Your hand came up to settle on his cheek, easily drawing him closer, his breath tickled against your skin before he leaned in. 

His lips were like velvet against yours, moving in an unfamiliar but perfect rhythm. The hand that was holding yours came up to settle on your waist, bringing you closer as he tilted your head back, his thumb resting underneath your chin. 

Just when you felt his tongue brush against your bottom lip, another hand came into the mix, warmth enveloping your back as Robby walked closer. 

His head tilted down, kissing your hair before you felt his breath next to your ear, “I lied earlier.” His words made you falter against Jack, “You were the reason I started to reconsider my perception of relationships.” A soft, unexpected whimper muffled against Jack’s lips. 

You step back from Jack, your eyes fluttering open as your back softly collides with Robby. Slowly, you turn, looking into his dark eyes, and tears blur your vision. This time for a good reason. 

“You okay, baby?” The man asks softly, his hand coming up to rest on your cheek like Jack had done. The new pet name made your stomach jump, your breath catching in your throat as he brought himself closer, “Is it alright if I have a turn?” 

“Just kiss me, Michael.” You whispered. 

His beard was surprisingly soft against your skin, not rough like you previously assumed it would be. His lips were equally as soft as Jack’s, but something about the way he kissed was more searing, hungrier. It made you feel lightheaded in the best way possible, your legs feeling weak as his lips moved against yours confidently. 

He brought you closer, taking charge as his teeth brushed against your bottom lip. A soft sound came from him when your nails scratched against the back of his neck, his hold on your waist tightening. 

“Fuck.” Robby whispered quietly when you disconnected, forehead resting against yours, his eyes slipping closed. Your fingers fiddled with his tie, a small smile curving your lips.

Jack’s hands came up to rest over Robby’s on your waist, his warmth pushing away the shiver that threatened to rake through your body. 

“Two years, huh?” Robby asked after a beat, a small chuckle coming from him when he felt you nod against his forehead, “Jesus, am I really that clueless?”  

You couldn’t help but let out a small humored huff, “Don’t think I can answer that for you.” 

The man behind you rested his chin on your shoulder, “He absolutely is.” Jack teased, looking at Robby, “Took Mike at least eight months to realize I was flirting with him.” 

“It was not eight months.” Robby scoffed, his thumb tracing lazy patterns on your waist.

Jack merely chuckled in response, shaking his head softly against the skin of your shoulder. 

Out of all possible outcomes, this was not how you thought your night would end. Standing in your driveway, sandwiched between the two men you’ve been pining after for so long.  

Just hours ago you were preparing yourself to give up, wanting to spare yourself the heartbreak of rejection. Knowing that things would eventually go your way if you let it, even if it meant losing them in the process. 

For once, though, life thankfully decided to give you a much needed break. A massive weight falling from your shoulders and into the hands of these two men, relieving you of the strain. The happiness you felt was almost as overwhelming as your sadness, all consuming, making your heart pound against your ribcage.

A wet sounding laugh filtered between the three of you, your eyes pooling with unshed tears as you let the situation fully sink in. The feeling of their lips still lingered on yours, leaving behind a pleasant tingle, and a craving for more. 

When did your luck start to change? 

Robby’s hands slowly dropped from your waist, grabbing onto your hands instead. 

“Let’s get you inside.” He said softly, guiding you towards the front door of your home. 

Jack followed closely, stopping when you did. You turned away from the door so you could look at them, nervousness twisted in your chest, “I have a king sized bed by the way.” You forced out the words before you could chicken out, heat blooming in your cheeks. 

“Oh?” Robby’s brows shot up, looking at his boyfriend, “Is that so?” 

You nod, taking a deep breath, “I’m not… implying anything by saying that, I just-” You pause, swallowing around the lump in your throat, “I don’t want you guys to go just yet… if that’s okay.” 

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Jack smiled, stepping a little closer and placing a sweet kiss on your forehead, “If you want us to stay, then we will.” 

Your bedroom was cast in a soft yellow glow thanks to the tea lights and the lamp on your side tables. Long shadows were cast along your walls as both men walked around, taking in their surroundings curiously. 

Jack was looking at your shelves, eyes flickering over your small collections and knick-knacks, before reading the spines of your books. Robby took his time admiring the many pictures you had pinned on your bulletin board above your computer, knowing how much you cherished your photography hobby. 

The Jack’s eyes examined the plaques hanging above your bed, each one coming from the various charity organizations you’ve worked with over the years. It was your own personal way of helping out the community, wanting to do meaningful work like Dana did. 

That was what brought you real joy, not the stupid retail job you were stuck at. 

You kicked off your shoes, allowing them to continue exploring as you slipped out of the room to change into your pajamas. 

The bathroom door clicked quietly behind you, your eyes locking onto your reflection almost immediately. The exhaustion that always greeted you wasn’t there this time, instead it was replaced by something deeper, unexplainable. 

The handle on your sink creaked quietly before rushing to life. The water was cold against your warm skin, making you sigh before cupping your hands and wetting your face, attempting to shake the girlish nervousness at the idea of two extremely attractive men wandering around your bedroom. 

“Holy shit.” You whisper, unable to resist the smile that crawled onto your face. 

Once you were finally changed, and your teeth were brushed, you emerged from the bathroom, padding back over to your bedroom. You pushed the door open, words dying on your lips when you saw what both men were getting up to in your absence. 

Robby was sitting on the edge of your bed, hands perched on Jack’s hips, who stood between his boyfriend’s spread legs. Jack’s hands were holding Robby’s face as they kissed, fingers threading through his hair and scratching along the man’s scalp. 

They pulled back from each other when the floorboard creaked under your foot, stepping closer. 

“Come here, baby.” Jack said softly, his voice holding a light rasp. 

You did so gladly, walking over and allowing him to wrap and arm around your waist. He pressed his lips to the side of your head, a yawn of his own making his forehead drop against your shoulder. 

“Fuck, I’m exhausted.” 

Both men shed their pants while you dug through some of your old shirts, pulling out two that would most likely fit them. You couldn't remember when or where you got them, you were just glad you did, knowing neither of them would be comfortable sleeping in the button ups they wore. 

After a few minutes passed you slid onto the bed, settling yourself in the middle. 

Your hand pat against the pillows in a feeble attempt to fluff them before either man slid onto the bed, Robby on your right, Jack on your left. 

You were the first to sink into the sheets, your head settling on the pillow comfortably as you flipped to your side, facing Robby. Jack laid down behind you, his arm sliding around your waist and pulling you closer. He propped up on his elbow so he could get a better look at you. 

His lips were just as soft as before when he kissed you, it was soft and slow, savoring you. His fingers traced along your jaw, pulling you closer, guiding you. 

Robby laid down in front of you, watching as his boyfriend coaxed small pleased sounds from your mouth. His own hand settled on your waist just above Jack’s, “My turn.” He whispered low, allowing Jack the time to pull away before he brought you in. 

He was softer this time, slow, with a lingering firmness that made you press closer to him. Your nails scratched across his beard, making him blow out a content sigh through his nose. 

“Get some sleep, sweetheart.” Robby whispered in the minimal space you had after separating, his nose brushing against yours gently. “I have work in the morning, but I’ll wake you up before I leave. Sound good?” 

All you could do was nod, already feeling your eyelids grow heavy. Jack cuddled up closer, his chest pressing to your back, lips leaving light kisses along your neck. Your head was laying on Robby’s shoulder, his arm tucked under your pillow.

Their warmth enveloped you in a comforting way, making you feel safe as your breathing evened out, your dreams finally pulling you under.

You stumble up the walkway, your feet absolutely screaming from the ridiculous shoes you’d strapped yourself into for the evening. Why you’d bothered with them, you don’t know; chunky sneakers are in and, in hindsight, you should’ve opted for them. 

“C’mon, love,” Tom whispers, his hand on your lower back steadying you as you make it to the living room, “almost there and we can get out of these monkey suits.” 

His suit jacket hung lightly around your shoulders and his belt was already unbuckled. His tie hung undone around his neck just waiting to be flung on the table as soon as he entered the house, and the top few buttons of his shirt hung open exposing just a little bit of his chest. It was clear he was as uncomfortable as you were, but at least he was still walking normally. 

You chuckle lightly in response, “but you looked so cute in your monkey suit.” Your hand finds his other arm holding the door open for you to enter; you grip onto it tightly using the extra grip to hoist yourself into the house, “thanks,” you smile, turning your neck to plant a quick peck on his cheek. 

“Anything for you, love,” he answers instinctively, even though he really means it, “now let’s get you inside.” 

You make your way into the living room, the sofa less than twenty steps from the front door. Plopping down onto the plush cushions, you throw your feet on the coffee table, shrug off his jacket, and lean forward to start unbuckling your shoes. 

Tom closes and locks the door behind the two of you, turning to make his way towards you; he hurriedly kneels in front of the coffee table, shooing your hands out of the way, “no, no, darling, let me do that,” he scolds lightly, taking over the removal process. He slips both shoes off your feet, rubbing your arches lightly, before leaning in and pecking your ankle a few times. “You looked lovely tonight, really,” he smiles. 

You blushed lightly at the compliment, still not used to such affectation, “and I meant what I said about your cute monkey suit,” you laugh, pulling the focus away from you. 

He laughs lightly, “c’mon, should we get out of these clothes?” he asks.

You nod, reaching up to grab his outstretched arm as he pulls you from the sofa. His hands wrap around your waist now that you’re pressed chest-to-chest with him. He smiles lightly, “hi,” he whispers. 

“Hi,” you giggle. 

He closes the gap between the two of you, planting a nice long kiss to your lips. You smile into it, wrapping your hands around his shoulders and fingering through his slightly grown out curls. 

He squeezes against your hips, pulling you tighter to his chest before detaching himself from your mouth, “let’s change, yeah?”

You groan at the thought of walking up the stairs, but reluctantly step back from him to head towards the bedroom. 

“Pajamas don’t even sound comfortable right now,” he laughs, toeing off his shoes. When he’d untied them you don’t know, too busy thinking about getting out of your dress. 

“I know, I just wanna cuddle with you,” you whine, grabbing his hand and squeezing his fingers. You were getting to that point of being tired when you got really clingy. 

“I want to too, but we’ve got to take these off first,” he whispers, pecking your cheek lightly, “now come on, sugar, up the stairs.” 

You roll your eyes, starting to stumble towards the stairs. Your feet scream with every step, your hands clutching to the furniture around you to help keep you upright. 

Tom can see the grimace on your face, thinking you were exaggerating up ‘til this point. He doesn’t want to make you hurt any worse, so he stops you with an arm around your stomach from behind: “on second thought,” he says, placing a kiss on your shoulder, “maybe I’ll bring some PJs down for you and we’ll cuddle on the couch tonight.” 

“Really?” you smile, turning around, “I don’t wanna ask you to do that for me, but I think my feet would,” you laugh. 

“It’s fine, my treat. Now which PJs do you want?” 

“I don’t know,” you groan, “like you said, nothing sounds comfortable… just pick anything you like.” 

“Alright,” he answers, helping you sit back down, “be back in a jiff.” 

You laugh as he trots up the stairs. You can see the belt slip from the loops and his shirt already being untucked before he even turns the corner towards the bedroom. You laugh to yourself imagining what he’ll bring back down for you. 

A few minutes later he returns, dressed in nothing but boxers, with an old shirt of his thrown over his arm for you. “Now,” he starts as he reaches the final landing and steps towards you, “I brought you this shirt because I know you one, like this color, and two, only wanna wear my clothes, so it’s here if you want it. But,” he emphasizes, “nothing sounds comfy anyway, so you could just copy me and go for undies only.” 

You giggle at how well he knows you, “you’re right, your clothes are always comfier.” 

He laughs and tosses the shirt next to you on the sofa before then heading towards the kitchen to get waters for the both of you, knowing you both have to be dehydrated. “So,” he announces, seeing you haven’t moved a muscle as he rounds back to the living room, “haven’t decided on jammies then?” 

“Your offer did sound enticing,” you drawl, “but I think I’d get cold in just underwear.” 

“I’ve got that covered,” he says, quickly pulling a huge fluffy blanket for the ottoman, “see?” 

You smile, knowing he’d do anything you asked at this moment: “alright,” you whisper, sitting up, and discarding his tee to your side, “can you unzip me?” 

He quickly comes over and unzips you, helping you remove the dress from your shoulders and dropping it to the floor. You pick it up and lay it over the back of the living chair, knowing you’d be in so much trouble if it was wrinkled from laying on the floor when you had to give it back. Not to mention all the comments you’d receive about it being wrinkled and how it could’ve gotten that way. 

Tom slips under the blanket on the couch, leaning against the cushions on the back and holding his arm out for you to crawl into. 

You slide in facing him, pulling the blanket up around your shoulders and laying your head on his bicep as a pillow. 

He turns on a movie to play in the background, knowing you both will be asleep in minutes anyway. He brushes your hair back so it doesn’t get too tangled through the night - or end up in his face. 

You smile at him, brushing your fingers along his jawline, “thanks for being fun tonight, even if everything else was boring.”

“Right back atcha,” he jokes, pressing a nice kiss to your lips, “thanks for coming with me, don’t know if I would’ve made it through without you. ” 

You smile in response, not needing to say anything. He knows you love going with him and watching the world marvel at him just like you do. And you know that your being there helps to calm him down, which makes you even happier to be there. 

His fingertips run soothing circles over your upper thigh, scratching the surface just enough to give you goosebumps and cause you to shiver gently. He knows exactly what he’s doing, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face. 

“You know what you’re doing, mister,” you giggle as you scold him. 

“Yeah I do,” he laughs, leaning in to kiss you again. 

He relaxes his hand, allowing it to slip up and around your waist and pull you in closer to him instead. He plants a kiss on your forehead gently, sighing and relaxing into your skin. 

“Hey, darling?” he starts to ask, gently.